Family_01_eng Behavioural Coping Tips

7/29/2019 Family_01_eng Behavioural Coping Tips

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Managing Problem Behaviourin Children

Research shows that one infive children have a mentalhealth problem and thatthis number may be even

higher due to under-reporting. Many childrenexhibit difficulties both athome and in school,showing problems withmood, behaviour, orthinking. Its important to

highlight that somechildren with thesedifficulties may have abrain dysfunction, and/or alanguage or learningdisability for which effectivetreatment is available. Earlyidentification andtreatment is vitallyimportant, since rapidattention can dramaticallyimprove outcomes andreduce the stress levels for

all people involved in thesituation.

The onset of mental healthdifficulties can vary withthe condition, and they areoften hard to diagnose. For

example, clinical depressionhas been seen in childrenunder the age of five. It isnot uncommon for somechildren to be diagnosedfirst with one conditionand then another condition,

as symptoms more clearlyemerge. Sometimes two ormore conditions existtogether. Again, the

Dont be afraid to get asecond or third opinion. Themore you can find out, themore information you will

have to help your child. Andremember, dont forget toseek support from familyand friends for yourself, as

you embark on this journeyof seeking answers andappropriate treatment for

your child. There are oftenno quick fixes.

Of course, children may alsoexhibit normal butproblematic behaviourstemporarily, during stressful

periods such as divorce, thedeath/illness of a loved one,or moving to a new city orschool. In addition,difficulties may arise fromproblems with schoolworkor social interactions with

others. These behavioursmay not necessarily be anindication of a disorder. As aparent, you may be able todeal with these problemson your own, but you may

also want to seekassistance from a healthpractitioner to make surethat they do not reflectmore severe conditions.

In summary, then, many

behaviours that appear inchildren and adolescentsmay be of short durationand quite normal for theirage and stage of


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Please note: A point shouldbe made here regardingchild and adolescentlanguage and learning

disabilities, which arebeyond the direct scope ofthis handbook. However, as

you read through thehandbook, you will noticethat a number of themental (or psychiatric)

disorders described areoften found along withvarious forms of languageand learning disabilities(e.g., dyslexia). Languageand learning disabilities canbe very stressful for youngpeople, especially ifunidentified. In fact, whatmay seem like a behaviourproblem may really be theresult of a childs problemswith understanding and

remembering. The actingout behaviour may be areaction to the frustrationassociated withcommunication problems.Therefore, the fact thatmental disorders andlearning disabilities oftenco-exist further emphasizesthe need for children andadolescents to beappropriately diagnosed byqualified professionals.

These issues are complexand it is important that

young people get the rightassessment, treatment andsupport early in life There is

disabilities, but for a placeto start, try the LearningDisabilities Association ofCanada (LDAC) at

www.ldac-taac.ca or(613) 238-5721. You can alsoask for more informationon your LDAC provincialorganization or localchapter.

Another note: Somechildren with mental healthproblems may abusesubstances, such as drugsor alcohol (i.e., self-medication) in order to

cope. Substance abusemust be taken seriously, butany underlying cause(s)need to be addressed aswell. For example, if a childis abusing drugs to calm

anxiety, he/she may requiretreatment (e.g., therapy orprescribed medication) foran anxiety disorder. If youare concerned aboutsubstance abuse, discussthis with your family doctor

or mental healthprofessional. A largeamount of information isavailable on substanceabuse and addictions, butfor a couple of places to

start, try the CanadianCentre on Substance Abuse(CCSA) at www.ccsa.ca or(613) 235-4048; or theCentre for Addiction and


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Supporting Your Child and Yourself

When supporting your childthrough any of thesedifficult situations, here aresome things to remember:

1. Try to remain calm. Itsnot your fault. Dont feelguilty. Encourage othersin the family not to feelguilty either.

2. Remember that children

dont normallymisbehave just to annoyyou. Children do the bestthat they can, given thesituations they are in.

3. Although it is hard, try

not to reinforce negativebehaviour with your ownnegative reactions (e.g.,fear, anger, hopelessness).Look for ways to be partof the solution and yourchild will see you being

positive.4. Stay on your childs side.

Your child needs you onhis/her side no matterhow difficult his/herbehaviour. However, this

does not mean thatnegative behaviours thatare under your childscontrol should beignored.

5. Be aware that your childs

condition may negativelyimpact on his/her peers,friends and classmates.Your child may loseconnections and

to help your childsteacher and close friendsto understand the kind ofsupport your child may

need during his/herdifficult times.

6. Try not to get worn out.Work to take care of

yourself throughadequate rest, nutrition,and exercise. Manyparents say that parentsupport groups are oneof the best ways ofgetting the help theyneed. Search for a parentsupport group, or start

one in your community.Bring your spouse orpartner to the group. Askat your childs school,

your local communitycentre or hospital, or seethe Resources section in

the back of thishandbook.

7. Seek professional helpand a support group for

your child, but dontforget other family

members. Involve familymembers in the process.Communicate often andwork together to developan understanding of thesituation and of how

everyone can help andsupport each other.


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We hope this handbook willhelp you:

With strategies and ideasto use at home, to better

your situation. To recognize when there

is a need to ask for help orpursue a professionalassessment.

To access appropriateprofessionals, resourcesand groups withinCanadas mental healthcare system.

To manage bothtemporary behaviours,

and/or a major lifechanging disorder.

To aid your child inmanaging his/her ownbehaviour over time.

To help you create abetter parent-childrelationship during adifficult situation.

To decrease anxiety forboth you and your child.

To gain a betterunderstanding of mentalhealth issues and mentaldisorders, and empower

you to advocate and pressfor positive change, ifneeded.

To realize that you are notalone.

Finally, try to have patience.These problems takemonths, and sometimes

years, to resolve. Try to

prepare yourself for thefrustration that naturallygoes along with suchsituations. And, remember,

you are not alone.


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Some General Coping Strategies

1. Provide controlledopportunities for yourchild to express emotions.For example, talk about

his/her feelings andexplain that many peoplehave these feelings attimes. Have your childdraw a picture of howhe/she is feeling and thendiscuss the picture

together.2. Involve your child in

activities outside of homeand school where he/shecan experience somesuccess and be part of a

group activity (e.g., sportsteam, Scouts or Brownies,music/dance classes).Inform group leaders of

your childs situation andstrategies that you havefound to be successful.

3. Listen actively to yourchild. Try to find timeevery day to listen andtalk about somethingthat he/she is interestedin. Try not to jump in with

your opinion just listen!

4. Monitor your childsonline Internet and chatroom activity. Childrencan sometimes use the

computer to pass theirnegative thoughts andworries along to others,sometimes creating acontagious effect ormaking those with adisorder worse-off (e.g.,

children viewing InternetWeb sites that promoteeating disorders likeAnorexia Nervosa).

5. Recognize, acknowledgeand reward your child

with praise when he/shemakes an effort to dosomething positive (e.g.,writing an interestingschool paper, respondingpositively to a request, orlending a helping hand

with chores at home).Make a big deal out of it!

6. Find an opportunityevery day to tell yourchild that you lovehim/her.

7. Model positive behaviourby showing patience,support and goodlistening skills.


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8. Aim to build resilience inyour child, yourself, andyour family, as you copewith difficulty and stress.

Resilience focuses onbuilding from your childs(and your) strengths, notweaknesses. The goal isto foster an ability torecover from and adjustmore easily to misfortune

or change. So, try to skipthe criticism, shame, andblame, and focus insteadon what your child cando. Ask yourself, Willhe/she be better able tohandle this samesituation next timebecause of what Imdoing right now?

9. Try to avoid argumentsand power struggles. Thebest way to prevent a

power struggle is toactively listen to yourchild.

10. Provide short time outsfor a young child(10 minutes maximum)and quiet times for an

older child when he/shemisbehaves. Dont usetime outs as apunishment; rather, as acooling off period so

your child can calmdown and then return to

his/her activity whenfeeling better and readyto manage his/herbehaviour. If youreangry when you give atime out, youve waitedtoo long.

11. Insist on the importanceof your child carrying outyour requests. Restate

your expectations wherepossible, and point outthe consequences of

complying or not.Analyze the situationtogether and set timelimits for compliance.Work as a team. See thefollowing Tips for

Discussing Discipline andBehavioural Issues withYour Child for moreinformation.


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12. Do not use physicalpunishment. Doing socould create a negativecycle with your child

seeing you as an enemy,rather than a friend whois on his/her side; itcould become abehaviour model that

your child uses to attackothers.

13. Try not to yell. State howyou are feeling using asentence that starts withI (e.g., I am feelingvery angry because)and target your childs

behaviour, not your child.I statements, ratherthan destructive Youcomments (e.g., Youalways), help yourchild maintain his/herdignity.

14. Recognize your ownanger. When you noticesigns of anger orresentful thoughts, take

steps immediately toreduce your stress level.For example, take a fewdeep breaths, try to findsome humour in thesituation, count to 10, gointo another room, go

for a walk, talk to yourspouse or a friend, listento soothing music, or liedown. Anger is alegitimate feeling, butnormally doesnt help

you solve the problem athand. It is usually acover for feelings ofhurt or powerlessness.Its normal to feel thisway in difficultsituations, and its

alright to take sometime out and then try toget yourself back intoproblem-solving mode.


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15. Be prepared to investthe time. Try not to lookfor the quick fixsolution, and try to view

life as a marathoninstead of a sprint. Inother words, sometimes

you will experience theone step forward, twosteps backwardphenomenon, but over

the long-term, adifference can often beseen.

16. Explain your reasons forthe decisions you aremaking. When children

understand why you aredoing or expectingsomething, they feel lessconfused and are lesslikely to consider youractions to be arbitrary.This makes it easier for

them to comply andoffers them anopportunity to rationallydisagree which canopen the door todialogue.


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Tips for Discussing Discipline andBehavioural Issues with Your Child

Talk in private, or if in agroup of people, move tothe edge of the crowdand speak quietly. Avoid

embarrassing your child. Move closer to your child

than normal conversa-tional distance wouldrequire, and bend to theirlevel. This helps tomaintain dignity for bothparties.

Make direct andprolonged eye contactwith your child while youcalmly speak. Give themessage that you are incontrol. Try not to resortto highly emotionalscolding, or a lecture.Speak slowly, firmly, andin a normal tone of voice.Make your message short

and simple; children oftenhave a difficult timeprocessing the mostimportant part of what

you are saying, especiallywhen they are upset. Ifnecessary, patiently

repeat what you have saiduntil they understand.This point is particularlyimportant if a child islanguage or learningimpaired.

Ask your child to repeatwhat you have said inhis/her own words.

Use appropriateconsequences, notphysical force or arbitrarypunishments, when you

need to discipline yourchild.

Appropriateconsequences are:

Clear and specific;

Logical and related to

the behaviour;

Time limited:theconsequence (positiveor negative) shouldbegin right away and bereasonably timed;

Often set or discussedin advance so your childknows what to expect;

Respectful to your child.

Convey the message that

you care, and that you areon your childs side.

Engage in discussion andproblem-solve with yourchild. Ask how he/she isfeeling and what mightwork better next time.

Dont compare your childto other children orsiblings.


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For further information

or to donate, contact:

Canadian Psychiatric Research Foundation

2 Carlton St., Ste. 1007

Toronto, ON M5B 1J3

Phone: 416-351-7757

Fax: 416-351-7765

E-mail: [email protected]

Web: www.cprf.ca 10/2004

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Family_01_eng Behavioural Coping Tips

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