Faith Facts and Truth

7/25/2019 Faith Facts and Truth

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Part 1: Faith, Facts and the Truth

I have faith in my own happiness in the future. I have faith that I will dodgebullets, from any direction. Bullets that I am too careless to repel will woundme, but I shall nurse my wounds and wear my scar proudly. Not like a victim.Like a soldier coming home. Like a medal. I had faith in your patience andyour aections. I had faith such sentiments cannot be dismantled withcareless actions and ruthless words. I had faith thatyou had faith in me that Iwill get through this and change for the better. I had faith in me, thatwhatever I was going through I shall emerge clean and pure like a newborn. Ihad faith youd stay.

act is you warned me of your patience, or lack of it. act is you stretchedyour patience beyond what your past taught you, beyond what I deserved.act is you said you were afraid of losing me. act is I do too. act is you tellme I am not right for you. act is I know I am. act is we have lost each othernow. act is push has come to shove and you shove it in my face when you

said your feelings for her have grown. act is you are scrambling throughyour past, looking for an alternative to that one thing you said you were tooafraid to lose. act is I see it. I see how you scramble. I see the erraticism inyour words and the way you push me aside whenever I become a hindrance.I see wounds you were too proud to nurse.

!he truth is aplenty but how destitute are we of heart and patience to seewhat is meant to be seen instead of what we wish to see. !ruth is I see what Iwant to see and you see what you want to see. !he truth is curtained behindthese illusions. It is hidden by the facts that we present to one another and itis cradled in the warm arms of hope, blanketed by the comfort of faith.

"ur truth is what we chose to not have faith in because we fear it maycontradict the facts we present and facts, at this point, is all we have. #ecleaned the sheets and hung it out to dry under the ferocious sun, good asnew. $very stain is a memory.

!ruth is, we both fell in love, and we are clueless on how do we ever get outof it. !ruth is we value this friendship beyond each of our e%pectations. !ruthis our cause is lost because we have become too proud and too scared. !ruthis only one of us has faith in this struggle, and only one of us is still hoping.!ruth is one of us is going downhill, fast and aimless in their eort to move

on. !he other is climbing a steep road, with thorns and loose earth, trying torecover what is lost. #e are moving in separate directions. #e wish to notadmit that our paths cross, despite.

!hat was the interpretation of a story. Now it is time for the story.

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Part 2: Fallout

I closed my mouth and spoke to you in a hundred silent ways. Rumi.

It was another unsent letter. 'he tugged at the edge of the paper, ready totear it o the book. But she couldnt. (er words were her anecdote. !heykept her notions empirical and her e%periences as unforgotten lessons.!hough she wondered why in the world she would want to remember thislesson. 'he closed her book. !he light was low. ) candle seems suitablecompanion to lament last thoughts before sleep. "ne candle was lighted, andher mind composed another unsent letter as she fell asleep.

!he alarm.

(ow she dreaded that sound. (er dream dissolved and left her with the bittertruth* he is gone. +et, she might ust see him around. 'he pulled away thecovers, tidied the bed and the books left scattered on the -oor and on thebedside table. 'he took her red diary, one with unsent letters and half*written poems and put it in her bag. 'he showered, standing under the coldwater, watching each rivulet tickled down her arm and leg and disappeared.'he snapped out of her trance. (er ngers were almost blue and theyshrivelled like raisins. or a moment there was a glow. 'he folded her ngers.It soon faded. 'he has to get dressed.

No, she wont be half*done and unkempt. $very single day, even when thedays has cloud rolling over her sun, she made sure she took the right blouseor dress, right skirt or pants, brushed her long dark curls, put on a blush or

lipstick and a smile. (e is gone, but she needs to remind herself that at leastshe is loved, and will be spoilt regardless.

'he went to see her supervisor. (e was running late. (er supervisors o/ceis a -ight of stairs away, up on the rst -oor of a castle tower that couldhave been left in ruins. By the tower was a birch, and under the birch was abench, and there she sat. 'he read a chapter of one book. 'he neededphilosophy, so she shed for another book in her strained, overused bag.

It had his name on one of the pages. (er handwriting. (er words.

'he meant to return the book to him. )fter the ght they had, after theawkwardness she never got around. 'he has been carrying the book aroundust in case they met in favourable circumstances she could force a smileand push the book in his hand. 0ivers widen to oceans, and suchcircumstances never came.

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'he saw her supervisor taking long strides towards the tower. 'he kept herbooks and accompanied him upstairs to his o/ce. !he last leaf from thebirch tree -oated through space. It fell on the snow. It -uttered, but a strangewind out of nowhere took it away, -oating again through space.

2!his is too intuitive, )rlena. 3erhaps you should e%pand the archivalmaterials with photos4something to give your arguments more reliance onevidences rather your own independent interpretations,5 said the professor,-ipping through her notes which she shared with him as an alternative to aprinted manuscript. 'he counted to ve. !hen she said, with a small smile* itcould be a smirk* 23rofessor, with these little citations5 she pointed to thelittle numbers she wrote at the end of her sentences in her notebook, 2arethe only evidences that can be considered. )ll other evidences thatcontradict shall be presented in the ne%t section. I shall work on that andhave it emailed to you by riday. )nd about being intuitive, I beg to dier sir.'ee, look here. I am merely connecting dots. It may be argued as

assumptions, but even the very act of connecting dots with what appears tobe so little evidences shall be ustied in the light of refuting arguments. )tleast that it is what I had planned.5

!he professor sighed. 2(ow are you planning to ustify this in the candidaturedefense65

)s I did, she thought. 'he answered instead, 2I shall look deeper into mymaterials sir. 3erhaps pay a visit to "%ford again,5 she smiled.

'he left the o/ce feeling rather deected and forlorn. !he professor wasalmost always on the same page as her and she felt rather let down that her

work this past week was below her own standards. 7etermined to reassertthe professor, and her own faith in her abilities, she marched to the library.'he went to her favourite -oor, between her favourite shelves and leanedagainst the books to stare at more books. !hey gave her comfort. 'he took a-imsy little title, 8!he 3rince5 by Niccolo 9achiavelli. !he cover was worn andthe pages felt deliciously sandy against her skin. !he memory, like anunwashed stain, appeared right on the very pages, and 9achiavelli was readto her from a voice that left blades planted on her heart.

(e knew where it was. (e walked to the shelf, and saw her there. )rlena,with her bag and her eyes moist as she stared at a book, put it away and

took another one. (e had not seen her here for a while. #ait, he needed togo where she was standing. 'he has not seen him. (e gathered his panic andwore it like a slate of ice armouring his face.

2(ey,5 he greeted her. 'he turned, and a -eeting look of despair passed herface before she collected herself and said, 2(ello,5

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2Is this the right place to be looking for books for your thesis65 he tormentedher. (e saw her smirk and the ice thickens. 2I am merely calming myselfbefore I delve into yet another cra;y chase my '< is setting me to,5 shereplied. 'he was adusting her bag. (e had made her want to leave. (e didnot stop her. 2#ell, all the best,5 he said as she turn the corner. 'he heard

her said 2!hanks,5 but he couldnt be sure. (e =uickly scanned the shelf tosee if it was where he last saw it. It was* that old, crumbly little thing. (erubbed his hand on a page he had inserted a small paper to bookmark it, ashe walked to a desk to sit down and continue reading. (e peeked behind thebook. (e couldnt see her.

She handed him the book. A little souvenir from down under. he took itexcitedly his eyes widen as he read the title. !hoa"you really #ndtreasures the 9edieval 3olitical !houghts volume I was $ipped open and thecontent was excitedly scanned. She leaned closer to read it with him. Sheelbowed him li%htly on the arm I can borrow this every now and then can

I& 'e narrowed his dark eyes at her of course not. Its mine#e think we know love when it comes. !he sad truth is we know it best whenit is gone. Neal had relayed to )rlena how they met, and how they becamefriends and now, once she is gone, how he reali;ed that he loved her. )rlenalistened. (er arms had felt a rush of cold. (er eyes of gold lost its glow andNeal, who had spent months reading her, saw it too. 'he had brought up the=uestion, 2(ow did you get over me so =uickly, to tell me that you came tothis reali;ation that you loved someone else from your past65 he had replied,2I have decided two weeks ago that it is over between us. I will not take thatback,5 )rlena fell the words slipped from her before her mind could embracethem and place them in. (ow they rebelled. 2'o now you ust can decide thatsince few days ago you are in love with someone else, and that someoneelse happens to be someone that you could be in love with before you metme65 Neal smiled and asked, 2+ou think I have a thing for her65 'he noddedin forced validation, but Neal saw the sadness that clouded her conformingsmile.

!hat was it. !hat were the last conversation they had eye to eye that made itcertain, what could have been shall never be again. )rlena -ipped throughthe archives collection catalogue, wrote down the call number and handedher written re=uest to the clerk behind the counter. 'he felt the weight of anunwanted book in her bag and felt the need to rush back upstairs to the

political science section to pass it to him. 'he dared not. (is ice and her reust dont add up.

Part 3: The Strange Company

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!hen you feel a peaceful (oy that)s when you are near truth Rumi.

It is customary that when a wind blows, leaves, -owers, their ravaged petalsand any fancy dandy things that have no roots will go -uttering along withthe wind. It is not even unusual that when a storm is about to come these-utter*able items may be confused as to where the wind was taking it. It isnot peculiar too, to see tree branches go that way and this way in a gale.)rlena watched in silent contemplation as nature went about its motion inthe velvety sky of blue and black. (er pen wrote furiously in the pages of herdiary, went still momentarily then pursued with gust. 3oetry came to her aswater does from a heavy cloud. (er eyes fell heavy, but she persisted. Nealfell asleep on a pile of notes, books strewn across his mattress. (e rubbedhis eyes, feeling e%tremely cold. (is window was left open and the curtainswere furiously -apping, sending papers -ying around the room. (e was tootired to respond but he dragged his feet to get the windows closed. (elooked out. Nature in motion. (e went back to sleep without any di/culties.

It was that kind of morning. Nature was silent, keeping their conversations towhispers. It was in the wee hours, and last nights storm had left everysurface wet and glistening. !here was an eerie fog coming about from theedge of the woods that bordered the campus ground, but fogs were commonon this side of the world.

) child came forth from this fog. 'he was frightened and confused. 'hewalked out of the fog to the rectory and leaned against the wall. !he groundwas empty, not a soul in sight. 'he felt as if she was dreaming, but the coldwas too real, it bit at her toes. 'he had no shoes on and she was onlywearing a nightdress. 'he shivered. (er long red*black hair was tousled and

it was the only thing keeping her neck warm. ) man came around the corner.(e had a black uniform with silver buttons on them. (e had a pink face and aworried smile. (e said hello. !he girl stormed o into the darkness.

'he must have passed out. 'he wondered why she is not awake on her bed,in her own house, and she could imagine the panic on her parents faces.'he could imagine their frantic search for her. 'he was ten years old, andalone by the edge of the wood, as the sun began to cast a golden showerbetween the shadows of the trees, she heard herself call for her mother. 'hecalled again and again, but when there was no answer she forced herself tocalm down. 'he has to calm down. !his was not a dream. !he dirt, cold air

and disintegrating night felt real, so she had to treat it as if it was real.#here can she go6 ind that policeman and ask for help. +es, she can dothat. 'lowly, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm, she calculated thesafest, most destitute road back to where she saw the policeman. (e may nolonger be there but it was her clearest chance. 'he cannot be seen like this.'he has to nd her way home. !he morning has yet to be trampled by

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students and academicians. 'he knew this place. It was a university. 'he hasseen it in photos at home. 'he walked past trees after trees@ her only cluewas the cathedral tower that pinnacled above the woods. 'he used that as acompass. 'he then saw someone. ) slender gure, in a heavy coat holding abag and a book, seem to be looking around at the ground. It was a woman.

(er hair was tucked in a beret. 'he went closer. !here was a little voice ofhope screaming inside of her. 'he couldnt really see the woman, who wasnow sitting down against one of the trees. 'he had a book open but therewere miles between her and the book before her. 'he s=uinted to see thewomans face. "h, what a reliefA

29omA 9omA5 she called as she came running close. 'he was surprised tond that the woman only looked at her with an even greater shock, and herarms were sti with no indication that she was a familiar entity to which shewould normally embrace. !he girl stopped in her tracks. Now they were closeenough to see eye to eye.

29om45 she called again. It was bi;arre. It was her mom, but it wasnt. !hegirl stiened. )nd so did the woman. !he morning absorbed their silence. Itwas the woman who found her sense rst. 2)re you lost6 #here do you live63erhaps I can take you home, or take you to the police station45 she made agesture to get up, but an unseen force kept her in place. !he girl saidawkwardly, 29y name is4erm, I am..Neave. )nd I live there,5 the girl pointedto an obscure direction. 'he added =uickly, 2and yes. 3lease take me home.5

!he woman nally got to her feet, packing her books. 2+es, yes, Ill take youhome. ust show me where.5 Cuietly, they walked together, until they bothreali;ed they were aimless. 2#hat is your house address65 the girl told her.

2!hat is not very far. I know where that is. 7id you say your name wasNeave65 the girl nodded. 2#hat is yours65 the woman replied, 2)rlena5.

)rlena was about to ask another =uestion, but she found the girl planted tothe ground, her face pale.

2"h dear, you must be cold. 'illy of meA (ere have my coat,5 )rlena took oher inner coat, which was smaller and shorter and put it around Neave, whowas shivering more rigorously. )rlena kneeled ne%t to the child and rubbedher shoulders and cheeks.

2(owever did you get here at this hour65 but )rlenas =uestion was onlyreplied with a longing look from Neaves eyes. !he girl was about to cry.)rlena studied her face. 'omething struck her. 'he kept the =uestioncontained as a thought. 2Dome, let us take you home.5

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!he house was lively, e%cept that the person who lived there was not anyonethe girl knew. ) blonde woman and her redhead husband were minding theirgarden. ) blonde infant was in a stroller. !here was no sign of any )sian ordark haired 9editerranean inhabitant. )rlena turned to Neave, who wasadamant, 2!his is really where I live, I swear itA "nly the gates4look4 it is

white. 9y dad had it painted blue last year,5 )rlena hoped the couple wouldnot take notice of a hysterical child and a woman standing across the streetfrom their house.

2)re you sure4.65 But )rlena was cut short, 2+oud think ust because I amten I get confused of where I live65 there was a hot sharp familiarity with howthat retort was eaculated, and )rlena was getting frustrated. 2I am takingyou to the police station. !hey would know what to do with you. 3erhapssend you to welfare,5

Neave widens her eyes, 2NoA I have parents. I have a family. +ou cant sendme45 the child looked pitiful in a slightly oversi;ed acket and )rlenas spare

socks covering her feet. 'he reali;ed she may appear as an abusive parentwalking around with a half*dressed child like that. Neave interected again,2!ake me home with you until we gure out what to do.5

)rlena stared at her doubtfully. #hat choice does she have6 7rag a ten yearold screaming and kicking to the police station6 Dall Neaves parents6

27ial for me your parents number6 I give them a ring,5 Neave dialed thenumber on )rlenas phone but there was no ring. !he number seems to benon*e%istent. 27o you know where they work65

Neave was looking at the phone in )rlenas hand. 2Neave6 Neave65 the girlignored her for a while. !he air was getting warmer and people were -oodingthe street. !hey do appear suspicious. )rlena took the girls hand andbrought her to her rented -at few streets away. 'he made the girl a cup ofhot chocolate, few slices of toast, got an old sweater and pullover and a skirtshe felt was too short and asked the girl to change. 'he was trembling.)rlena had to help her. 'he then put her to bed but Neave would not sleep.'he asked for )rlenas phone, which she obliged. !hen, as )rlena hadanticipated, the girl burst to tears.

)rlena sat by the bed and waited. 'he waited a long time. 'he stole a glanceat her watch. !here were no urgent appointments. 'he waited.

"nce the girl calmed down, )rlena took back her phone and put it aside. 'hefelt strangely calm. 'he had not felt calm since she met Neal. (e had put herthough an emotional storm, with ice and unearthly tremors, but now, lookingat Neave, there was a daunting feeling, but her fear came not with nerves

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and storm. (er face, her eyes, her frown* )rlena was studying it,deliberating.

2#hat is the date today65 asked the snot*stained face.

2&Gthof November two thousand fourteen,5

!he girl nodded. 'he has reached an understanding. )rlena was gettingclose. "ne of the con-icting notions that she had with Neal was her tendencyto believe in the improbable and his staunch realism. !his time it felt herimprobability was taking place.

2#hat is your full name65

2Neave Lee.5

)rlena took a deep breath. 2#here are your parents, Neave65

Neave took some time to arrange her words. 2I dont know.5 'he had hereyes burning holes in the sheet. 2(ow did you get to the woods thismorning65

) sigh. 2I was in bed. But when I woke up I was in a dierent place. I was onthe ground in the woods.5

27id someone take you65

2I dont know.5 'he hesitated. 2No,5

#hat are your parents names, )rlena wanted to ask. 'he didnt. #hat

should she do6 Dall welfare unit6 #hat would they do to her6 It would beeasy to dismiss this as a mere delirium. 'he might be thoroughly in=uired,and if this girl sticks to these answers, she will never nd a way home.

)rlena dared herself to swim in the dark eyes of a frightened child. Beyondwelfare unit and missing parents, there was an e%=uisite =uality to thedisplacement of this child that made )rlena felt chosen. !hat night, the girlhad dinner with her and slept with her in her room.

9orning.

Neave woke up to nd the bed empty. !he house was =uiet. Neave pulled up

the socks that was given to her and ventured out of the room. )s she walked,she felt terrifyingly light. 'he might faint. But she didnt. Neave went to thekitchen, holding on to furniture for support. (er sight was not ha;y. 'he seesher clear. 'he could see her standing by the counter, stirring her coee.)rlena looked at Neave from the corner of her eyes. Neave thought, sheknows. !he woman took a sip from the cup. 'he need not look to Neave

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again. Neave opened her mouth to say what she was thinking. 'he wanted toask. !he lightness descended suddenly, and all Neave saw was the ceilingand complete darkness.

Part 4: Fire and Ice

Intellect takes you to the door but it doesn)t take you into the house Shams *abri+i

Neal watched as she walked slowly from shelf to shelf, unlike herself. In anynormal circumstances, she would be magically one with the books. 'hewould touch the spine of titles which she deemed glorious, and take thoseshe needed for her own perusal. !oday, she was in a trance. (er steps seemaimless. 'he took a book, stared at it and walked =uickly away. Neal turnedaway as she passed him to avoid eye contact. ) small pain appeared in

corners he otherwise would never know e%isted within the realm of hismethodological soul. (e pushed it down, scanned his notes to see if he wasdone and went back to the room where he and a group of friends hadgathered to nish a term paper. !heir voices in whispers were too loud forhim. (e put on his earphones and continued reading. (e sensed he wasbeing watched.

(e looked out of the discussion room. ) -eeting shadow, adorned in a blackcoat and long dark curls. !he shadow hesitated before she materiali;ed.)rlena was looking at him. 'he had a frown. (e turned back to his books. (eclenched his sts together and tapped his heels impatiently. 'he did not call.#hat did she want6 (e tried to focus. ) te%t came in. No, it wasnt her. (eignored the te%t. (e turned back to where she was standing. 'he was gone.Neal shifted his ga;e to one of the girl in the room. (e tried to remind himselfwhy he left )rlena. !hat didnt take long. (is term paper occupied him for therest of the hour.

It was after ve in the evening. #inter meant the night came swiftly. !he coldwas terrifying. "utside his -at, night life began early. (is shoulders and neckached from the long hours before the computer. (e got dressed, and headout. (e walked past a pub. (e e%haled out dramatically. 3u of white glossedhis view. (e was walking past a street. It was nearing campus. (e pausedand stared down a cheery road, brightly lit, students and other residents

braving the cold for a drink or on their way to the library.

(e walked past. +onder the woods emerged. ust a walk further, was theuniversity cathedral. !here he headed. !he gothic architecture fascinatedand comforted him. (e sat down on a bench, secluded behind a statue and atree stump. (e shoved his hands deep in his pocket.

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) child was staring at him. Behind the mist and the shadows, coming fromthe cathedrals grand door, though the door was not open, walking towardshim was a girl. 'he had a coat on, a pair of eans and calf*skin boots withwhite fur around the edges. (er hair was long and dark and it fell behind her.'he was wearing a woollen hat. 'he did not blink and did not speak. Not until

she was close enough. (er face sent shivers down Neals spine.2)re you Neal Lee65 she asked. ) small voice@ a voice of innocence@ but itstone was not. It had a sharp edge to it. It had aged before the sound of thevoice and the throat from which it came could catch up. Neal answeredwithout words. #ords failed him. #hich was unusual* he was alwayse=uipped with an answer. #ords were his pawn. !his girl was familiarly eerie.)nd he was alone. #as he afraid of a little girl6

2+ou forget easily, dont you65 she said again.

!hat riled him up, a soft hint of irritation stirred.

2orget what6 7o I know you65

2+ou both forget. +ou have forgotten how much you loved her and why youloved her. 'he has forgotten to remind you. 'he forgets that you are made ofice and she, re. Incredibly stupid.5 'he persisted.

Neal felt cold that was beyond his skin and bones. (e stared at the girl.

2)h, so this is her game, huh6 'he sent you to relay this to me65 thatprovoked the girl. 2+ou think really low of her if you think she would use a kidto mend her love problems,5

2$ither you know too much or you have no idea at all what you are saying,5said Neal. (is ga;e was studying the girls face. 2$asy defense.5 'heretorted. 2+ou are defensive even when you say you are not. +ou think shedoesnt know that.5

Neal took the girl by the sleeve of her coat. 2#here are your parents6 #heredo you live6 Let me take you home.5

'he smiled and laughed. 2unniest thing I ever heard.5 'he turned around towalk away, 2#here are my parents6 (uhA5 and she stormed o into thedarkness. Neal called out but he was soon very much alone.

Arlena ,*ext- I feel that somethin% is terribly wron%. If I see him even if itwas meant to settle scores it is terribly wron%.

/eal ,*ext- I wouldn)t force you to do anythin% for me. 0our presence ismore than enou%h. In any relationship feelin%s must be mutual. 1r else it

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has failed from the very be%innin%. I won)t dictate you. /or I would decideanythin% for you. I won)t bail out and deny these feelin%s we have. I don)tshow my a2ections easily. And you are not convinced easily. !e both havetrust issues. *hen a%ain trust and hope is all we have. And so be it. As foryour secret admirer I believe that you would do whatever that is necessary.

3now this. I love you. And I owe you my heart. !e are soul matesremember& 1ur souls need not be owned. *hey (ust need to be understood.*he rest will be 4od workin% 'is miracles.

(er words poured out of her lips like li=uid sins. It -ooded the tiny livingroom. It -ooded the young, tired eyes. )midst the revelation, Neave felt asmall wonder at her mothers un-ickered faith in the incredulous. )rlena hadeyes like amber. In its red*gold depths a tiny -ame stared back at Neave.Neave was accustomed to it. 'he didnt know at that time that the -ameshad been long gone, even before )rlena met Neal. )ll that was left, whenmet they did, was a re in her heart that turn all she loved into ashes. (is ice

faced animosity in her heat. (e left her, guarding his pride. Neave listened.)rlena held the girl and for a short moment, so brief that Neave felt she wasimagining it, )rlena glowed like the moon.

Part 5: The east !"a#es

*ear o2 the mask. 0our face is %lorious 5 Rumi

(e held her.

'he felt suocated. 'he felt challenged.

'he let him drowned her.

#ords were fed to her. 'he saw them dance before her while he moved andsubugated her. #ords, they materiali;ed and dissolved. 'he tried to catchthem. It would mean something.

'he woke up. 'he felt sore. 'he felt morose. (er body was e%hausted. 'heplaced her hand to where it was most sore. $mpty. (e came only in a dream.'he closed her eyes again, trying to remember. #hen she opened them, itwas lucid gold. !he fatigue lingered but the sadness -owed out of memory. Itleaked out like blood, draining away but with a stain. It left a stain. )rlena laydown for a while longer. !he day was turning into night. Neave was nowhere

to be seen. 'he has to nd her.I could hear your screams. *hat was why I came. 6ut now that I am here Iam lost.

No, those were not the words that were fed to her in the dream. !hose werethe words uttered by Neal weeks ago. It will melt with the snow. Now was not

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the time to reminisce. 'he had her thickest coat on. It was almost Dhristmasand the streets celebrated the cold. 'he waved hello to few she knew, hermates who were out drinking and shopping at the ba;aars they set up forlast minute shoppers.

(ow does one look for someone who was not even born yet6

)rlena absent*mindedly placed her hand on abdomen. !he cold thickenswhen the landscape is void of human. 'now was abundant and the treeswere ravaged by frost. 'he knew not where she must go to nd her daughter.Neave came many nights ago, and )rlena drew for the little girl the best shecould a picture of what was happening. !hen, like before, the girl collapsed inher embrace and all she held was a lacuna of what was meant to be.

!he words. #hat were they6

!he girl came from the fog. )rlena walked into the fog. !he chill and the

darkness faltered. !he weight of the air would have choked anyone else. Itbecame light when )rlena touched it. 'he stood still. Neave was nowhere tobe felt. (er senses were sensitive. 7arkness faltered even more so. )roundher, the shadows grew pallid as black painted evening sky succumbed to themoon. 'he sees her. Neave. !his time the girl was unprepared. 'he wasdressed in her basics and was free;ing. )rlena was prepared. 'he took asweater and a pair of shoes from her bag and dressed the girl. !here was acoat too. 'he led Neave out of the fog, carrying her like an infant.

Neal knocked again. (e knew he should have called. (e was half*relieved shedid not answer the door, but standing before it made him determined. (ewaited for footsteps, any sign of life on the other side. 'he was not home andhad not been so for only a while. (e sensed that. (e left and went down tothe ba;aar. (e saw a stall with second hand books and he decided that bebest way to spend the rest of the night. (is date was waiting for him,lingering with her group of friends. #hen she saw him she bid her girlsgoodbye and walked with him. (e went to the desired stall. !here were threeshelves of books well under his budget and he felt he should be generouswith himself.

(is date picked a book up. It was on poetry. It was rost. (e picked one too*Biblical archaeology. (e showed her, saying 2!his has been edited byDambridge. !hey might reconsider 7arwin,5 he -ipped to in Introduction. 'he

shrugged and went on browsing. (e looked at her and sighed. (is was riledup but was too nonchalant and unsurprised to react. (e took his phone. (etook a photo of the book and sent the image to )rlena. 'he usually hassomething to say. $ither it will enlighten him or annoy him and alwayserudite. (e paid for the book. 2I need food.5 2"k.5

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(e saw )rlena carrying a child, walking briskly down the street she lived in.(e was only walking past, and was not going the same direction. 'he caughthis eye. (e turned away, and looked again. (e saw the child. !he girl at thecathedral* he was sure of it@ the dark oriental eyes, long red*black hair. !hegirl was asleep on )rlenas shoulder. (e felt a violent drumming in his chest.

)miss, that was what it felt like. No, not amiss. (er countenance was eerilyunfamiliar. (e had never seen her like that before.

#hen )rlena nally let the girl down she e%haled loudly. Neave was ten yearsold and had legs like her father. It was not an easy burden to carry. 'hestirred as she was placed on the bed, but did not wake up. (er ngers wereblue. )rlena =uickly took a cloth, rinse it with hot water and placed both ofthe girls hands in it to warm it. #hen she nally came to, she said in acroaked voice, 2+ou look dierent.5

2(ow so65 Neave opened her eyes wider. 'he frowned, 2+ou look4stronger,5

2I feel so too.5

2)nd you, ma4 you glow,5

)rlena smiled. Being called mom was unbecoming in her position but-attering. Neave shook her head. (er hands were pulled away from hermothers and she put them each against )rlenas cheeks. 2No, ma. +ou dontget it. +ou are glowing. Look5 she turned )rlenas face to the mirror by thebed. !o Neaves horror, )rlena did not appear at all shocked. Instead, shesmiled at her re-ection and said, 2+ou are cold. +ou are beginning to seethings,5

Neave slowly and methodically pulled her hands away. !his time she usedthem to hug her knees. )rlena tilted her head and tucked her curls behindher ear. (er amber eyes glowed gold. (er skin was silvery white. (er smilewas bestial. It appeared as if she found out about something and was notgoing to share it with anyone.

2#hen you went back to where you came from, how are they4 I mean we.(ow are we65 )rlena asked.

Neave 8s eyes pooled. 2!hey are not there.5

It was )rlena who now frowned and looked confused. 2Jone6 7id you evenreach home65

2I did. I do, every time. I reach the house I lived in. It was strange though..5Neave edged closer to her mother. !he glow softened. !he gold eyesremained lucid. Neave continued, 2!he house became the dream. )fter therst time I went back you were there. 7ad was not. I asked but you did not

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answer. $ventually, I came back to an empty house. )ll the time I was homeit felt like I was asleep the whole time. I cant tell day from night and howmany hours its been,5

2+ou were here last almost a month ago.5 )rlena interected.

2It felt hours ago.5

)rlena nodded in understanding. 'he stood to her full height. )rlena was nota particularly tall woman but she towered and she lled the room. Neaveasked, as slowly as she dared, 29om, what are you65 )rlena smiled andshook her head. 2I dont know sometimes.5

Part $: Sta% o& 'ords

*he soul has been %iven its own ears to hear thin%s that the mind does notunderstand.5 Rumi

aith is fed and sustained with words. aith can rely on the unseen@ it canmake one rope oneself to an idea fre=uently challenged by the stones, soiland warm bodies of reality. aith can be cold. It can be smoke. It can be air. Itcan be a distant star which remains nameless since it was last seenthousands of years ago. #ords dene faith. It gives the nameless names andthe uncertain, conte%t. #ords have weight. aith carries weight. !hat weight,can be, in most cases, heavier a burden than the money you have in yourbank, your loans, families that depends on you, the thesis you are writing,the future you are planning. !o assure oneself that it all will be alright in theend takes faith, and faith is renewed with a shower of well used words dayafter day. 3rayer after prayer.

(ad it not be for the demands of assignments and term papers and e%ams,Neal would not have used words written. (e elucidated them from his lips,beguiling listeners and made them remember him. !he man with the acidtongue, they say. !hen he will sit down and relish on the air than has thickenlike cream around him once his words were digested. (e knew at times hemake toes curl and palms sweat. !hat was his inward victory.!he winter that permeates consistently in his eyes and his smile wornselectively revealed little of what he came home for Dhristmas to. ) smallapartment four hours train ride, inhabited by a middle*aged woman alone

whenever he was away was minimally furnished, but it welcomed him. (edoubted many things in his life, but this* a home for him. (e kissed hismother, embraced her and went to his room. (e had systemi;ed his personaldomain as he did with his other room near the university. (e hated clutter.Dlutter meant he had little control, and control was what saved him from atraumatic childhood and the turbulent years in school. Dontrol was what he

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inherited from his mother. It became a trait, not a response to circumstances.(e checked his phone. !here were many te%t messages he chose to ignore."ne he readK2I nished reading *he 6ook *hiefthis morning. Jo embrace your motherand see, with wonder and gratitude, the soft light in her eyes.5

It was from )rlena. 'he sent it sometime in the afternoon but he was toooccupied to check his te%t messages. (e did not respond. or one moment,he could hear her voice speaking those words. (e could see her honey browneyes and feel her shoulder against his in the silence of the room. (is motherwas calling him for dinner* Dhristmas $ve dinner, e%clusively for mother andson. (e almost deleted the message. No, hell do that later. (e sat down fordinner. (er mother ensured that she was not the only one busying aboutserving and pouring. 'he felt compelled to do so, but life taught her that heshould be serving and pouring too. (e lled her glass. (e lled his with milk.It was still the best thing to drink, even in this weather. (e touched her handlightly, with gratitude, and saw in her eyes a soft light that came from

nowhere on the surface, but emanated from the depths of her soul."nce, he wondered if his mother will ever accept )rlena. )rlena wassensible, she was rather old fashioned in the good way and despite her erytemper he reali;ed that he was the only person she seems to listen to. )rlenawas an e%otic creature@ a di/cult woman. (e decided to spare his mother thetask of assessing the woman of his dreams, or at times his worst nightmare,and keep )rlena out of the household discussion. It spared him manycluttered thoughts. It kept his focus unmarred and unchallenged.!hat night before sleep, which came to him later than he was accustomed to,due to the e%change of presents between his mother and himself, he re*readthe message again. !he notions it created were confusing. )rlena does that*

confuses him, irritates him and worse of all, silent him. (e knew she meantwell with the te%t. 'he was always so random and abrupt. (e can acceptthat. But her mentioning his mother was almost like an intrusion. 'hecreated a space for herself in his life which he had spent years buildingborders to and from. !hen again, she was the rst person he related his lifeto. (e may not reveal everything, but he revealed more than he evere%pected to reveal to anyone. (e studied her eyes, saw the clear depths offriendship, and told away. 'he was intruding, but without it, he would feelthat she was too far away from him. 'he was once so close. 'he once camehome to him. (e sent her away. In the moment before sleep, he saw her. )ndhe sees the girl. (e remembered the girls hair. It cascaded down her waist in

soft waves. In the darkness and the light from the street he saw it had red,though not as much as it had black. (e sees them, tangled in each othersarm. (e then fell into a dreamless sleep.

!he holidays meant he was always at home. (is mother took advantage ofthat and made him clean up the top shelves of every storage space in the

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house. (e ached to read. In the =uiet of the late afternoon, he will rummagethrough his luggage. (e knew he had one book missing from his collection.(e was not going to ask it from her. 'he will pass it to him.!here was a presence in the room.(e turned to scan the small space. (e could hear his mother on her way out,

car keys and footsteps shuing and a small call out to him. (e yelled 2)ye5and heard the door close. (e took a moment to digest what he felt ustseconds ago. +es, it was there. (is bedroom door opened and there shestood* a mirage or a realistic conuring from his late night pondering* the girl.(e =uickly stood up, 2(ow465 he lost his words.!wo reasons why* the rst time he met the girl was in a dierent city, milesaway. 'he cannot make her way here alone, into his house, ust as hismother e%ited the very door that can be her only way in@ and the girl wasunbelievably pale. 'he was sick and ghostly and Neal knew he was notlooking at a conventional apparition of a person, but some supernaturalmanifestation. 'he was wearing a sweater and a coat, boots and stockings,

all in bright colors, and her hair was a mess around her shoulder. 'he spoke,in a voice that can only be described as coming from another end of aterrible telephone line separated by an entire continent. 2I cant go home.5Neal fro;e, his mind formed words he could barely spoke, 2#hy65!he girl shook her head, frustrated. 7espite her brightly colored clothes andher dark coat, he saw that she can be seen right throu%h. (e can see thedoor and the wall behind her through her chest, subtly but surely. (e clippedhis ngers at his waist, bracing himself. (e was beginning to feel his heart inhis throat and hair standing on ends on his neck and arm. 'he staggered,weak, closer to him. 2!he house is empty. 9y ma and dad are gone. I cantleave the house. $verything outside is in fog. #hen I cross the fog I come

here. !o you or to her,5)rlena, thought Neal. 'he was referring to )rlena.2Look at me4.look at me. I am disappearing. 3lease, daddy, help me,5 'hesaid, her dark eyes searching his face. 'he touched his knees, the cloth of hiseans denting at the point of her ngertips. 'he then collapsed and the -oortook her.Neal was already leaning against the wall. (e was trembling. !he -oor, thecarpet, it was vacant of any living e%istence. (e saw her fall and was gonelike smoke in the wind. (e knelt and touched the carpet. Jone. Not a sign oflife. #as he dreaming6 (e searched the house. !he door was locked. No onecame in and his mother was the last person to have left the house. (e looked

at the time. 'he must have been away for only few minutes.(e picked up the phone. )rlena4)rlena4he wanted to call her. (e typed amessage. (e forced himself to calm down. 'urely, there must be somelogical e%planation. (e read the te%t he typed, 2)rlena, can you see her too657eliberation upon deliberation, and nally he decided no. (e shall not thinkabout this again.

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It was easier said than done. 3rinciples had a way of thwarting reality. +ou setrules to abide by, to make ease and to consolidate your life. Neal had yearsof practice when it comes to selecting which thoughts to entertain and whichto chuck out and which to store for future reference. )s evening descended,he reali;ed that the very thought he wanted to relin=uish keep coming back.

It came back not only because it was bi;arre and it scared him beyond hisrationale, it came back because of that one word, that had no root in hismemory but it threw upon him the weight of an oceanK 2daddy5 she calledhim. Now he sees where he has seen those eyes before, those red stainedblack hair. (e had been looking at it all his life. (e was seeing his own faceon a child he never met.

)rlena was distracted as she stared into an empty pint of beer. 'he refusedto drink, but her merry companions were getting loose as the night spiraledinto the small hours. !he pub was closing and the laughter was diminishing.!he new semester meant that she will be presenting her research at the

candidature defense. It also meant she and Neal was in the same city again.(er holidays were as usual -ooded by family. 'he cannot anticipate peaceand solitude like Neal. 'he had an intact, well*functioning family. It kept herbusy. It kept her at ease. It also meant she had accumulated work that shecannot delay in attending to.'he turned to look at her friends, wasted the very rst day of the semester.'he smiled at their antics. (er heart had an anchor* Neave. #here is she6)rlena had not seen her for weeks, months. 'omething was not alright.)rlena saw the glow from her skin and her eyes every night before shetucked in to bed. It was subtle. But it was there. )n old friend pointed it out.(er eyes had turn to li=uid gold. It was not only physical. #hen once she

succumbed to misery, not all pain had turn to strategy. $very pain was avoice and she had been listening to them. "ne of the many pains she feltwas the absence of Neave. 'he almost asked Neal, so many times. 'he hadbeen in contact with him, small talks or bibliophilic discussions but Neavewas never mentioned. It was insane. (e would think her insane. 'he hadtried to nd her in the fog. 'he had tried to dream of her but only Neal came.Last she saw her she had asked her what was she and )rlena could barelyanswer her. !hen morning came and her daughter was gone.

Part (: The )mpty *ouse

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*he bree+e at dawn has secrets to tell you. 7on)t %o back to sleep. 0oumust really ask for what you really want. 7on)t %o back to sleep.5 Rumi

!he bed is unmade. !he sheets are twisted, cold and uncared for. !heatmosphere in the room was light, too light, and had the color of forgotten

dreams. !he hallways, small as they appear, were too far to walk to andfrom. $very room were years apart and it was all empty. )ll the rooms wereempty. Durtains were closed, seam to seam, but if it is drawn, all one seesoutside are the dance of the grey, the shadows and the cold. !here was onlyfog, dewless and untouched by any sunlight. "n the -oor, against theunmade bed, Neave Lee stared at the endless twist of darkness that hadtaken place the view of the street. 'he was in her parents bedroom. 'he hadbeen sleeping, or trying to sleep there since they disappeared. $veryphotograph that hung or placed on the side table was turning white. 'he sawone with her ma and dad sitting, waiting for a bus or a ferry, on a holiday.!hey had secrets, you can tell, and they will not share it with anyone but

each other. !hat was the last to go. !here was one of her as an infant. !hatshe took and toss it into the misty darkness outside. It was turning pallid too.(ow long had Neave lived in this darkness6 'he came to one day to see thather house was not her home anymore. 'he saw her mother, once the color ofwood and evening star, eroding into the greyness. 'he never saw her dad.Not since the rst time she went to the other side. 'he had opened the door,trying to nd them, but every door led her back to the house. 'he wanderedfrom room to room, and her energy deteriorated as it felt like every step wasthe longest one she had ever taken. #henever she sleeps, she will wake upin the same place. If she is lucky, shell come to the other side. !o ma or todad, though he might be the least ready to hear what she had to say.

!ime was a lost concept. 'he had no idea if it had been days or hours. Neaveplayed with her ngers. 'he held her mothers red diary. 'he could see rightthrough her own hands yet she could -ip page by page. 'he found the diaryhidden beneath a pile of old books, under the bed. 'he had been holding onto it desperately. It was all she had of her parents* her mothers words andthe memory of her father in it.$very clock and watch she looked at was greying too. !ears stained her see*through cheek. 'he prayed. !here was one thing her mother pri;ed overother values was faith. (er mother fed on faith despite her fathers coldnessand her own desire to rebel and =uestion her mothers every notion of theunbelievable. (ad she not been listening6

Neave forced herself to sleep. 'he was feeling rather hungry. !hat deterredthe process. 'he placed the diary to her bony chest and pretended to nothear her tummy rumble. or a moment, she thought about school. or amoment she thought of writing her thoughts down. 'he closed her eyes.

Light.

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Neave was deep in her own thoughts, but the warmth of that silver streaknally caught up with her consciousness. 'he sat up. #hat was that6 Neaveslowly got to her feet, diary still in hand, and peeked over the predictabledarkness outside. 'he felt the cold. 'he touched the fog. It parted, and

between the swirl of grey and shadows, was a streak of silver that shone tothe very place where she slept on the -oor. 'he touched it. (er hands wereghostly while the light was more vivid. It felt like li=uid, like water. !he lightshimmered and disappeared. Neave felt alone again.!he false hope, the lifelessness the house cultivated and the sharp pang ofhunger she felt red her. !he diary* she -ipped it open, not knowing whatshe was looking for. #ords, words, her mothers words* the universe itcarried, the sun that it became to her in the shadows. (er father, his wit, hisconcealed kindness, his masked passion for her mother* words were all theywere now. (ow can it be, she, their daughter, not knowing why and how, letit vanish6 (ow can she vanish6 (ow can theylet hervanish6 Neave sat down

on the bed, crumpled sheets that bore witness to her conception. !he diarywas studied, page by page. 'he has to nd her way home.

Neave fell asleep, nally. 'he was tired of swimming through her parentsuniverse. )ll the diary had were memories. Neave did not know why, but itfelt like morning. It felt like she should be dragged out of bed by her fathersrm hand and marched half*asleep to the bathroom. 'he almost e%pected tohear her mother -ipping pancakes in the kitchen, brewing coee and pouringmilk for her and dad. 'he could hear her fathers voice, aectionatelysarcastic, telling her she might try to go to school with her hairbrush hoistinghalf of her tangled mane or wear mismatched socks. It felt like morning,

though the darkness remained the same. Neave got up =uickly. 7ad wouldbe very proud of her. 'he took the diary with her as she went to her room. Itwas only separated by a wall, but it felt like the walk to school whenever shemissed the bus. 'he nally found her room. It was neat. It had les that dadtaught her how to use. It had books ma made her read. 'he placed the diaryon her desk and wondered why it is suddenly morning6 'he listened. !hesilence prevailed. No nagging father or pancake -ipping mother. 'till, she feltit in the air. 'he opened a page in the diary. +ears ago, her father sent hermother a te%t message. (e had a promise in the message. (e had utteredlove for her. (e had faith too. 'he had transferred the message to her diary,so she can never lose them. Neave read the entry again. !he words

remained intact. !hese were the words that these shadows did not swallow.!hese are memories that )rlena and Neal still remember. !hese words areher fathers. !hese were the only words of her father.Neave drew the blinds. It felt like morning, so she prayed.'he prayed for the longest time.

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'he changed to her school uniform, took her bag and the diary. 'he beganthe long walk to the front door. 'he began the cold walk through the fog.

Part +: escendent o& the ar# -ne

8overs don)t #nally meet somewhere they)re in each other all alon%5Rumi

Drossing the fog meant one of them was on the other side. Neave wasgrowing weak and she was in dire of warmth and food. 'he persisted walkingdespite the lightness that was unbecoming in her steps. 'he fell into a poolof light. !hen it was all dark.#hen she came to she was not on )rlenas bed as she had e%pected. 'hewas not on Neals carpeted room neither. 'he was sandwiched betweenshelves of books and )rlena was seen, like a star at midnight, bending over a

book that rested on the palm of her hand. )rlena was not looking at Neave.Neave was lying on )rlenas coat, spread over the cold tiles of the library-oor. Neave remembered being taken to this library once when she wasyounger. 'he rubbed her head and saw that there was a carton of milk and apacket of fruitcake by her side.2$at, then Ill e%plain,5 said )rlena, not even stealing a glance at her-ustered daughter. 'he held in her hands a piece of paper that clearly wasread once too many. Neave edged closer to look.It was opened to a map of the Isles. )rlena traced her nger across an agedpaper and stopped at an illustration that marked the end of an archipelagoand the beginning of the open ocean. 'he thus began her storyK

2I was born here. It was so far away from any big cities that there were nohigh rise buildings or any cinemas4anyway@ I did not live there long.'omething happened, and it perhaps made me what I am. I dont really knowwho my real parents were. )ll I know came from pieces of information Igathered from the newspaper and even less from my foster parents. 9yparents were murdered. !hat was why I was taken away. !he man who wassuspected of murdering them was this 'ingaporean business man who cameto the island for a holiday. !he island is this beautiful place. !here werepotentials for those who would want to turn it into a getaway, you know, taketheir families for vacations, stay at a nice cottage and go home a week laterwith a souvenir or two. !his 'ingaporean man came to reali;e that potential.

I knew much later that he inadvertently fell in love with my mother. !hat waswhere it got ugly. 'ee, he was married. (e had children and a wife that camewith him. It was told in the news that my parents were found with gunshotwounds all over their bodies. 9y mother clearly never reciprocated hisaections. (e too, never went away gently. 3olice found too little evidence toimplicate him so he was released. I was taken from one foster home to

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another until this nice family with three children of their own decided toadopt me. )nd there began my life in Jlasgow. I was about eight but Iadusted =uickly. I was eager to be accepted so my foster family had noproblems accommodating me nor I, them.I went to school with my older sister and made friends. It was when my sister

transferred to a grammar school in London that I was alone and became asocial recluse. 'orry, what I meant was I no longer was very good at makingor keeping friends. 9y sister was my rock. )nd yes, she was your aunt whopassed away before you were born. I usually came back from school after ashort visit to the library. By the time I leave the school grounds it would bedestitute. !hat was when I was accosted by a man. ) Dhinese man. (eintroduced himself and he had his sons with him* a very charming man withlittle indication that he meant any harm. I was already a teenager and wasyears into being a social recluse. (ow old was I then6 !hirteen6 ourteen6 Iwas scared at rst. I told the teachers that someone was trying to approachoutside of school and so I was made to go home the same time as everyone

else. !his man was determined. (e searched for me in places I usuallyconsidered to be my secret haven* the city library, parks I take a run in andcafM where I usually catch up on my reading. I took measures to avoid himbut he used his children to pawn me. (e played with my loneliness. (is boyswere about then nine and two. !he older one was aloof but the younger one,being a baby and all, always found a way to me. (e had this deep thoughtfullook that was not normal for a child his age. +ou can tell he was very smart. Ioften nd the Dhinese man letting the toddler walk and he walk to no otherdirection but to me. I cannot ignore a boy who stares at me as I read. Icannot ignore when he speaks. I was in time obliged to approach the Dhineseman and asked him what does he wants from me. (e told me he knew my

mother* my biological mother. (e showed me a photo of her. I have neverseen it myself. But surely, it was her. I resembled her. I was thirsty forinformation. rom him pieces of my life story were relayed. (e told me manythings, darling, of your grandmother. "ne of it was how she too, was likethis.5 Neave watched as )rlena glowed a shade brighter. Neave asked, 2!henwhat are you then652!he man did not know. I do not know either. )ll I gathered from ourconversations was that he fell in love with her but there was nothing for himto do but to leave the island. 'he was married and so was he. I knew mymother was eccentric and beautiful. !he islanders pained to please her. 9yfather was a sherman who couldnt do any better but no one dared to utter

a word against him. )nd then there was this boy. !his toddler who was tooyoung to understand but he sat there listening to us. (e sat there his darkeyes %ed on me. )fter a couple of meetings he came and held me. (e heldme and I held him and I felt that I loved him. (ave you ever felt, after yearsof solitude45 )rlena clench her st against her chest, not knowing how tonish. 'he took a deep breath and continued.

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2) week or so later a young woman came to see me. 'he told me that herhusband murdered my mother and I will do myself a grand favor if I stopseeing him. 'he gave me a newspaper clipping. 'he said he was married tosomeone else at that time but she came to know only after they had a childtogether. 'he was the mother to the little boy*2

2NealA5 Neave interrupted.)rlena smiled. 2+es. !hat was when I rst met your father.527id you see him again after that652I did. +ears later, when he was nineteen. (is mother took him back to'ingapore. I never knew what became of the man until I was re*ac=uaintedwith your father last year. )pparently the man passed away of a heart attackwhen your father was still in school.527oes he know6 7oes daddy know of this story65 )rlena shook her headsadly 2Its something I reckon his mother rather kept from him and I too keptfrom him for fear that it may further push him away from me. No use addingsalt to the gaping wound he ac=uired from a terrible childhood.5

2(ow did you know it was him65 Neave persisted.2(is name and his face. Ill never forget that face.5Neave pondered for a moment. 'he felt sickly and her hands were felt likeoiled paper, but her mind raced and she refused to e%press her sickliness toher mother. 'he eaculated, 2so you are in love with a man whose fatherkilled your parents65 )rlena nodded, yes. 2(ow can you love a kid the sameway as you loved a grown man65!he dark curls that framed )rlenas face sheltered her lucid eyes, but Neavecan tell they were moist. 2I felt my soul was complete when I met him. It wasterrifying. But in the end all we felt was sense of completion,52I love him not with my eyes or my skin or the words from my lips. I love him

with my heart and my soul.5

2$at, then Ill e%plain,5 said )rlena, not even stealing a glance at her-ustered daughter. 'he was engrossed reading. !his corner they were in wasnot well lighted and they were alone. It was only her mothers glow thatmade reading possible. #hile she ate, Neave studied the titles on the spineof the books around herK 9eltic 8e%ends: ;yths of !ales and Scotland:9reatures in Irish


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)rlena shook her head rmly. 2No, it is not.5 'he stretched her arm and tookthe book. It was opened to a page with a woodwork illustration. !he bookwas placed on Neaves lap. 'he studied it.2+ou told me about changeling before, ma.5 'he said. (er mother smiled.'he was e%pecting Neave to study the woodwork further so she did. 'he

wiped her tears away so her eyes could capture the details in the art.Neave turned to her mother. 2#ere you a changeling652I was.52)nd you grew up with humans65 )rlena nodded. (er eyes were like the sun.!heir corner in the library glowed gold and silver.2(ow come your parents never seek for you65 asked Neave. )s strange asthe conversation was going, she was still her mothers daughter. !heatmosphere was not weighted with words. !hey were weighted with truth.)rlena inhaled and closed her eyes. !he place gloomed momentarily. 'hethen began to tell this storyK29y real parents were the dwellers of the shorelines. !hey were night

creatures. !hey fed of the evening light* stars and moon. 9y people wereknown to have helped sailors cross the sea at night. !he light from ourbodies made us valuable to humans. !hey never bothered with us unlessthey needed our help. !hey sheltered our homes from other humans. !helocals all knew of us, and we had a comfortable agreement. 9y mother wasvery beautiful, or so said the folks who took me. #hen she was pregnantwith me she was called out by a woman in the wee hours of the morning.!his woman lost her child. "ne moment the boy was in his cradle, crying,and the ne%t he was gone. #e all suspected it was the father who was aknown drunk and had vengeance against the child. 'o this poor womancalled and called out for us in the dark and she saw my mother. 9aternal

instinct took over and my mother used her light to guide the woman to thewoods and along the coast as far as they could go, seeking the lost babe.!hey at last found him, true enough, with his father clutching the poorwailing child. (e saw his wife and would have threatened her if it was not formy mother who made herself appear before him in all her glory. !erried, forus faery*folks are known for our curses and spells, he dropped the babe andtook o into the darkness. 9y mother and the woman hurried to the child,but alas, there was damage to him. It cannot be undo. !he child shall growup sickly, that they both know immediately. 9y mother was taken after thegrieving woman. 'he tried to help the child but it was beyond her. No magicfolks could repair it. It was only the (igher Being who could but I reckon it

was meant to be that the child was not spared. 9y mother consulted myfather. ind heart he had. (e went over to the woman and oered their ownunborn child as an e%change for the damaged boy. 9y father was convincedthat the boy would strive better in their environment. (e udged the worldbeyond the coast would be unust to the mother and the child. !hat was howI became a changeling. +ou very well know, child, that a changeling is a

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human baby e%changed with a faery baby. 9ost humans guard newbornbabies for fear us faery*folk will come and take their baby and put in its placea hideous faery*baby. !his mother, after much conviction and caoling,agreed to take me in place of her boy. 'o that was where my parents thoughtId grew up* a walk away from the beach that they inhabited. ate had a

dierent plan. 9y mother was desired by this wealthy businessman whooperated a shop in the village. (e was always seen to steer his boat everynight to where he knew my mother would be. (e had been doing so beforeshe was pregnant. 9y father would have put a stop to it but the faery*folkswould not allow such personal grudge destroy the harmony they had with thehumans living in the area. #hen he saw that her belly was not with a babyanymore, and how he usually nds her is beyond even them folks whohaunted the coast, he came after her and wooed her to marry him. 'hedecline, of course and made herself scarce. #hen he had trouble nding her,he grew bitter. (e saw one day, a babe who glowed like the moon. !he babewas in possession of a simple woman who kept chickens for the village and

had no business with a child like that.5)t that point, )rlena took out a newspaper clipping which she kept folded inher coat.!he headline readK L"D)L #"9)N "ON7 9O07$0$7 IN CO)IN! '$)'I7$


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arrested. I think I was about ten when that happened. "ne day he came tome while I was waiting for the bus to go to a library. (e had with him his twoboys. (is wife was not there. I was frightened but I guess that was what heused the children for. (e spoke nicely. (e was a very intelligent man. Iremembered he gave me my rst book on philosophy* a young school girl

like me. I was your age then, think about it. (is eldest was always distractedand played about on his own but the younger child was taken by me. (e wasat least reacting to my words and my touch. !he man allowed me to holdhim. #e met more than once. 0emember, I at rst did not know who he was.(e then told me of my mother and how he knew her. (e said I was gettingtoo dark* my eyes and hair and my skin* to be anything like my mother. Danyou imagine how I felt, this strange Dhinese man telling me my real motherwas a faery6 I knew I was adopted but his tale was too bi;arre. (e thenshowed me drawings he made of my mother and I was stunned by how closewe resemble each other. I admit I was afraid of him. I despised whatappeared to me lies that he was telling me. !he one thing that allowed him

to sit with me day after day was the boy. (is son,5 )rlena paused and gaveNeave a meaningful look. 'he reacted, 2"h ma45)rlena continued.2"ne day after school it was not he but his wife who came. It was she whotold me to stop seeing her husband. It was she who gave this newspaperclipping to me. It was she who told me what he really was. I was surprisedbut I listened to her. or one thing, it nally made sense of all the lies he wastelling me. !hey were not really lies. I see myself in the mirror every now andthen and I knew I was not* completely human. I ust did not like how he wasusing me. Osing his son. I sensed that he was seeing my mother when helooks at me and that disgusted me. !hey went back to 'ingapore and I never

knew what happened after that.5Neave asked, 2#hat about the boy6 !ell me about him,5 )rlena gave Neave alook she learned from Neal* that superior but annoyed look and went on toanswer the en=uiry, 2(e was very young. 3robably could not even remember.(e was clever and I was easily amused by him. )ny female can get attractedto a child. But I knew4 I knew why he never failed to bring the boy wheneverhe came to see me.5Neave leaned closer, 2why652I glowed. I glowed like my mother whenever I held the boy.5Neaves eyes widen and nodded in reali;ation. 2+ou never saw the boy againafter that65

2Not for many, many years. In fact, if it wasnt for this newspaper clipping, Iwould not know who the boy is now. ust a surname* Lee* to bind it alltogether,5)rlena was =uiet for a while. 'he closed the book on Neaves lap. (e handilluminated the girls face. It was a beautiful face. )rlena touched it gently bythe cheek and chin and kissed her forehead. 27o you know what your name

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means65 Neave nodded proudly, 2)ye, you told me once. 87escendent of thedark one52+ou know why you are named so6 !hink,5 )rlena said with a challengingtone.Neave was accustomed to both her parents instructing her to think before

satisfying her with an answer. 'he folded her hands under her chin andplaced her ngers on her nose. )rlena observed with slight amusement.Neave attempted an answer, 2you are light.5)rlena nodded, 2)ye527addy4he had a dark past. (is father had a dark past. (is personality isdark. (e4pardon me ma4 is winter. Dold and always dark.5 )rlena sti-edlaughter@ it came out as a snort.2(ence my name,52)lmost true. (e is not the only dark one. I am too. I was for a very longtime. #hen your dad left me months ago, he killed that girl. (e killed thedark one. (e stirred, without intending to, the beast. !his,5 she beckoned to

her person, the human torch* the manifestation of human in-amed.2!hat is not a beast he stirred, ma. !hat is harsh name to call oneself,52I feel like it,52'uit yourself,52'top sounding like your father.52(e taught me to speak,5Neave saw the pride in her mothers eyes. 'he saw how much she loved him.2#hich came rst, the feelings for dad then the name or the name than youremembered who he is and that made you loved him652eelings. eelings came rst. +ou cant undo love with a person you lovedwith your soul, child,5

Part .: /urderers

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)nother reason why he chose the =uiet habituation was to avoid )rlena. (ecannot face her. Not after what he saw in his room during the holiday. (e didreply a te%t she sent but it did not cultivate into a discussion as it always did.'he must have felt his distance. 'he must be distraught. (e cannot face herand pretended he was not bothered by that unearthly appearance.

(e took another book. !he absence of his favourite book bothered him, butac=uiring it meant he had to see )rlena. (e will ust borrow a copy from thelibrary. (e could see the melting snow and mud caking the pavement belowhis -at. (e could see the pandemonium of students. (e resumed his studies.!he wind and a shadow perturbed his peace. (is papers -uttered but he heldit down with the palm of his hand. !here was a knock at the door. (e kept=uiet. (e did not move. (e was not planning to answer it. (is phone screencame to live. !here was an incoming call* )rlena. (e stared at the screen.!he call stopped. !he knock returned. (e dreaded his steps but he stole alook into the peeping hole. )rlena, alone and she held a book. 'he waslooking at her phone, annoyed. 'he must have sensed his presence at the

other side of the door, and he saw her eyes turn to him.!he eerie countenance* her eyes were paler and brighter than usual. Nealleaned against the wall, took a deep breath and swung the door open. (ewore an e%pression of pure boredom and annoyance. 'o did she.29oody.5 'he greeted him.2#hat do you want65 he asked coldly. 'he shoved a book into his hand.2!hanks.5 'he said. 'he made a move to go but she stole a glance down thehall. (e was curious but he did not ask. (e then glanced back at her, intowhat he then reali;ed was a pool of light. !he corridor was rather dark evenduring the day, but as )rlena stood there, it was unnaturally light. 7id )rlenaglow before6

(e was in love with her. 'he emanated light surely, from his mind but thiswas physical. 'he turned to look down the corridor again. !his time Nealbroke from his trance and saw what she was looking at* the girl.2Neal, I want you to meet Neave.5 )rlena reached out and the girl, Neavewalked from the shadows into )rlenas pool of light, leaning against her. Nealcontrolled his e%pression. (e wanted to shut the door at their faces but hecouldnt. !he girl, the very same girl who came and collapsed in his bedroomat home was standing there, looking at him hopefully. 'he had a schooluniform on. (er acket was unbuttoned and yes, she was still lmy,transparent. 7oesnt )rlena see that6 Dan she not see she has her armaround a ghost6

2rightening, isnt it65 )rlena asked provocatively. Neal could not tear o hisga;e. !he girl came forth slowly. 'he walked past him into his -at and satdown on a stool. )rlena walked in too. (e was compelled to let them in. (elost all words, and words were futile in circumstances like this.2#ho is she65 he nally asked. )rlena remained standing. (er chin was tiltedand her eyes shone gold. (e noticed the silvery light followed her into his

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bleak living area. It stopped as a circle around )rlena. !he girl had her handsfolded. (e looked into her familiar eyes and saw himself.2#ho is she, )rlena65 he asked again.Neave answered him, 2+our daughter.5(e leaned against the door. (is face was hostile. 2!his doesnt make sense.5

29e glowing silver light and a girl you can see right through make sense,Neal65Neal dared to come close to the girl. )far, she appeared tough and proud. Opclose, he could see she wanted his approval@ he sees that she is sad. (etouched her lmy ngers. !hey were warm. !hey felt solid.2#hen I met you at the cathedral you were452Less ghostly,5 she =uipped. 'he bit her lip. (er dark eyes, her translucentdark eyes were marred by beads that threatened to wet her cheeks.27addy, we are losing you45 she pleaded, and the tears rolled. (e had hishands on her knees. !hey felt small underneath his long, slender ngers. (erwords sunk like a ship. (e had the audacity to form words that made sense.

!hat can e%plain instead of letting this situation con=uer him. (e turned to)rlena. 'he was looking away. 'he too, was crying. (e pointed to her, 2Is sheyour mother65Neave nodded, and =uickly said, 27ont deny that I am your daughter. Its tooobvious and it wont be clever to deny the obvious,5Neal gave those words some consideration before he rose and walked overto )rlena. 2Dan you e%plain this65)rlena nodded. 27o you want to listen65Neal felt a defensive tingle. (er =uestion was tangled with a millionaccusations that permeated from earlier confrontations. 7id he want tolisten6 (e always claimed he did. But he denied every single thing she said if

it challenged his reasoning and his principles.!his, by far, may challenge him to the very opposite end of his logic.2$%plain.5 (e demanded. (e stood close to )rlena. 'he tried to avoid hisga;e. (e knew she was telling the truth.(e listened as she related how she rst encountered Neave.2#hy did she come here65 he asked. 2'he came because she lost her wayhome. "r rather, the house she lived in with her parents4with us4wasdeteriorating into the darkness. Neal, I am what you always knew I was. I amthat which you deemed too far*fetched from your version of truth. 'he is mydaughter. +our daughter. #hen I am estranged and falling apart, so will she.#hen you are falling apart, she is harmed too.5

Neal leaned closer to )rlena. (e leaned so close )rlena could feel his skinagainst her cheek. 'he sensed his coldness, the mask of his ego, the shieldthat was his pride. 'he had been dealing with that for so many months, hecannot hide it in any form.2If it was not meant to be, then it is not meant to be. 'he can come herefrom some future and beg us to be together so she can e%ist. I see that is

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what she is doing. )nd you are promoting it. +ou are validating her. +et, if wechose now that we shall remain apart, and the =uestion of marriage, childrenor any more*than*platonic relationship is kept out of this friendship, then itsimply means we are setting the path to our future. #e make the future,)rlena. !he future should not come to tell us what to do. Let this go,

whatever this is.52+ou are unbelievable. +ou are trying to reason this6 Dan you not feel a sliverof aection for her, if not for me65 )rlena asked ust as softly. Neal stared at)rlenas silver stained face. 'he light up the room like the moon inmidsummer. 'till, it was too far from any notion of truth he ever hadinculcated in his mind. (e swayed his opinion. (e searched his heart. +es,she is my daughter. +es, I am still in love with )rlena. But no, this is not howthings are done. !his is a mess. !his is beyond control.2Let me e%plain in a language you can understand, Neal Lee. !he futureindeed should not tell us what to do. But under the circumstances, as youcan well see, the future is suering. !his is empirical. !his is physical. !his is

not me using my emotions to trap you. I think this is Jods way of telling younicely that you can change your mind. Dhanging your mind does not makeyou weak. It means you are adusting yourself to a truth recently discovered.!ruth does not change, sir. It may be ust that you did not see it in its actualform. 'o now here it is. !ake it. Believe it. !his is not a hint. !his is a screamin capitali;ed red font right before your very eyes.5 )rlena waited for hisresponse. 'he wanted to slap him. 'he wanted to take him in her arms andlet him cry. Neal was a very lonely soul. (e was only too proud to go to her.Now he was too proud to receive his own daughter.Neave had sauntered over =uietly to her father and heard all that was said.'he held her transparent hand to his face and watched herself slowly

disappear.'he watched his cold eyes water then her mothers arm reaching out to whateventually become thin air.)rlena and Neal was alone. !he girl was gone. #here she touched him waswarmth and that remained long after she had faded from their sight.)rlena buckled rst. 'he was on her knees, her face lined with tears thatseem to perpetuate. Neal stared and stared at the spot where the girl4where his daughter was standing and bidding goodbye. 0aptured, he feltcompelled to touch )rlena, to stroke her hair but was too afraid to.2Neal45 )rlena said softly. 'he did not sob. (er tears had come to a halt. (ewatched her eyes never leaving his as she spoke. 'he no longer glowed but

her eyes were li=uid gold and they burned. 2Neal, listen to me. I will wait foryou. I will wait for you to come to your senses and to be braver. +ou love me.I swear to Jod there isnt a day that goes by that I do not know that. +ou aretoo afraid. Ill let you be afraid. I will leave you be. ust remember, wheneveryou are ready, I will be waiting.5 'he sighed, and went on. (e tried to speakbut she held her ga;e. 2I ust4love you. I may not love you the way you

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wanted to be loved when we were together but I love you. I had spent weekstrying to convince you that I can love you better but you kept me away.!hats alright, Neal. I will continue to love you, no matter how far apart wemay be after this. I have faith in you. I have faith in Neave. !o you, it may bean attempt to challenge fate. !o me, this is fate. !his is our fate. I am sorry

you dont see it. I have eradicated all e%pectations.5 'he broke the ga;e,destroyed the spell. 2!hank you,5 she said awkwardly. 'he left the -at. (ewatched her leave. (e watched both of them leave.

Part 10: eath o& a Promise

*he wound is the place where the li%ht enters you5 Rumi

'he was being watched. 'he knew too, that it was not an action that shall beacknowledged. 'he edged deeper between the shelves. !he books weredustier here. 'he collected her energy and let the light through, but not too

much. 'he intended not to alarm anyone. !he contemplated on her world* ofbooks and fogs, unborn child, murder and love* and felt a compulsion towrite it@ in essence it was about the facts, faith and the truth of it all.(er heart was broken. It broke when Neal left her. It broke again by thecoldness he promised once to never torment her with. It broke beyond repairwhen Neave left.29a..5)rlena could hear the girls voice calling her.2(ow are you65 a male voice asked. )h, so he speaks. 2Jood.5 'heanswered. Neal emerged from the other side, pushing books out of the wayso he could see her face. 'he smiled. 'he walked on. (e came after her. 27o

you see this65 he pushed into her hands the very same book she returned tohim weeks ago. !he page was turned to a chapter on 9ontes=uieu. Ne%t tothe header was a scribble, her handwriting 8)spire and inspire. Neal saidteasingly, 2someone butchered my book,5 he saw her tired eyes. 'he wasslipping away. 'he returned the book. 'he left without a word.

!he empty house received a guest that night. No, not a guest. 9ore likereceiving the lord of the house. Neal was dreaming one moment and feltawake the ne%t. $%cept he was not awake in his own bed. !he bed feltbigger. !he ceiling higher. !he entire room was gray and dark. (e went to thewindow. (e drew the curtains. og. !he whole view was dominated by fog.

(e touched it and felt the sharp sting of cold. #here was he6 (e went out ofthe room. !he hallway was small. It was a humble house. (e decided that hewas still dreaming. (e ust needed to nd a way to wake up. (e tried to go tothe ne%t room, but the door seems to be ust out of his reach. (e saw thestairs. It moved away and away and he was soon too tired to walk. 3anic

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swung =uickly like a pendulum. (e then saw her. #hy does she always seehim rst62Neave..5 he called.'he replied, 27addy...5It took her forever to get to him. 'he came from one of the rooms. 'he had

her school uniform on. (e embraced her without =uestion. 'he was solid@lmy. 'he held a diary. ) red book that he remembered seeing somewhere.2#here are we65 he asked her.2our house.5 'he answered.2#e live here65Neave nodded, smiling, 2+ou, ma and me.5 !he place reeked of fear andhopelessness. (e noticed all the photos were greying too. 'ome werecompletely white, so all that was left was a frame that held nothingness.#hy are we here6 (e wanted to ask. No, he cannot ask that. !hat wouldacknowledge the ludicrous nature of this dream. (e needed not ask why hedreamt of certain things. (e ust had to wake up. (e felt his daughters

shoulder buried in his chest* that felt real. (er ngers clutching his t shirt,her knuckles in his -esh* it all felt real. (e looked around the house. !herewas nothing sinister. Onlike the movies, whereby gloomy, greying dreamsusually signal presence of a vindictive, psychotic entity, this house was soempty, no entity, good nor evil seem to inhabit it. !he place was vacuumedof energy, of sadness and oy, of all forms of e%istence. (e nudged Neave,2Dan I see this65 he took the diary from her palm when she nodded. 'hepulled away from him. !here was an air of anticipation in her face as heopened to a bookmarked page. (e read the entry. )rlenas diary hadimmortali;ed his confession of love to her. !here was a date that was onlytwo weeks after his birthday, and she had written in this page his words that

would have otherwise deleted by technology. )rlena wrote his name on theheader. 'he wrote hers. 'he had cared for the words and perhaps it had beenher source of reference whenever she was distraught and upset with hisdistant disposition.!hese words4.Neal turned to the girl, who was searching his face for an answer to whatever=uestions that seems to have bothered her* she was searching it becauseshe wants to know if he sees what she saw. 2(er name means 8promise5 saidNeave, 2)nd you broke the promise,5 she pointed to a line in the lengthypassage. I will not bail out"(e was outside.

"ne moment he was holding a diary, not comprehending words uttered by achild that he momentarily felt was his own daughter, in a house so empty itmay as well had been a dream, and suddenly he was standing on thepavement, looking at the a street. 3eculiarities e%ceeded beyond hisrationale* the street was strewn with leaves of autumn and he hadremembered it being late ebruary, with the melting snow turning caked dirt

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into mud. (e held an obect* a diary. (e looked around him. (e was standingin front of a house that had a small garden. )cross the street there weresome people, on their way to work or back from late night at the pub, but inthe cold of the morning, despite his an%iety and confusion, he saw )rlenastanding and talking to that girl* that child who was with him seconds ago.

!he child was an alarming sight* she had only a nightdress, an oversi;edacket he recogni;ed as )rlenas and a pair of socks. 'he seem to havesleepwalked. (e was about to cross the street when he saw them walk withhaste to* wait, where was he6 (e knew this street. (e was in the same town.(e could see some familiar landmarks. !hey were walking to a direction hecould only assume was towards )rlenas -at. (e felt chilly. "f course. (e wasnot dressed too. 'omeone asked him if he was alright. (e turned towards thevoice. It was an elderly woman, who appeared out of nowhere and was veryconcerned with him standing out in the cold, wearing only his shorts and t*shirt. (e was about to answer before the fog took him.

)wake.

Neal inhaled deeply. It was only a dream. ) vivid, terrifying dream. (e rubbedhis temple and searched the bedside table for his mobile phone. )n impulsegot him to =uickly open his eyes and study the room. It was indeed his -at@his room. !here was no little girl sitting on neither the chair by the studytable nor a dark haired woman by the window or anything of that sort. !hesepast weeks have been psychologically challenging. (e looked at his phoneK2G.? a.m.57ear Jod, he was going to be lateA(e kicked his covers and scrambled to undress while running to the

bathroom. (e brushed his teeth, splashed cold water over his face, grabbeda shirt which had creases but he couldnt be bothered to iron them, pulled ona grimy pair of eans and grabbed his wallet, keys and backpack. (e took ale from the shelf and stued it in his bag. (e hurried to the door.(is hand was still holding the doorknob when he turned around. (e glared atthe item under the bed. !he red leathered item which seems to have beenaccidently kicked under his bed. 'hould he ignore it until he comes back fromclass6 (is curiosity won over and he was soon kneeling by the bed, shingout the book and stared at it.(e knew this book from two incidences* )rlena was always carrying itaround, and second incident was a dream from last night. 7id )rlena came

last night and somehow left the book here6 (e checked the windows. !heywere all locked. (is door was locked. )nd )rlena might be di/cult,unpredictable and eccentric but she had too much pride and grace to climbinto his place like a criminal. (e looked at his watch. (e was already late. (eleft the room and proceeded to walk to class, the red*leathered diary nowinhabiting his bag.

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/eal 7id you tell ;ick or Andrew about us&Arlena I have been han%in% out with Andrew. 'e tells me stu2 about you. Idid not reciprocate or spill your secrets if that is what you are afraid of./eal


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decadent, lea-ess woods shook winter o its branches and let spring in. !heend of season had a prevailing chill. (e felt it to the bones. (e leanedagainst the bench and sighed. 'o he wasnt dreaming, and even he did,dreams, like the future had now the talent to thwart logic and positivistnotions of the environment. (e wasnt a pure positivist. (e had ideas of the

unseen cosmos and Dreator. #hat he thought he had e%clusively that wentbeyond compromise, and what he perceived )rlena was lacking wereprinciples. (e had always been guided by principles. (is principles were notalways empirical, but to his sanity and e%istence his principles felt like afortress against shower of arrows. !hese words, the dream and the girl* theyfelt like loose bricks that now are apparent in his stronghold. !heythreatened to fall. !hey might let the arrows in. (e cannot let that happen.(e chose to forget what happened in his -at weeks ago when the girl seemto evaporate before his eyes. (e decided to let go of )rlena, once and for all.'he went from strange to overwhelmingly peculiar. (e cannot let such mortalthreat enter his psychological domain.

!he diary covers went moist in his sweaty palm. )rlena will miss this. (e hadto return it to her. (e gathered his composure and took one step after theother to the library. 'he was nowhere to be seen. $ven her friends had notseen her around. (e left the library and took his phone. )fter few attemptshe concluded that wherever she was, she intended not to be found. 'he hadturned o her phone. It was late in the afternoon. 'oon it will get dark. (eremembered )rlena telling him about listening to her when she doesntspeak. (e recalled a time when he could hear her despite distance andsilence. (e closed his eyes and let his mind wander for a while. !hen hebegan to walk towards the town center. (e walked passed it. (e went to)rlenas -at, but he didnt climb up the stairs. (e felt that it was not needed.

(e walked and walked until he found himself before the house where hesupposed the dream took place. ) family probably inhabited the place* therewere toys strewn across the yard* but that family was not his. (e walkedfurther out of the city. !he sun was setting. !he cathedral loomed over him.(e stopped. (is heart was beating fast. (e took o his glasses and wiped hisbrow. !hey were cold sweat. (is glasses were returned to their perch on hisnose and he looked at where he was standing. !hey were mostly trees. )ndhe hears running water. (e remembers this place. It was here that he satwith )rlena by a brook, and he was convinced he will never love anyone asmuch as he loved her when she tipped her toes into the water and winced atthe cold. (er honey eyes glowed then, but he reckoned then that it came

from the sunlight that pierced through between the trees. !hat was last'eptember* a week after his birthday. (e felt lucky then. 3erhaps he was.#ith his bag slung over one shoulder and the diary in one hand, he bravedthe darkening woods. (e can see her. 'he made no attempt to disappear inthe shadows of the trees. 'he had been reading, but now the book was shutand ignored on her lap. 'he was staring into space.

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2+ou killed our unborn daughter,5 she said softly.(e thought he heard it wrong. 2IPm sorry45'he smiled as he came close. 2(ow are you65 she asked. 2ine, thank you.52)nd your mother65 2'he is doing good, thank you for asking.5 (e wanted tosit ne%t to her. (e saw the glint of cold in her eyes. 'he warned him =uietly.

(esitating, he decided not to let her dominate him so he sat ne%t to her, butfar enough t

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