All soccer fans have been there: it’s an important match, your top goal scorer is in on goal, side-steps the defender and – rather than pinging it past the keeper and rattling the back of the net – he hops, shrieks and collapses like a sack of bricks in the middle of the box like his ACL has snapped in two. The whistle blows and he’s shown a yellow card for simulation (flopping, or diving) and then – miraculously healed – he roars bloody murder in to the ref’s ear before bounding away, victim mentality aroused to giddy heights.

After a couple days reflection I realised something absolutely critical: the boys had no idea that they were doing something wrong. In fact, by emulating their absolute heroes – Cristiano Ronaldo, Luis Suarez and all the rest – they must’ve felt like the best players on the field. The fact is, they were cheating. They were cheating because in almost every soccer game I’ve watched in the last decade – and so in their entire lives – their role models have been throwing themselves around after minimal or zero contact with opposition players. 

Lionel Messi is touted as probably the greatest and most skilful soccer player off all-time and plays with a respect and honesty that makes him a standout role model for any sportsperson. Presumably most other soccer players also look down on these melodramas with disdain and embarrassment, but the fact is that it happens too often at the top flight. If ‘The Beautiful Game’ wants to hold on to that lofty appellation in years to come, then the players had best stop putting their effort in to duping the referee and refocus that energy on putting the ball in the back of the net!