Empowering Choices -- Infinite Possibilities! A Quest for Rejuvenation and Renewal

� 2001 by Dr. Michael Ralph. All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever except as provided by the U.S. Copyright Law. For information to use this material contact:

The Leadership & Mentoring Academy Dr. Michael Ralph, CEO

1970 Cliff Valley Way, Suite 104, Atlanta, GA 30329 Phone: Res. (770) 941-2392/ Bus: (404) 633-6248

Empowering Choices--Infinite Possibilities!

Copyright © 2001 Michael Ralph All rights reserved.

Universal Publishers/uPUBLISH.com USA • 2001

ISBN: 1-58112-676-X

www.upublish.com/books/ralph.htm

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Acknowledgements I am grateful for divine wisdom and for the many hundreds of mentors and kind coaches whom I have encountered on life�s journey who have touched me in such a manner as to help me to make the type of choices and embrace the insights and truths expressed in this book. More especially, I am grateful to my parents, Birchel and Mary Ralph for instilling in me a solid religious, spiritual foundation, and enabling my capacity for logical thinking and a never-ending quest for discovery, learning and knowledge. I dedicate this book to my children, Wole, Michael Jr. and Laurence and to my dearest Lynette who provided guidance for indexing this book. They gave me many illustrations for this book and are a source of constant inspiration, joy, and fulfillment. My gratitude extends to the writings of the sages throughout the ages from whose legacy I have tried to learn. Thanks to Pat McCallum for helping me to understand the rudiments of making choices effectively and for exposing me to the wonderful enabling world of Essence Repatterning.� Finally, I give thanks for the opportunity, commitment, unforeseen incidents, conversations, material assistance and for all the elements that came together through providence to help me accomplish the task of writing this book. I am thankful also for the attribute of boldness and its inherent essence of clarity, power and magic that became enabling and empowering in my execution of this project.

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Prologue

Dream freely

Pursue your dreams Make empowering choices

Step free of limiting patterns Achieve infinite possibilities

Envision excellence Cherish your creations

Exude enthusiasm Be inspired

Inspire others Take pride in you

Recognize inner beauty Draw on inner strength Look inside your soul

Create peace Seek truth Spread joy

Coach someone Inspire youth

Embark on adventure Launch new ideas

Think big Invoke positives

Live fully Reach out Aim high

Find happiness Expect the best

Be the best!

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Empowering Choices � Infinite Possibilities!

Copyright � 2001 Michael Ralph All rights reserved.

Universal Publishers/uPUBLISH.com USA • 2001

ISBN: 1-58112-676-X

www.upublish.combooks/ralph.htm

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CONTENTS

Page Acknowledgements ii Prologue iii Contents v Introduction viii Chapter 1. Move Past Avoidance and Escape 1 Responses to Crises 2 Avoidance and Escape 3 The Challenges of Two Lovers 4 Daily Challenges 7 Choosing Your Reality 7

Learning to Make Empowering Choices 8

Questions to ponder 11 Chapter 2. Learn How To Remove Self-Doubt

And Self-Blame 12 Against All Odds 12 Questions to ponder 17 Chapter 3. Take Responsibility for Your Health,

Relieve Stress and Seek Emotional Stability 18 Personal Satisfaction and Peace of mind 21 Creative Problem-solving 22 Communication 23 Building empowering Relationships 23 Adaptability and Flexibility 25

Questions to ponder 26 Chapter 4. Discover and Create Strategies to Deal With Confusion and Anger 27

The Benefits of Choosing the Practice of Meditation 28 The Benefits of Choosing the Practice of Yoga 29 Questions to ponder 32

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Chapter 5. Make a Choice, and Commitment to a Renewal and Restoration Process and Track Your Successes 33

Questions to ponder 38 Chapter 6. Learn to be Open-Minded and

Understand the Psychology of Self 39 Persons Oriented Towards a Predominant Dominant Profile 41

Dimensions of behavior 42 Persons Oriented Towards a Predominant Influential Dimension 43 Persons Oriented Towards a Predominant Steadiness Dimension 44 Persons Oriented Towards a Predominant

Conscientious Dimension 44 Questions to ponder 46

Chapter 7. Choose Positive Renewal Strategies 47 Re-evaluation counseling 47 Creating Harmonious Interactions 49 Questions to ponder 51 Chapter 8. Understand and Express Empathy, and

Forgiveness 52 Questions to ponder 56 Chapter 9. Experience Healing Through Purposeful Action and Humor 57 Relationships Between humor and

Health 60 The Role of Humor in Health Promotion 62 Finding Humor 62 Do You Have a Good Joke? 64 Can You Find Humor in Your Behavior? 64 Use a Captive Audience to practice

Your Humor 64 Break the Tension With Humor 65 Reverse an Unfortunate Situation

With Humor 65 Memorable Remarks About Humor 66 Questions to ponder 67

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Chapter 10. Celebrate, Experience and Express the Joy of Renewal and Restoration 68 Benefits of Celebration 68 Celebrate Nature 69 Celebrate Meaningful Festivals 71 Kwanzaa 72 Celebrate Martin Luther King Day 73 Celebrate Love! 73 Celebrate Ramadan and Eid 73 Celebrate Mardi Gras 74 Easter 74 Passover 74 Mother�s Day 74 Father�s Day 75 Celebrate independence Day 75 Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkoth 75 Thanksgiving Day 76 Chanukah 76 Christmas 76 Questions to ponder 78 Epilogue 79

Desiderata 79 Empowering Choices: Infinite Possibilities Action Planner 81 Resources 100 Bibliography 102 Index 104

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INTRODUCTION

You are driving on a multilane highway. Traffic surrounds you. Vehicles are in front of you, some behind and others beside you. While some vehicles seem to keep pace with you, for a while, others are faster and at times slower. As you steer carefully in lane, you plan your day trying to sort the important chores from the trivial, the priorities, from the competing priorities. Suddenly, as if from nowhere, a pebble flies directly at you, leaving a dent in your windshield. Instinctively, as it comes toward you, you jerk your head back and away from the flying missile, then, while regaining your composure, you try to stay in lane. As your pounding heart subsides you think of this near miss and what could have been. This pattern of stimulus and response is directly parallel to the sudden emotional events that impact us routinely. Some are evident in greater degree and more injurious in nature than others, but inherent in all is the potential to elevate us to our greatest heights or to plunge us to the depths of despair. Indeed, if we stay with the illustration presented above, you may correctly guess that several other scenarios were possible. The flying pebble could have upset you so disastrously, as to cause you to loose control and crash into other vehicles on the highway, resulting in serious physical injuries or fatalities. Parallel emotional states likewise exist in this context. Emotional states of minimal severity may merely upset us briefly, after which we are able to regain our composure and move on. In contrast, emotional states of greater severity could paralyze us, or prevent us from functioning on an enabling emotional level.

This book is written to help individuals to cope with emotional states that are difficult to manage and eventually to help them to develop greater emotional intelligence to manage even the most difficult emotional crises. It is crafted to appeal and be useful to the layman and the therapist alike. The layman can read it and practice the exercises to maintain a positive enabling emotional state routinely and be better able to deal with the occasional emotional crises that affect us all periodically. My experience as college faculty, counselor and a seminar leader, has taught me that therapists and other service providers often

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experience �burnout� or what is commonly called �compassion fatigue.� I humbly offer the strategies presented here with the hope that it could be useful in their quest for recovery. I also recommend this book to them for use as a practical workbook for their clients undergoing recovery from emotional trauma. It can be used most effectively in this context between counseling sessions to train their clients to actively work in a practical way towards their own wellness. The skills learned are easily remembered and readily transferable to new crises and other dis-empowering situations encountered when ready access to a competent professional is impossible.

This book champions the glorification of human potential and the celebration of human efficacy. Read it with an open mind, practice the suggested exercises, to become open to cultivating and experiencing rich sources of inspiration for broken spirits, for courage, and techniques to regain lost faith, maintain integrity and struggle back to emotional equilibrium. More importantly, prepare to grow into enlightenment and empowerment by utilizing the infinite possibilities of choice. Throughout the book, and at the back, in the action planner, there are simple and easy practice exercises. The reader is advised to complete these regularly to derive the maximum benefit from the strategies and approaches provided.

The underlying philosophies and conceptual framework for the techniques proposed in this book are those that derive from research about how the brain functions and the growing theoretical premises related to the study of psycho-neuroimmunology. The latter explains definite connections between the spirit, mind and emotions in preserving and promoting physical and emotional health and general wellness. Psycho-neuroimmunology holds that fundamental to healing is the viability of our mental and spiritual states of being. Research by Nobel Prize winner, Dr. Gerry Edelman of Harvard University and the Institute of Neurosciences, Dr. Deepak Chopra, Dr. Bernie Segal and scientists such as Dr. Graftman of the National Institutes of Health (NIH) reveal the beneficial effects of the body, mind, and spirit connections in healing.

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The processes involving �Choice Technology� proposed in and throughout this book have as their basis, emerging research on brain functioning. These include research on the activities of the brain at the National Institutes of Health by Dr. Paul McLean and Dr. Candace Pert. Research involved in developing The Learning Revolution by Gordon Dryden and Dr. Jeannette Vos also demonstrate corresponding opinions. Many of the insights originate from applications of quantum physics as explicated by Margaret Whitely, author of Leadership and the New Science. In many ways, the new and emerging paradigms of brain research and of psycho-neuroimmunology are modern versions of African and Eastern philosophies that recognized and taught extensively about the body, mind and spirit connection. For ages historic writings have explained the relationships between the mind consciousness, the brain and nervous system and the immune system. They have shown that our thoughts, our feelings, our perceptions, reactions and our beliefs have a profound effect on our physical and psychological health. This amazing and increasing body of literature shows that every cell in the human body thinks, feels, communicates, and determines the mental, and psycho/spiritual/emotional state and health of an individual.

�The ancients knew the connection between man and the Divine. They knew that buried beneath the personality, perceptions and self-imposed limitations there lies a spirit of unlimited possibility. They knew that you choose with your thoughts the shape and form of your life. You create with your own words the conditions that you will face. You limit with your fear the coming forth of your desires. You destroy with your blame the direction of your destiny. The ancient ones knew that only with diligent maintenance of the mind and emotions, man would master his fate. Because the blood of the ancient ones runs through your viens, you have the same knowledge. You have the ability to be what you want in the place you may choose. Simply follow the divine prescription for unfettered success, Begin within.�1

1 Vanzant, I. (1993). Acts of Faith. New York City, NY: Simon & Shuster.

CHAPTER 1

Move past Avoidance and Escape The single most important fact about human existence is that humans possess the inner architecture, creativity, capability and talents to achieve to the limitless heights of their imagination. The statement �whatever the human mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve,� is to a large extent true. As humans, we possess significant assets that can be harnessed and utilized to accomplish almost anything we wish. What is most powerful of these assets? Though important, it is not our appearance � how we look or the clothes we wear � it is our will! Our motivation to act positively and creatively! Of all our inborn attributes, the motivation to act or the will is the most powerful and the key to our achievement and accomplishments. In seeming contradiction however, during times of crisis despite our enormous inner resources, a common tendency is to seek solutions outward. Those of us who are fortunate, eventually learn that the answers lie within us as we are guided back to find lasting solutions in that deep wellspring within our core. Change in a positive direction starts with our creativity, the will, and choice to implement our creative ideas. The motivation to act out our ideas comes with practice and is strengthened through constant use. This is especially important to remember when faced with challenges, hurt and disappointments in life. Research shows that when experiencing a crisis in life, the average person goes through several stages. I experienced the truth of this statement because of a recent period of crisis I encountered. I experienced each of the ten stages described below as I struggled to regain my equilibrium. It led to my motivation to write this book with the hope that it can help others going through a similar period in their lives.

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It is especially important to remember that we are not alone or unique when pain, injustice, and other stressors affect us. Emotional highs and lows, joy and sadness are a natural part of life and living. When experiencing burnout, pain, distress or misfortune, work toward positive enabling responses and remember sister Maya�s words �

�Someone was hurt before you: beaten before you; humiliated before you;raped before you; yet someone survives�

�Maya Angelou

In responding to crises try to capitalize on the hidden opportunities masked by the event and realize that �A crisis is an opportunity dressed in work clothes.�2 A surprising large number of persons are slow to recognize this simple truth and instead drift from one dis-empowering state to the next. Ten stages that may eventually lead to renewal and restoration that are common among these persons are the stages of:

1.) seeking escape 2.) acting unfairly, blaming others and themselves 3.) avoiding responsibility for their health 4.) confusion and anger 5.) avoiding a commitment to a renewal and restoration

process 6.) loosing perspective 7.) avoiding positive associations 8.) loosing the ability to express empathy, understanding and forgiveness 9.) avoiding positive states

10.) expressing the joy of renewal and restoration.

2 Anon

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Avoidance and Escape

Personal crises, trauma, emotional crashes and other states of emotional and mental dis-equilibrium are a natural part of life � the ebb and flow of the human tide of emotions and relationships. Though it is important to recognize these states as a natural part of life and living, the more important issue is what we do about them or more precisely, how we react to them after the initial shock of the experience. Usually, immediately after we experience the sensation of hurt, disappointment, emotional dysfunction, unfair treatment, or �burnout,� the natural defensive systems of our bodies seem to spring into action. We experience the mental equivalent of that natural, physical reaction common to all drivers when a pebble from the road suddenly flies with great force into the windshield of a fast moving car. In the face of this seeming threat many drivers react by quickly jerking their heads back and away avoiding the flying missile. Similarly, when most of us experience hurt, our natural defense systems are triggered.

After this initial shock, our reactions change, becoming consistent with our personalities and dispositions. Reactions of persons who are traumatized can range from one end of an imaginary continuum to the next. Some seek escape by succumbing to the tendency to deny the experience that caused the hurt, as a way of coping. Others offer excuses for the situation or perpetrator and try to explain the unfortunate event in the most logical and neutral way they know. Some excuse the situation by offering reasons why the incidence occurred implying that no one is to blame. At the opposite end of the continuum are those who remember the crisis in vivid detail and can�t seem to get it out of their minds. The greater the pain experienced, the more is our natural inclination to question why the event happened in the way it did. Between these extremes are those who remember bad experiences only partly, screening out the most traumatic parts. Others remember but try to minimize or downplay the trauma. Some imagine that the events did not occur but came to them in a dream. When we deny or disown our feelings and emotions, we are in effect subverting and sabotaging our ability to think clearly and act positively. This is true because denial inhibits us from accessing vital information manifested as feelings and emotions that are essential to our recovery.

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When supporting persons recovering from hurt, we need to recognize the stage the person is experiencing and help them to transition out of it towards full recovery. One good way to start, is by validating the person�s feelings as we carefully and gently guide them to examine the meaning, implications and contradictions of their words and conclusions. The most important lesson that we can teach at this stage is that regardless of misfortunes in life, everyone possesses the inner architecture to choose their psychological states, experiences and attitudes. In addition, we need to guide them into taking positive, self-empowering actions each day as they slowly regain control of their lives helping them to see that �a crisis is an opportunity dressed in work clothes.� The Challenges of Two lovers This is a story of two persons from Florida of different ethnic backgrounds who met in college and fell in love with each other. Their names were Roy and Linda. The male was African American and the female was Hispanic. They had resisted getting to know each other for months out of fear of the unknown or because they had inadvertently subscribed to the negative stereo-typical images that were passed down to them in anecdotal form. Eventually, they were thrown together when required to work on a group project for final grades in a psychology class. He invited her out for coffee after the first group session and they connected instantly. When they started dating, they were faced with another difficulty. They were afraid to be seen in public or to visit each other at home out of fear of the uncertainty of the reception each would receive at the other�s residence. Linda�s father was openly critical of persons of her friend�s ethnicity and seemed to believe every negative stereo-type he had heard. Roy�s parents were no different. The two lovers therefore resorted to meeting in secret until they graduated. After graduation, he enrolled in graduate school in California and she went to work for a local hospital. Before he left he promised to write faithfully and to send for her after his studies so that they could be married and start a family. Unknown to both of the lovers, on more than one occasion they were seen together by family members and reported. When the

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parents on both sides heard of the affair, they secretly hoped that the relationship was a passing one and chose to say nothing to their children, fearful that any opposition may backfire and harden the resolve of the young lovers. Every day since Roy left, Linda would hurry home to check the mailbox for letters from Roy. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and there was still no correspondence from Roy. Linda became increasingly sullen and ill as time passed. As she battled back to health, she was filled with growing resentment and dislike for Roy. Her imagination was filled with pictures of Roy having fun with female college students, and after a while she convinced herself that Roy had forgotten her and that this was the reason for his lack of communication and disinterest in her. Roy, on the other hand, wrote Linda the same day he arrived to tell her that he did not have a room on campus as he had expected, and thus, he would not have telephone services until he moved into his own room. He explained that he was given temporary accommodations in his dean�s basement and suggested that they correspond in writing because of this lack of access to the means of oral communication. He ended his letter by reassuring her of his love and promising to reply to her letter as soon as he had received it. Being anxious to mail his letter as soon as possible, Roy inadvertently left it unsealed. Unknown to him, Linda�s father was the local postmaster. Unfortunately, this first piece of communication fell into the postmaster�s hands. Realizing that it was from a university, Linda�s dad read it anxiously, hoping to learn that his daughter was accepted as a student. Upon realizing the nature of the content he resolved never to deliver it hoping that his daughter would loose interest in Roy in the absence of communication between them. From time to time he had serious regrets as he saw his daughter�s unhappiness. As other letters followed from Roy however, he kept these also, fearful that he might be discovered if he delivered them. As the pile of letters grew, he would place them in a box and store it under the floor boards of his basement. Eventually, Roy graduated successfully and returned to work in town at the local Bank as a senior manager. He called Linda several times by phone but she refused to take his call or would

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hang up upon realizing who was calling. Occasionally, she would see Roy in the street but would cross the street to avoid him. Roy in turn, nursed resentment for Linda, because of what he saw as her refusal to respond to his letters or to communicate with him when he tried to reach her by phone. One day as Linda was spring-cleaning the basement she stepped on a loose board and found Roy�s endearing letters. As she dusted and read them, she was immediately filled with a deep sense of guilt and remorse. She realized that by engaging in self-sabotaging attitudes such as avoiding and seeking escape from the situation she had inadvertently caused herself to suffer pain, fear, and stress. Worst yet, she realized that her thoughts led her to engage in blaming rather than loving, trusting and understanding behavior. She quickly swept the letters into her tote bag and hurried down to the bank to find Roy. As she explained her behavior, and related to him how she had found the letters, he could not hold back his tears as he confessed to her that he too was guilty of blaming and resentful behavior, having mistakenly assumed that she had rejected him for someone else. This story illustrates the pain and distress that at times result from behavior that is not enabling. Enabling, enlightened behavior helps us to make choices that keep us in empowered states. The process of maintaining a positive empowered state starts with consistently accepting daily challenges, maintaining spiritual balance and living consistently in accordance with high standards for ourselves and others. As I thought about this one day the following freestyle verse came to mind.

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Daily Challenges

Make a conscious deliberate choice about what you want to accomplish Remember you were already born with all the inherent attributes and components for meeting life�s difficulties effectively The challenge each day is to: Begin each day with meditation and reflection Elevate your life by seeking spiritual truths Acquire the habit of living spiritually Practice constant introspection Understand life and the people around you and Treat others with kindness and consideration Develop your potential to the highest through conscious endeavor Commit yourself to doing your best in the arena where you work Note the ways in which you grow daily With gratitude, humility, reflection and meditation Remember that no man is alone, we are part of a family, a community, a neighborhood, a diaspora and deeply rooted in the mother continent of our ancestors

It is the dedication, constant awareness, understanding, and reiteration of these values that help us to move through this stage to the next. There is, however, an important action step that is critical to the process of moving forward toward recovery. We must choose the outcome we would like, believe in our choice, and from that point, act in a manner that is consistent with the choice we have made in everything we do.

Choosing Your Reality Instead of succumbing to the tendency to escape in times of crisis, we can make a choice that is self-empowering and much more likely to speed our recovery from its debilitating effects. We can choose to heighten our awareness to the highest levels possible! Making a choice about our goals is not accomplished through the meaningless repetition of words such as those

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suggested below. To be realized, there must be ownership of the feelings behind the words. There must be a thorough understanding of each word, and all of its associations, only then can the choice be made deliberately, conscientiously, realistically and beneficially. Learning to Make Empowering Choices It was my good fortune to learn to face challenges by choosing how I would like them resolved and by practicing repatterning techniques. These have proved extremely useful in my consulting business and became invaluable in my role as a member of the faculty at the colleges and universities with which I am affiliated. It became a tremendously useful skill in my interaction with students. During the period of time I lectured at Trinity College in Washington DC, one of my classes comprised individuals who were full-time health professionals and part-time students. Many of them attended evening classes after work and would arrive so exhausted that they were hardly in a mood receptive to engaging with enthusiasm in the learning experiences I had prepared. Out of concern for their academic and professional competency, I invited Pat McCallum, my Essence Repatterning� coach, as guest lecturer to introduce them to her Essence Repatterning program. Early in the process I posed an important question to my students, �If you could have it anyway you�d like, what grade would you like from this class?� As you may imagine, all of the students responded that they would like to have an �A� grade or better. They were then asked to write out this choice as clearly as possible, selecting each word in their statement carefully, ensuring that it conveyed their meaning better that any other word. Each student was asked to read, revise and reflect on his or her statement. Next, they were instructed to itemize all the possible tasks, attitudes, behaviors, assignments, tests, exams and other factors contributing to their final grade. Following this, they examined each of these activities and considered the level of effort needed in each of them to achieve outstanding performance. Finally, they were left with a blueprint for action and for achieving as much as they wanted in a manner that was consistent with the choice they had made. I am happy to report that ninety percent of the students involved in this

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exercise achieved high �B�s� and �A�s,� reflecting a dramatic improvement over that of previous classes I had taught. In working towards their choice, they were taught through choice how to do so without undue stress, but with enthusiasm, passion and a spirit of enjoyment for the process as it unfolded.

At the end of the semester, the high achieving students confided in me that they had learned some important lessons for life. The first, was that they can make a clear, reasoned and deliberate choice for achieving their important goals. The second was that making the choice was only a first step in a process of commitment and consistent application of their focused energy, enabling them to excel at each task that contributed toward the attainment of their goals or choices. The third was that the approach utilized in working towards their academic goal is transferable to any other area of their lives. The fourth was that working towards their important goals could be accomplished without stress and drudgery and that the process could be stress free, motivational, passionate and absolutely enjoyable. When making empowering choices or writing out the choices we wish to make, the first two words we use are �I choose.� Research and experience with making choices and repatterning show that in this sense, the words �I choose,� are technical words. They activate the newest part of the brain, the forebrain, allowing us to directly communicate with our unconscious. The research on brain functioning show that every cell in our bodies is in conversation with every other cell. Thus as we use the words �I choose,� we are entering that conversation in a strategic, pivotal way, creating new neurological pathways and specific cellular and physiological changes. I was awestruck by this revelation! In fact, it struck me as an epiphany, and cogently illustrated the truth of the body, mind and spirit connection! The words �choice,� �affirmation� and �wish� are often confused. It is critically important to recognize the distinctions between these words. �Choice� as used in this book involves more than a casual decision. It is really a process for achieving desirable goals or values, with an inherent quality of empowerment. It involves an active commitment to a �can do�

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attitude that originates from the belief in our potential to attain the outcome identified and described. Most importantly, it also requires the application of carefully planned steps, insight and a change in attitude!

In stark contrast the word �affirmation� implies something entirely different. According to Webster�s 3rd New International Dictionary Unabridged, an affirmation is the act of asserting something as true. By affirming a statement, value or a decision we are asserting it as true, or confirming it as being positive. To their credit many persons have benefited by repeating and using affirmations as guiding principles. Many others however, wish to move beyond this stage and work actively toward their own self-empowerment. It is at this point that making choices consistent with the methodology presented here can be most enabling and beneficial far beyond the use of affirmations and similar approaches.

Returning to Webster�s, by retrieving the dictionary meaning of the word �wish,� we find that it is � to have a desire for, to want, to crave.� Here again, it is clear that the act of making wishes, does not take us far enough along the road of recovery and empowerment. To be fully self-actualizing, and engaged productively in a continuous process of self-renewal we need more dynamic and enabling processes. Two of the most beneficial of these are the process of making effective choices and the process of repatterning.

These latter approaches to self-efficacy utilizes many of the perspectives and teachings of Pat McCallum the developer of the system of renewal called �Essence Repatterning.�� Drawing on more than seven years and 1,500 hours of clinical research and documentation of her work with individuals and in seminars settings, she has written a seminal work titled Stepping Free of Limiting Patterns With Essence Repatterning.� As Director of Essence Solutions, Inc., she has worked over the years with AT&T, Western Electric, The Federal Reserve System, National Education Association, American Holistic Medical Association, IBM, the National Institutes of Health Office of Alternative Medicine and International Environmental Education 2000 and other businesses and organizations.

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Questions to ponder:

1. How do you seek solutions to your occasional emotional crises?

2. Are the approaches you choose as solutions to crises

empowering? 3. If you could have it anyway you would like, how would you

change your regular approaches to finding solutions to crises?

4. What opportunities could you have found hidden in the last

crisis you encountered?

5. How could you have seized these opportunities to begin to recover?

6. What advice would you give to a friend experiencing a

crisis about how to begin to recover? [Go to the back of this book to find exercises for this chapter in the Action Planner]

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CHAPTER 2

Learn How to Remove Self-Doubt and Self-Blame

A common experience after an emotional trauma is self-doubt and self-blame. Most of us are naturally inclined to choose our destiny, to be in control of our thoughts, actions. Thus when a crisis, knocks us down, envelops us and seemingly robs us of that control we naturally blame ourselves for the events that occurred. Recognizing our inherent tendency to behave this way is the first step to changing this type of reaction (or response). In life, too often, the tendency to look up only occurs when we are knocked flat on our backs by crises. It's unfortunate that many of us to look to the Divine only when earthly securities are removed. The next step is to develop enough awareness of our spirit consciousness to realize that there is a higher destiny for each of us, if only we would choose it and commit to working with enthusiasm towards it, regardless of the setbacks and disappointments of life. Against All Odds When faced with difficult situations and seemingly insurmountable odds, I think of those persons throughout history who overcame tremendous odds with little else other than their motivation and will to succeed. The result is that often my challenges seem trivial by comparison and recalling this gives me the strength to persevere. This truth is aptly illustrated if we reflect on the accomplishments and sacrifice of persons of great courage and sacrifice like Harriet Tubman. She was born a slave on a Maryland plantation, and grew up to become a woman of great moral courage. She first escaped alone on the Underground Railroad to freedom. Later, she returned, repeatedly, inspiring and leading over 300 Black men, women and children past the swamps, forests, rivers, and secret hiding places that marked the dangerous escape routes from the South to the North. Though there was a price on her head, she was never caught, but what is most remarkable is that she never lost one of her charges. Fittingly, she was known as the �Moses� of her people. She is

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truly a profile in courage and has earned a well-deserved place of honor among the most heroic women in history. Challenges and doubts can be overcome with positive choices and a determination to act in a manner that is consistent with the choices we make. An important approach in this respect is to make choices about the future we want and to be committed to work in a dedicated way to achieve our goals.

Our greatest impediment to self-knowledge is the misconception that we are our bodies, feelings, fears and other emotions we display. It is this misconception that leads us to indulge in self-doubt and self-blame. Self-knowledge is not taught, but only realized through deep introspection, relaxation, meditation and discipline. When we find our true selves we accept the knowledge that it is not subject to our usual automatic behavioral responses, but, it is a true and complete spirit embodied with the potential to achieve anything!

We experience states like self-doubt, self-blame and burnout by dwelling in a state that traps our true spirit. Like all living things we are innately endowed with the tendency to freely express our capacities to fulfill our intended purposes � our higher aspirations! When we experience burnout, we are experiencing spiritual stagnation! Our spirit yearns to break free of the shackles that bind! To be released, it yearns for challenges, the expression of creativity, the opportunity to reach our highest potential! My inspiration and spirit leads me to express this feeling in the following verse.

Let us seek out a conducive environment and let the natural healing process begin Let us surround ourselves with the positive, with optimism, high self-esteem, joyousness and positive affirmations and let the healing begin, by our choice to accentuate the positive! Eliminate the negative! Reach for the affirmative! And Change states!