HELLO!

AS YOU ENTER, PLEASE…

SEAT YOURSELF NEXT TO A TRUSTED PEER EDITOR 2 OR 4 TO A TABLE ONLY

OMG! How exciting is this?!

WELCOME BACK, OH BRILLIANT

WRITERS! Today’s Objectives:1) To review your essay organization2) To enhance precision & concision in your

writing3) To add flair & joy to your writing & the

writing process

WORD UP & WRITE ON!

READ ALOUD!

If it SOUNDS wrong… it probably is!

Read your question & essay to your partner (5 mins.) Writers, if while reading you hear a

problem, simply highlight & continue reading, don’t stop to fix it!

Partners, listen for two things: 1. Has the writer answered the

question?2. Does the essay reflect her/his true

voice? Switch readers complete same

process (5 mins.)

IF YOU HAVEN’T ANSWERED THE QUESTION

&/OR IT DOESN’T SOUND LIKE YOU, START OVER!

REMEMBER:

The list of topic no-nos This is about YOU your ethos, values,

aspirations Cast aside your humility, you are AWESOME!

AND…

SHOW don’t TELL! Examples and analysis and reflection!

Mini Workshop #1: Organization

Introduction Body + Transitions Conclusion

http://www.ismckenzie.com/organization-cartoon/

Mini Workshop #1: OrganizationConsider what type of organization you

have: How was it in the past? How is it now? How

may it be in the future? So what? My first impression. My later view. My

present evaluation. So what? A notable mistake. Efforts to adjust or correct.

The outcome. So what? How does it appear? What is it really like?

Why is there this difference? So what? How can it be done? Steps A, B, C. What is

the result? So what?

TIPS:

Chronology

Circularity

Have a

theme

Mini Workshop #1: Evidence & Org.

Specific Details Supply anecdotal evidence to show

accomplishments Supply SPECIFICS: names, places, and descriptions Explain the concrete outcomes of your endeavors Allow readers to SEE your ethos in action Most questions ask for a moment or event and what

you learned from it, don’t spend the whole essay describing the event, you need to focus on learning, growth, change, epiphany, etc…

10% Description + (90% Analysis x Reflection) =

“Show don’t Tell”

Mini Workshop #1: Organization

Identify & Highlight: INTRO: Thesis / big idea

Topic sentence for each body paragraph

Transition words and phrases within paragraphs

Concluding &/or transition sent. for each body para.

CONCL: concluding idea

Identify & Highlight: Main idea / theme of piece

Near the beginning Elements/examples that

support this topic Transition words and

phrases throughout your piece

Elements that conclude this piece

Creative / Narrative Approaches

Typical / Formal Essays

Stand up! In 30 seconds, find a partner at ANOTHER table! Read the BEST part/sentence of your essay, explain: WHAT MAKES IT “GOOD”? THEN, briefly explain the part of your essay that needs the most work! (1.5 minutes per partner) Go back to your table when complete

3rd Inning Stretch

Choose a Paragraph

Go back to that area you pointed out as needed most work…

We are going to beat it with a CAVE MAN CLUB

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Mini Workshop #2: NOUN / VERB

I miss the good old days when all we had

to worry about was nouns and verbs

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Identify Nouns, Verbs, and Modifiers

Highlight all key nouns, pronouns, and adjectives with another color. The beautiful Sarah wore the perfect

shoes with her prom dress; she was dressed smashingly.

Grammar reminder: Adjectives modify nouns

Highlight all verbs and adverbs with one color. The beautiful Sarah wore the perfect

shoes with her prom dress; she was dressed smashingly.

Grammar reminder: Adverbs modify verbs

Mini Workshop #2: NOUN/VERB It was, it is, there was, there are, etc..

Instead of using the ambiguous “it,” state the noun you mean

Only use state of being verbs if you absolutely have to Instead use VIBRANT action verbs

Example:It was cold the day my grandfather died.

Instead… The weather grew frigid the day my

grandfather died. If you have to use adjectives, or adverbs,

make them count!

Mini Workshop #2: NOUNS! Clarify vague pronouns have clear

antecedents Especially important with it, personal pronouns, and

vague nouns It seems they enjoy those things. He learned a lot from that experience.

Use specific nouns and avoid adjectives: frumpy old woman Dilapidated vehicle Dingy, broken down house

crone, hag jalopy, rattletrap

hovel, shack

Mini Workshop #2: VERBS!Concision comes in small packages… Simplify verb forms:

What had had happened was… (no perfect tenses; K.I.S.S.)

I have come to the understanding… I do indeed take pleasure in…

Cut superfluous adverbs Use precise verbs: Run very quickly Laugh wholeheartedly Dance wildly

I now realize… I relish…

sprint, gallop, dash guffaw, chortle, chuckle

gambol, caper, frolic

Mini Workshop #2: VERBS + TONE!

Tone & diction:Make your words SHOW how you feel!

When the doorbell rang, I got off my bed and went to answer the door. What is the tone? What words are “flat” or “vague”? How might they be changed?

When the doorbell blared, I

jumped off

my bed and sprinted to the

door.

Tone?When the doorbell dinged, I crept out of bed and shuffled to the door. Tone?

Time to EDIT!

Now, you will comb through that paragraph you identified earlier Check nouns and pronouns and their

antecedents replace vague words & pronouns Replace state of being verbs with action verbs Keep only the most telling adjectives and

adverbs Spend 7 minutes finessing your

paragraph Read your new and improved writing to your

partner

Stand up! In 30 seconds, find A NEW partner at ANOTHER table! Read your first & your last sentences

7th Inning Stretch

Mini Workshop #3: Adding Flair

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Mini Workshop #3: Adding Flair

First line = first impression (punch ‘em in the face) All this happened, more or less. K. Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-

Five (1969)

The naked parrot looked like a human fetus spliced onto a kosher chicken. T. Robbins, Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates (2000)

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. V. Nabokov, Lolita (1955)

Last line = leave a lasting impression I don’t want to end up simply having visited this

world. M. Oliver

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. R. Frost

Mini Workshop #3: Adding FlairRead your first and last line to your partner

Discuss your starters and finishersHow might you spice them up?Take 5 minutes to re-work one or both Make them memorable

Let’s hear a few good ones!

Mini Workshop #3: Adding Flair Metaphors

While volunteering at the hospital, I realized I was a lost boat afloat in the tempest of life.

Similes Like a beacon in the distance, my mother’s

advice aided me once again! Sentence Variety / Inverted word

order Learned I did that patience is a necessity

not a virtue. Industrious am I; genius I am not.

Sentence Variety

Playing with how you organize your ideas in a sentence also allows you to emphasize certain elements

This particular start emphasizes Roy’s mistake…

Sentence Variety…

Roy dooms the entire earth to annihilation, when, in an attempt to be friendly, he inadvertently seizes their leader by the head and shakes vigorously. Emphasizes Roy’s imminent annihilation

Roy seizes their leader by the head and shakes vigorously, inadvertently dooming the entire earth to annihilation with his attempt at being friendly. Emphasizes Roy’s social faux pas

In an attempt to be friendly, Roy seizes their leader by the head and shakes vigorously, inadvertently dooming the entire earth to annihilation. Emphasizes Roy’s congenial nature

Refine your sentences!

Go back to the paragraph you are refining Check each sentence to assure it’s perfect Add sentence variety where necessary Add a metaphor or simile just try it now,

and see if you like it Take 10 minutes to edit sentences Share your ideas with your partner

Write On! Be the Sausage! Go forth and endeavor to share

your brilliance with the world! Finish essays early so you have

time to polish them Get other eyes on them Set appointments with teachers

and counselors for help, discussion, finessing