PP ARENTING PROBLEMSBuilding a Solid Family with God’s Wisdom

163

Goals for Each Step

Step 1: Identify the history and nature of the parenting problems your counselees experience.

Step 2: Teach God’s purposes in parenting, and equip parents to respond to their children according to those purposes.

Step 3: Help your counselees develop self-discipline and then establish corrective discipline oftheir children in the context of an unconditionally loving relationship.*

Step 4: Offer long-term, biblical principles to guide parent-child relationships.

*Note: the term parental self-discipline is used to describe all positive changes parents make in themselves and their style ofparenting. Webster’s defines self-discipline as “correction or regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement.” In this con-text, for example, we use the term self-discipline to describe the actions of a parent who is learning to love unconditionally.

A Biblical Perspective on Caring for PeopleFamily

S T E P O N E

Observation and Identification of the ProblemIdentify the history and nature of the parenting problems

your counselees experience.

Meet the Counselee

COUNSELING INSIGHTS

Scenario 1: Parenting problems that start withthe parent(s).

I was furious when my son brought home hisreport card. He had only three As and two Bs! I know he can do better. He’s not working up tohis potential, and he knows it. I think he’s delib-erately getting low grades just to frustrate me.

Two Bs — how embarrassing! If he’d only dowhat he’s really capable of, I wouldn’t be so dis-appointed. I practically live to see him succeed,but why bother if he’s going to mess up?

What more can I do? Why is my son lettingme down?

Scenario 2: Parenting problems that start withthe child.

My parents are fair but firm. I know they loveme, and they’ve done a pretty good job in show-ing that love. It’s just that what the other kidswere doing looked like so much fun. I wanted tobe a part of it, no matter what. I just thought thatif I could fit in with them, I’d be really popular.And guess what? It worked. I started sneakingout with them and then lying to my parents tocover it up. Yeah, drugs are a part of what wedo, but our main thing is just hanging out. I knewmy folks wouldn’t understand, so I got myfriends to lie for me too. Then I got busted.

14

164

• What is the spiritual condition of each parent?Unsaved? Saved? If a believer, is he growingspiritually?

• What is the condition of the marital relationshipof the parents? Healthy? Distant? Angry or con-flicted? Divorced? If so, are they remarried?

• Does one parent do most of the discipline?Which one? Is the father a spiritual and emo-tional leader in his household?

• What characterizes the temperament of eachparent? Significant traits to look for includefirmness, kindness, gentleness, security,

unconditional love, perfectionism, passivity,aggressiveness, rigidity, and insecurity.

• What do the parents understand to be God’spurposes for their family? How biblical is thatunderstanding?

• What is the spiritual condition of the child?Unsaved? Saved? If a believer, is he growingspiritually?

• What characterizes the temperament of the child?Significant traits to look for include obedience,compliance, rebelliousness, a strong will, inquisi-tiveness, irresponsibility, and manipulativeness.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT YOUR COUNSELEES?

Starting at the BeginningThe Two Basic Types of Parenting Problems

Two types of parenting problems exist: thosethat start with the parents and those that start withthe children.

1) Review the first scenario on the previous page,which is an example of a problem that starts withthe parent. Further probing would have revealedthat this mother is using her son’s achievement asa means of self-fulfillment. Having been unable toattend college and attain some of her own dreams,she often feels inadequate. Her son’s success is asubstitute for things she wants for her life, and sheattempts to meet these needs through her son.

In this case, the real issue is a lack of parentalself-discipline. The mother must face the truesources of her overreaction to her son’s “lack of

achievement.” Those sources—the pain and unful-filled hopes that emerged from feeling inferior—pull this parent away from unconditional love andtoward selfish parenting. Instead of wanting herson to do his best because it is right, she demandsthat he make her look good as a parent.

2) In the second scenario on the previous page,the issue is selfishness in the child. The pressure tojoin other kids and the desirability of fitting in hasoutweighed the potential costs (if he even hasstopped to count them). For example, the benefitsof being open with his parents were not comparedto the costs of disobedience and deceit. He put ahigher value on temporary unfettered freedomthan on lasting relational integrity.

S T E P T W O

Biblical Instruction and EncouragementTeach God’s purposes in parenting and equip parents to respond

to their children according to those purposes.

A successful parent is one who trains up his chil-dren according to biblical instructions so that asadults they are able to walk with God and be His am-bassadors in an unbelieving world. In fact, a Christianfamily should be just such an example of God’s grace.Parents are to foster godly living and godly values inthe home through relationships of unconditional loveand personal obedience to God’s Word.

The message of godly parents is one of love: “Welove because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). A suc-cessful parent receives fully the love of God, conveysit fully to his or her children, and thus helps create inthem the ability to live according to godly valueswhile here on earth.

WHAT IS A SUCCESSFUL PARENT?

165

PARENTING PROBLEMS

WHAT IS A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY?A successful family embraces the child and the

hope of eternity in God’s presence. This embraceand this hope turn the nuclear family into a “cityset on a hill.” As a group and as individuals, theybecome channels of His love to the world in order towin them to His Son (see Matt. 5:14–16; Rom. 2:4).

Paul emphasizes in Ephesians 6:4 that parentsare not to “exasperate [their] children; instead,bring them up in the training and instruction of

the Lord.” A family should not be a place of embittered relationships, but one of teaching andcaring that causes each member to draw nearer tothe heart of God. Once drawn to His heart, familymembers can then turn to others. The Christianfamily is to be “a sacred shelter . . . a place ofacceptance, nurture, and growth that empowersfamily members to participate . . . in God’songoing acts of compassion and salvation.” 1

Ephesians 6:4 presents four keys to nurturing asuccessful family.

1) Do not cause bitterness in your children. Howdo parents embitter their children? RossCampbell explores four parental miscues thatcan foster bitterness:

• Possessiveness, that is, encouraging the “childto be too dependent on his parents.” 2 Thisinvolves parental fear that a healthily indepen-dent, self-reliant child either will be more thanthey can handle or that the child will no longerneed them.

• Seductiveness or “attempting consciously orunconsciously to derive sensual/sexual feelingsfrom an encounter with a child.” 3 While appro-priate touching is crucial in the life of a child,the touch should always focus on the needs ofthe child, not those of the adult, and it shouldnever be sexual in nature.

• Vicariousness, or “living one’s life or dreamsthrough the life of a child.” 4 Says Campbell,

One of the most harmful kinds of vicari-ousness is a mother’s living out romanticfantasies or longing through her daughter.A mother does this by steering herdaughter into relationships and situa-tions where she herself longs to be. . . .

[By the same token, a] father whoacts out his own sexual prowessthrough his son’s conquests is harmingnot only his son but others involved inhis life. 5

Perhaps the more common problem for a fatheris the tendency to pressure his son to be asgood an athlete as he was or wished he couldhave been. This type of behavior is especiallydevastating to the nonathletic son.

• Role reversal, which involves one or both parentsturning to the child for nurturing and/or pro-tection. Here, the parent feels “insecure andunsure of being loved, and looks to the child as a source of reassurance, comfort, and lovingresponse.” 6 This can easily happen when one of the parents dies or abandons the family andthe remaining parent looks to the child(ren) tofill the vacuum which these events create.

Any of these four, if present to a significantdegree, can steer the home away from becom-ing a shelter and toward becoming a place ofharm. The answer to avoiding these four pit-falls? Again, parental self-discipline. (More onthis in Step 3.)

2) Foster a nourishing environment in your home,one that provides good food for the soul. InEphesians 6:4 the words “bring them up” carrythe idea of nourishment (see Eph. 5:29, wherehusbands are to do this for their wives as Christdoes for His church). Parents are to provide fortheir children a rich banquet of the things of God.

TOOLS FOR A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY (summary)

1) Do not embitter your children.

2) Foster a nurturing environment in your home.

3) Train your childrenaccording to God’s values.

4) Teach your children constantly, not just in times of failure.

BIBLICAL TOOLS FOR A SUCCESSFUL FAMILY

Continued on the next page

What is unconditional love? Unconditional love is loving a child

no matter what . No matter what the child looks like. No matter what

his assets, liabilities, handicaps. No matter what we expect him to be

and most difficult, no matter how he acts. This does not mean, of course,

that we always like his behavior. Unconditional love means we love the

child even when at times we may detest his behavior.8

This idea should govern every act ofparenting. This includes helpingthem memorize Scriptures and teach-ing them stories from the Bible.

3) Train your children according toGod’s pathways and values. “Follyis bound up in the heart of a child,”says Proverbs 22:15, “but the rod ofdiscipline will drive it far from him.”Can a loving parent bear to leave achild’s heart entwined with folly?Discipline is the remedy for foolish-ness. Two notes of caution:

• Discipline is strong medicine. It willexasperate children (which Ephesians 6:4 warnsagainst) unless God’s unconditional love hasbeen richly supplied. “Unconditional love isalways an expression of God’s love. To love inGod’s way involves generous self-giving.” 7

Parents who discipline well are those who givethemselves untiringly, discipline carefully, andlove unconditionally — without centering thewhole of the family life around the child in adysfunctional manner.

• Discipline includes all forms of correction. Physicaldiscipline (spanking) may be necessary in theearly years of childhood. However, many othermethods exist which may be more effective,especially for an older child. For example, havethe child write an essay on future plans to con-tribute more to the family. Only when the essayis acceptable will the child be given back privi-leges like watching television, phone time, tripsto the mall, or computer time. The point is to becreative, and, more important, to use methodsthat are attuned to the uniqueness of each

child. For more creative ideas, see chapter 11,“Corrective Discipline.”

4) Teach your children continually—guide themnot only at times of failure, but at all times inbetween. Training involves both action andexample, whereas admonishment consists ofverbal instruction intended to deepen thechild’s awareness and pursuit of God. Accord-ing to Deuteronomy 6:4–9, such instruction ismost effective when it occurs in the daily routines of life. Family devotions are an excel-lent idea, but, as seen in this passage, God’steaching methods can be less formal—theytake advantage of the teachable moments thatoccur throughout the day. For fun and mean-ingful family devotions, we recommend theFamily Night Tool Chest, which is a series offourteen resource books from Heritage Builders.(See www.heritagebuilders.com.)

166

Continued from the previous page

KEEP IN MIND

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lordis one. Love the Lord your God with all yourheart and with all your soul and with all yourstrength. These commandments that I giveyou today are to be upon your hearts. Impressthem on your children. Talk about them whenyou sit at home and when you walk along theroad, when you lie down and when you get up.Tie them as symbols on your hands and bindthem on your foreheads. Write them on thedoorframes of your houses and on yourgates” (Deut. 6:4 – 9).

167

PARENTING PROBLEMS

S T E P T H R E E

Practical Helps for TodayHelp your counselees develop self-discipline and then establish corrective

discipline of their children in the context of an unconditionally loving relationship.

Parents are called by God to grow in their abilityto rear their children according to biblical val-

ues. Let’s go back to the first scenario in Step 1.What would self-discipline entail for the motherwho depended on her son’s achievements to bol-ster her self-concept? She serves as an example ofliving vicariously through your children, as dis-cussed in Step 2. Self-discipline for this type of par-ent will occur in three stages:

1) Self-awareness. The more aware we are of howwe tick, the more raw material the Holy Spirit willhave to work with. Notice Proverbs 20:5, “The pur-poses of a man’s heart are deep waters, / but aman of understanding draws them out.”

We are unwise, then, if we remain a mystery to ourselves. To paraphrase a famous line, “A mistin the parent’s thinking will be a fog in the child’sunderstanding.” Allowing ourselves to remain inthe dark about our inner motivations robs our chil-dren of parenting that is free of undetected selfish-ness and pain-induced reactions.

2) Grieving. Much of what will emerge as webecome aware of ourselves and contemplate ourdeeper motives may bring pain. To become betterparents, we must face our pain, address it, andbring it to the Lord. Our prayer should be, “Lord,help me to face my pain, trust in Your intent tobring good out of it, and free me of it, so that I willbe more able to meet my children’s needs.”

3) New joy. Entering the darkness of grief will allowthe parent to marvel at God’s ability to transformthe ugliest mess into luminous beauty. Psalm 30:5says, “Weeping may remain for a night, / butrejoicing comes in the morning,” while verse 11affirms, “You turned my wailing into dancing; /you removed my sackcloth and clothed me withjoy.” Our prayer, then, can be, “Lord, as I bring youmy pain, keep me off the false road of despair.Instead, turn me toward Your way of joy, givingme eyes to see Your gracious, powerful work in thevery depths of darkness. Have mercy on me andbless me, so that I might show my children Yourability to overcome difficult and painful things.”

What About Physical Discipline?Physical discipline is commended in Scripture, particularly in

Proverbs. The advantage of physical discipline, specifically spanking,is that it immediately associates foolishness with physical pain. Twowarnings, however, should go along with it. First, overusing it willdiminish its effectiveness. The child may sense that the parent isreaching for the same tool out of convenience or out of a bad mood.Neither reason can be justified. The type and severity of disciplinemay be wrongly administered if the parent is not in control of hisown emotions. The decision must be based on what is appropriate,not on how one feels at the time.

Second, physical discipline is not appropriate unless the parentsroutinely express unconditional love. If a home is marked by a lack of unconditional love, parental self-discipline must be practiced tocorrect these conditions before spanking can be appropriate andeffective. See chapter 11, “Corrective Discipline.”

CorrectiveDiscipline of

the ChildDiscipline, in part, has the

purpose of associating pain(emotional or physical) withfoolishness. Our culturedivorces these two, saying, “Youcan be foolish and escape allconsequences.” Discipline is amatter of reintroducing theselong-estranged partners—fool-ishness and pain. We must bringthem together if we’re to loveour children.

CORRECTIVE SELF-DISCIPLINE

168

What Makes Discipline Effective?4 The parents’ hearts and attitudes must reflect

unconditional love before they address the prob-lem with the child. This may require a parentaltime-out to cool off before discipline is applied.

4 The parents must reflect a desire to restore thechild to right behavior, not simply condemn or punish the wrong behavior. In the NewTestament epistles we see that God’s desire forHis errant children is restoration. He is ourexample, and we must follow.

4 Have the child say what he did wrong. If hedoesn’t understand why his behavior wasunacceptable, explain it simply and patiently,and then ask him to repeat it as he understands

it. Remember that young children may havedifficulty comprehending abstract sins of atti-tude or emotion.

4 If a child’s choice to do wrong was caused byignorance, give clear instructions so that thewrong choice will not be repeated. Typically,discipline should not be administered in thissituation.

4 If the act was one of deliberate and defiantdisobedience, appropriate discipline becomesessential. Take into account (1) the age of thechild, (2) the attitude of the child, (3) the seri-ousness of the infraction, and (4) the form ofdiscipline most effective with this child.

S T E P F O U R

Lifetime Principles for GrowthOffer long-term, biblical principles to guide parent-child relationships.

Side 1: Selfless ServanthoodParenting is a balancing act. One side of the

balance is reflected in Jesus’ comments on servantleadership in Mark 10:42–45:

Jesus called them together and said, ‘’Youknow that those who are regarded as rulersof the Gentiles lord it over them, and theirhigh officials exercise authority over them.Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be yourservant, and whoever wants to be first mustbe slave of all. For even the Son of Man didnot come to be served, but to serve, and togive his life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus makes it clear that leaders, including parents,must not be seduced by the charms of power.

Parents serve their children by caring for theirneeds, providing opportunities for them to developtheir gifts, protecting them from destructive influ-ences, supporting and encouraging their unique

roles in the family, and guiding them with wiseadvice. By serving their children in these ways,parents lead them into becoming mature adults.

Side 2: Appropriate AuthorityIf one side of the balance is to avoid lording

authority over one’s children, the other side is toresist the temptation to run the home as a democ-racy. While children are equal to parents in value,they’re not equal in terms of authority in the home.The parents’ word is final. (Of course, we hope thateach parent is giving their best efforts to fill hiswords with God’s wisdom.)

The parents’ words should govern the home,providing structure and stability. Without this pri-ority of the parental word, the home will descendinto chaos. Scripture affirms this: “Children, obeyyour parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 6:1).The home is a hierarchy—not a democracy, not anegalitarian experiment, not a popularity contest.

PARENTING: A BALANCING ACT

169

PARENTING PROBLEMS

How to Keep the Fun in the FamilyFamilies are under enormous pressure. Activities jam-pack the calendar, finances are under constant strain,

and relationships are tense. Chuck Swindoll recommends the following guidelines to relieve the stressin your family and increase the fun.

First, try to be absolutely authentic. I knowthat seems like a threatening thought, but it is agiant step toward open communication.

How does authenticity reveal itself? It isn’tthat difficult.

If you aren’t sure of yourself, admit it.If you’re afraid of the risk, say so.If you don’t know the answer to a question

your teenager asks you, use those wonderfullyrelieving words, “I don’t know.”

If you were wrong, confess it.If you feel under pressure from others, own

up to it.If your kids ask why, refuse to dodge

behind that favorite of all parental clichés,“Because I said so.” Be painfully honest withyourself. . . .

Second, keep the rules and policies to abare minimum. This is especially true as thechildren get older. Younger children need thesecurity of knowing where the boundaries are.That’s the basis of discipline. . . . But as littleones grow and begin to show healthy signs ofexerting their independence, let it happen. Addmore flex. . . .

My point here has to do with adding the oilof wisdom to the gears of relationships. Aschildren grow older and begin to think for

themselves, wise parents realize that more rulesand longer lists of policies only antagonize. Kidslose respect for parents who refuse to discussand never negotiate the rules. . . .

Third, unless it is absolutely impossible todo so, say yes. That may sound like a funnystatement until you think it through. The aver-age parental reaction is no. Regardless of thequestion kids ask, most parents think no moreoften than yes. Cynthia and I developed a pol-icy early on that we’d think yes . . . and onlywhen we found ourselves absolutely unable tosay yes would we be forced to say no. . . .

Fourth, a failure is not the end of the world.When relationships are valued, when havingfun is important, when saying yes is empha-sized, there is risk involved. There will be timeswhen a rule is inadvertently broken—a failurein the system occurs. So it goes. If it was acci-dental, welcome to the human race. Forgivenessfollows confession. No grudges. Hopefully (ifDad stays quiet like he should), no lectures. Ifthe rule was broken on purpose, that is anothermatter and is dealt with (privately) in a muchmore serious manner. Nevertheless, any homethat is run on the grace principle must havewhat our family calls “wobble room.” 9

A Balanced Perspective on RulesWhen the family is young, balance the tighter rules with a strong

emphasis on trust. Our kids need to know we trust them, want onlythe best for them, believe in them. Rather than viewing them withsuspicion and sneaking around like a CIA spy, we need to convey ourconfidence in their loyalty. That’s what grace is all about . . .

As time passes, deliberately relax more and release the controls.Yes, that’s a risk. Yes, it’s hard to do. But it won’t get easier if youwait until they turn twenty! . . .

Throughout the process, cultivate and value the importance ofclose relationships. Nothing, absolutely nothing on this earth, is moreimportant to us when the chips are down than the members of ourfamily. Do everything possible to cultivate those relationships.11

The difference between“principles” and “rules”is radical. Rules can be

made and thereforereshaped or broken.

Principles cannot be arbi-trarily made; they mustnever be broken. Rulesare temporal; principlesare eternal. Rules arehelpful; principles are

essential. Wise are theparents who understand

those distinctions.10

170

The Fuel for ParentingParenting is exhausting work. Where does the fuel for this work come from? God has provided two “tanks”

to draw from: His ability to bring personal transformation and His mercy in granting personal renewal.

PERSONAL TRANSFORMATIONOur desire is to have children so that we can

enjoy the blessings of rearing them for the Lordand, in the process, impart to them our hard-earned knowledge of how life works. God gives uschildren to show us, among other things, howinadequate we are to live life without His wisdomand strength. Only when we recognize our needsand cry, “Father, show me how to parent!” is Heable to develop and train us to be good parents. In other words,we learn to plead with Him forpersonal transformation.

Of course, God hasalways wanted this fromus: an honest admissionof the wicked waysinside us and a thirstfor His righteousness.“See if there is any offen-sive way in me,” asks thepsalmist, “and lead me inthe way everlasting”(Ps. 139:24). How can weexpect to see Him trans-form our kids unless we are willing to beremade in Christ’simage (Gal. 4:19)?

PERSONAL RENEWALBecoming tired, depleted, and irritable is natural.

Beleaguered parents can make the mistake of usingtheir authority to gain time. “Just do it!” they mayroar at the child, not because they enjoy pullingrank, but because they’re tyrannized by so manydemands. Sometimes parents yell at their kids sim-ply because too many things are “yelling” at them.But this is sloppy parenting—a failure to grasp the

systemic problem triggering theparents’ impatience. Mostmoms and dads need to peri-

odically stop and evaluatewhat’s draining their

reserves. When they dothey’ll often find:• Overcommitment

resulting from anurgent desire forvalidation fromothers.

• Avoidance of unwel-come pain.To all harried parents,

Christ offers His rest.“Come to Me, all who areweary and heavy-laden,and I will give you rest”(Matt. 11:28). Every day,spend time in quietmeditation and prayer,giving Jesus your fear

and pain and receivingHis peace and calming

presence.

P arents need to become visionaries.They need to pray that God will

help them to see their families with neweyes. Seeing the family as a chaotic messis demoralizing. Seeing it as a potentialcontributor to the church’s ministry andoutreach is revitalizing. The seeds ofparental renewal are watered by thisstunning vision.

For more informationsee the following chapters:

7. Blended Families11. Corrective Discipline13. Domestic Abuse 16. Rebellious Adolescents17. Sexual Abuse and Incest18. Single Parenting37. Anger

QQUU ICKICK TT IPIP

171

PARENTING PROBLEMS

Casting a NewVision for Your FamilyYour home can be an outpost for

extending God’s work in evangelizing theworld.

Only when families are transformed canthey become, as God intended, beacons toa dark world. How can churches be healthyif families are not? How can parents buildhealthy families when they are exhaustedand without vision? Parenting, then, is thefoundation for the building of strongchurches that impact the world.

Every Christian family ought to resem-ble a little church—consecrated to Christand wholly influenced and governed byHis rule.

Unconditional love always does whatis best for the other. Sometimes, though, doingwhat is best for someone causes them pain.“Wounds from a friend can be trusted,/but anenemy multiplies kisses,” notes Proverbs 27:6.Parents must, at times, be the wounding friend.How else will foolishness be addressed and a spacebe created for the cultivation of godly values?

CAUTION: Parents who wound with wisdomwill be those who are themselves wounded. Thepriority of the parental word must come under thatof God’s Word which will, if we approach it hon-estly, wound us. Only a parent who has been con-victed by God’s sometimes severe honesty canensure that his words to his children will notwound them unnecessarily. Have your counseleesask themselves, “Where have I been convicted byGod’s Word? How has that helped me be a betterparent? Where do I still need to be convicted byGod’s Word? Why have I not allowed that? Howwill that wounding help me grow as a parent?”

A Word from ChuckThere is no school that families can attend

and earn a degree in family strength. It doesn’twork like that. Families become strong, notbecause they have gone to a school and learnedthe rules, but because parents pay the price tobe different . . . because they inculcate bibli-cal truth in everyday life, conducting theirrelationships in the realm of wisdom, under-standing, and knowledge. 12

Homework

According to a study of over three thousandhealthy families, “it was found that strong fami-lies (1) are committed to the family, (2) spendtime together, (3) have good family communica-tion, (4) express appreciation to each other, (5) have a spiritual commitment, and (6) areable to solve problems in a crisis.13

For each of these traits, have them rate theirfamily on a scale of one to ten. (1=poor; 5=okay,but needing improvement; 10=we’ve arrived).Ask them to bring these ratings to the next ses-sion for discussion.

Campbell, Ross. How to Really Love Your Child. Rev.ed. Wheaton, Ill.: Scripture Press Publications,Victor Books, 1992.

Chapman, Gary D., and Ross Campbell. The FiveLove Languages of Children. Chicago, Ill.:Northfield Press, 1997.

Smalley, Gary. The Key to Your Child’s Heart. Rev.and updated. Nashville, Tenn.: W PublishingGroup, 1995.

Swindoll, Charles R. The Strong Family. Colorado

Springs, Colo.: David C. Cook Publishing Co.,1992.

———. You and Your Child: A Biblical Guide forNurturing Children from Infancy to Independence,complete with study guide. Nashville, Tenn.:Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1998.

Weidmann, Jim, and Kurt Bruner with Mike and AmyNappa. An Introduction to Family Nights, FamilyNight Tool Chest, Book One (Heritage Builders).Colorado Springs, Colo.: Cook Communica-tions, Chariot Victor Publications, 1997.

Resources

172

1. Doris Leckey, Living with Apocalypse: Spiritual Resources forSocial Compassion, ed. Tilden H. Edwards (San Francisco, Calif.:Harper and Row, Publishers, 1984), p. 172.

2. Ross Campbell, How to Really Love Your Child, rev. ed.(Wheaton, Ill.: Scripture Press Publications, Victor Books,1992), p. 70. Used with permission by Cook CommunicationsMinistries. May not be further reproduced. To order, visitwww.cookministries.com. All rights reserved.

3. Campbell, How to Really Love Your Child, p. 71.

4. Campbell, How to Really Love Your Child, p. 75.

5. Campbell, How to Really Love Your Child, p. 75.

6. Brandt Steele and Carl Pollock, The Battered Child (Chicago,Ill.: University of Chicago Press, 1974), p. 95, as cited inCampbell, How to Really Love Your Child, p. 77.

7. Marjorie J. Thompson, Family: The Forming Center(Nashville, Tenn.: Upper Room Books, 1989), p. 59.

8. Campbell, How to Really Love Your Child, p. 32.

9. Charles R. Swindoll, The Strong Family: Growing Wise inFamily Life (Portland, Ore.: Multnomah Press, 1991),pp. 145–149.

10. Swindoll, The Strong Family, p. 150.

11. Swindoll, The Strong Family, p. 150.

12. Swindoll, The Strong Family, p. 26.

13. George A. Rekers, Counseling Families, vol. 14 in Resourcesfor Christian Counseling series, ed. Gary R. Collins (Dallas,Tex.: Word Publishing, 1988), p. 102.

NOTES

Insight for Living • Post Office Box 269000 • Plano, Texas 75026-9000 • 1-800-772-8888