Equipping Clients to stop sabotaging their health goals · Equipping Clients to Stop Sabotaging...

Equipping Clients to Stop Sabotaging Their Health Goals and Create Habits That StickAmy Bertram

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Equipping Clients to stop sabotaging their health goals

AND CREATE HABITS THAT STICK!

agenda

Quiz and Tendency

Details

The Four Tendencies and

Health GoalsStrategies

The Tendencies


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The Four Tendencies quizCreated by Gretchen Rubin: “The Four Tendencies”

Why? Harness strengths; counteract weaknesses; build on who you are instead of fighting it; pinpoint aspects of a situation that are causing us to succeed or fail.

Why others? Unrealistic expectations; taking behavior personally; avoiding conflict; persuasion.

Is this a personality test?

Just one slice of our personality.

Ultimately answers “How do I respond to expectations?”

Hardwired. The way we were made.

Not tied to upbringing, birth order, etc.

Doesn’t change depending on situation or season of life.

What are the four tendencies?Upholder- Meets outer expectations and inner expectations

Questioner- Resists outer expectations, meets inner expectations

Obliger- Meets outer expectations, resists inner expectations

Rebel- Resists outer expectations, resists inner expectations


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Why can’t our clients just do the right thing?

Research is clear: Habits are neurological cue responses.*

Habits change slowly, through repeated activity

Popcorn study*

“Forty percent of the time we're not thinking about what we're doing…Willpower is a limited resource, and when it runs out you fall back on

habits.“

Wendy Wood

Repetition is key: Studies show it takes 15 to 254 days to truly form a new habit.

*Wendy Wood, " Habits in Everyday Life: How to Form Good Habits and Change Bad Ones “ Thursday, August 7, American Psychological Association's 122nd Annual Convention

Can you relate to your tendency?

BEM-b1

BEM-b1 Based on what you know so far. GIve me some exapmles in your

life.Bertram, Evan Margaret - bertraem, 8/4/2018


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The Four Tendencies and your health goals

BEM-b2

Upholder StrengthsMeets outer and inner expectations: resolutions, deadlines.

Doesn’t depend on others to motivate.

Reliable and predictable

Can be good at taking care of themselves.

“Discipline means limits.” Gratifying. Freeing.

Upholder WeaknessesMay appear rigid or extreme

Compelled to follow rules even when not sensible

May become impatient with others

Become uneasy with lack of rule-following

May not delegate

Might not like changes in schedules/plans

BEM-b2 Think abou thow this relates to you and also ohters in your life, it

is not your tendency. How can you better relate to them?Bertram, Evan Margaret - bertraem, 8/4/2018


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Upholder Health StrategiesGet expert advice (RD, MD, PT)◦ Ask for a PLAN

Schedule your exercise regularly

Make a list of healthy food to purchase at grocery store

Educate yourself on nutrition

Give yourself GRACE!

Questioner Strengths Resists outer but meets inner expectations: deep commitment to logic

Gathers facts and makes own decisions

Very willing to complete tasks that make sense

Asks self “What needs to be done today and why?”

Self-directed

Helps others with creative solutions and offers resources

Questioner WeaknessesQuestioning everything can be exhausting (Analysis Paralysis).

Refuses to meet expectations if they don’t agree with it.

May easily find rationale for avoiding creating a good habit.

May frustrate specialists or other experts by questioning.

Motivated by what they believe to be sound reasoning (may not be).

May challenge rules so much that they are almost a Rebel.


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Questioner Health StrategiesResearch health, nutrition, and fitness ideas

Ask MD or expert to explain rationale for medications or diet

Monitor your behavior (if it makes sense to you!)

Be creative with scheduling time in your day to exercise.

Limit deliberation by determining your ultimate goal, and then question your questioning.

Obliger StrengthsMeets outer expectations, resists inner expectations

Easy to create strategies for Obligers

Want to please others; active sense of obligation

Largest tendency group

Most likely to volunteer, contribute, meet deadline

Partner well with others and don’t notice their own expectations

ObligerWeaknessesStruggle to follow through for themselves (exercise, clean, work)

Will break promises to self

If outer accountability is missing, they struggle

Vary “tremendously” in how and when they respond to outer accountability

May feel resentment and burnout: Obliger Rebellion


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Obliger Health Strategies

Create outer accountability!

◦ Supervision, late fees, deadlines, partners, consequences, apps

Know what type of accountability you require

◦ Another person, a schedule, financial consequences, “future self”

Positive or negative?

Reframe: If I say no to this, someone else will have that opportunity

Rebel StrengthsResist outer and inner expectations

React out of sense of freedom and self-expression

Can do anything they want to do

Enjoy challenges when done their own way: “Watch me”

Defy customs, take unconventional paths

High value on self-determination and values

Rebel WeaknessesResist any control, including self-control

Sometimes make bad choices just to prove that they have a choice

Often frustrate others and themselves

By wanting freedom, Rebels may ultimately be controlled

◦ “Rebellion is the opposite of compliance, but is not freedom.”

Resist schedules, tasks, labels, systems. May feel isolated or frustrated


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Rebel Health Strategies

Know that any action is your choice (so give rebels a choice)

Try this sequence: Information, Consequences, Choice

◦ Information: Get the information needed to make choice

◦ Consequences: Know consequences of potential actions

◦ Choice: Now choose (it’s your choice )

Appeal to choice, freedom, pleasure

Strategy of Identity: To be true to yourself (high value), view a habit as a way to identify yourself

BEM-b3

My favorite strategies for all tendencies

Escape ClauseWe use loopholes to justify breaking a good habit. Watch out for these popular loopholes

◦ Tomorrow—”It doesn’t matter what I eat today, because I’ll eat great tomorrow.”

◦ Fake-Self Actualization—”You only live once. I can’t pass this up!”

◦ Lack of Control—“Someone brought cupcakes to the meeting..”

◦ One-Coin—“What difference does one brownie make?”

◦ Justifying – “It’s too cold outside, so I’ll run tomorrow.”

BEM-b3 Example: Info: I can eat a brownie or an apple; Conseq: If I eat a

brownie I will feel sluggish and guilty; Choice: It's my choice. I

WANT to eat an apple. No one can make me eat a brownie and

feel horrible.Bertram, Evan Margaret - bertraem, 8/4/2018


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PairingOnly do X when you’re doing Y

◦ Only eat when sitting at a table

◦ Only watch “This Is Us” when you are on the treadmill

◦ Only listen to your favorite podcast when you are walking/running

◦ Only read your favorite book after you have cooked a healthy dinner

◦ Only call your best friend to chat after you have journaled your food

MonitoringYou manage what you monitor

◦ How many cups of cereal or slices of pizza

◦ Don’t eat out of a container

◦ Decide how much you want to eat, and put it on your plate—and no seconds

◦ Record your exercise each day (we tend to over-estimate this)

ConvenienceMake it easy to do the good thing and hard to do the bad

◦ Put your exercise clothes on in the morning or pack them in the car

◦ Pay a little extra to join the gym that’s nearer to your house

◦ No time to shower? Exercise in ways that don’t make you sweat

◦ Keep healthy snacks in your car, desk, pantry

◦ Ask someone in your house to hide the cookies (this works for us!)

◦ Put exercising on your calendar and plan around it


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AccountabilityWorks for all tendencies, but a must for Obligers

Some examples:

◦ Oversight, deadlines, and consequences

◦ Involvement of accountability partners, such as coaches, accountability groups, trainers, health coaches, friends, or your own children

◦ Obligers often feel a powerful sense of obligation to be good role models, and can often do something for someone else that they can’t do for themselves: “Once I got married, I knew had to lose weight to lower my blood pressure for our future family.”

Thank you!Amy Bertram, PT, APT, CFI,

CCI

[email protected]

www.JustMove.Life

Upholder: “I do what others expect of me—and what I expect from myself.” Questioner: “I do what I think is best, according to my judgment. If it doesn’t make sense, I won’t do it.”

Obliger: “I do what I have to do. I don’t want to let others down, but I may let myself down.”

Rebel: “I do what I want, in my own way. If you try to make me do something—even if I try to make myself do something—I’m less likely to do it.” From The Four Tendencies, by Gretchen Rubin

Best Strategies by Tendency

Based on Gretchen Rubin’s The 4 Tendencies

UPHOLDER

Strategy of Scheduling (most important for Upholders)

The Strategy of Scheduling is a powerful tool for Upholders. They love to keep a schedule and march through every item. Whatever appears on the calendar—go to the gym on Monday and Thursday, write 1,000 words every day, goof off—gets done. They can make time for every person and activity they value, by putting it on the calendar.

Strategy of Clarity

When Upholders know clearly what's expected, they can generally meet that expectations. Very, very important to remember: Upholders can meet inner expectations, but only when those inner expectations are articulated.

Strategy of Monitoring

Upholders do well with the Strategy of Monitoring, because they tend to love to-do lists with items to check off. Monitoring plays to this inclination: “I intend to walk 10,000 steps today, and look, my monitor says I hit that number.”

Strategy of Pairing

Upholders can make good use of the Strategy of Pairing, because it’s easy for them to enforce the pairing rule on themselves. If an Upholder gets himself to go to the gym by pairing, “I can only shave on a day when I’ve gone to the gym,” he won’t have any trouble holding himself to that pairing.

Note: Because Upholders can take advantage of just about every strategy, anyone who touts a scheme or device that’s meant to help people form good habits will have some success—because Upholders will tend to uphold, no matter what.

QUESTIONER

Strategy of Clarity (most important for Questioners)

The Strategy of Clarity is crucial for Questioners. They want to know exactly what they’re doing, and why. They won’t meet an expectation if they don’t understand the reason, so they must receive robust answers to their questions. They also must clearly see and trust the authority and expertise of the person asking them to meet that expectation.

Amy Bertram, PT, APT,

CFI, CCI

www.JustMove.com


The Strategy of Monitoring is a good fit for Questioners; Questioners’ love of data means they enjoy self-monitoring. They might wear a device to track the number of steps they take; use an app to track when they take their medication, or chart what time they go to bed.

Strategy of Distinctions

The Strategy of Distinctions may resonate with Questioners, because it emphasizes that a habit should be tweaked very specifically to suit an individual’s character and idiosyncrasies—something that appeals to Questioners, who love customization. They can sometimes be convinced to try something “as an experiment.” “Why don’t you try this, you’ll find out if it works for you, and if not, you can try something else.”

Strategy of Loophole-Spotting

The Strategy of Loophole-Spotting is particularly important for Questioners, because it addresses a common stumbling block for Questioners: the invoking of loopholes to justify breaking a good habit. “I should exercise.” “But it’s too cold outside.” “Do my workout inside.” “But I have too much work and that takes precedence over exercise.”

OBLIGER

Strategy of Accountability (most important for Obligers)

All Four Tendencies (even, under certain circumstances, Rebels) find accountability to be useful for developing habits, but Obligers absolutely require structures of external accountability. They need oversight, deadlines, and consequences, and the involvement of accountability partners, such as coaches, accountability groups, trainers, health navigators, friends, or their own children. Obligers often feel a powerful sense of obligation to be good role models. They can often do something for someone else that they can’t do for themselves: “Once my baby was born, I had to quit smoking.”


Monitoring supports accountability, and the more Obligers monitor their behavior, the more easily accountability will attach.

Strategy of Other People

Because of the weight imposed by outer expectations, Obligers—and the people around Obligers—must take careful note of the influence of other people, for good or ill.

Strategy of Treats

All of us should use the Strategy of Treats; when we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves. Because Obligers may fall into Obliger-rebellion when they feel burned out or exploited, it’s important that they get treats as a way to energize themselves. Remember, a treat is different from a reward! Rewards are very, very tricky to use correctly. Stick with treats!

REBEL

Strategy of Identity (most important for Rebels)

For Rebels, the most effective habit-change strategy is the Strategy of Identity. Because Rebels place great value on being true to themselves, they can embrace a habit if they view it as a way to express their identity.

Strategy of Clarity

The Strategy of Clarity works for Rebels, because it focuses on why a habit might have personal value for them. The more Rebels think about what they want, and why they want it, the more effectively they pursue it.

Strategy of Convenience

Instead of trying to commit to scheduling a habit, Rebels often do habit-behaviors as soon as they feel like it.

Strategy of Other People

The Strategy of Other People is also a useful strategy for Rebels to consider; Rebels love doing things differently from other people. They do an obscure kind of yoga, run barefoot, exercise late at night.

Note: Rebels tend to resist if you ask or tell them to do anything. It’s very important—but challenging—to avoid setting off their spirit of resistance. Also, many of the 21 strategies that work well for other Tendencies typically don’t work for Rebels: for instance, Strategies of Scheduling, Accountability, Monitoring, or Rewards.

From Better Than Before: The 21 Strategies for Habit Change

1. The Four Tendencies (Book by this title)

To change your habits, you have to know yourself, and in particular, your Tendency. (Are you an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel?)

2. Distinctions (what works for other people may not work for you)

Marathoner or Sprinter? The question of whether you'd prefer to work fewer hours over more days, or more hours over fewer days. Sprinter is different from procrastinator. sprinters deliberately wait for the pressure of a deadline to help clarify their thinking. With procrastination, people feel as though they should be working, and they wish they could work, but somehow they can't make themselves.

Under-buyer or over-buyer? satisficer/maximizer

3. Monitoring

You manage what you monitor, so find a way to monitor whatever matters.

4. Foundation

First things first, so begin by making sure to get enough sleep, eat and drink right, move, and un-clutter.

5. Scheduling (this is often counter-productive for Rebels)

If it’s on the calendar, it happens.

6. Accountability (Obligers! This is YOUR STRATEGY)

You do better when you know someone's watching--even if you're the one doing the watching.

7. First Steps (be on the lookout for opportunities to harness this powerful strategy)

It's enough to begin; if you're ready, begin now

8. Clean Slate (this strategy is powerful, but only available at certain times)

Temporary becomes permanent, so start the way you want to continue.

9. Lightning Bolt (it's frustrating--this is a strategy that happens to you; you can't invoke it)

http://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/

https://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2013/06/are-you-a-marathoner-a-sprinter-a-procrastinator-weigh-in/

https://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2009/04/quiz-are-you-an-overbuyer-or-an-underbuyer/

https://gretchenrubin.com/2009/03/happiness-myth-no-4-youll-be-happier-if-you-insist-on-the-best-

A single idea can change the habits of a lifetime, overnight. (Enormously powerful, but hard to invoke on command.)

10. Abstaining (this strategy works extremely well for some people, and not at all for others)

For some of us, moderation is too tough; it's easier to give up something altogether. (Works very well for some people, and not at all for others.)

11. Convenience (this is the most universal strategy)

Make it easy to do right and hard to go wrong.

12. Inconvenience (twin of Convenience)

Change your surroundings, not yourself.

13. Safeguards

Plan to fail.

14. Loophole-Spotting (this strategy is hilarious to study)

Don't kid yourself.

15. Distractions

Wait fifteen minutes.

16. Reward (beware! this is a very, very tricky strategy to apply effectively)

The reward for a good habit is the good habit, and that's the reward to give yourself. (The most misunderstood strategy.)

17. Treats (this is definitely the most fun strategy to follow)

It's easier to ask more of yourself when you're giving more to yourself. (The most fun strategy.)

18. Pairing

Only do X when you're doing Y. (Simple but surprisingly effective.)

19. Clarity

The clearer you are about what you want, the more likely you are to stick to your habits.

20. Identity (it took me a long time to realize the power of this strategy)

Your habits reflect your identity, so if you struggle to change a particular habit, re-think your identity.

21. Other People (never overlook this strategy)

Your habits rub off on other people, and their habits rub off on you.

By Gretchen Rubin

From How to stop sabotaging your health goals; And create habits that stick!

By Amy Bertram, PT, APT, CFI, CCI

[email protected]

www.justmove.life

Copyright Gretchen Rubin 2017 From the book The Four Tendencies: The Indispensable Personality Profiles that Reveal How to Make Your Life Better (and Other People’s Lives Better, Too) by Gretchen Rubin. Online version: happiercast.com/quiz

IDENTIFY YOUR TENDENCY

THE FOUR TENDENCIES QUIZ

Of all the tasks which are set before man in life, the education and management of his

character is the most important, and…it is necessary that he should make a calm and careful

survey of his own tendencies, unblinded either by the self-deception which conceals errors

and magnifies excellences, or by the indiscriminate pessimism which refuses to recognize his

powers for good. He must avoid the fatalism which would persuade him that he has no power

over his nature, and he must also clearly recognize that this power is not unlimited.

—William Edward Hartpole Lecky, The Map of Life

To identify your Tendency, take the Quiz below, or go to happiercast.com/quiz.

As you take the Quiz, choose the answer that seems most generally true for you; don’t search for

exceptions to the rule, or focus on one specific area of your life.

You’re the best judge of yourself. If you believe that a different Tendency describes you better,

trust yourself.

1. Have you kept a New Year’s resolution where you weren’t accountable to anyone—a

resolution like drinking more water or keeping a journal?

a) Yes. I’m good at keeping New Year’s resolutions, even ones that no one knows about

but me.


b) I’m good at keeping resolutions, but I make them whenever the time seems right. I

wouldn’t wait for the New Year; January 1 is an arbitrary date.

c) I’ve had trouble with that kind of resolution, so I’m not inclined to make one. When I’m

only helping myself, I often struggle.

d) No. I hate to bind myself in any way.

2. Which statement best describes your view about your commitments to yourself?

a) I make a commitment to myself only if I’m convinced that it really makes good sense to

do it

b) If someone else is holding me accountable for my commitments, I’ll meet them—but if no

one knows except me, I struggle.

c) I bind myself as little as possible.

d) I take my commitments to myself as seriously as my commitments to other people

3. At times, we feel frustrated by ourselves. Are you most likely to feel frustrated because…

a) My constant need for more information exhausts me.

b) As soon as I’m expected to do something, I don’t want to do it.

c) I can take time for other people, but I can’t take time for myself.

d) I can’t take a break from my usual habits, or violate the rules, even when I want to.

4. When you’ve formed a healthy habit in the past, what helped you stick to it?

a) I’m good at sticking to habits, even when no one else cares.

b) Doing a lot of research and customization about why and how I might keep that habit.

c) I could stick to a good habit only when I was answerable to someone else.

d) Usually I don’t choose to bind myself in advance.

5. If people complain about your behavior, you’d be least surprised to hear them say…

a) You stick to your good habits, ones that matter only to you, even when it’s inconvenient

for someone else.

b) You ask too many questions.

c) You’re good at taking the time when others ask you to do something, but you’re not

good at taking time for yourself.

d) You only do what you want to do, when you want to do it.

6. Which description suits you best?

a) Puts others—clients, family, neighbors, co-workers—first

b) Disciplined—sometimes, even when it doesn’t make sense

c) Refuses to be bossed by others

d) Asks necessary questions


7. People get frustrated with me, because if they ask me to do something, I’m less likely to

do it (even if they’re a boss or client).

Tend to agree

Neutral

Tend to disagree

8. I do what I think makes the most sense, according to my judgment, even if that means

ignoring the rules or other people’s expectations.

Tend to agree

Neutral

Tend to disagree

9. Commitments to others should never be broken, but commitments to myself can be

broken.

Tend to agree

Neutral

Tend to disagree

10. Sometimes I won't do something I want to do, because someone wants me to do it.

Tend to agree

Neutral

Tend to disagree

11. I’ve sometimes described myself as a people-pleaser.

Tend to agree

Neutral

Tend to disagree


12. I don’t mind breaking rules or violating convention--I often enjoy it.

Tend to agree

Neutral

Tend to disagree

13. I question the validity of the Four Tendencies framework.

Tend to agree

Neutral

Tend to disagree

Scoring

1. a=Upholder; b=Questioner; c=Obliger; d=Rebel

2. a=Questioner; b=Obliger; c=Rebel; d=Upholder

3. a=Questioner; b=Rebel; c=Obliger; d=Upholder



6. a=Obliger; b=Upholder; c=Rebel; d=Questioner

7. “Tend to agree” indicates Rebel

8. “Tend to agree” indicates Questioner

9. “Tend to agree” indicates Obliger


11. “Tend to agree” indicates Obliger


13. “Tend to agree” indicates Questioner

Equipping Clients to stop sabotaging their health goals · Equipping Clients to Stop Sabotaging...

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