FINDING YOUR PATH: SOCIAL, EMOTIONAL, AND PLAN-RELATED GROWTH

FOR YOUTH IN TRANSITION

School of Special Education

Facilitated IEP Research Study 2016

WHERE DO I START?

As we get older, we have the opportunity to make steps to become more

independent. These steps may be at school, at work, or at home.

There are many examples of ways we can grow into adulthood by making these

steps, but they all come down to a few main ideas:

1 - SOCIAL,

2 - EMOTIONAL,

AND

3 - PLAN-MAKING GROWTH!

But what do these THREE words mean? And what makes them meaningful to us?

What do these things look like in our daily lives?

Check out the pages of this book for answers to these questions and many more.

Growing up might not be easy, but the good news is that you’ve got many

different people to help you along the way.

“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not in the strength of the

branch but in the power of her own wings.” –Anonymous

#1: SOCIAL GROWTH: START WITH THE BASICS

SOCIAL: adjective

-relating to or involving activities in which people spend time talking to each

other or doing enjoyable things with each other

-of or relating to society in general

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We all like to be social in some situations, but what about the situations in which

we feel more uncomfortable?

What about the situations that could impact our futures, our jobs, or our

friendships?

Read on for some more great information on social skill development, specifically

involving….

Verbal and nonverbal communication

Conflict resolution

Conversation in relationships

Conversation in different social settings

“Communication works for those who work at it.” –John Powell

MORE THAN WORDS: VERBAL AND NONVERBAL

COMMUNICATION

Take a look at that little yellow sliver there. Yes, that little teeny tiny one. What does

that say?

YOUR WORDS

are actually a VERY small percentage of your communication.

Words that you say make up verbal communication.

For example, you might tell your brother: “Do the dishes!” - These are your

words.

Messages you send without verbally saying them make up nonverbal

communication. Think about TONE and BODY LANGUAGE.

For example, you might cross your arms, make an angry face, and raise your

voice while telling your brother to “Do the dishes!” – This is your nonverbal

communication.

What message does this nonverbal communication send to your brother?

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” –R.W. Emerson

BODY LANGUAGE: TALKING WITHOUT WORDS

What messages are these people sending with their bodies? What do you think

each person’s tone of voice might sound like?

Write or draw about a time that someone communicated to you with body

language, or “nonverbally”:

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” – Peter Drucker

USING YOUR “BODY LANGUAGE” SKILLS

Use these examples to get you “warmed up” to the idea of reading body language:

How would an employer feel if you had confident body language at an

interview?

How would your friend feel if you showed bored body language at his or her

house?

How would a cashier feel if you showed frustrated body language while

waiting in line?

“[Someone] who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.” – E. Hubbard

READING BODY LANGUAGE

How are they feeling?

Use the space below to journal about the different people above. Even though you

can’t hear their words, read their “body language” to understand what they are

thinking and feeling.

“My eyes will speak louder than my voice ever will.” –Anonymous

SOCIAL CONTEXTS: “WHEN IN ROME…”

Have you ever heard this phrase?

“When in Rome, do as the Romans do.”

Fear not - this doesn’t mean you have to start acting like Julius Caesar or wearing a

toga. Instead, this phrase is a metaphor to describe the way we should behave

when we are in a new place or aren’t sure what to do. See below for a bit of

humor…

See that Calvin is acting like a zombie. Calvin doesn’t tell Hobbes to act like a

zombie, but Hobbes takes the social cue from Calvin and joins in on the behavior.

AND JUST LIKE CALVIN AND HOBBES…

We too can take social cues from other people. For example, if we get to a

classroom and everyone is sitting very silently, you might sit down and be silent

too. Did anyone tell you to do this? NO. You took a social cue.

Sometimes a behavior is appropriate in one setting but not in another. We can try

to figure this out by reading social cues and thinking about our environments

before acting or speaking.

“When in Rome, do as the Romans do; when elsewhere, live as they live elsewhere.” –Saint Ambrose

SETTING AND BEHAVIOR: THE NAME OF THE

GAME

Sometimes it’s hard to know what is okay to do where. For example, it’s okay to

laugh during a comedy but it wouldn’t be okay to laugh during the sad parts of a

serious movie. It’s okay to yell at a basketball game, but raising your voice in the

grocery store could quickly get you escorted elsewhere!

Different places where we have to behave differently are called contexts.

Check out the chart below. For each context, there is a behavior. Mark whether

this behavior is “okay”, “not okay”, or “depends” in the context. The first one is

done for you, and the last ones (shaded) are for you fill in yourself. Use your

imagination! Make it tricky!

Notice that all of the behaviors listed are okay in some contexts, but not in others.

Remember to learn from social cues to make sure you’re right on track.

“Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.” –M. Walker

Context Social Behavior Okay, not okay, or “it depends?”

Library Eating McDonalds

Mall Jumping contest

Home Playing your favorite song

Gym Raising your voice

Backyard Jumping contest

Study Hall Sleeping

Math Class Raising your voice

Basement Sleeping

Bank Talking on your cell phone

PE Class

Lunchroom

Restaurant

Band Concert

Hiking Trip

Car Ride

CONVERSATION IDEAS FOR RELATIONSHIPS

Have you ever reached a moment where you’re not sure what to say to a friend,

family member, or someone you’re trying to get to know? Here are some fun

conversation starters for a rainy day…or a long car trip…Well, you get the drift.

“Conversation is food for the soul.” - Proverb

MORE CONVERSATION SKILLS Think about your nonverbal communication…and remember – people love to talk

about themselves and their lives. Try giving someone else the chance to share before you do.

“Communication works for those who work at it.” –J. Powell

CONFLICT AND RESOLUTION IN RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes, conflict is inevitable. This means it cannot be avoided. Family, friends,

and others in your life will sometimes disagree with you, and sometimes you will

misunderstand one another.

The good news is…it’s not the end of the world! There are tools to help you “fight

fairly” and resolve conflicts with good communication.

What’s happening in this picture story? What lesson can you take from this

story?

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Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. –D. Thomas

THE RULES OF “FAIR FIGHTING”

When conflict comes up, we have to follow certain rules to make sure that we are

respectful and fair in our conversations. These guidelines can be used with parents,

teachers, friends, coworkers, or anyone else in your life when conflict arises.

With these ideas, you can help everyone to make peace and move forward:

Main points:

No cursing or name-calling – instead, be respectful!

No interrupting – instead, listen!

No raised voices or yelling – instead, remain calm and THINK before you

SPEAK!

Put yourself “in the other person’s shoes” – what might they be feeling?

Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too. –R. Grady

MORE IDEAS FOR CONFLICT RESOLUTION

When you need to resolve a conflict, try taking these steps in the conversation.

Fill in some of the blanks with ideas from recent conversations you might have

had, or think you may have in the future.

SPEAKER

I feel _____________________________________________________________

when you _________________________________________________________.

Can you please try to ________________________________________________

so that we can _____________________________________________________?

ACTIVE LISTENER

You sound like you feel________________________________________________

because____________________________________________________________.

Next time I will_______________________________________________________

so that we can______________________________________________________.

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. –W.

Churchill

#2: EMOTIONAL GROWTH: HOW DO YOU FEEL?

With all of this talk about communication, you may be thinking about different

emotions you experience from day to day. You may experience different emotions

in school, at home, at work, or with friends. These emotions may be very different,

depending on the situation.

For instance, you may feel:

Happy

Sad

Frustrated

Excited

Confused

Worried

Stressed

Annoyed

Thrilled

Surprised….

AND MANY MORE!

What do we do with these feelings?

Circle an emotion listed above and think about a time that you felt that emotion

recently. Write or draw about what you felt, why you felt that way, and what

you did about it.

Feeling are like waves. You cannot stop them from coming, but you can decide which ones to surf. -Anonymous

KNOW WHERE YOU STAND: SELF- AWARENESS

Keep your eyes open so that you are ready to deal with your emotions as they

come! Use a chart like the one below to help you focus on what you’re feeling and

what you need to do about it.

High Intensity means that the feeling is strong. For example, you are feeling VERY

angry instead of just a bit frustrated.

Low Intensity means that the feeling is not as strong. This could be a feeling of

slight worry or being a little bit embarrassed. These emotions can sometimes be

easier to “regulate”, or manage.

When we self-regulate, we can work on our own feelings by being aware, stopping

to make sure we have control, and choosing healthy coping skills.

Remember, YOU are in control of YOU!

Don’t let other people bring you down with their emotions. Instead, stay

aware of your own and make sure you do what you need to do to feel safe.

Work with a trusted friend, adult, or family member to decide which coping

skills will work best for you. Everyone is different!

Successful people know how to make their emotions their servants rather than their masters. –P.T. Wang

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT EMOTIONS

“To soar, we must leave anything that weighs us down.” –S. Singhai

EMPATHY: SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH

SOMEONE ELSE’S EYES

Have you ever had a friend or family member deal with something difficult, but

you weren’t sure what to say because you had never been in that particular

situation?

THIS is where empathy comes in.

Let’s talk about the difference between sympathy and empathy:

SYMPATHY is feeling sorry for somebody

EMPATHY is sharing the experiences of another person and working hard to

understand what they are going through, even if you haven’t been there

yourself

APATHY, by the way, is when you don’t care about the other person’s situation

at all – you feel neutral

What do you see happening in this picture? Who is showing empathy?

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It is important to show empathy for people who are going through sickness, loss,

or other hard times. Even if we haven’t “been there”, we can still “go there” with

that person by offering kindness and support through empathy.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” –Plato

WHAT CAN I DO TO SHOW EMPATHY?

WHO? HOW? Family Offer to help a parent or sibling when he or she has too much work to do around the

house

Ask how your family members’ days went, and really listen to the response

If people are sick, keep in touch – ask how they are feeling and if you can do anything to help them

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Children THINK about what a child might need – food, a bottle, a change of clothes or diaper, or a nap

Be there to listen and understand children when they are frustrated or sad about something – chances are, you’ve been there too!

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Friends If a friend is moving, packing, or doing something else that requires a lot of work, think about what you can do to help without your friend having to ask

Always be a listening ear. You can learn so much from one little conversation with a good friend!

Try to understand the hard things your friends go through, and make sure they know that you are a safe person to come and talk with when times get tough

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People in need in the community

THINK about what you might need if you were without a home or low on money

Give according to those thoughts and your empathy for those around you!

Volunteer in a safe community situation

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Animals Take a guess as to how a family pet might feel – hungry, tired, cold, or maybe just a little lonely?

Give attention, food, and care based on these thoughts

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“There are two types of people: those who come into the room and say ‘Well, here am I’, and those who come

into the room and say, ‘Ah, there you are.’” –F. Collins

#3: PLAN-RELATED GROWTH: KNOWING

YOURSELF, YOUR NEEDS, AND YOUR STRENGTHS

If you are an advocate, it means that you stand up for someone or something and

defend this cause actively. When we are young, we have parents, guardians, or

family members to advocate for us.

For example, when we are too young to order an ice cream cone, a parent

might ask for the cone for us.

When we are too young to write our own education plans, our parents meet

with educators and school members who are also advocates for us.

As we get older, we learn to become more independent from these supports in

our own ways. While this looks different for each person, we all have one thing in

common: As our own advocates, we must find our voices and stand up for our

rights.

How might getting involved with your

IEP help you to advocate for yourself

now and in the future? Draw or write

about this in the space here.

“If you don’t create your own reality, it will be created for you.” –D. Chopra

SELF-DETERMINATION: MAKING AMAZING

CHOICES FOR AN INCREDIBLE LIFE

Self-determination means making your own choices. When you are doing this, it is

important to know your strengths, needs, and goals for the future so that you can

make solid decisions based on your plans.

ACTIVITY: Circle below the small things you have chosen in the past few days,

weeks, or months. Why did you choose what you chose? What FACTORS played

into your decision?

What should I wear? • When should I get up in the morning? • What should I eat for breakfast?

• Should I spend time with friends? • Should I spend time with family? • Should I go outside or

stay indoors? • Should I attend church or religious services? • Should I spend my free time doing

homework? • Should I watch this show on TV? • Will I make dinner at home or go out to eat?

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” –N. Mandela

FINDING STRENGTHS

“Genius is talent set on fire by courage.” –Henry Van Dyke

SETTING YOUR GOALS: MAKE IT “SMART!”

Your dreams are only your dreams until you write them down. Then they are goals.” -Anonymous

INTERESTS: WHAT DO YOU LOVE?

“[One} who limits his interests limits his life.” –V. Price

PROS AND CONS: MAKING TOUGH DECISIONS

“It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are.” –R. Disney

PULLING IT ALL TOGETHER

“Work hard in silence. Let your success be your voice.” –Anonymous

School of Special Education Facilitated IEP Study 2016