Ever Silent

8/10/2019 Ever Silent

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Ever SilentChapter 1: Sever the Infection

No, please,

The boy pleaded to the woman holding a baton. She ignored hispleas and swung the stick at the boys back with a loud crack. Smallwhimpers found their way out of the boys trembling lips.

You good for nothing boy ! told you to ne"er show your face tomy daughter# $ good beating will make you learn# The woman saidand started hitting the boy, once e"ery breath.

Your parents are the cause of our misery# Your father was adamned man and your mother was a walking abomination of a woman#$n abomination# The woman cried as she hit him harder.

%assandra#

The woman turned to the "oice of her mother and stopped dead.The old woman was red with rage and swatted the baton from%assandra. Then, she headed for the boy and lifted his head to her lap.

!f you lo"e that sad e&cuse for a boy so much mother, then youare not welcome here anymore. %assandra said out of rage, notmeaning a thing she said. The old woman sighed at the hatred in%assandras "oice and nodded.

Then lea"e we shall. The old woman said in a mi&ture ofsadness and anger. $ girl appeared from the door. She looked no olderthan the boy.

'om( She said softly. %assandra did not reply but headed forher and pulled the girl away from the scene. )ith %assandra out of theroom, the boy looked at the old woman and tried to smile, but endedup crying.

*ont cry, The old woman hushed, )ell lea"e this house and

then we can li"e without fear.

The boy felt his body go numb and his eyesight blurred. +e feltthe warm breath of the old woman, and then he heard her whisper hisname to his ear.

ryan#


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ryan Nathan instantly looked up and shook o- his "ision. +esighed in relief. ust a dream of his horrible past. $gain. +e blinked acouple of times and brushed his black bangs o- his pale face, re"ealinggreen windows of mystery that were his eyes. /ooking up, he saw threetall 0gures. +is friends.

'an, The spiked1haired blonde named Nick 2rey said as hegulped one shot of "odka. Youre drunk.

Speak for yourself, the neck1length haired brunette named'ichael Scott retorted. )ho drank three bottles of "odka(

The other blonde, esse *ane, turned to ryan and handed him acool glass 0lled with "odka.

)hats with you tonight( You usually drink more than Nick.

*ont tell me youre already drunk. +e asked.

3m, no, !m not really di44y, ryan said, ! 5ust remembered6something. !ts not so important.

+oly heck, Nick shouted. )ere late for the press conference#

That was a normal Saturday for the punk1rock band, 7"er Silent.ryan was on rhythm guitars and "ocals, 'ichael on bass and back1up,Nick on drums and esse on lead. The band hailed from Scarletton %ity,a suburban city in New ersey. The members, all eighteen and ryan

who was a year younger, studied at Scarletton +igh School.

The band started out two years before present, when ryanmo"ed from *elaware. 3pon entering his freshman year in Scarletton+igh, 'ichaels sister, 8athryn or better known as 8itty, got paired upwit him some days later for music class. !mpressed with ryans "oice,8itty brought her to her dads recording company called 9alerie:ecords and made him audition. ryan, on the other hand, wasnt sosure but ga"e it a go.

;n that day, when 8itty brought ryan to the company, they

o"erheard 'ichael, Nick and esse arguing with their past "ocalist,:ee"e, about something. !t ended badly, considering :ee"e left theband, then called


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The band started again with club gigs, performing songs fromother bands, mainly /oud $irhead =atrol and other bands in theirgenre, leading to a contract with an independent recording studiocalled Slice13p :ecords. $fter the contract, they decided to mo"e to9alerie :ecords.

eing it so that it was the rise of punk rock, the boys hit it big intheir city, and gained a positi"e criti>ue from the mainstream.

ryan, despite his rising popularity, mostly stayed at home withhis grandmother, oanna. +e hardly talked, so, he was hardly talked toin their neighborhood, though he earned a good reputation fromhelping out the elderly who li"ed in their compound with their chores.

/ife wasnt so kind to him, though. 7"erything comes withsomething to be gi"en in return. !n his case, it was oanna.

She was young when she died, only si&ty10"e. ryan disappearedfrom the band soon after the burial, school and society, only toresurface as a totally di-erent person. !rritable would be anunderstatement he practically ticked o- the whole band and 8ittywhene"er he came to practice or school drunk. 8itty coined him as the8ing of 9ices, especially when they found out that he smoked and diddrugs, which really blew o- 'ichaels handle, and rewarded ryan witha black eye that didnt lea"e him for a good two weeks. +e was forciblymade to go to rehab, then therapy before he was in a state Nick saidwas ?tolerant.

$fter staying clear of drugs, ryan started ha"ing nightmares and@ashbacks of his horrible childhood and had a bad habit of staring intothin air. 'ichael knew this was a side1e-ect, so he decided to turnryans time, energy and attention to the band, school and soccer,e"en going as far as asking him to li"e with him, 8itty and his mom,then when 8ittys dad 5ust died. ryan declined, saying he ?didnt wantto lea"e 2randma all alone.

ack to the present, Nick pulled o- in front of 'agnolia +arbor,the pier of Scarletton. !t was eight1thirty10"e pm, according to esses

watch and the pier usually was 0lled with ships, with the e&ception ofthat night, when the pier was 0lled with reporters for music maga4ines.

$w, man, Nick sighed. $nd ! thought we could stow away inone of the ships.

The three left the car, lea"ing ryan with his own little world ofnightmares again.


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ryan(

ryan shook from his da4e and saw a brunettes green eyes stareat him.

+ey, 8itty.

ryan walked out the car and to the railings. +e leaned on themand stared at the billowing wa"es. ?They look so peaceful, he thought.

Youre on in 0"e minutes. 8itty said softly.

! know, was ryans reply. ! dont think ! can answer any>uestion tonight. $ lot of them are probably about my drug addiction.

You dont ha"e to answer anything if you dont want to, ryan.The press cant force you. 8itty said. ryan sighed.

Thats the problem with the press, +e said. You get a littlefame they do e"erything in their power to turn it to tabloid. !t seemsthat e"ery time some T9 personality does something good, papara44iwill swarm around him until he blurts out his true moti"es, or thinks ofa story that would make him look bad.

8itty said nothing on the topic. The two were silent until an obeseblack woman with her curly hair up in a bun which was fastened with a

pencil approached them. She shook their hands >uickly beforeintroducing herself.

+i, how do you do, the names %armen 3nderwood, a reporterfrom the *aily i4, She said in a big, booming "oice. 7nough chitchat, lets get down to business. )hat made you turn to drugs(

;h, for the lo"e of 2od, ryan said under his breath beforestorming o-. 8itty was about to follow him when %armen hu-ed.

)ell, that went worse than e&pected. %armen told 8itty. $

smile crept to her lips as she looked at the teenager. )ill you 0ll me inthe details on when you two started going out(

;h for the lo"e of 2od is right# 8itty said in an e&asperatedtone. +ow many freaking times do ! ha"e to tell the whole freakingworld that hes not my boyfriend(#(


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She stormed o- before %armen could make a comment and agood thing too, because she certainly got the attention from the otherreporters.

'ichael caught up with her while Nick and esse tried to shoo the

reporters, in a nice way, though.

)hat happened( 'ichael asked. 8itty rolled her eyes.

;h, the usual ?are you the girlfriend( >uestion. 8itty replied.'ichael sighed and shook his head.

Not that, of course it would ha"e been ob"ious that that was the>uestion. ! wanna know why ryan stormed o-. 'ichael asked.

;h, 8itty said, kind of embarrassed. %armen brought up the

drug scandal again.

)ell, we cant tell them what to ask, can we( ! think !ll check onhim later. 'ichael asked. 8itty hu-ed.

'ike, dont act as if youre his brother. Stop it. 8itty said.'ichael was taken aback by his sisters cold and yet 5ealous tone. !myour sister and you should be worrying about me. You dont e"en askme where !"e been when ! come home late at night. ! could"e beenbarhopping or drinking myself silly for 2ods sake# 'aybe if ryan and !would 5ump o- a cli- at the same time, youd stop him and let me

5ump.

*ont be silly. 'ichael said. Youre afraid of falling.

e serious, 'ichael# 8itty shouted.

! am serious. :emember, 8it, you dont ha"e to go through allhes been through 5ust to get my attention. !m 5ust worried about theguy. 'ichael said. 8itty pouted.


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%all him. +es probably home by now. +is house isnt too faraway. 8itty said and ga"e him a smile. 'ichael took it and dialedryans number.

+ello, ryan( 'ichael said through the phone.

'ichael( ryan asked. +e was already unlocking the door ofthe house he stayed in when 'ichael called him.

*ude, what happened( )hered you go(

! was tired.

/iar.

ryan sighed.

ryan, stop making things worse for you.

!m not. 2ood night.

ryan hung up and turned his phone o-. +e walked >uietly onthe stairs, carefully as not to wake up 'rs. +opkins, his old landladywho slept in the room two doors before his late grandmothers.

;nce safe in the comforts of his own room, he threw his phoneinto the laundry hamper and crashed into his bed. ryan turned to

bureau on the beds right and pulled out a drawer. !n it were a pack ofcigarettes, a lighter and a couple of pills.

?'ichael must"e missed these, he thought as he put thecigarette to his lips and lit it with one @uid motion. +e took a long dragat it before undoing his shoes. $fter putting on some 5ogging pants anda white shirt, constantly making sure his clothes doesnt hit thecigarette, a task he did miserably, considering he left an ash mark onthe middle of his shirt.

+e 5umped on his bed again and took a glance on the pills. +e

played with one in his 0ngers before replacing it back in the drawerand pushing it back. ryan took one last drag on his cigarette andthrew it out of his window, not caring if it hit some unknowing passers1by, but actually amused at the thought. +e amused himself by thinkingthat some drunken guy was hit in the head with the burning cigaretteand his hair set on 0re. $fter putting it out only to 0nd out he lost histop hair, the guy would 5ump around and curse around, saying the sky


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was falling and it was the end of the world. +e smiled at the thoughtand sleep eluded him not too long after.

Chapter 2: The Cave Gets Darker the Deeper You Go

!t was a cold 'onday morning. Snow would be "isiting Scarlettonin two months. ryan awoke at slight taps on his door. +e 5umped tohis feet and looked at his clock, which said se"en1thirty, then to hiscalendar, which said it was rent day. +e opened the door and saw old'rs. +opkins at the door.

2ood morning, ryan, The old woman greeted.

2ood morning, 'rs. +opkins, ryan slurred, probably stillgroggy from sleep. !ts rent day, isnt it(

'rs. +opkins watched in amusement as ryan looked franticallyfor his wallet, making a couple of apanese1style comic books fell onthe ground while he checked the table. Soon, he found it and turnedback to 'rs. +opkins.

=ut your money away, son, 'rs. +opkins said. ryan looked ather in shock and took a double take at the calendar. +e was sure it wasrent day.

)hy( +e asked. 'rs. +opkins smiled.

)ell, ryan, !m too old for this thing and !m going to the placewhere there throw worthless old people to. 'rs. +opkins 5oked. ryan@inched.

)hy( ryan asked again.

!m too old to work and !"e sa"ed enough money to be keptali"e for the remainder of my life. !d be going now. 'rs. +opkins said.$nd !m gi"ing you this small, old house. !ts already in my will.

)hy( ryan asked. +e mentally slapped himself for saying the

same thing for three times, but he couldnt help it. 'rs. +opkins foundit amusing and funny, but it didnt hide the tears behind the thick lensof her glasses.

Since you and oanna mo"ed in with me, ! felt as if ! had afamily again, 'rs. +opkins said, $nd belie"e me, in $merica thesedays, thats a rare thing.


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'rs. +opkins embraced the shocked teen and let go.

Now ! must go. The ta&i is waiting and the meter is running.She said and walked in her slow pace away from ryan. =romise meyoull "isit me there, ryan,

ryan nodded abruptly after being brought back from his da4e. !ttook him some time to contemplate with the speed of things thosedays. 'rs. +opkins smiled. ! left the title of the house in oannasdrawer. She said and left.

ryan began debating himself on coming after 'rs. +opkins andtelling her to stay, but his body disagreed and fro4e him at hisdoorway. )hen he began to mo"e, it was too late. +e sighed andpushed back the tears and ran back to his room.

%mon, ryan, +e said to himself, Youre gonna be late forschool .Stop the drama already#

/ater at school, in his /iterature class, the teacher, 'rs. 9irgildiscussed tragedies and their origin, which the whole class thoughtwas boring, e&cept for ryan, who thought it was piercing his soul.

ut !m not going to ask you to write something like :omeo anduliet or 'acbeth, She said, )ere in the twenty 0rst century for+ea"ens sake# ! want you to make a moderni4ed tragedy in a realistsway. 'ust be at least 0"e pages long, and no, 'a&, no aliens allowed.

$w, man# The boy who was named 'a& blurted out. The classbegan giggling. 'a& stood up and the class hushed.

/isten, you, +e said through gritted teeth, Someday, aliensare going to con>uer 7arth because of people like you# )hen thathappens, !d put up a billboard saying ?! T;/* Y;3 S;#

Yes, 'a&, please sit down, 'rs. 9irgil said as the class were institches from the laughter. )ell, e&cept for ryan anyway.

;f all the things we had to do, +e said. )e could be writing0ction, humor or something, but it 5ust had to be a tragedy.

;h, cmon, ryan, its not that bad, +is seatmate, the prettygirl with long blonde hair and pretty blue eyes assured him. ryanrolled his eyes at her.


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*ont talk as if you know me, because you dont. ryan saidharshly. The girl, 9anessa Tyson, rolled her eyes back at him.

*o you ha"e to be so pessimistic( $re you emo or something(She asked in the same tone as ryans. ryan shrugged o- the ?emo

comment.

! am not emo, and youre being a pest, +e said. efore 9anessacould make a retort, the bell rang, and ryan was out of the room.9anessa wasnt going to gi"e up and followed him.

!m sorry, okay, She told him as she walked. %an ! talk to youafter class(

!ts after class. !m going home, so tough luck. ryan retortedand headed for the open front door.

)hat the heck are you talking about( 9anessa shouted. )estill ha"e three periods left#

Too bad, theyll miss me. ryan replied in a cold "oice andwalked away. 9anessa sighed.

Se"enteen year old boys always ha"e thick heads, Shewhispered to herself to ease her anger. She took out her phone anddialed 8ittys number.

+ello, 8itty, could you tell your brother6

ryan dro"e in his black car. +e was so frustrated. !t wasde0nitely not his day. So frustrated that he forgot to lock the housesdoor.

+e practically 5umped up the stairs to his room. +e opened thedoor and 5umped on the bed, the same manner like the night before.+e pulled the drawer out again and took the pills. ryan wasnt reallythat depressed, but he couldnt let those pills go to waste, could he(

)orried( 8itty asked 'ichael, who was dri"ing to ryanshouse.

8inda. +e replied. Sometimes, ! think ryans sick in the mind.You can ne"er predict that idiots thought.

Youre worried about him again, 8itty said sadly. 'ichaelstopped the car in front of the house. +e took his sisters hand in his.


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/ook, 8itty, +e said, 5ust because ! worry about ryan doesntmean ! dont worry about you. )hy cant ! get that through your thickhead(

ecause you ne"er show it, 'ike. 8itty said. Since ryancame, it was ryan this, ryan that. Tell me, are you gay, 'ichael(

+eck no# 'ichael shouted. Stop o"er1acting, 8itty. *ont act asif youre my girlfriend and !m cheating on you with ryan. Thats 5ustplain sick.

uiet for the ne&t 0"eminutes.

The two ended up going to ryans room, only to 0nd a mess ofapanese1style comic books. 8itty picked one up. Those things alwaysstarted at the back and were read from right to left. The pictures ofhumans were really weird, with big eyes and what not. She put it downand followed 'ichael to the bump on the bed under the blanket.


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+es asleep( 8itty asked. 'ichaels attention shifted to an opendrawer and then to a small, slightly crushed pill. +e pulled the blanketo- ryan and pulled him by the collar.

)hat the heck are you doing( 8itty shrieked as 'ichael pulled

ryan closer.

Youre doing drugs again, arent you( +e shouted. ryan triedto make eye contact, but it was hard, considering he saw three'ichaels.

$ctually, ! 5ust 0nished o- the last of them, +e said in a slurredmanner and propped himself on his arms. efore 'ichael could react,ryan ran to the in1room bathroom and "omited all the contents of hisstomach to the toilet. 8itty was >uick on her feel and ran after him,bringing a wet towel from a stand to wipe ryans face with.

$re you mad( $re you trying to commit suicide( 'ichaelshouted to ryan. ?$t least there is one 'ichael now, ryan thought.

! told you, ! 5ust 0nished o- the last of them, ryan said in anirritated "oice, still slurred, courtesy of the pills. 'ichael was about topunch him when 8itty stopped him. +e withdrew his hand. ryannoticed this and laughed. oy was he feeling high.

)hat( %ant e"en gi"e a punch( +e mocked.

)hy ! ought to, 'ichael said between gritted teeth.

;ught to what( 8iss me( 2o ahead# 8nock yourself out# ryanretorted. 8itty ga"e him a soft slap.

)hat( You can ha"e a kiss too. ryan said in a @irty tone.

!diot# 8itty retorted and let him go. She looked at him withsympathy. !f you ha"e a problem, you can always talk to us. )ereyour friends.

ut not my family. ryan cut in. $nd what if ! tell you( )hatwould you do( )hat could you do( The last thing ! need is pity.

So stop wallowing in it then, idiot. 'ichael said. ryan stood upand pushed him. 'ichael pushed him back.

Stop acting like third graders, you two# 8itty said.


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The two stopped, but glared at each other. There was silence inthe room. )hen ryan was a little better, he walked out casually andtook out a cigarette from nowhere and lit it with a lighter. +e took along drag and released smoke from his nostrils. 8itty took it and threwit out the window.

)hat the heck( $ man shouted from outside. Stop throwingyour freaking cigarettes outside that freaking window#

Sorry, 8itty apologi4ed to the man. The man cursed under hisbreath and continued on his way.

Such a pity, ryan said, ! always wanted that to happen, andwhen it did, it had to be a bummer. +e turned to the siblings. $ndbesides, why do you want to know my problems( You dont know howto deal with loss.

Chapter 3: Keep the Flae !urnin"

'ichael stood there. !t was ob"ious 8itty was forcing back somecurse words, and at the same time, her tears. ryan glared at themboth.

SLAP!!!

8itty let her tears go and slapped ryans face. ryan 5ust glaredat her.

You happy now( +e asked. +e turned on his other cheek, as iftelling her to slap it too.

*ont e"er tell me to my face that !"e ne"er felt loss# ackfooled us all.

;h, please, he wasnt e"en your real father. You should"eknown hed use your family to get the recording company. ryansnorted. 'ichael shrugged. +e hated ack too, but didnt say anything.

+ow dare you# +e made me belie"e that hed be the father !d

been waiting for. 8itty shouted. +er face softened and she calmeddown. +ow did you turn out like this( )hen we 0rst met, you werekind polite and6 well, not like the monster you are now.

! had a family when we met. ryan pointed out. Si& monthsago, she died. *o you think !d be happy(


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!m not asking you to ignore oannas death, 8itty said, $ll !want you to do is be sensible.

)ell, its not about your wants and needs, is it( ryan retorted.8itty pushed him.

*ont you count us as your family( She asked.

ryan didnt answer. 'ichael saw that 8itty wanted to say more,but decided that it would be best to lea"e the matter like this.

! understand why youre being like this, 'ichael said 0nally,but stop being sel0sh. You think nobody cares for you( Theres thesoccer team, the band, us# $nd theres your sister.

ryan glared at him.

! dont ha"e a sister, 'ichael. +e said in such a cold tone that8itty thought that it started snowing. ! mailed her that 2randma died.*id she come( No. *id she send any letter saying she couldnt come(No. *os she care( No. *o ! care( $bsolutely. Not.

*ont be so immature, ryan. 8itty piped up. Youre se"enteenfor 2ods sake, why dont you stop acting like youre 0"e( )hat ifsomething happened to her(

ryan looked down.

/ike what( +e asked. !f something did, couldnt she writeabout it(

Thats when 8itty kept >uiet. Thoughts circled her mind so fastthat it made her di44y.

)hat if something did happen to his sister( )hat if she forgot allabout ryan( ;r worse, what if she died( 8itty looked towards ryan,then to 'ichael. Now she understood why 'ichael was being sobrotherly to ryan he was trying to 0ll up the hole his sister left wide

open.

ryce $nn was ryans elder sister who was left in !taly whentheir mother, renda was in $merica to gi"e birth to ryan. She diedafter labor and oanna, being one of the midwi"es and the only oncewhom renda entrusted her son with, took ryan in as her owngrandson, and they waited for rett, ryans father, to come back froma business trip in 7ngland so he could take the boy with him to !taly.


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Sadly, rett died of a plane crash and oanna lost all ties andcommunication with rendas parents, who had ryce $nn with them.


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and esse o"er to discuss about some senior pro5ect, but ended upleading to a con"ersation about ryan.

/et him be that way, Nick replied, No skin o- my back,

Nick, ryans going through a lot right now6 'ichael told him.%ant you guys at least try to understand him(

!"e been trying to understand that nutcase for eternity, Nickshot back, 7"en the worlds greatest psychologist would say heshopeless.

)ell, we ha"e to bear with this. +es our friend and the bandneeds him. esse said.

;h no, it doesnt, Nick countered. !f he stays that way, we

could dispose of him like we did with :ee"e. )hy are "ocalists such apain(

Shut up, Nick, we cant dispose him like that# 'ichael retorted.+e needs help right now.

Then why doesnt he ask for some( Nick responded angrily.

*ont you e"en care for the guy( esse asked.


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!ts either we look for another "ocalist or try to persuade him tostay. That and we could always stop the band. 8itty said. esse shookhis head.

! dont care what happens to the band. +e said. !m worried

about ryan. The kids been alone e"en when we were there for theguy. *ont you think it would be hell to be alone without us(

Nick dro"e past ryans house. +e lit a cigarette and took a longdrag before he turned around and parked in front of said house. +elooked up to the window. Nick could make out ryans outline and if hewas right, there was a beer bottle in his right hand while a cigarette onthe left. +e pulled out his phone and dialed ryans number.

ryan heard a ringing somewhere in his room.

*arn it, where did ! put that phone, +e grumbled as hefrantically searched for his phone. $fter a good thirty seconds, he0nally found the phone under a apanese comic book. +e rememberedthat he put it there after he took it out of the hamper when he broughtthe laundry to the dry cleaners.

ryan speaking, +e said to the phone.

+ey, its me, Nick. Nick replied.

)hat do you want(

Nick sighed.

! want you to put down the cigarette and the bottle of beer. +esaid. Nick smiled as ryan opened his window to look at Nick. ?Typical,Nick thought with a smile. ryan had no other choice but to let him in.

$fter entering the house, Nick forcibly 5oined ryan in drinkingand smoking. ryan showed his irritation by gritting his teeth.

)hat the heck are you doing here( ryan asked in an irritated

tone.

! thought you needed a drinking buddy. Nick said as he tookthe bottle and took a drink. ryan glared at him. Nick saw this and putthe bottle down.

/ook, ryan, Nick started, /ife is a car race. !n races, someguys cheat to win, and some guys get cheated on. Youre probably the


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latter, but remember that no matter what those guys do, as long asyoure ali"e, youd reach the 0nish line e"entually.

You sound like some old gee4er from the clergy. ryan shotback as he threw his cigarette out his window, slightly annoyed that

nobody got hit.

;h stop being a drama >ueen# Nick said, /ifes unfair and yougotta take whate"er it gi"es you.

Since when do you preach, :e"erend 2rey( ryan asked in asarcastic tone. !t took Nick e"erything he had to stay in place and notmaul ryan.

Since you"e made a complete idiot of yourself. Nick retortedbut meant e"ery single word. ryan lit another cigarette.

You dont ha"e to tell me, +e whispered. ! already know that.

Chapter #: The $olf Cries at Dusk

ryan had %hemistry class with 9anessa before lunch break. 'r.7"ermore, the %hemistry teacher, assigned them as lab partners.

;kay, class, 'r. 7"ermore announce, !m going to teach youhow to concoct the solution to world peace, to end world hunger andunite all people in one nation#

8itty, who was also in the class, co"ered her face inembarrassment. She could not belie"e that he was a %hemistryteacher. +e should"e been a preacher# 9anessa scowled at thedryness of 'r. 7"ermores humor while ryan completely ignored thepoor chemist. Seeing that nobody thought it was funny, 'r. 7"ermorefrowned.

;r we could 5ust make stink bombs, +e muttered.

The lab was 0lled with cheers and whistling. They simply lo"ed

making trouble and mischief.

*ue to the intense noise, ryan didnt e"en try to listen to theinstructions, considering 'r. 7"ermore wrote it on the white board.%hemistry wasnt that interesting that day. %reating stink bombs onlye&cited idiots.


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$rent you e&cited( 9anessa asked, )ere going to make stinkbombs.

Yeah, whoopee, ryan said @atly, and what the heck would !do with a stink bomb(

+mm, 9anessa mused, 2ood point. So, wanna ditch class( !tsalready dismissal after %hemistry anyway.

Sounds good, ryan replied. *etention isnt that bad. You 5ustha"e to sit around and doodle on paper.

Then follow my act. 9anessa said and put her hand on herforehead. /ike it was on cue, she fell on ryan. Somebody shouted9anessas name and ryan rolled his eyes. %ould humans be moregullible( 'r. 7"ermore looked at them.

2ood hea"ens, what happened( +e asked ryan. ryan didntwant to answer when 9anessa cringed at his hand.

! think chemical fumes made her pass out. ryan replied.

Thats weird, 'r. 7"ermore said, )e ha"ent opened anychemical containers yet. ut it is kinda humid in here, so ! guess youshould take 9anessa to the nurses oBce.

)hate"er, ryan said and carried 9anessa out of the room.

;nce out of sight, 9anessa 5umped o- ryan and they raced to thefront door.

! dont e"en know why the heck they keep the doors open# Shetold ryan gleefully as they ran away from the school.

%onsidering ryan was an athlete, 9anessa could barely keep upwith his speed and endurance.

)ait up# She shouted as she sat on the pa"ement. ryangroaned as he made a sprint back to 9anessa.

So, we ha"e an e&tra hour of our li"es. )hat do you wanna do(9anessa asked after she caught her breath. ryan rolled his eyes.

This is your 0rst time to skip school, isnt it( ryan askedstoically. 9anessa smiled and nodded. ryan ga"e her a disgustedglare.


19/74

*o you hate me or something( 9anessa asked. ryan lookedtowards the twenty1four hour con"enience store across them. +e didnthate the girl it was something else about her.

Not really, +e said. 9anessa waited for him to continue his

sentence, but unfortunately, he didnt. 9anessa rolled her eyes andsmiled at ryan, who was now looking at his watch.

So, you like me then( She asked with a little @irty tone inbetween.

No. ryan replied and stood up. 9anessa fumed and stood upas well.

You know what, She said, Youre a big chicken#

9anessa began imitating a chicken and started making cluckingnoises. ryan looked at her with an amused look.

)hos a chicken now( +e asked and started walking towardsthe school again. 9anessas face became red and she followed ryan.

You know, 5ust because youre in a hotshot band doesnt meanyou can act as a total airhead. She shouted.

! can act how ! want to, ryan replied.

Youre a coward. 9anessa told him. ryan turned to her andwas about to say something when his phone rang loudly.

?)hy are cellular phones so annoying( ryan asked himself ashe took the phone out of his pocket.

+ello( +e asked.

%lass is o"er, practice at esses, 'ichael told him and hung up.ryan hung up as well and started 5ogging back to the campus.

)here are you going( 9anessa shouted as she tried to followhim.

None of your business go home. ryan replied and tried tostay far ahead.

You are so the worst person !"e e"er met# 'an# ! thought youwere nice# 9anessa shouted to him.


20/74

*itto, ryan replied. 7&cept for the ?! thought you were nicepart.

esses house was large, considering his father was a business

tycoon and his mother was a famous defense lawyer. They were ne"erhome though. esse grew up around maids and butlers with his oldersister, essica. She was si& years older than esse and at that time, wasworking as a newspaper 5ournalist.

ryan was pretty much ticked o- when he arri"ed. 7"erybodywas there, but none of them had anything to say.

/ets 5ust start the dang thing and get it o"er with, ryan saidthrough gritted teeth and strapped his guitar to his body. +e walkedtowards the microphone stand with it.

9anessa stood beside 8itty. She was absolutely the reason whyryan was so ticked o-, and she knew it.

So lets start with Self *estruct( esse asked.

)e played that song three times last practice, Nick pointedout. ryan leaned on the microphone stand.

Ne"er Say 2oodbye then( esse suggested.

esse we played that four times. Nick replied.

ryan got really ticked o- when Nick and esse started bickeringon what to play.

%an you decide what to freaking play already(#( +e shoutedand hushed the room. 'ichael decided to take the risk of suggesting asong.

+ow about :ed( +e asked.

3m, sure, okay, esse said and started the intro. ryan followedand so did 'ichael and Nick. The music 0lled the room and the words@ooded their ears.

So you mean you"e ne"er heard them at all( 8itty asked9anessa in an unbelie"ing tone. 9anessa shook her head. )here wereyou all this time(


21/74

! dont like music, She stated. ut ! like poetry. ands thesedays dont e"en gi"e a whit on writing good material as long as theycan create loud music. ! didnt want to say this in front of ryan, but !think hes a good writer.

8itty smiled.

)ell, thats pretty much because he writes it from his heart,e"en though he doesnt want to admit it. 8itty told 9anessa. 9anessa5ust smiled.

*idnt know he had one, She >uipped and the two girls laughedas they watched the boys clean up.

So, what did you do to freak him out like that( 8itty asked9anessa. 9anessa sighed and looked at ryan.

+e hates me for a reason, thats for sure. She told 8itty andthey laughed again.

)ell, hes been so moody these days. !f men could be, !d sayhe was pregnant# 8itty 5oked loudly and the two girls laughed again.$nd Nick would be the father.

+ey, !m right here you know# Nick shouted. ! can hear e"eryword you say#

)ell then, you could 5ust keep your big ears with you and bearit# 9anessa retorted and ga"e 8itty a high 0"e. Nick rolled his eyes.

)omen, +e said under his breath and continued helping theothers with the e>uipment.

$fter they reco"ered from their giggles, 8itty smiled at 9anessa.She was so pretty with her long blonde hair and big blue eyes. Shedidnt ha"e many freckles, and if she did, they were too light to beseen. She was tall too, something 8itty wanted to be. She was alwaysthe tiny one in the band, but she was glad that the boys werent

dwar"es.

You should get along with ryan. +es not that bad on his gooddays. +es pretty nice to hang out with. 8itty told 9anessa. 9anessalaughed.

!f you mean nice as in he doesnt try to bite your head o-, thenno thank you. She 5oked. 8itty giggled a little and sighed.


22/74

Seriously, hes a real gentleman. 8itty pushed.

;h, please, hed be one if rocks were soaps. 9anessa told her.ryan passed from behind them and heard the distasteful comment.

*ont talk as if you know me, +e told 9anessa in a free4ingtone and left the two girls there as if they"e seen a ghost.

2entleman my foot ! swear, hes some hot demon corpse fromhell# 9anessa said. 8itty giggled.

Hotdemon corpse( ! didnt think you had a thing for him. 8ittysaid with amusement in her tone.

So hes hot, big whoop. 9anessa said.

;h, you like him, 8itty coa&ed.

Thatll be the day. 9anessa said.

;h please, ryan shouted to them. %ould a guy li"e withoutbeing talked about(

Chapter %: Threa&s 'aise& (i"h have )o Sha&o*s

So how was the show, 'ichael( /inda %alloway, 'ichaels

mother. /ong after her 0rst husbands death, she used her maidenname e"en when she remarried, a marriage that was soon di"orced,though. That night, 'ichael had come back from a gig at a nearbycafC. 7"er Silent always had a gig there e"ery


23/74

;h, teens these days, She said. Say, where is 8itty(

2lad youre back to your old self. 8itty told ryan as theywalked in the park. The poles were lit and it was a beautiful night.ryan smiled.

!ts nice to be back, +e said.

So, now that youre a teenager again, are you planning onha"ing a girlfriend( 8itty asked mischie"ously. ryan stopped dead athis tracks.

2irlfriend( $ctually, ! ha"ent thought about that, 8itty. +e saidembarrassedly. )omen dont enter my mind yet.

8itty though about the past few days after 9anessa and ryan

actually laid down hostility and called it a truce.

So, do you like 9anessa now( 8itty asked.

=-t. 9anessa( ;h cmon. +e said. ! meant that in a good way,though.

+ow about me( 8itty asked. ryan choked on his sali"a andstarted coughing "iolently, 8itty rubbing his back.

*o ! like you( *o you e"en count as a woman( +e asked. 8itty

punched him on the shoulder.

%ompare us. 8itty said. ryan was o"erwhelmed by 8ittyssudden interest in lo"e life.

)ell, lets see, ryan said, 9anessas beautiful, nice,thoughtful, he smirked mischie"ously, and "ery, "ery se&y.

8itty rolled her eyes.

$nd youre cute, small, thin and man1like. +e said. You two are

totally di-erent plants. Shes a rose, and youre6 a cactus.

8itty frowned.

Yeah, roses are tall and house cacti are puny. ryan mocked.

The ne&t day, 8itty met up with 9anessa at the local mall.


24/74

+ello, 8itty# 9anessa greeted and sat beside her. The twoheaded for the ice cream parlor.

Youre ryans best friend right( 9anessa asked.

3h1huh, 8itty replied.

So, you two arent going out( 9anessa asked again.

ryan doesnt ha"e a girlfriend. 8itty replied.

9anessa looked in shock.

2et out, she said, a guy that charming doesnt ha"e agirlfriend( *ont tell me hes gay#

;f course hes not gay, 8itty said rather defensi"ely, $fterwhats hes been through, he didnt e"en consider going into arelationship, moreo"er, he didnt ha"e time to think. 7"erythinghappened so fast.

;h, makes sense, 9anessa said. So, how about now(

+e thinks youre beautiful, nice, thoughtful and really, reallyse&y, 8itty said, imitating ryans "oice and intonation the nightbefore. 9anessa blushed.

*ont lie 8itty, She said in a teeny "oice. 8itty sighed.

+e said that, ! swear. She told 9anessa. 9anessa had to holdback a s>ueal.

So, he likes me( She asked >uietly.

8itty rolled her eyes.

)hat does it sound like( She asked.

:eally( 9anessa asked, her "oice shrunken to a small, pitchychirp. ecause ! really think hes cute, charming and a great guy. !really like him,

)ell, then, 8itty stammered, you should go out with him. !llhelp you.

:eally(


25/74

$t the ne&t band practice, 8itty approached ryan. !t was eightoclock and the others had left. The two decided to take a walk in thepark. ut that time, there were no lights, 5ust the full moon abo"ethem.

)hy dont you go out on a date with 9anessa( 8itty asked.ryan nearly tripped.

)hy would ! do that( ! dont ha"e a clue on dating. ryan said.+e was kind of half1hearted about the thought.

!d teach you e"en though ! dont ha"e a clue either, 8ittyo-ered. Then she added, That is, if you dont mind practicing with acactus.

The ne&t day, ryan met with 9anessa at the mall. 9anessa waso"er5oyed when he asked her out last night. She made sure she didnto"er or under dress for the occasion.

+i, 9anessa, ryan greeted. 9anessa wa"ed and approachedhim.

!ts almost lunch time, so ! guess we should go. ryan said andled 9anessa to a restaurant.

The date started >uietly. 9anessa ne"er imagined going on a

date to 5ust eat. !n all the past dates she had, she always had a hardtime 0nishing her food because she and her date often talked aboutthings. She looked at ryan. The silence of their date was e&cruciating.She wanted to talk about something, about anything. 7"en a topicabout cheese would"e been better than this#

So, is this your 0rst date( 9anessa asked randomly. ryanlooked at her and nodded sheepishly. 9anessa cocked a brow. ! see.

9anessa waited for him to say something. $gain, ryan saidnothing.

ored, she took a random spice bottle and started pouring it o"erher lasagna. This was the most boring date e"er. Then, she took a bite.

;h my 2od, why is this pasta so hot( 9anessa shrieked as shefanned her hand o"er her mouth. ryan handed her a glass of iced teawhich she downed in one gulp.


26/74

*ont you think that this thing is a little too hot( She askedonce she reco"ered her composure. ryan laughed a bit.

No, its been like this the last time ! ate here, and the timebefore that as well, +e said, 'aybe yours is hot because you put on a

lot of chili sauce.

9anessa mentally kicked herself. ?;f course, she thought, ?howcould ! ha"e been so stupid(

*ont worry, !ll 5ust order a new one. ryan said.

No# 9anessa said, ! mean, ! dont waste food. !ll 5ust 0nish it.

;r we could 5ust e&change lasagnas. ! ha"ent started on mineyet and !m pretty good with spicy food. ryan said and they changed

plates. 9anessa, embarrassed by how the date turned out, kept >uietand 0nished her new lasagna without a word. ut she couldnt hold onthe silence for too long.

So, do you like someone at the moment( She asked. ryanlooked sheepishly and nodded slightly. 9anessa smiled.

)hos the lucky girl( She asked.

$s if !d tell you, ryan said in a mysterious tone.

;h, a secret crush, eh( 9anessa replied. !snt that a bit thirdgrade(

So( ryan asked. ! can act like a pre1school kid and no onecould care. )ell, unless ! ha"e something to say about it.

Youre funny, in a dry, comical way, 9anessa commented whileshe played with a straw.

)ell, !m not going for comedy anyway6 ryan told her andtook a 4ip at his iced tea.

$fter paying at the counter, ryan escorted 9anessa out of therestaurant and they stood there.

So, do you ha"e plans for the rest of the day( 9anessa asked,hoping he did not.


27/74

$ctually, yeah, the band has practice, ryan said, Sorry !couldnt dri"e you home.

;h, thats 0ne, 9anessa said, 'y friends are coming here andwed go shopping.

Thats a relief, ryan said, ! gotta go now, bye.

Yeah, bye and thanks for lunch# 9anessa called out him asryan raced to the parking lot. $s if it were on cue, her friends, $liciaand 'andy, came.

So, hows the date with ryan( $licia asked. 9anessa tried tohide her blush.

!t was good in a >uiet way, 9anessa said. 'andy snickered.

So, you guys didnt talk or anything( She asked. 9anessa rolledher eyes.

;f course we talked# )hat do you think of me, a boringperson( 9anessa shot at them.

So, is he single( $licia asked. 9anessa looked at her as if $liciahad a bug on her nose. )hat(

+ello, 9anessa said, +e wont be going out with me if he were

single. ut he is crushing on someone right now,

)ho( +er two friends asked in unison.

! dont know. You cant e&pect a guy to tell you who he likes, canyou( 9anessa said.

! bet its you. Your only other potential competition is 8itty, andshe seems lesbian anyway. $licia said.

*ont say that# 9anessa said. 8itty and ! are good friends and

shes a cool girl like e"eryone else#

%ool down, we were 5ust stating our obser"ations, 'andydefended. 9anessa sighed.

Then you guys should keep your obser"ations to yoursel"esbecause their false# She said. 'andy and $licia e&changed glances.


28/74

2irl, are you okay( You dont react this way when we bash othergirls. You and 8itty must be really good friends. ;r are you( $liciaasked. 9anessa ga"e her a look.

)hat do you mean( She asked.

;h, cmon, we know this trick already. 'andy said, Youregetting close to 8itty to get hooked up with ryan# 2irl you are sosmart#

You"e got it all wrong# +ow could you( ! lo"e 8itty like a sisterand ! cant belie"e you guys think !m a poser# 9anessa said, tickedo-.

Sorry, 'andy said in a sarcastic tone. $licia sighed at her andput her hands to her hips.

$lright, what did you do with the real 9anessa( She asked.

! had enough# The shoppings cancelled. ye guys, 9anessasaid as she walked away.

)ere girls, 9anessa, girls# You hang around that dumpster bandtoo much# $licia called at her, but 9anessa ignored it and continuedwalking away.

$t band practice, ryan arri"ed. The band was 5ust sitting around

as if waiting for something other than him.

)hats wrong( +e asked. esse sat up.

8ittys late, +e said. ryan shrugged guiltily.

! called her 0"e minutes ago and she said she was putting onmakeup. 'ichael said. Nicks mouth fell to the @oor.

'akeup( 8itty( ! didnt know those two words were allowed tobe put in the same sentence# +e blurted. esse 5ust had a cra4y smile

on his face.

)hat is this world coming to, +e whispered and startedlaughing, whereas Nick had to slap him to bring him back to sanity.

Thanks, ! needed that, esse said. ryan said nothing about thetopic and 5ust sat on a counter.


29/74

+ey, guys, !m sorry ! was late, there was traBc and the ta&iwas kinda slow, 8itty said as she entered the room. !f Nicks mouthwas on the @oor when 'ichael mentioned 8itty wearing makeup, itbroke through the @oor and onto the lower storys @ooring.

8itty was wearing a white mini1skirt and a pink tank1top with apink hand bag to match. She also wore four1inched sandals andbombarded herself with bracelets, anklets, a choker and a pair of largeearrings. +er lips were bright pink and she had glittering purple eyeshadow to boot. She didnt look ugly or out of this world, but actuallypretty. The boys 5ust didnt think she was a girl whod put on suchclothing.

;kay, who are you and what ha"e you done with my sister('ichael asked in awe after he pushed his mouth back up. 8itty ga"ehim a look.

!m your sister, 'ike# She said in a girly "oice. Nick almost diedof a heart attack.

+uddle# 'ichael shouted and the boys huddled, soccer teamstyle.

Shes wearing a mini1skirt and a pink tank top. =!N8# Nickwhispered frantically. !s the world about to end(

$nd mountains of 5ewelry( +eck, she wouldnt e"en put on a

decent watch# 'ichael said in the same manner.

$nd ta&i( ! thought she lo"ed riding her motorcycle( essetailed. ryan didnt say anything but listened to the older boys.

$ll right, 'ichael said, /ets act calmly and ask her whatsgoing on. reak#

3h, boys, whats the matter( 8itty asked. 'ichael gulped.

3m, 8itty, youre not thatdesperate to get a boyfriend, are

you( 'ichael asked, his "oice shaking. 8itty smiled.

;f course !m not# !m not boy1cra4y. )hat ga"e you that idea(She asked.

Youre wearing pink and a skirt for hea"ens sake# Nick blurtedout.


30/74

Nick# The other boys hushed. 8itty laughed at the boysreaction to her new dress code.

So, why dont we start our practice( She asked. The boys couldonly nod at her re>uest and set up the e>uipment.

Chapter +: Thorns an& 'oses

$fter band practice, 8itty approached ryan.

+ey, wanna walked along the park again( She asked. ryanlooked as if she were cra4y.

8itty, its the middle of No"ember# Youre bound to catchpneumonia with that get up# $nd how do you e&pect to walk a longdistance in those shoes( +e asked politely. 8itty @inched.

You dont like my new style( She s>ueaked, as if she waspre"enting herself from crying.

Not at all, its pretty, ryan said, ut it doesnt suit you.

'aybe it does, 8itty said 0rmly, You 5ust cant take it in that!m like any other girl.

ut 8itty, youre not any other girl. Youre di-erent. ryanreasoned. 8itty frowned. She turned around and walked out.

+ow could he# $nd ! was 5ust trying to impress him, Shewhispered to herself in between sobs.

)ednesday and it was almost last period the period of 'r. 7"er12ullible, a.k.a. 'r. 7"ermore.

+ey, ryan, 9anessa greeted. ryan wa"ed but it was as if hewas in another world. 9anessa didnt mind.

!m wondering if we can ditch school again. She said. ryan

shook his head.

3m, no, +e said, ! ha"e soccer practice, then band practiceand a couple of math problems.

9anessa frowned.


31/74

;h, thats too bad, She said. Suddenly, 8itty walked in theroom face1down. ryan watched her. $t least she was wearing hernormal clothes again, ryan thought in relief. +e stood out to meet herbut she was looking down and bumped into him.

Sorry, e&cuse me, 8itty said and mo"ed on. ryan followed herby sight until she sat on her chair.

$re you two 0ghting( 9anessa asked worriedly. ryan lookeddown.

! think so, +e said.

$t soccer practice, 8itty waited for 'ichael to 0nish his practiceso that they can head o- home. She wasnt up to dri"ing hermotorcycle that day. 'ichael didnt ask her why, considering he didnt

want his head to be bitten o-.

%mon, and you call yoursel"es soccer players( =ass it to theleft,


32/74

You need help, osh told him. )hat kind of coach are you(

$ really stupid one, Nick said loudly. 'r. +enson kicked a ball tohim. Nick dodged it.

You idiot, youre supposed to block it# Thats why this team isscrewed up, nobody can guard the goal as good as the others team#'r. +enson told them. You guys are a bunch on sissies that are afraidof balls#

!f were afraid of balls, why would we be in this team,birdbrain( =atrick asked. 'r. +enson let out steam and started cursingat the team. ryan sighed. +e didnt want anything to do with theteam so he headed o- to the locker room.

?'ight as well ditch practice, +e thought. +e didnt e&pect to see

8itty in the room. +e stopped and stared. 8itty did the same.

;h, hey, 8itty said silently. ryan headed towards his lockerand took out a towel.

+ey, +e replied and reached out for a bottle of water that wasin his locker. Then, he sat down beside 8itty. They were >uiet and theonly sound that was audible, besides 'r. +ensons shouts and curses,was ryans gulps of water. +e recapped the bottle top and lookeddown. /ook, !m sorry about the other night,

8itty sighed and tried to look away.

Thats okay, She said, !m 5ust probably o"erreacting,

;"erreacting( ! still "iolated your personal space and6 well,your womanhood, ryan said uncomfortably. 8itty laughed at the term?womanhood.

)omanhood( You idiot, 8itty said, You "iolated nothing. Nowyoure o"erreacting.

So, ! take it that were okay( ryan asked. 8itty nodded. ryansighed. ! forgot to apologi4e about my indi-erent comments aboutyour clothing the other day.

!ts 0ne, 8itty told him, !ts wasnt me, was it(

*e0nitely not, ryan said and they laughed out loud. Theirlaughter died down to uneasy, forced chuckles.


33/74

So, you wanna hang out at the park again( 8itty asked. ryanshook his head.

! dont think that would be a good idea right now, +e replied

and smiled apologetically. 8itty looked away and the awkward silencereplaced their "oices. This continued until angry soccer players camein and started cursing to no end, not e"en asking why a non1soccerplayer was in the room.

That night, ryan entered his house. The 0rst place he went towas the kitchen. +e placed his bag on the table and opened therefrigerator.

Now lets see what in here, ryan asked. There was nothingmuch, 5ust lefto"er chicken, some mayonnaise and barbe>ue sauce.

)hy he had barbe>ue sauce was beyond him, but there was no otheroptionD he had to make chicken barbe>ue sandwich, which wasunfortunately 8ittys fa"orite.

$fter the chicken sat in the microwa"e, ryan took out a loaf ofbread from the pantry and took out four slices, enough for twosandwiches. The microwa"e ga"e a shrill ?ding before it automaticallyshut o-, signaling that the chicken was ready. ryan, after putting onsome kitchen mittens, took out the chicken and put it down on theslices of bread. $fter spreading what he thought as too muchmayonnaise, he started eating one of the sandwiches.

! guess !m not as hungry as ! thought ! was, ryan said to theremaining sandwich. ! made one too many.

+e then took out his phone and started taking pictures of thesandwich.

8itty would be so 5ealous if she sees this, ! bet she might e"enrun down here to get it, +e said, but then, he closed his phone and lethis head fall to the table. +e pushed the sandwich inside themicrowa"e o"en and dragged himself upstairs to his room. The 0rst

thing he saw after he opened the lights was the calendar remindinghim of pay days for water and electricity, both of the notices pinneddown on the calendar with some dollars. +e do"e to his bed and kickedo- his shoes. +e 5olted back up and ran down to get his bag downstairsand ran back up with it, remembering he had homework in 2eometry.

This is gonna be a long night, +e thought and started on one ofthe 0gures, !f the measurement of the radius of a circle6


34/74

8itty, dear, whats the matter( /inda asked as 8itty slumpeddown on the sofa. 8itty looked up to her.

'om, am ! pretty( She asked. 'ichaels booming laugh 0lled

the house, starting from the kitchen where he made spaghetti. 8ittyand /inda shot him a death glare, e"en though he couldnt see them.

*ont listen to your brother, /inda said, Youre beautiful. You5ust need to see it yourself#

8itty smiled and embraced her mother.

! lo"e you, 'om, She said.

! lo"e you too, sweetie, /inda replied. 'ichaels booming laugh

plagued the Scotts house once more. 8itty 5olted up.

$ll right you sad e&cuse for a monkey, lets get down and dirty#8itty shouted and attacked 'ichael, who begged for mercy whilelaughing endlessly. /inda rolled her eyes and smiled.

8ids these days, She said to herself, They grow up so fast#

'ichael and 8ittys brawl became "isible through the opening ofthe kitchen /inda laughed at herself. 'ichael and 8itty continued theirbrawl and ended up making a mess in the kitchen. /inda sighed to

herself.

Yeah, right, She told herself.

Chapter ,: $hat Goes -p .ust Coe Do*n

Thursday. ryan had probably the worst soccer practice in hisentire life.

'r. +enson cursed them out and Nick cursed him out back. Thetime was then wasted with a match who could only be won by the guy

who knew more curse words.


35/74

:ay, ! dont mean to burst your bubble, but this is the%7/$*;N!$NS were up against. These guys can rock the 0eld andtheyre good. +e told :ay who shut up afterwards.

)ell, they cant blame us, can they( esse said, !t was 'r.+ensons fault why we were gi"en only two days to practice.

+ey, dont mush this thing all o"er me, 'r. +enson saiddefensi"ely. $t least ! told you about it#

The team looked at him as if he grew another head. They lookedat each other and e&changed glances.

! dont e"en know if were supposed to be thankful about that,erry said. The others nodded in agreement. 'r. +enson shut his mouth

and thought of a good comeback as the team discussed how it was hisfault they would lose the game. 'ichael turned to him.

)ith all due respect, 'r. +enson, 'ichael started, ut gettingus in this game was a really big mistake. )hen ! say this, ! know !mspeaking for e"eryone in the team. 'r. +enson, pull us out of thegame. %ancel it, or if not, postpone it for a week or so.

! cant do that# 'r. +enson said. Theyd think !m chicken#

Nick rolled his eyes.

Youre a nutcase, *a"is told him. $re you sure youre >uali0edto be a coach or a teacher e"en(

The team started the cursing contest again. ryan wanted toclose his ears, but that wasnt possible. )ell, esse could mo"e his earsclose, but hed ne"er taught that to him before.

$lright, S+3T 3=# +e shouted. The team >uieted down and 'r.+enson ad5usted his collar. ryan turned to the @ustered coach.

! ha"e a proposal for you, and its not the wedding kind, +esaid, +ow about we make a bet(

The team started whispering. 'r. +enson paid no attention tothink and look towards ryan.

)hat do you ha"e in mind( 'r. +enson asked.


36/74

)ed agree to 0ght tomorrow, but under these conditions,ryan said, ;ne, !d replace Tyler as the goal keeper. Two, you wontrepresent our team tomorrow, and three, youll resign from being ourcoach.

)hat( )hy would ! do that( 'r. +enson said in a raged "oice.

ecause, if were going down, we want to make sure you godown with us, ryan said in a gra"e "oice. 'r. +enson was about tosay something when the team turned themsel"es to him and startedcoa&ing him.

$ll right, but lets make this more interesting, +e said, !f youlose, !ll still be your coach, if you win, !d lea"e you in peace. *eal(

The team huddled and whispered here and there. They broke and

turned to 'r. +enson.

)e accept your challenge, ryan said. 'r. +enson laughed.

Theres no way you guys can win that thing# +e said suddenly,disgusting the boys. Then, he left them. esse turned to ryan.

$re we sure of our decision( +e asked.

)hats to lose( Nick answered for ryan. The only thing thatwe can lose in this game is 'r. +enson, which !m proud to say that !

dont care.

$fter practice, ryan hung around with Nick, who was beingsober and try not to think about lusty women.

Nick was the e&act opposite of ryan. +e was outgoing, a playerand lo"ed loud company. ryan, on the other hand, would rather be ina >uiet place, he ne"er considered going out with a girl if he knew hedidnt like her and ne"er liked large masses of people. Nick thinksryan has bipolar disorder, while ryan thinks Nick was gay and hidunder his women to hide his homose&uality. Nick always got ticked o-

when ryan brought up the sub5ect.

So, whats up with you these days( Nick asked ryan. ryansighed. ! know youre going through a lot, but shouldnt you be o"erthis and return to normal already(

ryan looked away. Nick frowned.


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You know what( +e said, Sometimes ! think youre 5ust actingthis up# ! think you en5oy all the pity and attention# You rat# Youre astinking hypocrite#

ryan decided not to say anything yet. Nick got irritated by the

silent treatment he was getting from him.

Youre using your unfortunate life as an e&cuse so you can actas a total snob and be the way you really are# You 5ust did that shy,kind act so people wont get angry at you if you screw up# Youre e"entwo1timing the girls# Nick shouted. Suddenly, a hand @ew to his neckand smashed him against the wall.

*ont you e"en tell me what ! am, Nick# +e shouted. Nickopened his mouth but ryan s>uee4ed his neck as if he were sayingthat he wasnt 0nished yet. ! dont know why youre saying this stu-

about me, but ! assure you that none of it is true# You cant 5udge me,were not the same#

! thought you were better than this, Nick said. ryan let go ofhis neck and Nick rubbed it.

?oy, can he strangle, he thought. +e headed for the door.

*ont do anything stupid, +e said and left. ryan punched thewall.

)hy is e"eryone thinking that !d be doing something stupid(#(+e shouted, and then sat down on one of the benched in the room. +e0nally got the chance to think clearly.

'ichael and 8itty also had problems like him. /indas 0rsthusband died and left the siblings with /inda. )hen 8itty turnedthirteen, she remarried and shared her 0rst husbands recordingcompany with her new husband. 8itty and her new dad became close,but that ended when she found out, along with the rest of her family,that this man was persuading /inda and a lawyer to put the :ecords tohis name. /inda disagreed, and di"orced him as fast a possible. 'ichael

knew that it would happen, but 8itty returned to the safety of her deadfathers memory. 'ichael decided to forget the awful chapter of theirli"es and started the band.

esse, on the other hand, had a picture perfect family, the onethat only looked perfect in a picture. +e had a father, a mother and anolder sister. They were also "ery wealthy. The only problem was theywere "ery far from each other. esse couldnt e"en remember what


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they looked like if he didnt look at a photo. +e mo"ed in with his sisteressica while she studied in a uni"ersity in New York. They mo"ed toScarletton when esse graduated middle school. Then, essica gotpromoted and was supposed to tra"el e"erywhere to write storiesabout famous people. esse then started li"ing on his own, saying that

at least essica "isits him and that he didnt need his parents anymorebecause he and essica could li"e by themsel"es.

Nicks life could"e been the most complicated ne&t to ryans.+e was adopted by his $unt %herry and 3ncle 'ark out of pity. Nicksparents were gamblers and had many "ices, including drugs. Theylo"ed Nick, but could not >uit their bad habits that they wereimprisoned when he was 0"e. Thats when his aunt and uncle adoptedhim and took him away from his parents. )orse, Nick had a stepbrother who coincidentally was also named rian. rian was good atalmost e"erything, lea"ing Nick to bite the dust, though

unintentionally. Nick hated being compared to the real son. rianalways thought them e>ual, but decided that if Nick would ha"einferiority comple&, hed be better than he was, so rian made Nickface defeat endlessly, especially when he was admitted to be the headchef of a 0"e1star hotel in /as 9egas.

$s ryan thought, he felt embarrassed of himself. Sure, hisproblems were greater, but life wasnt about who had the mostproblems. !t was about who could o"ercome them. +e was supposed tobe a catalyst to his friends success, not an inhibitor. ryan smiled atthat thought. ?+ey, ! do learn something at %hemistry class, he

thought to himself.

!"e gotta stop this stupidity, ryan said. 3pon lea"ing thelocker room, he was alone at school. ;r so he thought.

ryan(

ryan turned to the familiar "oice. !t was 9anessa. She lookedworriedly at him.

)hat are you still doing here( She asked. She approached the

e&hausted soccer player.

Same to you. )hat are you still doing here( ryan asked.9anessa sighed.

$ctually, ! accidentally heard your argument with Nick, Shesaid, ! didnt mean to ea"esdrop, ! was 5ust concerned.


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ryan smiled. 9anessa blushed.

Thanks, 9anessa, +e said in a soft, caring "oice. 9anessalooked at him.

ryan smiled more. Smiling made him feel better, though a littlestupid for smiling with no reason.

9anessa started to check him out. +e had such an innocentsmile so innocent for someone whod gone through so much. She feltbad that she had to take that innocence away.

!m sorry, ryan, She said as she pushed ryan to the wall witha kiss. ryan started to kiss back, but broke it. 9anessa looked at himworriedly,

!m so sorry, She said.

!ts okay, ryan said. You better go home,

$nd with that, he ran away from the girl. 9anessa cupped herhands around her face and ran the opposite direction.

$gain, ryan was home alone. +e hardly e"en ga"e a thought towhat 9anessa did earlier. +e was too preoccupied on how he couldapologi4e to the band and to 8itty. +e wanted things to be normalagain. ryan smiled at the thought. +e took out the small, sil"er cross

that lay as a pendant hanging around his neck. !t was supposed to behis grandmothers si&ty1si&th birthday present.

2randma, +e said to it, ! think !m ready to mo"e on. ! hope itis okay to stop mourning now because my friends think !m a totalidiot. Sorry for the term. $nyway, were playing a soccer game againstsome kids from %eladonia. 'r. +ensons being a total pain in the butt.Sorry for the term again. ! ha"e a plan, but ! only can hope how good itgoes6

Chapter /: Even in Defeat0 'ise ictorious

The game was in an hour. The students of Scarletton +igh Schoolwere already piling up the stadium. :umors say that 'r. +enson andthe team had a bet, and e"erybody was e&cited on how it would turnout.

esse was bouncing a soccer ball on his chest while Nick stared atthe door. 'ichael stood beside him.


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)ho are you waiting for( 'ichael asked.

Nobody, Nick answered.

Youre waiting for ryan, arent you( 'ichael said.

! dont wait for losers, Nick said.

So you were waiting for me,

'ichael and Nick turned to ryans "oice. +e was already in theroom.

! said ! dont wait for losers, Nick repeated. ryan slapped himplayfully on the back.

)ell, !m no loser, +e said with a smirk. Nick smirked back.

You little sneak# You were acting# +e said and trapped ryanshead in a "ice with his arm. Then, Nick scratched ryans headendlessly with his knuckles. esse approached them.

So youre not a pain in the butt anymore( +e asked in a playfultone.

Not anymore, ryan replied.

2roup hug# 'att shouted. !t wasnt much of a hug, but toomuch of a tackle with ryan under eight full grown teenagers.Suddenly, 'r. +enson appeared.

! see youre con0dent, +e said.

No thanks to you, 'ikey told him. 'r. +enson shrugged him o-and headed for ryan.

Youre no match for %eladonia, boy, +e said.

!s that a threat( ryan asked con0dently. 'r. +enson noddedhis head and started o- from the team.

You know, back when ! was in grade and middle school, we hadracial discrimination. 3s non1$merican blooded kids had our ownrespecti"e table at the lunch room, sat at the back of class, and,ryan smirked as 'r. +enson was about to say ?so what( The only


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position ! played in soccer for eight years back then was the position ofa goal keeper.

$m ! supposed to be afraid( 'r. +enson asked.

)hy should you( !m not a ghost. ryan shot back and theteam laughed. 'r. +enson turned around and left them.

$s if on cue, 8itty entered the room.

ryan, we need to talk, she said, its really important.

)ell talk tonight, he said. 7ight oclock at the park. !f its asimportant as you say, youd come.

There was a pause.

! will, 8itty said and ran to the audience.

You ha"e some guts coming out in broad daylight to 0ght us,the team captain of the other team, e- 2ro"e, told Scarletton.

/ets get out of here, one of his team members said, theyrenot e"en worthy to lick the mud o- our shoes.

:ay was about to charge him when obby and 'ikey pulled himto restraint.

%ut it out, *iego, e- said. )hen *iego left, e- approachedryan. +e smirked and said, *ont disappoint me, rocker boy.

Some guy, obby >uipped. +e almost sounded nice, well,e&cept for the guts part.

Shut up, obby, :ay said, /ets show those guys thatScarletton is burning hot#

Y7$+#

$t the start of the game, Scarletton was on 0re#


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7"en though the crowd saw how good Scarletton was, there wasa big problem. The team had e&hausted all their power in the 0rst halfand might not ha"e enough for the second.

*arn, *iego to e-, ! had to eat e"erything ! said. Those guys

were good#

)e underestimated them too much, e- said, but they suredont know how to conser"e their energy. !m guessing that with all the4eal they showed, they"e got no power left to play this half.

;h, man, ! cant walk anymore, 'att complained. ! dont think! can play anymore. =syche#

ryan crashed on one of the bench.

)hat did ! say( ! told you guys wed put up a pretty good 0ght.+e told them. obby threw a towel to him.

Youre a big creep, ryan# +e said. )hen you said you couldguard, you meant it# !f we only knew, we would"e put you in thatposition long ago#

ut its really wrong, 'ichael said. )ere e&hausted andtheres still another half to go, not mentioning if we tie up, thered beo"ertime.

ummer. *idnt think of that, ryan said.

Then we ha"e to pretend were still good so we can intimidatethem. Nick said, and earned a light smack from esse.

The big problem is what if this was what they wanted to happenall along( :ay pointed out.

! say we act# Nick said.

2o to a theatre then# obby 5oked.

ack on the 0eld, Scarletton held their act for at least half of thetime. They started breaking down soon after making one goal. ryanmissed two, causing Scarletton to panic when the score said that theyonly had one more point ahead of %eladonia, and it could causeo"ertime, or worse, failure.


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*o you think the guys could hang in there( 9anessa asked.8itty nodded con0dently.

;f course they can# 8itty said. Theyre good and they"epracticed.

! guess ! shouldnt worry then, 9anessa said.

! guess you shouldnt. 8itty >uipped.

ut !m sure 'r. +ensons worried to death right now, 9anessasaid. The two girls laughed.

ack on the 0eld and there were three minutes left. e- got theball through 'att and obby, then through :ay and 'ikey. 2oingthrough esse, Nick stole the ball and had brought it to the other side of

the 0eld until *iego kicked it hard towards e- again. e- and 'ichaelbattled while Tyler stood by if e"er the ball passes 'ichael.

3nfortunately, the ball did and Tyler was caught o- guard. Thirtyseconds. Tyler didnt gi"e e- much trouble. e- tried to get a goodangle of the goal. ryan got ready for him.


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You put up a pretty good 0ght too, ryan told him.

)ell thats a wrap# Nick shouted and they resumed shoutingand cheering.

Chapter : !loo&ie& 'oses are S*eet

So, can you belie"e it now( 'ichael asked. ryan emergedfrom the shower room.

Yeah, and ! was the one who sounded so con0dent in the 0eld,ryan said. ;h, yeah, do we ha"e a gig today( !ts


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Not really, she said, but it adds to the e-ect.

$t the cafC, the two ate grilled chicken and cheese sandwicheswith co-ee while they discussed band and song issues, with 8itty

teaching ryan a thing or two about dating.

Ne"er talk with your mouth full, 8itty said,

;h, like this( ryan asked, his mouth full of sandwich. 8ittytugged on his bangs lightly.

*ont be a pig# 8itty said, That wont be adorable with othersas it is to me.

They had such a fun time that they decided to take another walk

on the park.

So thats it( ryan asked.

)hats it( 8itty asked.

You know, at a date, ! shouldnt talk with mouth full, always letthe girl take the 0rst bite and ne"er talk about other girls. ;h, and !should ne"er swear. ryan cited, proud that he remembered half ofthe lesson.

)ell, theres one more thing, but its really not necessary, 8ittysaid, The kiss after e"ery date to make it complete#

ryan looked at her blankly.

8iss( he said blankly.

Yeah, kiss. 8itty repeated.

+ow am ! going to practice that( ryan asked her.

! dont know, um, close your eyes and pucker up, 8ittysuggested. ryan closed his eyes, but he felt stupid and discontinued.8itty laughed at him.

!f youre such an e&pert, you show me how. ryan dared.

! guess ! will# 8itty said. She closed her eyes. ryan laughed asshe puckered her lips. 8itty opened one eye.


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*ont laugh, She said, !t isnt that funny when you ha"e apartner.

ryan laughed e"en more.

So you"e kissed( +e asked childishly. 8itty @ushed.

$ctually, no, but !"e seen it on T9. She whispered. *ontlaugh, 5ust watch.

8itty closed her eyes again, but she didnt pucker her lips thattime. She 5ust raised herself higher by stepping slightly on her tiptoes.ryan didnt think it was >uite funny that time. +is heart began beatingfast and his face @ushed bright pink while staring at 8ittys face.

+e couldnt resist no longer.

?Stupid hormones, ryan thought as he pulled 8itty in anembrace and ga"e her a peck on the lips.

8ittys eyes opened wide, but she leaned in the kiss. They pulledaway from each other and awkwardly stepped back.

End of Flashback

8itty ended her memory there, especially when she heard ryan

walking towards her. +e had a slight bruise on his cheek.

2ot bruised from the game( 8itty asked tauntingly. ryanlaughed lightly.

No, got bruised by 'ichael when ! told him what ! did to you,he >uipped. 8itty laughed.

Ser"es you right, She said playfully. ryan faked a frown.

/ook, ! wanted to talk about the other night, ryan said.

'e too, 8itty told him.

3m, what do you think about my kissing( ryan askedsheepishly. 8itty blushed.

!t was good, ! guess, 8itty said, )hat about me(


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)ell, ! though it was nice, ryan said. ! could"e kissed you forhours.

;h, you could( She asked, oy, big words for someone who5ust kissed once.

Twice, actually, ryan said in an embarrassed tone. 8ittysighed. ut you were my 0rst kiss.

So, who was the other one( She asked.

9anessa, ryan said silently.

So, is she your girlfriend( 8itty asked, trying to sound casual.

No, 5ust friends, +e said. !t was kinda creepy.

So was our kiss creepy too( 8itty asked him, relie"ed. ryanplaced his arm around her and sat back on the bench.

! kissed you, 8it, +e said with a smile, ! wanted to. So, wereyou scared(

No, ! kinda liked the feeling, 8itty said. ryan looked at heramusingly. +e smiled.

Yeah, you should"e told 'ichael so he didnt ha"e to punch me

in the face, ryan said. 8itty kissed the bruised cheek lightly.

;kay, there, She said, $re you happy now( She asked butwas cut o- when ryan kissed her >uickly. +e stared at her seriously,gi"ing 8itty the creeps, and she found herself copying his faciale&pression.

! ne"er thought you were a girly1girl, ryan whispered, then hesmiled and blushed, $nd you werent.

ut e"en though, +e continued, ! thought you were beautiful,

artistic and amusing. ! thought wed become like siblings. )e used toha"e sleepo"ers at my house and we act like mindless toddlers eatingcookies 2randma made and watching cartoons until we fell asleep onthe couches. That was the life. !t was almost like ha"ing an oldersister.

ut, ryan, 8itty said, You already ha"e an older sister.


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8itty e&pected him to get mad and shout at her. !t was a surprisethat he only frowned.

ryce $nn has her own life, +e said, $nd if she doesnt wantme in it, thats 0ne with me. !m cool without her in my world.

8itty decided that it was for the best not to continue with thetopic and kept her comments to herself.

So, thats all youre gonna say( She asked. 8itty e&pectedryan to say ?Yeah, thats 5ust about it, but he kept >uiet and took outsomething from his 5acket pocket. ryan cupped it in his hands. 8ittytried to see what it was, but in "ain.

$ctually, theres something else, ryan said. +e paused andlooked at 8itty, almost pleadingly.

)hat is it( 8itty asked. She ga"e up trying to see the thing inhis hands. !s it that important(

ryan waited for a while before re"ealing the thing is his hands.!t was a sil"er necklace with a cross pendant, much like the one he waswearing. 8itty awed when ryan put it in her hands.

!ts "ery important, ryan said, $nd it has something to dowith that necklace, you and me.

Chapter 1: Tears of Yester&a4 an& Toorro*

!t was already winter break and due to e&cessi"e snow storms,7"er Silent had to cancel a few shows.

!t was 0"e days before %hristmas, and a month after ryan and8itty got together, but due to the fact that nothing had changedbetween them, only the band and /inda knew about their relationship./inda e"en said that as long as ryan doesnt make 8itty cry, hes on/indas good side.

8itty and 'ichael were strict %hristians, so, when the seasoncame, 8itty and ryan didnt often see each other due to theirobligations, and the fact that ryan wanted 8itty to be with her familyon the special day.

ryan, though he told 8itty he was okay with it, found it hard toget used to being alone at %hristmas. esse in"ited him to his house to


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celebrate the season with his older sister, but ryan didnt want tointrude. That season was for family, nobody else.

3sually on %hristmas, he would put up a %hristmas tree besidethe 0replace to please oanna. Then, oanna would bake muBns and

fudge brownies to eat. 7"en though ryan wasnt the most religiousguy in the block, he didnt hesitate to come with oanna to %hristmas'ass, e"en praying with her. Those little good things stopped whenoanna died.

!t was %hristmas 7"e. ryan was sitting across the 0re place. +edidnt put up the tree, not e"en a single dCcor. +e 5ust used the time towrite a couple more songs, none he 0nished. +e began drawing thebig1eyed characters in his comic books, but stopped when he found outthat he made a hole in the middle from all the erasures. +e sighed andcrumpled the drawing. +e wasnt going to bother standing up to throw

the thing to the bin, so, he 5ust tossed it to the hearth and watched the@ames de"our it. ryan watched as it took form of glowing ash, then, itwas gone.

ryan reached for the guitar oanna ga"e him when he was 5ustse"en, which was ten years ago, and began strumming a few chords. !twasnt like the songs his band played. !t was a sad, soft melodyplucked on an acoustic guitar, probably suited for %hristmas 'ass. +ene"er used that guitar for hardcore rock, but only soft, wordlessmelodies, afraid to snap any string on it. +e recalled when oanna ga"ehim the guitar.

!t was %hristmas after he and oanna had mo"ed in with oannasgood friend, 'rs. +opkins, who was delighted to ha"e company, in*elaware. They were both old, left by their children and lo"ed the shy,!talian17nglish boy named ryan Nathan that oanna brought with her.

Your memory within me, I can write down in a son

2randma, what is a Santa %laus( 'y classmates were talkingabout a fat, old guy who was going to break in their houses by slidingdown the chimney and lea"ing toys for them. Se"en year old ryan

asked oanna. oanna sat down beside him.

Santa %laus isnt someone who breaks into houses. Thatsagainst the law, oanna told him, +es an angel whom the /ord hadsent to each of us to feel that gi"ing is much more rewarding thatrecei"ing. !t can be the mailman, 'rs. +opkins or e"en you and me.

E"en in the darkest #lace, I$"e found somewhere I belon


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! got you something, oanna told him as she pulled out a bigrectangular bo&. Se"en year old ryan started to unwrap it and foundan acoustic guitar. !t was big, but it didnt matter because it was fromoanna. To ryan, e"erything that was from her was from hea"en.

! know you"e gone through a lot, ryan, oanna told him, uttheres nothing that can relie"e you better than putting your feelings towriting. 'ake a poem, or better yet, make a song.

E"en in the coldest embrace, I can still feel your care

ack to nine months before present, ryan had 0nally sa"ed upenough money to buy oanna a gift. !t was the sil"er cross necklacehed been dreaming to get for oanna.

2randma, +e called as he entered the house with the gift in ablack bo&. !m home#

3pon entering the kitchen, ryan found some cookies and awarm pitcher of milk. oanna had 5ust freshly made them. $fter eatingto his hearts content, ryan headed for oannas room.

2randma( $re you resting( +e asked >uietly. Turning the knob,ryan found out that the room was open. +e recalled when he wasmuch younger hed ha"e nightmares and would always 0nd oannasroom unlocked for him to enter whene"er he pleased. $s an instinct,

hed enter and crawl in bed beside his sleeping grandmother. ryansmiled at the thought and continued his way in.

The lamp was open and oanna was in bed with her eyes closed.She had her brown ible beside her and it was open. ryan guessedthat oanna was reading another passage. +e decided to check it out. !twas turned to /uke FFDGH1IG.

%After, &hrist left for, as usual, to 'ount (li"es with the disci#lesfollowin him) *Pray that you may not be #ut to tem#tation,$ &hristwent a little further, about a stone$s throw, and #rayed, *Father, if it is

Your +ill, remo"e this cu# from 'e still not 'y +ill but Yours be done)$And an anel from Hea"en a##eared and a"e him strenth)-

Some moments passed and ryan closed the ible. +e gentlyreplaced it on the side table and turned to oanna.

2randma, wake up, +e whispered silently to her ear. +e heldon her hand and slightly 5umped back when he felt that it was ice cold.


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2randma( +e asked. +e neared his face to the old womansand found out she wasnt breathing. /ifting oannas body up andembracing it, ryan started to cry. +e laid her back on the bed andtook the necklace from the bo&.

! got you this, 2randma, +e wept, ! know you dont likee&pensi"e gifts, but ! really thought youd lo"e to wear something likethis.

.ut now that you$re one, would you still be there/

$t the funeral, ryan stayed >uiet. 8itty had hung the necklacehe had bought for oanna around his neck and he didnt bother to takeit o-, considering he felt that it was his lifeline. 7specially when%assandra and her husband came to pay respects, he felt himself melt

in anger. She still had the sti- e&pression on her face, but there wassympathy and sadness in her eyes. ryan glared at her. %assandralooked at him but did not glare back.

$fter paying her respects to oanna, she approached ryan.

'y condolences, ryan, She said softly.

)hat are you doing here( ryan asked. %assandra didnt loseher temper.

! 5ust came to see my mother before she goes, She said. Shestarted to walk away, and then said, !m sorry, ! was wrong.

In my loneliness, would there be a world where I can esca#e to/

$nd oannas death had changed him completely.


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The band didnt like how he changed, neither did 8itty. $nd as ryanthought more about it as he strummed his guitar, oanna wouldntha"e liked how he acted as well.

If I die, my blood all around me, would I be there with you/

ryan knew he can ne"er play that song again, for he can ne"erremember how he felt that night when the clock had stroke twel"e. $she stared at the 0replace, he felt two streams of tears trickle down hischeeks from his eyes.

If I cry my heart out, then thrust myself in this sad slide

Suddenly, his phone rang. !t was 8itty. +e answered it.

! 5ust wanted to know if youre doing 0ne, 8itty said.

Yeah, ryan replied, ust a bit lonely, thats all. *ont worryabout me. 'erry %hristmas,

'erry %hristmas, too. 8itty said and hung up. ryan put downhis phone. $nd sighed in regret. +ed forgotten the song.

If I$d ne"er be ha##y, ne"er be with you, at least I tried

Chapter 11: $hen the .irror For"ets to 'e5ect

ack in school, ryan had reco"ered completely from misery. uttheres still 9anessa. Shed 5ust found out that ryan and 8itty weretogether. Since then, she felt that ryan was messing with her, makingher feel that he had mutual feelings 5ust for his amusement. Sheconfronted him after school while he was with 8itty.

ryan, can ! talk to you( She asked. ryan looked at 8itty. 8ittysmiled and nodded.

Sure, why not( +e answered.

$lone, 9anessa added.

;kay, ryan stammered and turned to 8itty, See you later(

;f course, 8itty said, !ll be at the records,

$fter 8itty walked away, 9anessa looked at ryan with glaringeyes.


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! need to talk to you about something. !ll know when yourelying. 9anessa warned.

3m, what is it( ryan said uneasily.

*id you e"er like me( 9anessa asked.

;f course ! did. Youre a good friend. ryan replied. 9anessalooked down embarrassedly.

!s there something wrong( ryan asked her.

Yeah, but, you told me at our date that you liked someone, !thought6 9anessa whispered.

ryan didnt answer too >uickly.

! ne"er thought youd think ! was referring to you, +e said>uietly, !m "ery sorry,

9anessa started crying, partly from disappointment and hurt, butmostly of embarrassment. ryan reached out to hold her hand but9anessa mo"ed away.

*ont, 9anessa said, *ont act as if youre guilty of not likingme more than a friend. !f you really lo"e 8itty, youd let me go right

now and youd follow her.

9anessa began to walk away. ryan, eaten by his guilt, but notabout to let cowardice come o"er him again when he needed to saywhat he feels, followed her.

2o away# 9anessa shouted.

No# ryan replied, Talk to me 0rst.

9anessa turned to him.

/ets talk this o"er grilled sandwiches and co-ee. ryan saidwith a smile and pulled 9anessa with him.

$t the cafC, 9anessa refused to order so ryan 5ust orderedgrilled chicken and cheese sandwiches Job"iously his fa"orite,K andcreamy co-ee. )hen their orders came, ryan recalled that on a date,


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the girl was supposed to take the 0rst bite. So, he 5ust stared at9anessa.

/ook, 9anessa, ryan started, !m really sorry. )hen ! said that! already liked a girl, ! thought you understood that it was 8itty ! liked.

$nd if ! liked you, meaning that ! lo"ed you, ! would"e told you backthen.

9anessa ga"e him a small giggle. ryan smiled, embarrassed at9anessas reaction.

)hats so funny( +e asked.

Youre such a loser# 9anessa stated, The good kind, though.You know, for some reason, ! cant get mad at you for so long. ! guessthats your blessing.

$t least ! know ! ha"e a blessing, ryan >uipped, $nd boy am !lucky that you understand me.

The two laughed and e&changed a few 5okes before 9anessanoticed that ryan hadnt touched the sandwiches.

)hy arent you eating( She asked. ryan looked down andsmiled self1consciously.

$ctually, 8itty told me that ! should let the girl ha"e the 0rst

bite6 ryan said >uietly. 9anessa burst out with laughter.

You and 8itty are such sillies# Thats a stupid tip. You should eatwhen you want to, 9anessa pointed out. $ny girl knows that.

The two laughed again.

)ell, thats what ! lo"e about 8itty, ryan said, Shes not 5ustany girl.

9anessa smiled. She 0nally had taken that ryan was happy and

in1lo"e, and theres nothing in the world that would make her day butto see him smiling and happy in his life. $fter all hes been through, hedeser"ed it.

! think you two look good together, 9anessa told him, !f youlo"e her that much, 5ust make sure she lo"es you as much back. !f shedoes, then nothing else matters.


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So youre not holding any grudges anymore( ryan asked5okingly. You wont curse us, would you(

No, ! wont curse you and ! dont ha"e any grudges, 9anessasaid, ust a little heart1broken, thats all,

ryan ga"e her a weak smile.

;h dont worry, 9anessa >uickly added. !d get o"er this thinge"entually.

$fter she noticed that ryan hadnt touched the sandwiches, shereached for one and took a bite out of it.

;kay, !"e taken the 0rst bite. Now cmon, She said with anamusing tone. ryan smiled and reached for one.

)ell, 0nally, +e >uipped, ! though ! was gonna star"e todeath.

$fter eating, ryan o-ered to walk 9anessa home, e"en thoughshe li"ed far away and the fact that he had a car parked in the school.

So, what was your impression when you 0rst saw me two yearsago( ryan asked. ! though you ne"er knew ! e&isted.

9anessa laughed.

;n the contrary, She said, ! was already crushing on you since0rst year. ut since you were in a band, ! ignored you.

ryan looked down.

Speaking of the past, you didnt like me too much before,9anessa said, )hy didnt you like me back then(

To be honest with you, ryan said, !ts your surname ! didntlike. Stupid reason, huh(

)hat about my surname( 9anessa asked.

!t was my stepparents surname. ryan answered. ! wasconfused and ! didnt know what to do. ack then, ! thought only oneTyson family e&isted. ! had a narrow mind.

9anessa looked down.


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Ever Silent

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