First Draft Peer Edit

8/9/2019 First Draft Peer Edit

1/21

Henry 1

Ryan Henry

Mr. Damaso

Honors English 2, Period 6

3 May 2010

First Draft

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while

we live.

By Norman Cousins

Death, as bitter and dismal as it is, always occurs. From the second you are born you start

counting down your days to live. On September 11,2001, 2,819 people unexpectedly had their

life taken right before their eyes. Death is a common style on which art is formed thus making us

wonder, why is it such a pertinent topic? The most logical reason is because everyone goes

through it at some point. Throughout the art world, death takes a major role in the production of

many pieces.

Billy Collins has an open mind in all his poetry, but due to the conditions he has written

in, a lot of his works deal with death. Billy Collins was the Poet Laureate during the time of the

attacks of 9-11. Collins states, Poems are unintentional responses to terrorism, in that they

honor life There hasnt been any poets describing the distraught streets of America and Collins

is the first. (Mischievous Laureate, par. 9-11). He was writing during Septermber 11 th and

about the repercussions from it. In The Afterlife, Tomes and Picnic, Lightning the idea of

death is present but a little vague. While vividly portraying tragic situations, Billy Collins uses

diction and other poetic devices to illustrate the idea of death.

Billy Collins has grown up and written his poetry during a significant time in our country.

Billy Collins was born in New York City on March 22, 1941 (Alleva, par.1). Collins is a


2/21


3/21

Henry 3

of death in many of his poems. Because of his time in writing during September 11 th he wrote

some morbid but wordy poems.

The three poems I feel are all similarly related are; The Afterlife, Picnic, Lightning,

and Tomes All of these poems have to do with death or something nearly related. The

Afterlife is an account of what all religions may think comes after their death. Picnic,

Lightning is basically just a detailed account of how death is so un-expecting and may occur at

any moment. And lastly, Tomes is talking about the death of his mom. The men who were

critiquing Collinss poems are Ed Galens, Jason Gray, Frank Pool, and Richard Alleva.

The Afterlife relates to the literary thread because this poem goes to in depth detail of

what comes after you die. Essentially, there are two approaches to death, the tragic and the

humorous. Since Collins is a funny guy, and this poem is characterized by a lighter expression

and somewhat comedic as well. (Pool, Par 3).The rest just lie on their backs in their coffins

wishing they could return so they could learn Italian or see the pyramids, or play some golf in a

light rain. (Appendix A) This shows that this poem is talking about death and then it goes into

what people may do in the afterlife. This poem focuses on mainly religious thoughts of the

afterlife. This is just one of Collinss couple poems discussing death.

The next poem that relates to the literary thread is Picnic, Lightning. (Appendix B)

Regarding this poem, Jason Gray said, it is his way of building a moment, of sucking the reader

into his narrative and swelling until at the end you had no idea that you would react so strongly

(Gray, par. 1). Gray says this because Collins has a way of making something that you can easily

get right to the point of stretched out and in depth. Collins uses all of his descriptive poetry

devices such as diction, personification, metaphors and similes to deeper explain the meaning of

his poem. (Appendix E) Gray also states that Collins makes connections and separations, be

they momentary or lifelong (Gray, Par 5). An example of this would be in line 10 when Collins


4/21

Henry 4

writes, And we know the message can be delivered from within. The heart, no

valentine, decides to quit after lunch, the power shut off like a switch (Appendix B). This shows

that at any moment the heart may power down, obviously resulting in the death of the human

being. This poem uses poetry devices to vividly display how quickly death may occur.

The last poem that I felt closely relates to the others through my literary thread is

Tomes. This poem relates to the literary thread because Collins describes many things

occurring, but it isnt till the last stanza that you realize it has to do with the death of his mother.

(Appendix C). As Richard Alleva says, nothing is more vivid, especially the final crisis, death

(Alleva, Par 20). In the last stanza of Collinss poem he writes, even though it never mentions

my mother, now that I think of her again, who only last year rolled off the edge of the earth in

her electric bed. This shows how this poem is about his mothers death, but we didnt know his

mother died until this last stanza. The literary thread clearly relates to Collinss poems, but it

relates to other art pieces as well.

The first connection to art I saw was with Tears of Heaven by Eric Clapton (Appendix

F). This song is about the death of his four year old son which made Eric traumatized for many

years to follow. I feel this song lyrically relates to Tomes by Billy Collins because they both talk

about the death of a family member but neither blatantly says what happened. Clapton has

mourned like a man steeped in the hard-won wisdom of the baby boom: he has sought support

through religion, therapy and Alcoholics Anonymous, whose meetings he has been attending, he

says, for several years (Leerhsen, Par 5.). The Eric Clapton song Tears in Heaven is a tribute

to Connor Clapton, Erics preschool son who died in an accident in 1991 (Mikkelson, Par 1.).

This relates to the literary thread because it describes death but doesnt blatantly say what

happened. This song speaks of the tragedies people go through when others die and since Collins

was writing during a time of tragic death, this song goes hand and hand with the literary thread. I


5/21


6/21

Henry 6

Death is present in everyones lives and from the day you are born, you are unfortunately dying.

Through attentive detail one can hover above the message being sent, and with the correct

technique you can produce a common theme in just one or two phrases. Everyone dies so you

might as well talk about it. Death doesnt always have to be morbid because who knows, maybe

after you die, you squeeze into an animal body and live again

Appendix A

The Afterlife by Billy Collins

They're moving off in all imaginable directions,each according to his own private belief,and this is the secret that silent Lazarus would not reveal:that everyone is right, as it turns out.

5 you go to the place you always thought you would go,the place you kept lit in an alcove in your head.Some are being shot into a funnel of flashing colorsinto a zone of light, white as a January sun.Others are standing naked before a forbidding judge who sits

10 with a golden ladder on one side, a coal chute on the other.


7/21

Henry 7

Some have already joined the celestial choirand are singing as if they have been doing this forever,while the less inventive find themselves stuckin a big air conditioned room full of food and chorus girls.

15 Some are approaching the apartment of the female God,a woman in her forties with short wiry hairand glasses hanging from her neck by a string.With one eye she regards the dead through a hole in her door.There are those who are squeezing into the bodies

20 of animals--eagles and leopards--and one trying onthe skin of a monkey like a tight suit,ready to begin another life in a more simple key,while others float off into some benign vagueness,little units of energy heading for the ultimate elsewhere.

25 There are even a few classicists being led to an underworldby a mythological creature with a beard and hooves.He will bring them to the mouth of the furious caveguarded over by Edith Hamilton and her three-headed dog.The rest just lie on their backs in their coffins

30 wishing they could return so they could learn Italianor see the pyramids, or play some golf in a light rain.They wish they could wake in the morning like youand stand at a window examining the winter trees,every branch traced with the ghost writing of snow.

Appendix BPicnic, Lightning by Billy Collins

It is possible to be struck by ameteor or a single-engine plane whilereading in a chair at home. Pedestriansare flattened by safes falling from

5 rooftops mostly within the panels ofthe comics, but still, we know it ispossible, as well as the flash of

summer lightning, the thermos topplingover, spilling out on the grass.

10 And we know the message can bedelivered from within. The heart, novalentine, decides to quit afterlunch, the power shut off like aswitch, or a tiny dark ship is


8/21

Henry 8

15 unmoored into the flow of the body'srivers, the brain a monastery,defenseless on the shore. This iswhat I think about when I shovelcompost into a wheelbarrow, and when

20 I fill the long flower boxes, thenpress into rows the limp roots of redimpatiens -- the instant hand of Deathalways ready to burst forth from thesleeve of his voluminous cloak. Then

25 the soil is full of marvels, bits ofleaf like flakes off a fresco,red-brown pine needles, a beetle quickto burrow back under the loam. Thenthe wheelbarrow is a wilder blue, the

30 clouds a brighter white, and all Ihear is the rasp of the steel edge

against a round stone, the smallplants singing with lifted faces, andthe click of the sundial as one hour

35 sweeps into the next.

Appendix CTomes by Billy Collins

There is a section in my library for deathand another for Irish history,a few shelves for the poetry of China and Japan,and in the center a row of imperturbable reference books,

5 the ones you can turn to anytime,when the night is going wrongor when the day is full of empty promise.

I have nothing againstthe thin monograph, the odd query,

10 a note on the identity of Chekhov's dentist,but what I prefer on days like theseis to get up from the couch,pull down The History of the World,and hold in my hands a book


9/21

Henry 9

15 containing nearly everythingand weighing no more than a sack of potatoes,eleven pounds, I discovered one day when I placed iton the black, iron scalemy mother used to keep in her kitchen,

20 the device on which she would placea certain amount of flour,a certain amount of fish.

Open flat on my lapunder a halo of lamplight,

25 a book like this always has a wayof soothing the nerves,quieting the riotous surf of informationthat foams around my waisteven though it never mentions

30 the silent labors of the poor,

the daydreams of grocers and tailors,or the faces of men and women alone in single rooms-

even though it never mentions my mother,now that I think of her again,

35 who only last year rolled off the edge of the earthin her electric bed,in her smooth pink nightgownthe bones of her fingers interlocked,her sunken eyes staring upward

40 beyond all knowledge,beyond the tiny figures of history,some in uniform, some not,marching onto the pages of this incredibly heavy book.


10/21

Henry 10

Appendix D


11/21

Henry 11


12/21

Henry 12


13/21

Henry 13

Appendix E


14/21

Henry 14

Appendix F


15/21

Henry 15

Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton, Single (1992)

Would you know my name

If I saw you in heaven

Will it be the same


I must be strong, and carry on

Cause I know I don't belong

Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand


Would you help me standIf I saw you in heaven

I'll find my way, through night and day

Cause I know I just can't stay

Here in heaven

Time can bring you down

Time can bend your knee

Time can break your heart

Have you begging please

Begging please

(instrumental)

Beyond the door

There's peace I'm sure.

And I know there'll be no more...

Tears in heaven

Would you know my name


Will it be the same


16/21

Henry 16


I must be strong, and carry on


Here in heaven


Here in heaven

Appendix GWorld Trade Center Oliver Stone (2006)


17/21

Henry 17

Appendix H

Picnic, Lightning by Billy Collins

It is possible to be struck by ameteor or a single-engine plane whilereading in a chair at home. Pedestriansare flattened by safes falling from

rooftops mostly within the panels ofthe comics, but still, we know it ispossible, as well as the flash ofsummer lightning, the thermos topplingover, spilling out on the grass.And we know the message can bedelivered from within. The heart, novalentine, decides to quit after


18/21


19/21

Henry 19

fist of death will strike someone,dead in their tracks.

Works Cited

"The Afterlife."Poetry for Students. Ed. David A. Galens. Vol. 18. Detroit: Gale, 2003. 38-

49.Poetry for Students. Web. 26 Mar. 2010..

Alleva, Richard. "A MAJOR MINOR POET: Billy Collins isn't just funny." Commonweal129.1

(2002): 21.Literature Resource Center. Web. 26 Mar.

2010..

Billy Collins.Academy of American Poets. Poets.org. 1997. Web. 25 March 2010.

.Collins, Billy, and Grace Cavalieri. "Grace Cavalieri Interviews Poet Laureate Billy

Collins."Pembroke Magazine 35 (2003): 252-269. Rpt. inPoetry Criticism. Ed. Michelle

Lee. Vol. 68. Detroit: Gale, 2006.Literature Resource Center. Web. 26 Mar.

2010..

Collins, Billy. Poetry 180. loc.gov. Web. 25 March 2010. .


20/21

Henry 20

Collins, Billy, and Laura Secor. "Billy Collins: Mischievous Laureate." Mother Jones 27.2

(Mar.-Apr. 2002): 84-85. Rpt. inPoetry Criticism. Ed. Michelle Lee. Vol. 68. Detroit:

Gale, 2006.Literature Resource Center. Web. 26 Mar.

2010..

Gray, Jason. "Picnic, Lightning."Prairie Schooner75.1 (2001): 189.Literature Resource

Center. Web. 11 Apr. 2010. .

Mikkelson, Barbara. Tears in Heaven.snopes.com. Urban Legends Reference Pages. 2007. Web.

21 April 2010. .

Leerhsen, Charles. His Saddest Song.Newsweek. Newsweek.com. 1992. Web. 21 April 2010.

.


21/21

Henry 21

PEER RESPONSE

After you read and annotate a student paper for CONTENT, write a long

(10-15 sentence) paragraph in which you mentionthree positive aspects

of the paper (and why?) and three places for improvement (and why?).

Be abnormallyspecific. Also, be sure to cover the areas below

(including a rating of each section of the paper).

a. Weak arguments, paragraphs, transitions?b. The writer lacks citations and evidence from reliable sourcesc. The writers paper is of varying quality? Rate each section 1 (low) to 5 (high)

i. Introduction _____ ii.Biographical and Historical Context _____iii.Literary Thread in Three Poems _____iv.Art Connections _____ v.Conclusion _____

a. Paste this paragraph and rating at the end of the paper for your writing partner

First Draft Peer Edit

Documents

Transcript of First Draft Peer Edit