Freeing Yourself From the Critic

in Your Head

How to change the negative messages that get in the way

of what you want to do and who you want to be

By Peggy Haymes, LPC

Do you ever get tired of the endless loop?

You know, that endless loop filled with negative messages that plays in your head. Beating yourself up for what you did, what you didn’t do and what you should have done.

All of the critical voices that tell you all the terrible truths about yourself…

Or what they say is true.

What a waste The time we spend beating ourselves up…

is time and energy taken away from our dreams keeps us from achieving our goals punishes us without helping us become better is a distraction from our real issues keeps us from enjoying our lives

Isn’t it time to change the channel?

Here are ways to disarm the critic …

Do you recognize the voice?

The critical voices in our heads are often the internalized voices of important people in our lives; for example a parent, a teacher or a coach.

In your experience, has this person ever been wrong about anything? If so, then perhaps they are wrong about you.

Even if it has been marginally true in the past you get to decide if it will be true in the future. The internalized critic doesn’t get to have a say in who you are and are becoming.

Does this person deserve to live rent free in your head?

You may have worked hard to get away from this person or decrease their presence in your life. Why are you allowing them to hang out in your head?

Evict them.

Tell them they are not allowed to stay in your head, that you will no longer give them time and energy that allows them to stay there.

Keep telling them as many times as you need. Write out an eviction notice in your journal if it helps.

You may not be able to prevent them from stopping by in your mind but you don’t have to make up a guest room for them.

Does the negative message use words like “always” and “never”?

We call these words “absolutes.”

Here’s the magic in dealing with them:

If you can find just one example where this statement isn’t true then by definition the statement of always or never doesn’t apply.

for example…If the critic says, “You never do anything right,” that cannot be true. Over the course of your lifetime you have done something right.

You moved on from First Grade. You learned to read and write. You may have even gotten up and gotten dressed today. Or yesterday.

Those are all examples of doing something right.

Therefore, it isn’t true that you have never done anything right.

Use this to dismiss the negative message as inaccurate and not applying to you.

Give your voice a name…preferably from a cartoon

Turning the voice into a cartoon disarms it and robs it of its power over us.

Is the message that things never go right for you (there’s that word again) or good things will never happen? Tell Eeyore to hush.

Is the voice frantic with anxiety or telling you to hurry up, get busy and do something? Tell the Tasmanian Devil to chill.

Is the voice full of bluster? Think of Foghorn Leghorn and just laugh.

Now, doesn’t that feel better?

Is there any truth in the message?

Allow yourself to look objectively at the critical message. Talk it over with a friend or therapist. Is there any grain of truth in it?

That doesn’t mean that it’s all true or that you’re a terrible person. But does this reflect something that you want to work on in your life?

That critical voice in our heads doesn’t understand this, but it’s okay not to be perfect. In fact, it’s a requirement for being human.

for example…

The voice of the critic tells you that you never accomplish anything.

We’ve already established that never usually doesn’t hold true.

But do you have habits that keep you from reaching the goals you really want to reach? What do you want to do differently?

When we internalize these negative beliefs we often act in ways to reinforce them. Identifying such faulty beliefs and changing so that we do not live down to them is another way of disarming the critic.

Does this message help me get where I want to go?

When we listen to negative messages, it’s like setting the GPS for New York when you want to go to Chicago. We can’t get there (our goals and dreams) from here (beating ourselves up.)

Ask yourself if the thoughts you’re focusing on are helping you live the life you want. If not, then choose to focus on something else. Something that makes you feel empowered, or, at the very least, not beaten down. As many times as you have to stop and choose to refocus, do it. (It gets easier and quicker over time.)

This presentation is meant to introduce you to tools but not to take the place of therapy or counseling. If you decide that you want to work more on these issues, here’s how to find a therapist.

Interested in learning more about how to use the power of your mind with regard to achieving your fitness goals?

Go to www.MindRightBodyFit.com to learn more about how to receive a weekly dose of inspiration, information and tools to help keep your head from getting in the way of your feet.

About me My passion is finding as many avenues as

possible to help people clear out the things that keep their lives too small and too hard and to embrace the things that help them live joyfully and well.

You can follow my blog @http:SpiritScraps.com Visit my websites: www.PeggyHaymes.com www.MindRightBodyfit.com

Contact me peggy@peggyhaymes.comI’m Peggy Haymes, and I’m a

Licensed Professional Counselor, writer, minister, runner and triathlete (if you use those last two words generously.)