Farewell to Fathers Day?

8/6/2019 Farewell to Fathers Day?

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MUST WE SAY FAREWELLTO FATHER'S DAY?

By David R. Leigh*

"Our Father who art in heaven, " Matthew 6:9

"Father," Luke 11:2

Ronny was a boy being raised in a family of women, two

big sisters and his mother. Mom had been through three bad

marriages, two of them to the same manRonny's frequently

absent father.

As much as we, their family and friends, felt a boy should

know his dad, those of us closest to the situation winced when we

heard Todd was in the neighborhood. It was no secret that the man

was a substance abuser and a womanizer. When he did show up at

* This is an excerpt from a book on the Lord's Prayer currently being written

by the author. For contact and copyright information, please see the final page.


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the apartment, it was usually because he needed a handout or a

place to crash, tired of sleeping in shelters and boarding houses, or

having been kicked out by his latest girlfriend.

As you might expect, this resulted in a lot of male bashing

at Ronny's house.

I was the family's pastor. I observed how noticeably Todd's

visits disturbed Ronny. And I have to admit that sometimes I

secretly wished I could run the man out of town, like a shepherd

routing a wolf, and warn him never to come back.

One day Ronny, at age 9, came to see me. He wanted to be

baptized. Concerned about Ronny's young age, I asked a number of

questions to see if Ronny really understood the significance of the

step he'd be taking. At one point I explained to him that one

important part of being baptized is that it makes a statement to the

world that we love, and have decided to follow, Jesus. In baptism

we say we've died to our old self and have been born to a new life,


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a new way of living. I explained to him that we should be sure we

really mean it when we take this stand because some people make

this statement and then go on to live immoral lives. While none of

us will live perfect lives, I explained, we should be careful not

make a mockery of baptism or be an embarrassment to Christ, our

church, and our Christian friends.

"I understand," Ronny said. "I know someone like that."

My heart sank as I asked, "You do?"

"Yeah.... he said, my dad."

Sadly, Ronny's dad had not only shamed Christ and

Christians by his actions, but he shamed little Ronnyand very

deeply.

Ronny went on to be baptized and to be quite involved at

church. But there was one Sunday each year when I could always

expect Ronny either to volunteer for nursery duty or miss church

altogether. It was Father's Day.


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The Father Crisis

As is the case for so many people today, Father's Day only

pointed to a painful void, if not a festering wound. It is well-known

that the western world is experiencing a "father crisis." Because of

the current break up of the traditional nuclear family, we live in a

day when "father" and Dad are not universally-accepted terms of

endearment. For more and more people, these words are packed

with increasingly negative connotations.

If you've been blessed, like me, with a good and faithful

father, the emotional struggle I'm describing may seem unreal or

exaggerated to you. But if you stop to consider that today an

American teenager who still lives with both original parents is in

the minority, then the epidemic proportion of this crisis begins to

sink in.

Unfortunately, what happens in the world often ends up


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seeping into the church. In this case the seeping is more like a

monsoon. Mother's Day can be fraught with its own set of unique

emotional pains. Although it usually fills the pews with families,

Father's Day often means a decline in mainline church attendance.

After all, it's Dad's day. If Dad is not spiritually committed, he may

see Father's Day as a chance to sleep in, play golf, or go fishing.

And then, of course, there are the Ronnys (and Rondas), young and

old, for whom Father's Day is too painful. Let's face it, if your dad

is not in a positive or loving part of who you are, and if the letters

"D-A-D" spell pain for you, then why attend an annual tribute to

him at church?

Many times I felt I should have given my Father's Day

sermon the week before or save it for the week after. I've spoken to

other pastors who feel the same way. Many times I wished we

could just skip or ignore Father's Day. It nearly wore me down to

keep feeling like I had to defend or apologize for applying the title


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"Father" to God. After all, God is so holy and the idea of

fatherhood in our culture seems so hopelessly mangled, stained,

and out of date. For many people in our culture it almost seems like

an insult to call the loving, self-sacrificing, forgiving, merciful, and

all-wise God by thatterm.

The more I got to know the pains and struggles of my

congregants, especially the pains of women and children who

experienced fatherhood gone so wrong, I became more and more

aware of how sensitive an issue this is for so many well-meaning

people who need to know the love of God and who truly need to

experience Our Father the way fatherhood was meant to be. Yet

this sensitivity, and the tendency of our society to stereotype and to

extend guilt by association, actually made me hesitate to push this

precious metaphor for God. I found myself actually fearing that it

would tarnish his good name and reputation. I did not want to place

Yahweh in the same category with the men who had failed the


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women and children of my congregation and of this culture so

dismally in that role.

As a father myself, I also wrestled with my own short-

comings. What was I doing to confuse my own kids about the

Heavenly Father each time I was too overbearing, short-tempered,

or exasperating in so many other ways? Even my best efforts were

but caricatures of God's fatherliness. And my worstwell, that's

the stuff my kids really had to sort through on their own, to see that

Dad is only human.

And there's the crux! While fathers are only human,

fatherhood is divine. That's what makes it such a high calling,

beyond even the important role it plays in just caring for and

raising our children.

God As "Mr. Mom"

Andrea was in tears. This time it was Mother's Day in


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church. And the sermon was about maternal aspects of God's

character found in the Bible. For just as the Bible shows God to be

the example of what it means to be a good father, it also shows

God as the model and source of godly motherhood.

Andrea had grown up under the abuse of a father who

claimed to be Christian but who exasperated his children. The

dysfunctionality of that relationship and that home created

enormous conflict within Andrea whenever she tried to think of

God as her father.

But now tears of joy and relief flowed as she heard about

how both male and female were created in God's image,1 and how

the Bible frequently used maternal imagery for God, as when God's

word is called mother's milk, and how Isaiah likens God's love to a

mother's love, affirming that God will not abandon us even if a

1 Genesis 1:26-27


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mother could abandon the child nursing at her breast but instead

jostles us on the hip and carries us through our struggles and

adversities, comforting us. When Andrea discovered that these

samples are just the start2 of the many ways that God showers us

with parental love, then suddenly Andrea could put aside her

scarred and wounded impressions of God and experience God's

dear and tender parental love.

As single-parent families become increasingly common, a

number of unpleasant phenomena seem to accompany it, including

but not limited to the following:

1. Mothers are increasingly the sole "head of the house" and the

main provider;

2. Deadbeat" and "dad" have become readily-linked for many;

2

See for example: Isaiah 49:15-16; 66:12-13; Matthew 13:33; 23:37; Luke

15:8-10; Acts 17:28; 1 Peter 2:2-3.


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3. Many men fade into the shadows of church involvement and

spiritual leadership, while otherstrying to compensatetake on

an overbearing role that improperly excludes women from their

God-ordained place as full partners and coheirs in Kingdom

service;

4. Some voices in the church have urged that God-talk would

better meet the needs and expectations of modern women and

children if God were presented as our Mother instead of in

traditional masculine language. Cultural conservatives push back

with abhorrence of such ideas. Often the balance needed to heal an

Andrea or Ronny's heart can get lost in the crossfire of culture

wars.

While it certainly is legitimate to rediscover the biblical

character of God that God intended to be imaged within women

and mothers, yet genuine healing does not force us to make an

either-or decision about God's parental gender. Doing so leaves us


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with only a part of the divine image that Yahweh intended to create

in us as he placed humanity in the garden, blessing them, and

commanding them fill and subdue the earth. We need to be careful

not to win a culture war at the expense of losing a priceless biblical

glimpse into our God's wonderful love. Both fathers and mothers

are made in Gods image and are designed to communicate

wonderful things to us about our Creator.

While this kind of suggestion may jar us today, especially

those of us who are traditionally minded, we should be careful not

to respond with knee-jerk reactions. After all, the Bible wastes no

time in telling us that both male and female are made in he image

of God. Its in the very first chapter! Theologians have long known

that this reflects the fact that God is prior to sex or gender

distinctions. God is Spirit and does not possess a body with

chromosomes, hormones, or glands. Yet the text declares that

humanity's original design has both male and female sharing in


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the gift of being God's image-bearers. Therefore, not only can

imperfect fathers possess godly attributes, but it turns out that even

the most maternal and feminine qualities of our mothers and sisters

originate from God and reflect aspects of who God is in relation to

us.

After we acknowledge this, it would also be a mistake to

abandon the biblical teaching on God's fatherhood in a day when

fatherhood is in such need of positive male role models. Men may

fail at and even abandon their roles as father, but God has not. The

masculine concepts of father, husband, and Lord remain the

dominant metaphors God himself uses to describe himself in

scripture. But why?

Word Games

It is only when we impose what we associate with "father"

(as Ronny and Andrea did) that God's fatherhood becomes

grotesque. The same can happen if we impose on God our own


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notions of what it means to be a mother, or ruler, or Spirit, or

friend.

Consider the idea of resurrection, for example. This is a

beautiful vision of hope in the scriptures. Hollywood and worldly

literature, on the other hand, have made the notion of "coming back

from the dead" to be a frightful and horrible thing, the bone-

chilling stuff of zombies, ghouls, and Frankensteins. If we let

Hollywood's idea of rising from the grave color our thinking about

biblical resurrection, we have nothing to look forward to with joy.

In the same way, God is not to be thought of by the definitions or

connotations our society and culture may give to the term father.

Rather, God is the original pattern or blueprint and we must

judge the correctness and integrity of one's fatherhood based on his

original pattern. He remains the prototype father. It is not that he is

like a father. Rather, he isthe

father that all others should imitate.

He is not the metaphorwe are the metaphor! This means our


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fatherhood needs to find its definition and example in God. To say

it another way, the degree to which a man's fatherness is real and

genuine, the degree to which it is an accurate, true, and a complete

example of what it means to be a father, can only be measured by

God as our standard.3

Perhaps the greatest implication of the Lord's Prayer for our

struggling world today is that there still is at least one good,

reliable, admirable father left"Our Father, who art in heaven." As

our Father, God is tender toward us and free of the negative

connotations and failure we've come to associate with earthly

fathers.

3 And, by the way, the same is true for mothers, by virtue of Genesis 1:27 and

the other passages footnoted earlier in this chapter. Godliness and spirituality

know no gender. And the degree to which we fulfill our created design as men,

women, fathers, or mothers, is directly proportional to how true we are to our

calling as God's image-bearers.


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God our Father cares about each of our needs and knows

them even before we ask.4 Therefore, Jesus warmly assures us that

because his heavenly Father is Our Father, Yahweh is rightly the

object of our prayers, the cause of all our worship, the source of

our hope, and the refuge to whom we turn for all our needsbe it

for bread or deliverance from temptation, forgiveness of our ugliest

sins or escape from the oppression of evil. It will not do to pray to

anyone else.

This not only means there is hope for fatherhoodour

fatherhoodbut it also explains why the title Our Father appears

where it does at the head of The Jesus Agenda outlined in the

Lords Prayer.

The Old Testament ends with a chilling ultimatum

regarding the coming messianic kingdom: "See, I will send you the

4 Mathew 6:8


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prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of Yahweh

comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and

the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and

strike the land with a curse" (Malachi 4:5-6).

Clearly Jesus saw the priority of this needed relationship.

He modeled it in his own relationship to the Father. He wanted us

to share that relationship with his father. But the turning of our

hearts between fathers and children to each other is a heavy

kingdom matter.

When Jesus was asked by his disciples how to pray,5 he did

not offer them any options, as if there might be other gods, or

angels, or even saints, to whom we might turn our hearts or bring

our petitions or praise. No, he settled the question then and there.

"When you pray he said, say, `Our Father.'"

5 Luke 11:1


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In effect, every prayer is a celebration of true fatherhood

and every worship service is a celebration of the Fathermaking

every Sunday not only Father's Day but a prong in Jesus' strategy

for advancing his kingdom in our families and our world.

You Are Not Alone

Jesus, the only begotten Son of God, could have called God

My Father in this prayer. He could have told us that we should

call God that tooMy Father!Sounds nice, doesn't it? But lest

any of us be tempted foolishly to lay exclusive claim to God's

affection, Jesus teaches us that God is ourFather collectively.

Hubert van Zeller comments, in Prayer In Other Words, "If it

began `My Father' it might be a more private prayer but it would

not have as much charity in it. And charity matters more than

privacy." In other words, as we pray this prayer, it reminds us that

each of us comes not as an only-child but as part of a family. We


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cannot get away with claiming to love God and only God; loving

God obligates us to love our brothers and sisters as well. Yahweh

is their Father too.

The "Our-Father-ness of God also assures us we belong

not only to God, but that God intends us to belong to a loving

support system of brothers and sisters who care for us and who

love the same Father we love, "our Father, who art in heaven."

In Heaven? How Far And Yet So Near

In a culture of silent males and emotionally detached or

distant fathers, we might find ourselves troubled by the next phrase

in the Lords Prayer, even if we've resolved the apparent conflict

between our earthly parents and God being a loving, nurturing,

parental presence in our lives. After all, heaven seems kind of far

away, doesn't it? What happens to all the warmth of God being our

Father if he's going to be far off in some lofty throne, attended to, if


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not guarded by, unearthly angelic beings. Even they must cover

their faces and bow before this awesome Ruler. What are we to do

with this?

If Jesus' depiction of God being in heaven makes God seem

remote to you, consider that other passages of the Bible take this

matter yet a step further! The Scriptures tell us in many places that

God's glory, loving kindness, and exaltation are in fact above the

heavens. The book of Hebrews tells us that Jesus himself is exalted

above the heavens as our High Priest. The triune God reigns over

the heavens. In fact, God made heaven and earth and therefore

existed without them just fine. Solomon, that wisest of Old

Testament kings, exclaimed upon completing the first Jerusalem

temple that the heavens, even the highest heavens, cannot

contain Yahweh!6 The Psalms depict him as having to stoop down

6 1 Kings 8:27; 2 Chronicles 6:18


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just to look upon the heavens!

7

And so, God our Father only

inhabits heaven by way of what theologians call condescension.

That is, God lowers himself to inhabit heaven!

Think about that! Heaven is actually a stopping point for

God on his way to us! Heaven is his throne and the earth is his

footstool.8 Yet in his loving compassion and infinite desire for us,

he chooses to dwell among his people in both heaven and earth!

Remarkably, Jesus tells us that when we speak to God, our

words are heard in heaven. Heaven is that close. Though heaven

seems to us to be beyond the stars, heaven is so near that the One

who inhabits its throne hears our every whispered word in prayer

and even the inaudible longings of our hearts.9

7 Psalms 113:4-6

8

Isaiah 66:1; Acts 7:49

9 Romans 8:26-27


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These precious opening words, Our Father in heaven,

communicate to us that God is both near to us (as Father) and far

above us (in heaven). Yet at the same time they tell us that the

highest realm of all creation is also as near as the words in our own

mouths and the longings in our hearts. There is only one reason for

this. It is precisely because of who it really is who reigns there and

hears our every sigh: It is Our Fatherin Heavenour loving

Father.

Heaven is not just a "home beyond the stars," although it

certainly is that and more. It has rightly been called "the capital and

powerhouse of the cosmos" from which all is created, governed

and sustained.10 Yet although every human parent may abandon us,

and every earthly relation might fail us, there is One on the throne

who is on our side and who can be trusted more than the dearest

10 Simcox


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earthly father, more than the tenderest of mothers. He is not a

stranger or a tyrant up there on the seat of power, not an old man

with a telescope, and not a remote, aloof monarch who needs to be

approached through channels, no matter how saintly. He is our

Father and his nature is the true nature of fatherhood. He is holy,

just, and pure, and from his capital of power he rules all things. His

fatherhood tells us he is willing to help us. His heavenliness tells us

he is able. Because our Father rules and inhabits heaven, we can

rest assured that all things ultimately will work out for his glory

and for the good of all he calls his own (Ro 8:28). Our loving

Father is on the throne of omnipotent sovereignty. His enemies, no

matter how fearsome and threatening they may seem to us, are but

kindling for his consuming fire. Yet his throne is for us called "the

mercy seat."

Without Exaggeration


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It has been said that Jesus was given to hyperbole, or

overstatement, as when he tells us to cut off a hand that causes us

to stumble. But when Jesus calls God "our Father in heaven," this

is nothing less than understatement. To say God is in heaven is

actually to bring him down. He transcends all things, including

heaven, yet he stoops down to us to raise us from the dust and seat

us with him and princes,11 loving us and calling us his children.

What a wonderful thing it is, then, to be able to say, "Our

Father, who art in heaven." It should fill us with wonder and joy,

assurance and courage. When we pray this way, we address the

most powerful Being in the universe, the One who sits enthroned

securely in the most powerful place in the universe, and we find

that this powerful Being is not only mercifully inclined toward us

in Jesus Christ; he is intimately attuned, intertwined, and involved

11 Psalm 113:4-8


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with us and as our perfect dad.

This is Jesus' heart in prayer. It is at the forefront of Jesus'

prayer for us, as it is at the forefront of his agenda for all whom he

loves.


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What I'd Like To Say To Ronny

Certainly no earthly father can compare to "Our Father in

heaven." The very best men fail at some point. I know that I have

failed most miserably of all. But Ronny, if you're out there, don't

give up on fatherhood or on Father's Day. Someday you may be a

father too. And when you are, don't sleep in or go fishing when that

June Sunday comes around. Don't follow any earthly man's

example of what it means to be a dad. Imitate the original Dad.

Make him your role model and your standardsomeday there may

be a little Andrea in your life who depends on it! Celebrate the fact

that our heavenly Father has never let you down and that God

wants you always to turn your heart to him to experience his

amazing love.

Because of this, Ronny, Father's Day is for you.


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QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:

1. How would you explain to the following people that God is their

father?

[] A person who grew up without a father.

[] Someone whose father was physically abusive.

[] A feminist who believes it is sexist to refer to God in any

masculine terms.

2. What does the term "Father" communicate to us about God?

3. Why is it significant that our Father is in heaven?

4. What are some other ways we can address God in prayer? How

does this way differ in its meaning from the others?

5. How has this chapter affected the way you feel about God? How

will it influence the way you pray?

__________________________________________

2010 Copyright by David R. Leigh, P.O. Box 268, Fox River

Grove, IL 60021. Used by permission. All rights reserved. For


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more information contact the author at [email protected]

or call 847-571-3011.

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