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2012 FCAT WRITING

GRADE 10 EXPOSITORY

CALIBRATION SCORING GUIDE

Copyright Statement for This Office of Assessment Publication Authorization for reproduction of this document is hereby granted to persons acting in an official capacity within the Uniform System of Public K-l2 Schools as defined in Section 1000.01(4), Florida Statutes. The copyright notice at the bottom of this page must be included in all copies. All trademarks and trade names found in this publication are the property of their respective owners and are not associated with the publishers of this publication. Permission is NOT granted for distribution or reproduction outside the Uniform System of Public K-12 Schools or for commercial distribution of the copyrighted materials without written authorization from the Florida Department of Education. Questions regarding use of these copyrighted materials should be sent to the following:

The Administrator Office of Assessment

325 West Gaines Street Florida Department of Education Tallahassee, Florida 32399-0400

Copyright © 2011

State of Florida Department of State

TABLE OF CONTENTS Page 1 Introduction 2 Definition of Writing Purpose (Mode) 3 Scoring Method 4 Rubric 6 Prompt 8 Responses Receiving a Score Point 1 13 Responses Receiving a Score Point 2 19 Responses Receiving a Score Point 3 26 Responses Receiving a Score Point 4 34 Responses Receiving a Score Point 5 43 Responses Receiving a Score Point 6

Introduction The 2012 FCAT Writing Calibration Scoring Guides are examples of student responses provided to help interpret the upcoming changes to Florida’s writing assessment. The FCAT Writing Content Advisory Committee met with the Department in early August to score student responses based on the new scoring criteria and to recommend the types of responses that effectively convey the expectations for 2012 FCAT Writing scoring. The score assigned to each response in the calibration sets and the accompanying annotation illustrate how 2012 scoring decisions will be applied with increased attention to the correct use of standard English conventions and to the quality of details provided in the response. This increased scrutiny is in addition to the consideration of the elements of focus, organization, support, and conventions described in the rubrics. These complete resources will provide the basis for developing a common understanding of the scoring standards. More information about the holistic scoring method and links to the FCAT Writing rubrics are available at http://fcat.fldoe.org/rubrcpag.asp. Structure of the Calibration Scoring Guide Sets The released 2012 FCAT Writing Calibration Scoring Guides for grades 4, 8, and 10 contain examples of student responses and annotations at each score point to illustrate upcoming changes to the scoring of Florida’s writing assessment. Personal information has been removed or fictionalized to protect the identity of the writer. Additional Resources A list of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) and the 2012 FCAT Writing Exemplar Sets for grades 4, 8, and 10 are also available to help interpret the upcoming changes to Florida’s writing assessment. You may access the Changes to FCAT Writing 2012 and Beyond FAQs and the Exemplar Sets at the Test Development Center’s SharePoint site here: http://sharepoint.leon.k12.fl.us/tdc/external/default.aspx. You may access the July 5, 2011, Changes to FCAT Writing memorandum from Deputy Commissioner Kris Ellington on the K-12 Assessment–Memoranda and Information page at http://www.fldoe.org/asp/k12memo/k12memo-fcat.asp. If you have any questions, please contact Renn Edenfield, FCAT/FCAT 2.0 English Language Arts Coordinator, at 850.922.2584, ext. 230 or [email protected].

1 Florida Department of Education FCAT 2012

Definition of Expository Writing

The purpose of expository writing is to inform, clarify, explain, define, or instruct by giving information, explaining why or how, clarifying a process, or defining a concept. Well-written exposition has a clear, central focus developed through a carefully crafted presentation of facts, examples, or definitions that enhance the reader’s understanding. These facts, examples, and definitions are objective and not dependent on emotion, although the writing may be lively, engaging, and reflective of the writer’s underlying commitment to the topic.

Definition of Narrative Writing

The purpose of narrative writing is to recount a personal or fictional experience or to tell a story based on a real or imagined event. In well-written narration, a writer uses insight, creativity, drama, suspense, humor, or fantasy to create a central theme or impression. The details all work together to develop an identifiable story line that is easy to follow and paraphrase.

Definition of Persuasive Writing

The purpose of persuasive writing is to convince the reader to accept a particular point of view or to take a specific action. Anticipating counterargument is important; in fact, the writer may choose to clarify his or her position by refuting counterarguments. The unmistakable purpose of persuasive writing is to convince the reader. In well-written persuasion, the topic or issue is clearly stated and elaborated to indicate understanding and conviction on the part of the writer.


Scoring Method Holistic Scoring

The scoring method used to score the FCAT Writing essay is called holistic scoring. Trained scorers judge the total piece of writing in terms of predefined criteria. Holistic scoring assumes that the skills that make up the ability to write are closely interrelated. Scorers do not grade the response by enumerating its mechanical, grammatical, or linguistic weaknesses. Scorers for FCAT Writing consider the integration of four writing elements: focus, organization, support, and conventions. This scoring method results in greater attention to the writer’s message, staying closer to what is essential in realistic communication.

Focus refers to how clearly the paper presents and maintains a main idea, theme, or unifying point. • Papers receiving low scores may contain information that is loosely related and/or extraneous, often

presented in a list-like or rambling manner. • Papers receiving high scores demonstrate a consistent awareness of the topic and avoid loosely related or

extraneous information. The theme or unifying point of the response is clearly established and maintained throughout.

Organization refers to the structure or plan of development (sequence, cause and effect, compare and contrast, etc.) and the relationship of one point to another. Organization refers to the use of transitional devices to signal both the relationship of the supporting ideas to the main idea, theme, or unifying point, and the connections between and among sentences.

• Papers receiving low scores may include few or formulaic transitional devices, often misusing those chosen. Order and structure of the response may be somewhat confusing, with illogical placement of information.

• Papers receiving high scores demonstrate an effective organizational pattern, including thoughtful order and structure of information that guide the reader through the text, enhance understanding, and further the writer’s purpose. Strong, well-crafted transitions are logically embedded in the text.

Support refers to the quality of details used to explain, clarify, or define. The quality of the support depends on word choice, specificity, depth, relevance, and thoroughness.

• Papers receiving low scores may contain little, if any, development of support, such as a bare list of events or reasons, or generalities and filler language that fail to clarify meaning.

• Papers receiving high scores generally provide elaborated examples, and the relationship between the supporting ideas and the topic is clear. Sufficient, specific, and relevant details help the reader construct mental images. Precise word choice provides a natural, reasonable, and consistent tone.

Conventions refer to punctuation, capitalization, spelling, usage, and sentence structure. • Papers receiving low scores may contain frequent or blatant errors in punctuation, capitalization, spelling,

and usage and may have little variation in sentence structure. Errors involving conventions in responses with lower scores often detract from the writer’s message and signal lack of attention to commonly accepted rules of standard English.

• Papers receiving high scores generally follow the basic conventions of punctuation, capitalization, spelling, and usage. Various sentence structures and styles add compositional facility and rhythm to the response, allowing emphasis of critical points, and creating interest for the reader.


Grade 10

FCAT Writing Score Points in Rubric: Grade 10

Score 6 The writing is focused and purposeful, and it reflects insight into the writing situation. The organizational pattern provides for a logical progression of ideas. Effective use of transitional devices contributes to a sense of completeness. The development of the support is substantial, specific, relevant, and concrete. The writer shows commitment to and involvement with the subject and may use creative writing strategies. The writing demonstrates a mature command of language with freshness of expression. Sentence structure is varied, and few, if any, convention errors occur in mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.

Score 5 The writing is focused on the topic, and its organizational pattern provides for a logical progression of ideas. Effective use of transitional devices contributes to a sense of completeness. The support is developed through ample use of specific details and examples. The writing demonstrates a mature command of language, and there is variation in sentence structure. The response generally follows the conventions of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.

Score 4 The writing is focused on the topic and includes few, if any, loosely related ideas. An organizational pattern is apparent, and it is strengthened by the use of transitional devices. The support is consistently developed, but it may lack specificity. Word choice is adequate, and variation in sentence structure is demonstrated. The response generally follows the conventions of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.

Score 3 The writing is focused but may contain ideas that are loosely connected to the topic. An organizational pattern is demonstrated, but the response may lack a logical progression of ideas. Development of support may be uneven. Word choice is adequate, and some variation in sentence structure is demonstrated. The response generally follows the conventions of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.

Score 2 The writing addresses the topic but may lose focus by including extraneous or loosely related ideas. The organizational pattern usually includes a beginning, middle, and ending, but these elements may be brief. The development of the support may be erratic and nonspecific, and ideas may be repeated. Word choice may be limited, predictable, or vague. Errors may occur in the basic conventions of sentence structure, mechanics, usage, and punctuation, but commonly used words are usually spelled correctly.


Grade 10

Score 1 The writing addresses the topic but may lose focus by including extraneous or loosely related ideas. The response may have an organizational pattern, but it may lack a sense of completeness or closure. There is little, if any, development of the supporting ideas, and the support may consist of generalizations or fragmentary lists. Limited or inappropriate word choice may obscure meaning. Frequent and blatant errors may occur in the basic conventions of sentence structure, mechanics, usage, and punctuation, and commonly used words may be misspelled. Unscorable The paper is unscorable because

• the response is not related to what the prompt requested the student to do; • the response is simply a rewording of the prompt; • the response is a copy of a published work; • the response is a statement of refusal to write; • the response is written in a foreign language; • the response is illegible; • the response is incomprehensible (words are arranged in such a way that no meaning is conveyed); • the response contains an insufficient amount of writing to determine if the student attempted to address

the prompt; or • the writing folder is blank.


Prompt and Allowable Interpretations 2012 Calibration Scoring Guide

Grade 10 Expository Prompt Writing Situation: People sometimes become famous as politicians, athletes, or performers, and this fame changes their lives.

Directions for Writing: Think about how being famous would affect someone’s life. Now write to explain how being famous would affect someone’s life.

The prompt serves as a stimulus for writing. The purpose of the prompt is to elicit expository writing from tenth grade students statewide. Responses are scored when a connection exists between the prompt and the response, but the quality of the writing ultimately determines the score of each response. Allowable Interpretations Allowable interpretations describe acceptable ways of responding to the prompt. The allowable interpretations serve as a scoring tool that assists scorers in distinguishing scorable from unscorable responses. • The student is allowed considerable latitude in his or her interpretation of the prompt;

therefore, words contained in the prompt may be broadly defined. A complete misreading of the prompt may be unscorable or result in a lower score. For example, if the student writes about “farmers” with no explanation of “fame,” the response will be unscorable because it is off topic.

• The explanation may be based on fact, evidence, or reasonable assumptions, but the

information may represent values that are unconventional. The plausibility of the details used, however, affects the overall quality of the response.

• The student may provide a reason or reasons to support why being famous does or does not

affect one or more people. • The student may provide one or more effects of being famous and may include positive

and/or negative aspects. • Narration, description, and persuasion may “work” if they provide explanatory information

related to the prompt. • The response can be in various formats, including a letter.


Score Point 1 2012 FCAT Writing Grade 10 Expository Calibration Set

Calibration Paper 1 (page 1 of 2) Score Point 1




The writing in this response addresses three ways fame can affect someone’s life, but loosely

related, repetitive information is included throughout. The organizational pattern includes a basic introduction, three brief body paragraphs, and a

minimal conclusion.

Development of support consists of bare statements (BEING FAMOUS CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE BY TRAVEL ALOT TO DIFFERENT STATE AND PREFORMING FOR PEOPLE) and extended ideas (WHEN BECOME FAMOUS YOU HAVE FANS AND ENEMY BUT YOU FAN WILL BE CAZY ABOUT YOU THEY BUY ALL YOUR CD AND TRAVEL EVERY YOU GO AND SOME BE AND YOU FAN CLUB). Word choice is limited, vague, and sometimes inappropriate.

Frequent and blatant errors in the conventions of usage, mechanics, punctuation, and spelling

sometimes obscure meaning.




The writing is related to the topic of how fame changes your life, but the rambling manner in

which the information is presented obstructs the focus of the response. Little evidence of an organizational plan is provided. The response moves from idea to idea with

no clear introduction and no transitions to signal connections between statements. Support consists of brief generalizations (You always running around doing stuff that has to get

done. . . . Your gonna have new friends because you won’t have time for your old ones which that will end up hurting people you love’s feelings).

Frequent errors occur in basic conventions.




The writing addresses the topic of how becoming famous can change your life. The organizational pattern includes an introduction, a body, and a minimal conclusion, but the

response lacks a sense of completeness. Rudimentary transitions (First, Second, Third) begin each one-sentence body paragraph.

Support consists of a list of ways that becoming famous can change your life (the paparazzi

could staulk you trying to get pictures of you all the time . . . you could become a role model to kids and have to sign a lot of autographs. . . you can get your own clothing line or you can also get your own shoes).

Errors occur in the basic conventions of sentence structure, usage, mechanics, and punctuation

(First, your life can change by becoming famous by the paparazzi could staulk you trying to get pictures of you all the time and It would get annoying).




The writing addresses the topic by discussing the “affects that come with fame.” The organizational pattern includes a brief beginning, middle, and ending. Although basic

transitions are used, phrasing is sometimes awkward (Finnaly, but not last). Development of support is erratic, with little connection among ideas within the paragraphs

(People will than plot against you. acuse you of doing something you would never dream of doing, Put you in the court seastem for mouths, or ever years at a time). Some ideas are presented as a list without further development (You can have any thing because you have money, car, house, dog, cat, you name it, it’s your’s for the taking). Word choice is limited and vague.

Errors occur in the basic conventions of sentence structure, mechanics, usage, and spelling.




The writing addresses the topic and focuses on three ways that people change when they become

famous, but the repetition weakens the response (They often forget about the poor people. Also they sometimes forget about were they came from and how they used to live.. . . When people get famous things change about them like the forget about the poor people).

The formulaic organizational pattern includes an introduction, three body paragraphs, and a brief

conclusion and the use of basic transitions (Also, Another thing, Then).

Support includes briefly extended ideas (the forget about the poor people. With all the money they have they don’t help with the government to try to give money to them) and nonspecific generalizations that fail to clarify meaning (Those stupid things could change their lives Forever).

Some errors occur in the basic conventions of usage and mechanics.


Score Point 2 2012 FCAT Writing Grade 10 Expository Calibration S





The writing addresses the topic (Being famous could affect someone life. . . . It could affect By not Spending time with family, By not having fun, And also by working alot), but loses focus by including repetition and circular reasoning.

The organization of the response relies on a formulaic structure, including an introduction, three

body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Basic transitions are repeated at the start of each body paragraph (when someone become famous, When someone is famous, When your famous), but actual organization of ideas lacks coherence.

Ideas are repeated, and word choice is limited and repetitive (When someone is famous, All you

do is work hard . . . . When your famous, You have to work. . . . it is hard work for you). Filler language does little to clarify meaning (Sometimes being famous affect Someone life, not mostly all the time. . . . Many reasons why is not good to be famous, As me I wouldn’t Like To be famous).

Frequent errors occur in the basic conventions of sentence structure, mechanics, usage, and

punctuation, but commonly used words are usually spelled correctly.




The writing is focused and organized around three changes that occur when someone becomes famous: traveling more, not being as close to your family, and making more money.

The organizational pattern is apparent, and formulaic transitional devices are used to begin each

paragraph (First, I think being famous would change someones life because; Second, I think being famous would change someones life because; Third, I think being famous would change someones life because.)

Development of support is sometimes circular and lacks specificity, and the repetition of

language within paragraphs slows the progression of ideas (Touring on the road means not being in your hometown as often, causing you not to see your family much. Not being able to see your family much can have a huge impact on the person). Word choice is adequate but sometimes repetitive.

Some variation in sentence structure is demonstrated. Errors occur in conventions, but the

response generally follows correct use of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.




The writing is focused around the negative effects of fame. An organizational pattern is demonstrated, and the response includes body paragraphs that

support the student’s assertion that “power courupts.”

Development of support is uneven with ideas that are repetitive and list-like (Having fame makes you believe that your better than others. . . . You’ll keep putting them down. making them think they have to be as good as you). However, some ideas are developed with specific details (You start to buy and do things you know you shouldn’t and you do it just because you have some money to spend. By doing so this also shows people you can’t budget money. Which can cause you to go bankrupt, and lord knows thats no fun).

Some errors in punctuation, usage, and mechanics are present (When your rich and you have

money. . . Cause when you think about it everyone’s kind of alike), but commonly used words are usually spelled correctly.




The writing in this response is focused on the topic and organized around four changes that occur

when you become famous. The organizational pattern consists of an introduction, four body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Although transitions between paragraphs are present, they are awkward and ineffective (Nexted, Oh and Nexted, Second to last.) The response lacks a logical progression of ideas within paragraphs.

Development of support is uneven. The first body paragraph provides some specific

development (The emotional stress could be like the director or the producer telling you to loose weight. Or trying to change who you are. . . . so you change who you are to please someone else. . . . you become a power hungry maniack), but the second body paragraph includes list-like development. The insertion of casual filler language detracts from the topic (Oh is that what you thought? Well sorry to burts your Bubble hun.)

Conventions are generally followed, though some punctuation and usage errors do occur.



Calibration Paper 10 (page 3of 3) Score Point 4

The writing is focused on positive and negative effects of fame. An organizational pattern is apparent and is strengthened by the use of transitional devices (Even

when, Even though, Being an Athlete isnt always about money, For example).

Although support is consistently developed, some support lacks specificity (If you are a politician,that is one job that you will have enemies and you will have friends. Even though they might try to make something better, they make something else worse). Word choice is adequate, and some variation in sentence structure is present.

Though a few errors are present, the response generally follows the conventions of mechanics,

usage, punctuation, and spelling.




The writing in this response is focused on the topic of how fame changes your life forever. An organizational pattern is apparent with an introduction that previews the main ideas in the

body paragraphs and a conclusion that reviews these same ideas while refraining from verbatim restatement.

Support is developed using an imagined experience, with more specific support in the first two

body paragraphs (There is a huge party in L.A. Saturday and you must find the perfect dress. . . . Next you go to Roberto Cavalli, then Vera Wang. You leave with a total of 7 dresses and a few other items totaling up to about 12,000 dollars). Although the rhetorical question in the last sentence is ineffective, the conclusion does help to convey the expository purpose since this writer mainly uses narration to explain.

Though a few spelling and punctuation errors are present (Imagine, your driving through town. .

. . First you go to Chanel pick out a few dresses), the response generally follows the conventions of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.




The writing is focused on the money and recognition associated with becoming famous. An organizational pattern is apparent with an introduction previewing the ideas, three body

paragraphs, and a brief conclusion. A series of details between each paragraph serve as transitional devices that strengthen the organization.

Although support is adequately developed, some support lacks specificity (Fame would affect

someone’s life because there is always someone watching you to see watch you’re going to do next. Good or bad it would prompt that person to be more aware and alert about their surroundings and their actions). Overall, word choice is adequate.

Sentence structure is sometimes varied, and though errors are present, the response generally

follows the conventions of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.




The writing is focused on three ways that fame would affect a person’s life (friends and

relationships, rumors, and fans). A logical progression of ideas is evident from the introduction through the body and the

conclusion, aided by the use of basic transitional devices (Firstly, Say when, Another reason, Another example, My last reason).

Support is consistently developed through ample use of specific details and examples (Say when

your walking in the Mall to your favorite store (American Eagle) and a guy stops you and starts to talk to you. Its hard to just try and talk to somebody new as it is but add people realizing who you are and rushing up to you for your autograph you have a mad house). Support is layered in the third body paragraph (There are people out in the world that would hide in your trash can. . . . You would have fan mail that you would need to answer too, no matter how weird or disturbing it is). Overall, a mature command of language is present.

The writing demonstrates some variation in sentence structure. Although a few errors occur, the

response generally follows the conventions of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.




The writing demonstrates a consistent awareness of the topic, providing three reasons that fame

causes change in people (money, popularity, and influence). An organizational pattern containing a well-developed introduction, body, and conclusion provides

for a logical progression of ideas. Effective internal transitioning (To start off; There are, however; Regardless; Another reason; Finally; Of course, however; In the end) contributes to a sense of completeness.

Support is developed through ample use of details (people are changed by money. Most of the time,

this is a negative change, and causes people to become greedy. These people are stingy with what they have received and do not really bother with returning it to the community. There are, however, some diamonds in the rough, who become better people. These people. . .often give money to charities and those in need). A mature command of language is present.

The writing demonstrates variation in sentence structure with smooth, natural phrasing. The

response generally follows the conventions of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.




The writing is focused on the topic of how fame affects the “average joe.” The response is organized with a well-developed introduction, three body paragraphs, and a

conclusion. Effective internal transitioning contributes to a sense of completeness (Depending on your level of fame, Whether it be any of these things or not, When celebrities do get some down time to spend).

Support is consistently developed through ample use of specific details and examples (Paparattzi

are the one’s who will invade your privacy the most. These sometimes overzealous photographers, will stop at almost nothing to get a picture they want. They often catch the famous at their worst and lowest moments). A mature command of language provides a natural and consistent tone.

The writing demonstrates variation in sentence structure. Although some punctuation errors

occur, the response generally follows the conventions of mechanics, usage, punctuation, and spelling.




The writing of this response is insightful, reconciling the dream of fame with the potential realities as it focuses on three ways that becoming famous can change one’s life.

Effective use of transitional devices within and between paragraphs contributes to the

progression of ideas and to a sense of completeness in the writing.

Development of support is substantial throughout. The writer provides specific, concrete details, demonstrating a commitment to and involvement with the subject (You can finally pay bills, get an ipod. . . . That piece of artwork you’ve always wanted to see in person, that can happen. You can see the seven wonders of the world or the Leaning Tower of Pizza. . . . might even be able to meet Queen Elizabeth). The word choice provides a natural, reasonable, and consistent tone.

Sentence structure is varied, and few errors in conventions are present.




This purposeful response is focused on explaining how fame changes a person’s life. The strong thesis statement and additional points in the introduction clarify the point of the discussion and reflect insight into the writing situation from the beginning.

A logical progression of ideas is further enhanced with the use of distinctive transitional devices,

contributing to a sense of completeness (Now that fame has taken hold of your life; Money, money, money; Although most crave it).

Development of support is substantial, specific, relevant, and concrete (Your privacy dissipates

as the mongrel paparazzi stalk you to fill the tabloids. Everything you say or do of “significance” is widely broadcasted for people to pass judgement on. You may think the outfit you have on is superb, however magazines ask, “What were they thinking?”). The response is strengthened by a mature command of language and freshness of expression.

Sentence structure is varied. Few errors in conventions are present.




Focusing on the negative aspects of fame, the theme of this response is clearly established and maintained throughout.

The organizational pattern includes a well-developed introduction and conclusion that provide

for a logical progression of ideas. The thoughtful order of information and effective transitions guide the reader through the text and enhance the writer’s purpose.

Development of support is substantial, specific, and relevant (Many famous people cannot even

leave their houses to get a cup of coffee without getting dressed up, for fear of being plastered on the next “worst dressed” lists. Many cannot even eat a cheeseburger without being rumoured that they are gaining weight). A mature command of language is apparent, helping the reader construct clear mental images (Gossip magazines and stealthy photographers constantly follow around these innocent people).

Sentence structures are varied and complex. Few errors in conventions occur.


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