Essentials of successful marriage
-
Upload
mohammad-yunus-md-facp -
Category
Education
-
view
1.274 -
download
5
description
Transcript of Essentials of successful marriage
Essentials of Successful Marriage
11 F’s
The Definition of Marriage (Nikah) in Islam
Sheikh Muhammad Abu Zahrah (a modern scholar) defines it like this:
"A contract that results in the man and woman living with each other and supporting each other within the limits of what has been laid down( in Islam) for them in terms of rights and obligations."
Sheikh Ibn Uthaimeen takes an even more comprehensive view of the institution of marriage:
"It is a mutual contract between a man and a woman whose goal is for each to enjoy the other, become a pious family and a sound society."
Marriage-source of love and mercy
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]
Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (2:187)
Marriage a way to procreation
And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best." [Noble Quran 16:72]
Importance of Marriage in Hadith
"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." [Al-Bukhari]
Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." [Al-Bukhari]
"Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me.
When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."
11 Essentials of Successful Marriage
1-Faith2-
Forbearance
3-Friendship
with spouse
4-Friendship
with in laws
5-Our friends
6-Fun
7-Financial plan
8-Respect for family
9-Freedom
10-Plan for future
11-Fulfillment
Characteristics of good spouses
For Muslim men and women for believing men and women for devout men and women for true men and women for men and women who are patient and constant for men and women who humble themselves for men and women who give in charity for men and women who fast (and deny themselves) for men and women who guard their chastity and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward. 33:35
1-Faith (Iman)
The most essential attribute of a Muslim
marriage is the common faith that binds the
couple.
Since Islam is a way of life and not just a
religion confined to weekly worship it becomes
an integral part of a Muslim's life.
The religious frame of reference shared by
the couple creates an ease of communication
This helps in sharing of values that is not
possible in an interfaith marriage.
Faith
Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said that when a
husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward
for this act and Allah increases the bond of
love between them.
So when we love each other for the sake of
Allah (SWT) we actually increase our faith.
It is highly recommended that faith
play an important role in developing
a loving relationship.
2-Forbearance (Sabr)
Sabr is necessary tool to have in managing ahealthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactiveframe of mind It brings us closer to Allah (SWT) through tawakkuland reliance. We develop an inner mechanism that empowers usto handle life's difficult moments. As Allah states in surah Al-Asr :
"Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believeand do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth andcounsel each other to patience [sabr]."
3-Friendship With Your Spouse
We should develop a friendship with our
spouses.
The relationship based on friendship is strong
enough to withstand outside pressures.
We must honor, trust, respect, accept and
care for our friends, in spite of our differences.
Friends with mutual respect
Shariah has placed the husband in a
leadership role within his family and this
requires a certain mutual respect & decorum.
Husband is not a dictator, but a shepherd who
is responsible to and for his flock.
This is a position of grave responsibility and
places an enormous burden on the husband.
Furthermore, the children need to see their
parents as friends who respect each other.
4-Friendship With In-Laws
We should have friendly relations with in-
laws.
When couples compete as to whose parents
are more important it becomes a constant
source of grief.
Much valuable time is wasted trying to
convince one another of whose parents are
most desirable.
It is better if we accept that our spouses will
not fall in love with our parents overnight just
because we want them to.
As long as they maintain relationships that
are cordial and based on mutual respect, we
should not force the issue.
5-Choosing-Friends
It is ok to have individual friends of the same gender
Couples must also make an effort to have family friends so that they can socialize together.
If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage.
Prophet Mohammad (SAW) advised us to choose God-fearing people as friends, since we tend to follow their way.
Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.
6-Fun
Couples that do not laugh together have to
work on sharing some fun times.
The Prophet was known to play with his
wives.
A simple walk in the park can add much spark
to the relationship.
Taking up a sport together
Watching appropriate funny movies is another
way of sharing a laugh.
7-Financial-Plan
One of the most common points of contention inmarriages is money. Experts tell us that 80% of marital conflicts areabout money. Couple put serious time and effort in developing afinancial management plan that is mutuallyagreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful andwise way to handling household finances. It should be remembered that the wife's money inIslam is hers to do with as she pleases and thereforeshould not be considered family income unless shechooses to contribute it to the family.
8-Respect &
Priority For Family
Parenting can be a stressful experience if theparents are not well informed. This in turn canput extra pressure on the marriage. Sometimes couples are naive about thechanges that come in lifestyle. This can causedepression in some cases, and resentment andmisunderstanding in others. One golden rule that must always be theguide is "family comes first." Whenever there isevidence that the family is not happy or not ourfirst priority, it is time to assemble at thekitchen table and discuss the situation withopen hearts and open minds.
Respect For Family
Couples who have elderly parents have an
added responsibility to take care of them; this
can also be very stressful if the couple is not
prepared. A care plan must be worked out with
respective siblings and parents as to who will be
the primary care giver and what type of support
network they will have.
In case of mental incompetence a power of
attorney must be in place. The making of a will
is essential.
9-Freedom
Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not
bondage or slavery. To consider the wife as
one's property is alien to the Islamic concept
of husband and wife.
The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed
when members of the team are free to be
themselves.
Freedom in the common secular sense is to
be free to do as one pleases, or even to be
selfish. But what is meant by allowing
freedom to one's spouse is to be considerate
of her needs and to recognize her limitations
10-Plan For The Future
Smart couples plan for their future together.
They work on their financial and retirement
plans.
They make wills and discuss these plans with
their children.
This provides peace of mind and secures the
relationship.
11-Fulfillment
To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very
fulfilling and rewarding experience.
To be in love means to give one's all.
The heart does not put conditions or make
stipulations; it gives without expecting
anything in return, but such selfless giving is
always rewarded ten-fold.