Fathers should teach their sons how to earn money because mothers teach their daughters how to spend it.

I love everybody. Some I love to be around with. Some I love to avoid. And others I love to punch in the face.

I want someone to look at me, the way that I look at chocolate cake.

God made Man before Woman because you always make the rough draft before the final masterpiece.

I hate how after an argument I think of more clever shit I should have said.

Sometimes I wonder if men have any intelligence at all... because more often than not, they make decisions with the head in their pants and not the head on their shoulders.

Women spend more time thinking about what men think, then men spend thinking!

Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.

Life is short, so smile while you still have teeth.

Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up!

People say laughter is the best medicine. Your face must be curing the world!