COURT DOCUMENTSPREPARED

OOVVEERR 1155 YYEEAARRSS IINN BBUUSSIINNEESSSS

As Low As* Recognized by the Federal BankruptcyCourt as a Debt Relief Agency. Relief fromdebt through Title 11 of the Bankruptcy Code.

*

Member of theBetter Business Bureau863-686-5888

• MISSING SPOUSE DIVORCE• CHILD CUSTODY, SUPPORT & PROPERTY• DIVORCE MODIFICATIONS • CONTRACTS• ADOPTION • NAME CHANGE • WILLS• QUIT CLAIM DEED • INCORPORATION• SMALL CLAIMS • ONE SIGNATURE

DIVORCE AND OTHER DOCUMENTS

LLJJ’’ss

8MM OR 16MM FILm SUPER 8MM FILMVHS TAPES OR

VHS-C CASSETTESMINI & REG DVD TAPESWe’ll put your old Lp Records

or Audio Tapes on CD863-859-2625

Your Memories!Don’t Lose

LLJJ’’ss

MENTION OPG

WE’LL TRANSFERYOUR OLD MOVIES, PICTURES OR SLIDES TO DVD OR VHS TAPES........................

10%OFFGet

Orange Peel GazetteEst. 2000

SEE OUR AD ON PAGE 4

FEBRUARY 2015 Vol. 14, Issue 10

14 YEARS ENTERTAINING POLK, HILLSBOROUGHAND THEWORLD....AND SOMETIMES BEYOND...

Love Is In The Air!!!!

• JEWELRYAPPRAISALS

•WE SELL ANDSERVICE JEWELRY

• WATCHES AND CLOCKS

TThhaannkk yyoouu ffoorr yyoouurr ttrruusstt ffoorr oovveerr 6622 yyeeaarrss..

CCllyyddee FFoosshheeee

CELEBRATING62 YEARSIN BUSINESS

FFOOSSHHEEEE JJEEWWEELLEERRSSPolk County’s Most Trusted Jeweler Since 1953

943 EAST PARKER ST., LAKELAND, FLwww.FosheeJewelers.com

863-686-3479

WE GIVE YOU THE BEST PRICESFOR GOLD, SILVER AND COINS

Chiropractic Center of LakelandForYourGoodHealth,Naturally2390 Griffin Rd, Lakeland, FL

863-859-0335

DR. STEPHEN JOHNSONDR. ALVIN GREEN

Most Insurance Accepted • Affordable Cash PlansOpen 6 Days • Same Day Appointments • Se habla español

Ask about our TREATMENT SPECIALS andVisit our website: www.cclchiro.com toLearn about our INNOVATIVE TECHNOLOGY

CHIROPRACTIC PHYSICIANS

MEDICARE

FIVE STARCOMPANY

MULTIPLECARRIERS

OBAMACREOBAMACRE

Stephen Nelson863-430-1646407-353-3062Licensed & Certified

REPRESENTING

SIGN UP NOW!MEDICARE

CCHHRROONNIICCNNEEEEDDSS PPLLAANN

SEE OUR AD ON THE BACKA Fun Place to ShopWE BUY GOLD

In Office

LASERNAIL FUNGUSREMOVAL

JUST TAKES SECONDSDR. J.S. BIDELSPACH

COAST2COAST

PODIATRY863-859-4434

4973 US 98N(Barclay Plaza behind Tastee Freeze)Lakeland, Florida

Professional TaxConsultants, Inc.A Firm of Enrolled Agents

IINNCCOOMMEE TTAAXX PPRREEPPAARRAATTIIOONNFFEEDDEERRAALL -- AANNYY SSTTAATTEE -- BBUUSSIINNEESSSS

Winter Haven Lakeland314 Avenue K SE 2054B E.Edgewood Dr863.294.5462 863.669.9690

“Tax Season Unlike Any Other Season....Never Ends”Professional Tax Consultants...Always in Season

MMoonnddaayy -- TThhuurrssddaayy99aamm ttoo 66 ppmm

bbyy AAppppooiinnttmmeenntttthhiiss llooccaattiioonn

INDIVIDUALPARTNERSHIPC CORPORATIONS CORPORATION

TRUSTSESTATESRETIREMENTNON-PROFITS

ACCOUNTING & PAYROLL SERVICEusing OuickBooks

2863-438-8007863-521-3245 A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO ALL OUR ADVERTISERS.

I don’t have a commentary this issue. Barry had hisstate of the union thingy. Same old same old. I didn’t

watch it. - Bob Archetto, PublisherLarge Family

Ben came from a large family. He had five sistersand three brothers. One day he was looking through thefamily photo album with his mother when he noticed, inpage after page, that all the children were dressed in thesame colors. He asked his mother why they were alldressed alike. She explained, “At first, when we had justfour children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn’t loseany of you. “Then,” she added, “as other five camealong, I started dressing you alike so we wouldn’t acci-dentally take one home that didn’t belong to us.”

Choosing Your UniversityThe high school senior and her parents were visit-

ing a prestigious university. During a tour their studentguide pointed out the nationally ranked library andstate-of-the-art science facilities. The guide told thevisitors that the professors were the best in the world.She also recommended applying early to improvechances for admission. “We get so many applicants,”she boasted, “because of the stature of the school.”After the tour, the father of the prospective studentasked the guide, “So, why did you choose thisschool?” “Oh,” she replied matter-of-factly, “myboyfriend goes here.”.

S

5941 USHWY 17-92, Haines City, FL863-667-2278

COMPLETE SERVICE, SALES, RENTALS, REFURBISHING

Let us Build Your Dream Cart! - Call for AppointmentLLOOWW PPRRIICCEESS OONN TTIIRREESS && AACCCCEESSSSOORRIIEESS -- AALLWWAAYYSS!!

ALWAYS “FREE PICKUP AND DELIVERY”

STOCK BATTERIES: 6 VOLT $42000 • 8 VOLT $510CROWN BATTERIES

6V $500 • 8V $575 • 12V $610INCLUDES TAXES & EPA • PICK UP ONLY

INSTALLATION $75 ADDITIONAL

I BUY GOLF CARTS OR TAKE ON CONSIGNMENT

RESERVE YOUR STORAGE SPACE NOWWHILE it’s STILL AVAILABLE

$200 GETS YOU UP TO 8 MONTHS STOR-AGE, SAFETY CHECK AND MINI-DETAIL

PROTECT OUR INVESTMENT!

3863-438-8007863-521-3245 REBUPLICANS, DO THE RIGHT THING!

4863-438-8007863-521-3245 OBAMA COUNTDOWN: 1 YR/10 MONTHS/20 DAYS

3060 Dundee Rd., Winter Haven, Florida

863-229-2762www.superiorfenceandrail.com

SUPERIORFENCE&RAIL,INC.

Where Quality Matters!

Fencing solutions for life TM

®

GATE OPERATORS& ACCESSORIES

Vinyl • Aluminum

Chain Link • Stick BuiltWood • Gates& Entry

ADDITIONAL SAVINGS AVAILABLE!

MOVESYOUIN!

OnUpToA10’x15’Area

$2500

For the 1st Month’s Rent

Must present ad or mention OPG.Not valid with any other offer. . Expires 2/28/15

MOVE-INSPECIAL!SELF STORAGE

B&B STOR WITH US735 CREATIVE DR., LAKELAND

call Gary 863-646-1498LAKELAND STORAGE4851OLD HWY 37, LAKELAND

off S. Florida Ave behind Applebees & Carabbas

call Maria 863-646-1575

Exhausted LiberalAn exhausted looking liberal dragged himself in to

the Doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all overmy neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, andI can’t get a wink of sleep.” “I have good news foryou,” the doctor answered, rummaging through adrawer full of sample medications. “Here are somenew sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few ofthese and your trouble will be over.” “Great,” the mananswered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.” Afew weeks later the man returned, looking worse thanever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired thanbefore!” “I don’t understand how that could be,” saidthe doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongestpills on the market!” “That may be true,” answeredthe man wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasingthose dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard get-ting him to swallow the pill!”

Old Mrs. PierpointBecause she hasn’t heard anything from her for a

few days, a woman is worried about an older woman, awidow, who lives in the apartment next door. So shetells her son, “I want you to go next door and see howOld Mrs. Pierpoint is.” A few minutes later, the boyreturns. “Well, is she all right?” the mother asks. “She’sfine, but she’s annoyed with you,” he says. “At me?Whatever for?” “Well,” says her son, “Mrs. Pierpointtold me it’s none of your business how old she is.”

5863-438-8007863-521-3245 GUYS REALLY HATE VALENTINE’S DAY!

Jim The Lover?Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in

the latest fashion, walked into this local pub. Henoticed a woman gazing at him without blinking herbig eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to thewoman and said in his deepest voice, 'I'll do anythingyou wish, beautiful lady, for just $10 but on one con-dition.' The woman appeared to be trapped in themoment and asked as if in a trance, 'What's your con-dition?' Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just threewords.' There was a long pause, the woman openedher purse, counted out the money and handed it to theman along with her address. She then looked deeplyinto his eyes and whispered, 'Clean my house.'

My One And OnlyRoger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expen-

sive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine'sDay, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden,London. The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like yourgirlfriend's name engraved on it?' Roger thought for amoment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave"To my one and only love".' The jeweller smiled andsaid, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.' Roger retortedwith a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but verypractical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.

Stupid Valentine JokeA: Because it couldn't get a date.Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?

AFFORDABLE ENERGY EFFICIENT WINDOWSLET IN THE LIGHT BUT KEEP OUT THE HEAT!

100% Financing AvailabLe!

~In GodWe Trust~CONSTRUCTION & ALUMINUM

Licensed • Bonded • Insured

RC 0049987 RR 0046367

NOW YOU CAN AFFORD A SCREEN ROOM .....NO MONEY DOWN

SCREEN ROOMS * CARPORTS * POOL ENCLOSURES * SKIRTINGWOODEN DECKS * INSULATION PACKAGES * ROOF-OVERS

VINYL SIDING, SOFFIT & FACIA * VINYL/ACRYLIC/GLASS WINDOWSRUGGED 2 AND 4-TRACK SCREEN SLIDERS FOR GARAGES

COMPLETE SATISFACTION GUARANTEED ON

AA MMOONNTTHH

AANNDD OONNLLYY

HIGHEST ENERGY EFFICIENT GLASS ON THE MARKET!Beat the heat with made in america

NOW ON SALE!

The BEST Price + The BEST Contractor + A Lifetime Warranty = BEST Deal for YOU!

ENERGY SAVINGS YEAR AFTER YEAR

For A FREE Estimate Call Us Today!WE WILL BEAT ANY COMPETITORS PRICE!

W I N D O W S ®

Washington D.C. - D.C. really means Doesn’t Care 6863-438-8007863-521-3245 OHIO STATE, WHO WOULD HAVE BELIEVED THAT?

You LiedA child asked his father, "How were people born?"

So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, thentheir babies became adults and made babies, and soon." The child then went to his mother, asked her thesame question and she told him, "We were monkeysthen we evolved to become like we are now." Thechild ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!"His father replied, "No, your mom was talking abouther side of the family."

Because I'm Man...#21Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the

car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermiahas set in.

A Thoughtful Valentine's Day GiftJim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought

his wife anything for Valentine's Day. 'Yes,' came theanswer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I'vebought her a belt and a bag.' 'That was very kind ofyou,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully thevacuum cleaner will work better now.

Say It with FlowerJeremy visited a florist's shop which showed a large

sign that read, 'Say It With Flowers.' 'Wrap up one rose,please' Jeremy demanded of the florist's assistant. 'Onlyone?' she enquired frowning. 'Ah yes just the one',Jeremy replied. 'I'm a man of very few words.'

7863-438-8007863-521-3245

863-412-8649

TREE TRIMMINGTREE REMOVAL

LICENSED & INSUREDQUICK AND RELIABLE SERVICE

“If you have a tree problem,we have the solution. Call Today!

STUMPGRINDINGNew& Improved

www.mstsodequipment.com

CALL FOR THIS MONTH’S SPECIALS

CALLJASONFOR A DEMO!

Low rate financing available WAC

Featuring Tractors from 23HP to 97HP Shuttle Shift Transmissions, Hydrostatic Transmissions. 4WD, loader, air conditioned cabs, open platform all with 5 year warranty.

Come by and check out our inventory of Tractors and Implements, Sales, Parts and Service. Low rate financing.

Low rate financing available WAC

Middle Of The RoadThe one thing that drove me absolutely crazy about

my boyfriend Bill was the way he drove. He wouldinsist on driving in the dead center of a two way inter-section, and no matter how much I complained,sulked, and threatened, nothing made a dent. The onlyconsolation I found was the thought that at least thecars coming towards us, were staying in their lane.Sure enough, I soon resigned myself to my fate, but Iwould still cringe all too often while on the road. Well,the day finally came when I was to meet Bill’s family.We headed to the small hick town that he was from inPennsylvania, and had a grand ol’ time with his folks.It was when we went out for a drive in the old familypick up that I learned that things could get quite a bitworse. “Don’t worry about my husband’s driving inthe center of the road,” said Bill’s mom with a bigfriendly smile, as we headed onto a two way intersec-tion. “THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE DOESAROUND HERE!!”

Flying PetA couple shared their apartment with a parakeet

named “Nicky.” The exterminator was scheduled tocome, so they put Nicky in the bedroom and hung asign on the door: “Please skip this room. Do not opendoor. Pet flies.” The exterminator came. On his receipthe wrote this comment: “Finished all of the apartmentexcept room with pet flies.”

8OPG’S MODERN MEDICINE

1120 Carlton Ave. Suite 1400, Lake Wales, FL 575 East Central Ave., Winter Haven, FL

1507 Lakeland Hills Blvd. Suite 107, Lakeland, FL Phone: 863 324-6100

David Arango, M.D.ORTHOPEDICS& SPORTS

MEDICINE INSTITUTESSPPEECCIIAALLIIZZIINNGG IINN::

Spinal Disorders Auto Accidents

Work Related Injuries

WWee OOffffeerr EEffffeeccttiivvee::Epidural Spinal Injections

Facet Joint Injections Trigger Point Injections

Information gathered herein is from sources considered reli-able....maybe. Accuracy however is another thing. All humorous sto-ries and jokes appearing here are intended for entertainment pur-poses only and are not meant to disrespect or harm any group orindividuals. If anyone is offended by any content herein -“get overit”. If you would like to contribute we take money or if you preferjokes, make sure they can be cut and pasted computer-like. I don’ttype. Any political leanings construed from any material herein isyour hang up, This publication is neither Republican, Democrat,Green, Fascist, Communist, Socialist, Theocratic, Chocolate, Vanillaor Strawberry. However the Orange Peel Gazette is anti-stupidity(self serving Politicos for example, liberals and anyone else agree-ing with Obama or,....people who call or write or email me cause Imade a spelling errrorr. If you feel the need to correct me - Don’t, Idon’t care.) Hey, it could all be your fault or George Bush’s.... askObama, he thinks so ... it’s on his teleprompter ...ask him... Enjoy!!!!

ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE DISCLAIMER

AArrttiiss BBaasssseetttt HHeeaarriinngg AAiiddssMELISSA K. CRAFT - HEARINGAID SPECIALIST

OOUURR OOFFFFIICCEESS AARREE HHOOMMEE TTOO TTHHEE MMOOSSTT AADDVVAANNCCEEDD

TTEECCHHNNOOLLOOGGYY IINN TTHHEE RREEGGIIOONN

137 W. Hwy 60, Lake Wales, FL • 863-676-0616

FREE TESTS & EVALUATION

SALES & SERVICE

Lake Wales Dental Group

One Doctor’s Lane, Lake Wales(Next to CVS & Grove Center Nursing Home)

LakeWalesDenta Open Tuesday – Friday

To Schedule an Appointment Call

863-676-8536

Center for Dental Excellence and Home to the

Friendliness, Most Knowledgeable and Capable

Doctors and Staff in Central Florida. Providing

Quality Dental Implant Treatment for 26 Years!

OPENFRIDAYS

6% Senior Cash DiscountSe Habla Español

GroupDental

ales e WLak

Quality Dental Implant

Doctors and Staff in Centr

, Most KnoiendlinessrF

or Dental Excellence and Home to the Center f

6% Senior Cash Discount6% Senior Cash Discount

ears!YYears!or 26 reatment fTTreatment fQuality Dental Implant

viding Proida.al FlorDoctors and Staff in Centr

le le and Capabwledgeab, Most Kno

or Dental Excellence and Home to the

le

863-676-8536hedule an Appointment Callo ScTTo Sc

alesDentaLakeWoxt to CVS & Grxt to CVS & Gro(Ne(Next to CVS & Grs Lane

Se Hab

One Doctor’

y

la Español

863-676-8536hedule an Appointment Call

y – FridauesdaTTuesdaOpen sing Home)ve Center Nurve Center Nursing Home)

alesW Lake ,s Lane

Se Hab

hedule an Appointment Call

Doctor-PatientOn a busy Medical/Surgical floor, the doctor stops

the nurse to brief her on a patient's condition. "Thispatient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner.His injury is serious and I fear he will not be ableto play golf again unless you follow my orders exactly."The doctor then began listing orders: "You mustgive an injection in a different location every twentyminutes followed by a second injection exactly fiveminutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactlyevery hour followed by one pill every fifteen minutes foreight hours. He must drink no more and no less than tenounces of water every twenty-five minutes and must voidbetween. Soak his arm in warm water for fifteen minutesthen place ice for ten minutes and repeat over and overfor the rest of the day. Give range of motion every thirtyminutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour.Feed him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and dowhatever he asks at all times. Chart his condition andvital signs every twenty minutes. You must do thesethings exactly as I ordered or his injury will not healproperly, and he will not be able to play golf well." Thenurse left the doctor and entered the patient's room. Shewas greeted by anxious family and an equally anxiouspatient. All asked the nurse what the doctor had saidabout the patient. The nurse started, "The doctor said thatyou will live." Then quickly reviewing the orders, thenurse added, "But you will have to learn a new sport."

9OPG’S MODERN MEDICINE

Dr. David E. Junca, D.D.S. DN11827

23871 N. US HWY 27, Lake Wales, FL

863-678-3177Does not apply to previously presented cases. Patient and any other person responsible for payment has the right to refuse to pay, cancel pay-ment, or be reimbursed for payment for any other service, examination and treatment which is performed as a result and within 72 hours ofresponding to the advertisement for free service, discounted or reduced fee service, examination or treatment.

Call for Your Appointment

www.juncadental.com

5110,5120 Not valid with any other offer. Expires 2/28/15

DENTURESUPPER ORLOWER

$4997140. Not valid with any

other offer. Expires 2/28/15

WWHHIITTEENNIINNGG$250

First Visit & CleaningNEW PATIENT EXAM

$6500Exam0180, 330, 274,1110Cleaning if no presence of gumdisease. Not valid with any other offer.

Expires 2/28/15

FREENot valid with insurance oroffer Expires 2/28/15

2nd OPINION

OpalescenceProfessional Custom

Tray Whitening

WALK-INCHIROPRACTICCOME IN ONLY WHEN YOU NEED TO.

NEVER ANY HIGHERALWAYS ONLYIncludes: Exam and All Treatments

Dr. Zigenfelder Dr. Castleman

Mon• Wed• Fri9am-Noon • 2-5pm

Tues• Thurs9am-1pm

Sat 9am-NoonSe Habla Español863-646-7397

6155 S. Florida Ave. • Lakeland, FLCorner of 540A/ Ewell Rd. & S. Florida Avenue

DDoonn’’tt mmiissss tthhoosseeTThhrreeee LLiittttllee WWoorrddss

VVaalleennttiinnee’’ss DDaayy!!Introducing the new DREAM line by Widex!

WWiitthh tthhee DDRREEAAMM444400 sseerriieess,, ssoouunnddss wwiillll sseeeemm rriicchheerr,, wwiitthh ggrreeaatteerr ddeepptthh,, ddiimmeennssiioonn aanndd ddeettaaiill..FREE phone with purchase of 440 and 330

SAVE$500

on new Hearing Device withthis ad or your trade-in pair

Offer applies to Widex DREAM line.Expires 2/24/15

Call today foryour free noobligation

appointment!1702 E. Edgewood Drive

Lakeland, Florida 863-588-0846

Heavenly DreamAdam woke up suddenly, sweating all over.

“What’s the problem”, asked his wife. “Are youOK?” “I just dreamed that I died!” responded ashaken Adam. “And it was so bad up there, and that’swhy you’re sweating all over?” asked his wife. “Youbet!” exclaimed Adam. “I got up there, and was rightin front of G-d himself, when he suddenlysneezed…..and I didn’t know what to say to him!

What the Market Will BearThe proprietor of a successful optical shop was

instructing his son on how to charge a customer.“After you have fitted the customer’s glasses,” he said,“and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, ‘$10.’Then see if he winces. “If the customer doesn’t winceyou say, ‘For the frames. The lenses will be another $10.’“If he still doesn’t wince you say firmly, ‘Each.’”

Door to DoorAn enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman

goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks.A lady opens the door, and before she has a chance tosay anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties allover the carpet. He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleanerdoesn’t do wonders cleaning this up, I’ll eat everychunk of it.” She turns to him with a smirk and says,“You want ketchup on that?” The salesman says,“Why do you ask?” She says, “We just moved in andwe haven’t got the electricity turned on yet.”.

10863-438-8007863-521-3245

Not valid with any other offer. Expires 10/31/14

CURRENT SPECIALS (Taxes not included)

BG Transmission Service $179Synthetic Blend Oil Change $2195

Turbo Charger Repair starting at $250Cooling System Drain & Refill $49A/C Performance Check Freon extra! $20Induction Svc or Fuel injection Cleaning $89

Last Request Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on

the same day, were led down to the room in whichthey would meet their maker. The priest had giventhem last rites, the formal speech had been given bythe warden, and a final prayer had been said amongthe participants. The Warden, turning to the first man,solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dancemusic. Could you please play The Macarena for meone last time?" "Certainly," replied the warden. Heturned to the other man and asked, "Well, what aboutyou, son? What is your final request?" "Please," saidthe condemned man, "kill me first."

Proud MothersThree mothers are sitting on a park bench in

Miami Beach talking about (what else?) how muchtheir sons love them. Sadie says, “You know theChagall painting hanging in my living room? My son,Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. Whata good boy he is, and how much he loves his mother.”Minnie says, “You call that love? You know theEldorado Cadillac I just got for Mother’s Day? That’sfrom my son Bernie. What a doll.” Shirley says,“That’s nothing. You know my son Stanley? He’s inanalysis with a psychoanalyst on Park Avenue, no less.Five session a week–$200 a hour, and what does hetalk about? Me.”

11863-438-8007863-521-3245 ADVERTISE WITH THE OPG

Power of Attorney: $100Basic Will: $125 • Living Will: $50

Health Care Surrogate: $75

Joint TrustPackage: $895Single TrustPackage: $795

CONSULTATION:FREE

863-439-4500

ESTATE PLANNING & PROBATE

www.StoneLawGroupFL.com

CHARLOTTECOMBSSTONE

314 Avenue K SE, Winter Haven, Florida

LAWGROUP,P.L.

in the offices of Professional Tax Consultants

Winter Haven •Sebring •Celebration

ATTORNEY AT LAW

Herbie And The PsychicSuzie was all alone. It was two months since her

dear Herbie had passed, and she just couldn’t seem tomove on. “Listen here Suzie”, said her good friendBarbara, “maybe you should go see a psychic? One ofmy friends did it after her husband died and it made herfeel so much better knowing that her dearest washappy.” So that’s how, on the next Tuesday, Suzie foundherself in a dim room with a crystal ball and a psychictalking in a calm voice. “Is he here?” Suzie asked. “Yes,I sense him,” was her reply. “Can you ask him if he’shappy?” Suzie hesitantly asked. “He’s putting his handto his mouth like he wants to smoke” said the psychic.“Oh, of course” said Suzie, “he needs a cigar. Herbiecan never last more then a few hours without a cigar. Iguess they don’t have cigars up there. Did he say wherehe is or how I could get one to him?” Questioned Suzieurgently. “Hmm”, said the psychic. “I can’t seem to getthat question across to him. But then again,” said thepsychic after a brief pause, “he didn’t say anythingabout needing a lighter!”

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't run-ning very well, I will pop the hood and stare at theengine as if I know what I'm looking at. If anotherman shows up, one of us will say to the other, "Iused to be able to fix these things, but now with allthese computers and everything, I wouldn't knowwhere to start." We will then drink beer.

12863-438-8007863-521-3245

LAKE WALESSelf Storage

1250 STATE RD 60 WEST next to Flea Market

CALL US NOW!

Ask for Natasha!

NODEPOSITS!

Moves You In On Up To A

$2510’ x 25’ For 1st Month’s Rent

863-676-7701

MOVE-INSPECIALS

Call for more savings! Must present ad or mention OPGNot valid with any other offer. Expires 2/28/15

SOUTH

2760

LAKE WALES STORAGE

Take US 27 south to SR60 westnext to Indoor Flea Market

UUSSAA QQUUAALLIITTYY SSTTEEEELL BBUUIILLDDIINNGGSSBBAARRNNSS AANNDD GGAARRAAGGEESS

wwwwww..UUSSAABBAARRNNSSAANNDDGGAARRAAGGEESS..ccoommCALL 863-978-8586

Only $3,820 +taxInstalled

Only $3,125 +taxInstalled

Only $9,985 +taxInstalled

Only 6,540 +taxInstalled

Carports and RV Ports Installed from $6952 Car Garages Installed from $4,195

Special 5% Discount on Many BuildingsRemember, ”Bugs Don’t Eat Steel.”

free estimates

863-944-7719

WITH OVER 30 YEARS OF KNOWLEDGE EXPERIENCE

TTTTHHHHEEEE BBBBEEEESSSSTTTTWWWWOOOORRRRKKKKMMMMAAAANNNNSSSSHHHHIIIIPPPP

YYYYOOOOUUUU CCCCAAAANNNN CCCCOOOOUUUUNNNNTTTT OOOONNNN!!!!

HIGHEST QUALITYPROFESSIONAL

ROOFING CONTRACTOR

LICENSED & INSURED

RC29027518

Poor MarvinMarvin, was in the hospital on his death bed. The

family called Marvin’s Preacher to be with him in hisfinal moments. As the Preacher stood by the bed,Marvin’s condition seemed to deteriorate, and Marvinmotioned for someone to quickly pass him a pen andpaper. The Preacher quickly got a pen and paper andlovingly handed it to Marvin. But before he had achance to read the note, Marvin died. The Preacher feel-ing that now wasn’t the right time to read it put the notein his jacket pocket. It was at the funeral while speakingthat the Preacher suddenly remembered the note.Reaching deep into his pocket the Preacher said “andyou know what, I suddenly remembered that rightbefore Marvin died he handed me a note, and knowingMarvin I’m sure it was something inspiring that we canall gain from. With that introduction the Preacher rippedout the note and opened it. The note said “HEY, YOUARE STANDING ON MY OXYGEN TUBE!”

In A Sand Trap JMA hard core group of golfers over heard talking on

the course. One said so and so's wife wants to be cre-mated when she dies and have her ashes scattered in asand trap. Why would she want that one of themasked? She said she would see more of him than shesees of him now.Sign on the door of a Moscow hotel room: - If this isyour first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

13863-438-8007863-521-3245

The Mobility Store

MOBILITY SVMTRUCKSAsk aboutpricing andoptions.

$4,000 RebateOn All 2014 Models

14863-438-8007863-521-3245

Life Is Like a FountainThe rabbinical student is about to leave for America.

When he asks his mentor for advice, the rabbi offers anadage that, he tells the student, will guide him for therest of his life. “Always remember,” the rabbi said sage-ly, “life is like a fountain.” Deeply impressed by histeacher’s wisdom, the student departs for a successfulcareer in America. Thirty years later, he learns that therabbi is dying, so he returns for a final visit. “Rabbi,” hesays, “I have one question. For 30 years, whenever Iwas sad or confused, I thought about the phrase youpassed on to me, and it has helped me through many dif-ficult times. But to be perfectly frank, I have neverunderstood the full meaning of it. Now that you areabout to enter the realm of truth, tell me, dear rabbi, whyis life like a fountain?” Wearily, the old man replied,“All right, so it’s not like a fountain.”

Picking Lemons RYThe woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon

grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job. Shehad a liberal arts degree from the University ofMichigan and had worked as a social worker andschool teacher. The foreman frowned and said, "I haveto ask you, have you had any actual experience inpicking lemons?" "Well, as a matter of fact, I have!I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Hondas andvoted twice for Obama."

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

15MUSIC & BINGO & LOTS OF FUN

IVE

L(863)581-1210

headley.gary@gmail.com

LIVE MUSICAL PERFORMANCESOF THE 50’S, 60’S AND 70’SAT AFFORDABLE RATES

FRIDAYS $15 ALL PACKSTUESDAY, THURSDAY & FRIDAY

25 JACKPOTS12/$250 13/$100 UP TO 36 CARDS $20

SUNDAY AFTERNOON25 JACKPOTS - 12 /$250 • 13 /$100

DOORS OPEN 10:30 AM

AUTO-DAB TURBOS

FREE BONANZA BINGOJUST MENTION ORANGE PEEL GAZETTE

105 J-Arden Mays Downtown Plant City, FL813-719-6568

Game promotions are subject to change. Please call for more information

Visit us at plantcitybingo.com for coupons & informationALL PACKS $20 UP TO 36 CARDS TURBO UPGRADE 60 CARDS ONLY $13 MORE • SUPER SIZE YOUR TURBO $6 MOREPLAY OUR FIREBALL & NEW CANNONBALL • PROGRESSIVE JACKPOT PULL-TABS...STARTS @ $1,000 PLUS

SUPER SATURDAY 2/8 & 3/8JACKPOTS: 21/$250 14/$100 COME EARLY DOORS OPEN 3PM

Joining the Army As the family gathered for a big dinner together,

the youngest son announced that he had just signed upat an army recruiter's office. There were audible gaspsaround the table, then some laughter, as his olderbrothers shared their disbelief that he could handle thisnew situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickeredone. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You wouldnever get through basic training," scoffed another.The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but shewas just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, shesimply asked, "Do you really plan to make your ownbed every morning?"

Lamaze Class A couple just started their Lamaze class and they

were given an activity requiring the husband to wear abag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels liketo be pregnant. The husband stood up and shruggedsaying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor thendropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up."You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant,the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked."Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of theother husbands, he turned to his wife and said,"Honey, would you pick up that pen for me?" We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. ~ W.H. Auden

16FOOD, FOOD & FOOD

COUPON REQUIRED COUPON REQUIRED

BEEF SHORT RIBS

EXPIRES 02/28/15

with Mashed Potatoes & Gravy, Choice of One Side & Texas Toast

With Purchase of Beverage. Not valid with other offers.

$1299

BEER & WINE AVAILABLE

BUY ONE GET ONE

50% OFFPulled Pork Sandwich Combo

EXPIRES 02/28/15

863-853-922212160 US Hwy 98 North2 Miles North of Rock Ridge Road

Call the BBQ GurusFor Your Next Event!

Weddings, Birthdays, Family Gatherings,Holidays, Office Meetings & More!

Delivery Available

LAKELAND

HWY 9

8 N

DADE CITY

LAKELANDACRES RD

ROCKRIDGE RDOpen 7 Days a WeekTues, Thurs, Sat, Sun - 7:30 am - 4 pm

Mon, Wed, Fri - 7:30 am - 8 pm

With Purchase of 2 Beverages. Not valid with other offers.

edWWed

Office Meetings & More!ys,Holida Fys,thda Birdings,ed

xt Event!our NeYYour NeFor Call the BBQ Gurus

Office Meetings & More!y Gatherings,amil F

xt Event!Call the BBQ Gurus

i - 7:30 am - 8 pmred, FWMon, un - 7:30 am - 4 pmSat, S, Thurs, uesTTuesys a Open 7 Da

2 Miles Nor12160 US Hwy 98 Nor863-853-9222

i - 7:30 am - 8 pmun - 7:30 am - 4 pm

eekWWeekys a

e Roadk Ridgth of Roc2 Miles Nor12160 US Hwy 98 Nor863-853-9222

ailabvy AerDeliv

e Roadth12160 US Hwy 98 Nor

863-853-9222leailab

CRES

R

CRES

LAKELANDCRESALAKELANDCRES

LAKELANDA

LAKELAND

98

RDOCKRIDGE

RD

LAKELANDCRES

LAKELANDRD

LAKELANDCRES

CITYADED

N 9

8 HW

YHW

YHW

Y 98

COUPON REQCOUPON REQCOUPON REQCOUPON REQ

EXPIREXPIR

ork SandPulled P50%

NE GET OBUY

With Purchase of 2 Be

DDDD

S 02/28/15S 02/28/15S 02/28/15S 02/28/15

UIREUIREUIREUIRECOUPON REQCOUPON REQCOUPON REQCOUPON REQ

h Combo

WINE AEEEEEXPIREXPIREXPIREXPIR

wicork SandOFF50%

NEONE GET

BEER &

.ersalid with other offalid with other offers Not v Not valid with other off.agesereragesvverWith Purchase of 2 Be

h Combo

AILABLE

With Purchase of Be

otatoes & GrPwith Mashed BEEF SHOR

12

VVAILABLEWINE AWINE AV

$

DDDDUIREUIREUIREUIRECOUPON REQCOUPON REQCOUPON REQCOUPON REQ

.

S 02/28/15S 02/28/15S 02/28/15S 02/28/15

ersalid with other offalid with other offers Not v Not valid with other off.ageereragevverWith Purchase of Beoastxas Txas ToasteTTe

, Choice of One vyaotatoes & GrBS

EEEXPIREEXPIREXPIREXPIR

T RIBEEF SHOR

9912

ide & S

Cojones de Toro RYA big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a

day roaming around Mexico City. While sipping histequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking plat-ter being served at the next table. Not only did it lookgood, the aroma was wonderful. "What is that you justserved?" he asked the waiter. "Ah Senor, you haveexcellent taste!" the waiter replied. "Those are calledCojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight thismorning. A delicacy!" "What the heck, bring me anorder." "I am so sorry senor," the waiter replied. "Thereis only one serving per day because there is only onebull fight each morning. If you come early and placeyour order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed hisorder, and that evening was served the one and only spe-cial delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspectinghis platter, he called to the waiter. "These are delicious,but they are much, much smaller than the ones I sawyou serve yesterday." The waiter shrugged his shoulders."Si, Senor. But sometimes the bull wins..."

Colon My ten-year-old granddaughter asked me what a

colon was. I explained that it was a part of the bodythat food goes through before being eliminated.Then she asked me what a semicolon was. I told her,"It's a colon the size of a truck, with eighteen wheels."

17ARE YOU HUNGRY? CHECK US OUT!

SUNDAY BRUNCH 10-2SANDPIPER PLAZA • 6617 N. SOCRUM LOOP, LAKELAND, FL

863-937-8866MON 4-9 • TUES-TH 11-9 • FRI & SAT 11-10 • SUN 11-9

Cemetery NutsOn the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan

tree by the cemetery fence. On Halloween day, two boysfilled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, outof sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, onefor me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Severalwere dropped and rolled down toward the fence.Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside thecemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough,he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one forme." He just knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered,"it's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the ceme-tery. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Justaround the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobblingalong. "Come here quick," said the boy, "you won'tbelieve what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at thecemetery dividing up the souls." The man said, "Beat it,kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When the boyinsisted, though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one forme. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered,"Boy, you've been tellin' the truth. Let's see if we can seethe devil himself." Shaking with fear, they peeredthrough the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron barsof the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get aglimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, onefor me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's goget those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."

Need a RaiseEmployee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been anemployee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.Boss: Yes. Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir,I would like a raise. I currently have four companiesafter me and so I decided to talk to you first. Boss:Araise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is justnot the right time. Employee: I understand your position,and I know that the current economic downturn has hada negative impact on sales, but you must also take intoconsideration my hard work, proactiveness and loyaltyto this company for over a decade. Boss: Taking intoaccount these factors, and considering I don't want tostart a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percentraise and an extra five days of vacation time. How doesthat sound? Employee: Great! It's a deal! Thank you,sir! Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, whatcompanies were after you? Employee: Oh, the ElectricCompany, Gas Company, Water Company and theMortgage Company! From the Soviet Weekly: - There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic paintersand sculptors. These were executed over the past twoyears.

Contact Inna Markovsky at 863-651-4535 or Inna@FloridaNHS.com

Find out how to qualify for a $500 VISAGift Card at www.FloridaNHS.com

Inna MarkovskyLic. Real Estate Agent

Gift Card at wwwFind out how to qualify for

Inna@FloridaNHS.comorContact Inna Markovsky at 863-651-4535

AgentLic. Real Estate Inna Markovsky

.FloridaNHS.comGift Card at www VISA$500 a Find out how to qualify forFind out how to qualify for a

Inna@FloridaNHS.comContact Inna Markovsky at 863-651-4535

33 YearsServing Polk CountyExpert Jewelry Repair

CASH FOR GOLDOR SILVER

1415 Third St, SW • Winter Haven, FL 863-299-8800

3666 Hardin Boulevard • Lakeland, FL 863-816-2800

HOURS: 10-5:30 MON- FRI • SAT 10-4

Bridal JewelryBulova•Citizen•Seiko

WatchesHershey Kiss JewelryPersonality Beads

Watch Battery Replacement

HometownHIGH SCHOOLCLASS RINGHeadquarters!

18863-438-8007863-521-3245 CCAALLLL FFOORR AA FFRREEEE AADD!!

I’m Not SureVacationing in Kentucky, Bob spent the night at a

small motel outside of Louisville. In the morning, heasked the woman at the desk for directions to ChurchillDowns. Not able to tell him, she called her husbandfrom the back room. “Churchill Downs?” he asked.“That’s the race track, isn’t it?” The tourist nodded. Hehesitated and then said, “I’m really not sure. I think it’ssomewhere south of the university. I’m sorry. I wish Icould be more help.” At that point his wife left theroom. The husband looked over his shoulder to makesure she had disappeared. Then he winked at the tourist,leaned over the counter and whispered, “Take ThirdStreet ten-point-four miles through town. Go past theuniversity and turn right on Central Avenue. After that,just look for the twin spires. You can’t miss ‘em! Oh —and the south parking lot is closest to the entrance; trythe buffalo wings — they’re pretty good; and I likeWhite Lightning in the eighth.”

Family Quarrel A young couple drove several miles down a coun-

try road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion hadled to an argument, and neither wanted to concedetheir position. As they passed a barnyard of mules andpigs, the husband sarcastically asked, "Are they rela-tives of yours?" "Yes," his wife replied. "I marriedinto the family."

Sacred cows make the best burgers.

INTERNATIONAL MARKET WORLD1052 HWY 92W, AUBURNDALE, FLORIDA • 863-665-0062

FARM FRESHPRODUCE

813-752-25251846/1848 James L. Redman Pkwy, Plant City, FL

$250 JACKPOTS DAILY

Open 6 Days a Week (closed Tuesdays) • DOORS OPEN10am

$50 Specials •$25 Specials

WALKIN

1st Saturday Speedy@6pm.

2ND ANNIVERSARY SUNDAY FEBRUARY 1ST

DOOR PRIZES, FREE LUNCHGrand prize drawing

at 5 pm for 40" TV.(Must be present to win)

Reservations for seating. Call for details.

19863-438-8007863-521-3245

Do You Need Cash?We Need Salespeople!

863-438-8007

Magnetic LettersA kindergartner was practicing spelling with mag-

netic letters on the refrigerator: CAT, DOG, DAD, andMOM have been proudly displayed for all to see. Onemorning while getting ready for the day, he boundedinto the room with his arms outstretched. In his handswere three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what Ispelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face. "That'swonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put themon the fridge so Dad can see when he gets , hometonight." The mom happily thought that the religiouseducation is certainly having an impact. Just then, a lit-tle voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do youspell ZILLA?"

Severe ThunderstormA passenger jet was suffering through a severe

thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bouncedaround by the turbulence, a young woman turned to aminister sitting next to her and with a nervous laughasked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you dosomething about this storm?" To which he replied,"Lady, I'm in sales, not management."

VocabularyStressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the

teacher told her young students, "Use a word tentimes, and it shall be yours for life." From somewherein the back of the room, came a small male voicechanting, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda,...

20863-438-8007863-521-3245

CONVERT VINYL LINERSTO FIBERGLASS OR

CONCRETE POOL SHELLS863-668-8660www.bnlpool.net

#CPC1458157 •#CPC1456633, FSPA • Licensed - Bonded - Insured

EExxppoosseedd AAggggrreeggaattee FFiinniisshh •• EExxppeerrtt RReeppaaiirr SSeerrvviicceePPooooll,, DDeecckk,, PPaattiioo && DDrriivveewwaayy RReessuurrffaacciinngg

FFiibbeerrggllaassss SSaanndd && RReesseeaall••BBrriicckk PPaavveerr IInnssttaallllaattiioonnAAuuttoommaattiicc SSwwiimmmmiinngg PPooooll CCoovveerrss

DDrraaiinn && CClleeaann TTiillee,, RReeggrroouuttiinngg && RReeppllaacceemmeennttSSppaa HHeeaatteerr •• SSaalltt CChhlloorriinnaattiioonn •• VViinnyyll LLiinneerrss

Specializing inCOMMERCIAL

POOLS

I BUY MOTOR HOMES,TRAVEL TRAILERS,5TH WHEELERS,& TRUCKSHARRIS AUTO & RV

David Harris, Ownermirta1110@msn.com 881133--771133--33221177

ABOVE GROUNDPOOL REMODELS

NEW INSTALLATIONS • LEAK DETECTIONLINERS REPAIRED & LINER REPLACEMENTS

NEW FILTER REPLACEMENTS & SAND CHANGESABOVE GROUND POOL COVERS & PILLOWS

10%OFFExp1/31/15

A-F-A-B Pools, Inc•863-299-4505•863-514-0322FREE ESTIMATESCPO Certified & Insured Eadams63@tampabay.rr.com

Expires 2/28/15

863-293-1413

MORE ACCURATE FILING”“FASTER REFUNDS

319Third Street NW Winter Haven, FLDOWNTOWN IN THE OLD TIME SQUARE BUILDING

PPaammeellaa GGrreeeenn •• KKrryyssttllee SStteeeellee

Monday thru Thursday 9am till 8pmFriday 9am till 6pm and Saturday 9am till 2

OLD IS NEW AGAIN TWO

MMOONNDDAAYY--SSAATTUURRDDAAYY 99::3300AAMM--55PPMM

11 114411 UUSS HHWWYY 9922WW,, AAUUBBUURRNNDDAALLEE ,, FFLL886633--666655--88662288

CONSIGNMENT FURNITUREBefore You Buy New, See Our Selections!

YYoouu CCoouulldd SSaavvee HHuunnddrreeddss!!

Long Life“You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How

old are you again?" "I am 78," the man said. "78?"asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? Youlook like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made apact when we got married that whenever she got madshe would go into the kitchen and cool off and Iwould go outside to settle down," the man explained."What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor."I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."

Wire GuardGale-force winds and frigid temperatures had taken

their toll. Snapped electric wires were sparking andsnaking about the snowdrifts. As a foot patrolman, Iwas assigned to a desolate intersection to providesecurity at the scene of a downed wire. It was 12:40a.m. and -19 degrees when I relieved the initialguardian of this dangerous area. He pointed out the thinline swinging ferociously from the main electric circuit,as he entered the squad car for his return to warmth. Ipulled my coat collar up to my earmuffs and took upmy position to protect the public. Finally, at 5:40 a.m., autility truck arrived. The two linemen checked thewires, then laughing, descended the utility pole towardme. " You've successfully guarded a frozen kite string.Sign in a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: - Take oneof our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no mis-carriages.

BEST GOLFING IN POLK COUNTY

LekaricaSince 1927

Golf Course

CELEBRATINGJUBILEE PRICING

18 Holes Only$$2244..2277

Limited time offer.

Pro Shop863-679-9478

1503 Highland Park Dr,Lake Wales, Florida

Scenic Hwy., 2 miles south of Lake Wales Enter at Village of Highland Park

21

Come play one of Florida’sFavorite OldStyle Courses!

Call for Tee Times533-9183

190 Idlewood Ave.Bartow, Florida

WINTER SPECIALOPEN TO 1 $25

11--33 $$2200 •• AAFFTTEERR 33 $$1155All Tee Times Includes Cart

OOnn LLaakkee WWaalleess RRiiddggee

The Horse BorderA man was going out of town and needed to board hishorse for a couple of months. He asked a local farmerabout it and was told, "Sure, but I charge $50 perweek, and I keep the manure." The fellow can't affordthat, so the farmer referred him to ol' Jones, down theroad. When approached with the request, Jones said,"Yup, I can do it for $40 a week, and keep themanure." This is still too much, and Jones suggestedthat he try Mr. Brown. When our desperate friendasked Mr. Brown, he is surprised to hear, "Sure,Sonny. I'll be glad to for $5 a month." With delight,the young man exclaimed, "WOW! I suppose for thatprice you'll want to keep the manure." The old manlooked at him with kind of a squint, and replied,"Feller, for $5 a month, there ain't gonna be none!"

Ain’t Reading FunIn a spy novel I had just read, the hero hid a letter

in a particular statue in Washington, D.C. Since I wasin that city at the time, on a whim I decided to see ifthe statue really contained the small niche the authorhad described. To my great surprise, it did -- and a cel-lophane-wrapped letter was inside. After a moment'shesitation I pulled out the letter, opened it, and burstinto laughter. An unidentified reader had penned,"Good book, wasn't it?"Sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge: - Ladies arerequested not to have children in the bar.

Spic & SpanOFFICE & BUSINESSCleaning

Free Estimates • Licensed & Insured“Quality is remembered

long after the price is forgotten”Call Debbie 727-992-4550

SERVING POLK &EAST HILLSBOROUGH COUNTIES

22863-438-8007863-521-3245 THERE’S JUST TOO MUCH INFORMATION

EPISCOPAL CATHOLIC APARTMENTS500 Ave L NW, Winter Haven, FL

863-299-4481 • TTY 1-800-955-8771

EQUAL HOUSING OPPORTUNITY*HUD income Guidelines Apply

62 YEARS OR OLDER

AFFORDABLE EFFICIENCY&1BR APARTMENTS*

Laundry Facilities • Electric & Water Incl.A non-denominational community, centrally

located near downtown Winter Haven convenient to shopping, transportation

and medical services

Licensed • Insured

& “LIGHTNING LOADER” DEBRIS REMOVALCCLLEEAANN -- EEFFFFIICCIIEENNTTNO TRUCKS ON YOUR LAWN

THE BEST FOR LESS! ...TELL A FRIEND!863-682-4235•863-370-6067

Expires 2/28/15

Expires 2/28/15

FFRREEEE AACC CCHHEECCKK bbyy aappppooiinnttmmeenntt

GET ICE COLD AIR HERE!

The GolferA golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards

right down the middle. When it came down, however,it hit a sprinkler and the ball went sideways into thewoods. He was angry, but he went into the woods andhit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bouncedback straight at him. It hit him in the temple and killedhim. He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter lookedat the big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, isthat correct?" "Yes, I am," he replied. St. Peter thensaid, "Do you hit the ball a long way?" The golferreplied, "You bet. After all, I got here in2, didn't I?"

The New ConductorThe symphony musicians had little confidence in

the person brought in to be their new conductor. Theirfears were realized at the very first rehearsal. Thecymbalist, realizing that the conductor did not knowwhat he was doing, angrily clashed his instrumentstogether during a delicate, soft passage. The musicstopped. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angri-ly around the orchestra, demanding, "Who did that?Who did that?"

Dog I.Q.A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you

how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works:When you spend $39.95 to see this video, it provesyour dog is smarter than you.

23Nice Speech Barry! Redundant, don’t you think?

THURSDAY NIGHTS 7PMINMAN PARK BAPTIST CHURCH

18006 6TH STREET NW,WINTER HAVEN, FLORIDA

Proper BehaviorA priest at a parochial school, wanted to point out

the proper behavior for church. He was trying to elicitfrom the youngsters, rules that their parents mightgive before taking them to a nice restaurant. "Don'tplay with your food," one second grader cited."Don't be loud," said another, and so on..."And what rule do your parents give you beforeyou go out to eat?" the priest inquired of one littleboy. Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Ordersomething cheap."

Windsor CastleWindsor Castle, outside of London, is directly in

the flight path of Heathrow International Airport.While a group of tourists was standing outside the cas-tle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew over-head at a relatively low altitude, making a tremendousnoise. One particularly annoyed tourist whined, "Whydid they build the castle so close to the airport?"

Backpacking HairAfter eight days of backpacking, my wife and I

were looking pretty scruffy. She came to breakfast in abaseball cap, her hair sticking out at odd angles.She asked, "does my hair make me look like awater buffalo?" I thought for a moment, then said, "IfI tell you the truth, do you promise not to charge?"Sign in a Rome laundry: - Ladies, leave your clotheshere and spend the afternoon having a good time.

Expires 2/28/15

Expires 2/28/15

24863-438-8007863-521-3245 CCAALLLL FFOORR AA FFRREEEE AADD!!

$ CASH PAID $I PAY TOP PRICE FOR SINGLE

COINS OR ENTIRE COLLECTIONSFOR MY PERSONAL COLLECTION

NO SOCIALISTSALLOWED! EVER!

PO BOX 1631, Dundee, FL 33838

863-438-8007•863-521-3245opg1@verizon.net

Robert & Linda ArchettoPublishers, Editors, Janitors

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVESNorman Roy • Diana Marcum

Dale Senkovich

CONTRIBUTORSErnie Finocchio • Ron Yost Liz Archetto • Steve D’Amato

Account Management Servicesof Florida, Inc.

863-318-9234

Email: acctmgmtfl@hotmail.com

Financial numbers are the heartbeat of a company.

GENERAL ACCOUNTING

ACCOUNTS PAYABLES

ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLES

PAYROLL

BALANCE SHEETS

GENERAL LEDGER

INCOME STATEMENT

CUSTOM REPORTS

AND MORE!

Expert bookkeeping services for small businesses.

reliable trust worthy experienced

Divorce DietTwo women were shopping. When they started to

discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all wedo is fight anymore. I've been so upset that I've lost 20pounds." "Why don't you just leave him?" asked thefriend. "Oh! Not yet," the first replied. "I'd like tolose at least another fifteen pounds first."

Faked Them OutDuring World War Two, the Germans tried to con-

fuse the Allies by building numerous “decoy” facili-ties, hoping the enemy would waste time and ammuni-tion attacking the fake targets. One enemy decoy, builtin occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been toldand retold ever since by veteran allied pilots. TheGerman decoy “airfield,” constructed with meticulouscare, was made almost entirely of wood. There werewooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks,and aircraft. The Germans took so long in buildingtheir wooden decoy that allied photo experts had morethan enough time to observe and report it. The dayfinally came when the decoy was finished, down tothe last wooden plank. And early the followingmorning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel,came in low, circled the field once, and dropped alarge — wooden — bomb.Sign in a hotel in Athens: - Visitors are expected tocomplain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11A.M. daily.

25863-438-8007863-521-3245 ONE NATION...UNDER GOD!!!!

TTrraaddeerrss PPaawwnn2880 Havendale Blvd.,Winter Haven, FL

863-967-3933 • 863-967-5653

GGoott GGoolldd??WWEE PPAAYYCCAASSHH!!

GREAT PRICES ON ELECTRONICS, DVDS,POWER TOOLS, JEWELRY AND MORE

Mon-Fri9AM-6PMSaturday9AM-5PM

www.traderspawnshop.com

Office: 863-967-9776 Fax: 863-984-6853

FREEESTIMATES

ALUMINUM and CONCRETENEW CONSTRUCTION • ADDITIONS • REMODELING

ROOF -OVERS • CARPORTS • GARAGES • AWNINGS

CONSTRUCTION

Lic # CBC1259246

ONE HOME AT A TIME!!!

homes of Central Florida asks:

4612 Hwy 92 East, Lakeland, FL

863-606-0707

At Clayton Homes we are making roomfor the 2015 models during our biggestsale of the year. Visit us today and takeadvantage of our Red Tag Clearance

Home Sale! Hurry up it won't last long!

www.claytonhomesoflakeland.comVisit our Lakeland location or online at:

Are You Ready to Save Thousandson the Home of Your Dreams?

OPENING DOORS TO A BETTER LIFE,

Your Hearing Is Fine Now!Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing

problems for a number of years. He went to the doctorand the doctor was able to have him fitted for a setof hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month tothe doctor and the doctor said, "your hearing isperfect. Your family must be really pleased that youcan hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, Ihaven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen tothe conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

Clothing StoreWhile working in a clothing store, I noticed that

people had no shame about returning items that hadbeen worn. One rainy morning I walked in and found adiscolored blazer hanging on the rack with other returns."People return the most filthy, nasty things," I comment-ed to my supervisor who was standing nearby. With aneyebrow raised, she said, "That's MY jacket."

Tough AccountJones applied to a collection agency for a job, but

he had no experience. He was so intense that the man-ager gave him a tough account with the promise that ifhe collected it, he'd get the job. Two hours later, Jonescame back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" themanager said. "How did you do it?" "Easy," Jonesreplied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all hisother creditors that he paid us."

We'd love to be part of yourfamily. Please take us home.

Every pet is spayed or neutered, vaccinated, microchipped and

sent home with Revolution, a topicalflea and tick medication.

Jake is the perfect additionto your family! He enjoysspending time with his favoritepeople and can carry on quitethe conversation. Jake’sfavorite toys are strings andballs. Come meet this uniqueand playful guy today!

Jake

55885500 BBrraannnneenn RRdd SS,, LLaakkeellaanndd,, FFLL

Mork is a sweet little guywho loves everyone and isvery affectionate. Because he’ssuch a friendly cat, he wouldenjoy a playmate. Mork getsalong well with other cats andwith dogs. He enjoys sunnynaps and cuddles.

Mork

Everyone could use moreCoffee! Coffee is her name and she cannot wait to energizeyour life! This sweet gal (nocreamer or sugar needed), has experience with childrenage 3 to 10 and she’s gentlewith toddlers. Likes other dogs.

Coffee

Her name may be Gypsy, butshe’s looking for a permanentgig with a loving family. Thisbig, beautiful girl very playfuland gets along well with otherdogs and cats. Swing by todayand ask for a visit with Gypsy;you won’t regret it!

Gypsy

26TTeellll mmee,, WWHHAATT ’’ SS aa hhOOMMEE WWIITTHHOOUUTT AA PPEETT??

863-646-7722www.spcaflorida.org

Healthy Animals. Humane Communities

Adoption Center Closed Mondays

EXPIRES 2/28/15

‘ TLC’ BOARDING$15/NIGHT

Tacky Funeral HomeI was a little taken aback when I got my receipt

from the funeral parlor, on the bottom of the receipt,after the bill, it read, “Thank you. Please come again.”

Repeat This ThoughtI thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn’tthe thought I thought I thought. If the thought Ithought I thought had been the thought I thought, Iwouldn’t have thought so much.

Two RoachesSo these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging

out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack. “Hey Tom”said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurantdown the block? I went there yesterday to pick upsome scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, Icould practically see my reflection through the shinywaxed floor.” “Oscar” hollered Tom spitting the foodout of his mouth, “please not while I am eating!!”

The NoteBefore going in for surgery I thought it would be

funny if I posted a note on myself telling the surgeonto be careful. After the surgery I found another note onmyself .”Anyone know where my cell phoneis????????”Sign in an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: - Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose inthe boots of ascension.

BestCuts

$$11 OOFFFF HHaaiirrccuutt ww//aaddBBAARRBBEERRSSHHOOPP

Mon-Fri 8-5:30 • Sat 8-2213 AVENUE O SW

HOPE PLAZA

WINTER HAVEN, FL863-293-9433

Do you have something to sellA car or a boat with a bellThe Orange Peel Gazetteis by far your best bet

Try it, you bound to get well!

SELL IT HERE

27OPGBUSINESS DIRECTORY863-438-8007863-521-3245

PAPA JOHN RISENERS CUSTOM 6”SEAMLESS GUTTERS • UNDERGROUND

DRAIN • VARIETY OF COLORSForget the rest • Go with the Best

863-858-1368 • SENIOR DISCOUNT

GUTTERS

WANTEDSALES REPSORANGE PEELGAZETTE

A job you’ll love!863-438-8007

MEDLOCK’STREE SERVICEALL TYPES OF TREE MAINTENANCECHIPPER & STUMP GRINDING

PALM TREES CLEANEDBUCKET TRUCK • FIREWOOD863-676-7306

FREE ESTIMATESLicensed Bonded

OOvveerr 2255 YYeeaarrss EExxppeerriieennccee..Quality Affordable Work from theBest Electricians in Polk County863-969-8811

License# EC13006032

MASTERELECTRICIANS

CA$HCONNECTIONPPAAWWNN SSHHOOPPBBUUYY••SSEELLLL••TTRRAADDEEwwwlakewales-pawnshop.com“WE BUY GOLD & SILVER”DIAMONDS • JEWELRY • GUNSLAPTOPS STARTING @ $155863-676-4514

214 Domaris Ave, Lake Wales, FL

HHeeaarrtt TToo HHeeaarrttFFaabbrriiccss && MMoorreeSewing Machines

Starting at $19999--44 MMoonn--FFrrii••TTuueess ‘‘ttiill 77

223377 AAvvee OO SSWWWWiinntteerr HHaavveenn,, FFLL886633--229988--88118855

COOPER’S

2880 Havendale Blvd.Winter Haven, FL863-967-3933

COMMERCIAL RENTAL& MINI-STORAGE

10’ x 12’$60/mo MON - FRI 7:30 AM -6PM

SATURDAY 7:30 AM -5PM

www.coopersministorage.com

Used & NewFURNITURE...BEST PRICES...~FREE DELIVERY~

HHaannaannee SSeeccoonndd HHaanndd FFuurrnniittuurree22882222 RReecckkeerr HHwwyy,, WWiinntteerr HHaavveenn,, FFLL407-433-6953

WE�REPAIR�ALLMAKES�&�MODELS2824 Recker HwyWinter Haven, Fl863-326-3213

SINGER REPAIRCENTER

MINOR A/C REPAIR & MAINTENANCEPLUMBING • ELECTRICAL

YARD/GARAGE CLEANUP & MOREHOMEOWNER PROJECT ASSISTANCE

HANDYMAN SERVICESby DaveSERVING THE LAKELAND AREA

Call Anytime 863-934-8369

28GOD BLESS AMERICA

2117 S. Florida Ave, Lakeland, FL863-688-0480

www.floridakitchendesign.net

Are You All Right? Toward the end of our senior year in high school,

we were required to take a CPR course. The classesused the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, thisResusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storagein a carrying case. The class went off in groups topractice. As instructed, one of my classmates gentlyshook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He thenput his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen forbreathing. Suddenly he turned to the instructor andexclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"

Directory Assistance "I'd like the telephone number of the Theater Guild."

"One moment, please. I'm sorry, sir. I have no listing fora Theodore Guild." "No, no. It isn't a person. It's anorganization. It's Theater Guild." "I told you, sir, Ihave no listing for a Theodore Guild." "Not Theodore!Theater! The word is theater! T-H-E-A-T-E-R!" "That,sir, is not the way Theodore is spelled."

Letter to the Bank Dear Sirs, In view of current developments in the banking

market, if one of my checks is returned marked "insuf-ficient funds," does that refer to me or to you? Sincerely

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.