Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Scheibmeir Results

RESULTS REPORT FOR:

TEST COMPLETED:

RETEST COMPLETED:

JIM SCHEIBMEIR

July 31, 2011

February 15, 2012

©2016 TalentSmart, Inc.www.talentsmart.com

http://www.TalentSmart.com/


Contents

My EQ Scores 1

What The Scores Mean 2

Now For The Numbers 3

My New EQ Strategies 4

My Previous EQ Strategies 8

My EQ Lessons 12

Self-Awareness Lesson 13

Self-Management Lesson 15

Social Awareness Lesson 16

Relationship Management Lesson 17

©2016-3 TalentSmart, Inc. www.TalentSmart.com i

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My EQ Scores

MY EQ SCORES

Thank you for completing the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal®. You are now in a customized learning programthat is based upon your emotional intelligence scores. This program will teach you about emotional intelligence(EQ), reveal what your current skill levels are, and tell you what you can do to improve.

This section will:

Provide you with your overall EQ score and your scores for each of the four EQ skills. You have unlimited accessto your online report. You can access this report with the following log-in information:

URL address: www.talentsmart.com/eiqb2/welcome

Password: eq569za78f

WHAT DOES EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE LOOK LIKE?

The four parts of the emotional intelligence model are based upon a connection between what you see and whatyou do with yourself and others.

©2016-3 TalentSmart, Inc. www.TalentSmart.com 1

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® What The Scores Mean

WHAT THE SCORES MEAN

Scores on the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal® come from a "normed" sample. That means your scores arebased on a comparison to the general population. Read the following descriptions to better understand what yourscores mean about your current skill level.

Score Meaning

90-100

A STRENGTH TO CAPITALIZE ON

These scores are much higher than average and indicate a noteworthy strength.These strengths probably come naturally to you or exist because you have workedhard to develop them. Seize every opportunity to use these emotionally intelligentbehaviors to maximize your success. You are highly competent in this skill, so workto capitalize on it and achieve your potential.

80-89

A STRENGTH TO BUILD ON

This score is above average. However, there are a few situations where you don'tdemonstrate emotionally intelligent behavior. There are many things you've donewell to receive this score and a few that could be better with some practice. Studythe behaviors for which you received this score and consider how you can polishyour skills.

70-79

WITH A LITTLE IMPROVEMENT, THIS COULD BE A STRENGTH

You are aware of some of the behaviors for which you received this score, and youare doing well with them. Other emotionally intelligent behaviors in this group areholding you back. Lots of people start here and see a big improvement in theiremotional intelligence once it's brought to their attention. Use this opportunity todiscover the difference and improve in the areas where you don't do as well.

60-69

SOMETHING YOU SHOULD WORK ON

This is an area where you sometimes demonstrate emotionally intelligent behaviorbut not usually. You may be starting to let people down. Perhaps this is a skill areathat doesn't always come naturally for you or that you don't make use of. With alittle improvement in this skill, your credibility will go way up.

59 and Below

A CONCERN YOU MUST ADDRESS

This skill area is either a problem for you, you don't value it, or you didn't know itwas important. The bad news is your skills in this area are limiting youreffectiveness. The good news is this discovery and choosing to do somethingabout it will go a long way in improving your emotionally intelligent behavior.


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Now For The Numbers

NOW FOR THE NUMBERS...

Your New Overall Emotional Intelligence Score: 84

Your Previous Overall Emotional Intelligence Score: 74

Personal Competence: 81

The collective power of your self-awareness and self-management skills. It's how you use emotionalintelligence in situations that are more about you privately.

Self-Awareness 78 72

Your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen. This includeskeeping on top of how you tend to respond to specific situations and certain people.

Self-Management 83 71

Your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior. This meansmanaging your emotional reactions to all situations and people.

Social Competence: 87

The combination of your social awareness and relationship management skills. It's more about how you arewith other people.

Social Awareness 83 80

Your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and get what is really going on. This often meansunderstanding what other people are thinking and feeling, even if you don't feel the same way.

Relationship Management 91 73

Your ability to use awareness of your emotions and the emotions of others to manage interactionssuccessfully. Letting emotional awareness guide clear communication and effective handling of conflict.

- New score - Previous score


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My NEW EQ Strategies

MY NEW EQ STRATEGIES

This section analyzes your score profile to suggest the three EQ strategies that will increase your EQ the most.

Start your EQ skill development with: SELF-AWARENESS

Complete descriptions of your recommended self-awareness strategies (listed in the table below) can be found onthe pages that follow.

What brings your score down most: What you can do to improve:

Not fully grasping the role you play in creating thedifficulties you encounter.

Visit Your Values:Self-awareness strategy #11 on pages 86-87 of theEmotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Not spotting when others influence your emotionalstate.

Know Who and What Pushes Your Buttons:Self-awareness strategy #5 on pages 72-74 of theEmotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Not fully appreciating the impact your behavior hasupon others.

Observe the Ripple Effect from Your Emotions:Self-awareness strategy #2 on pages 66-67 of theEmotional Intelligence 2.0 book.



SELF-AWARENESS STRATEGY #1

Visit Your Values

The plates of life are constantly spinning above you. You juggle projects at work, never-ending meetings, bills,errands, emails, phone calls, text messages, chores, meals, time with friends and family—the list goes on. Ittakes great amounts of attention and focus to keep the plates from crashing to the ground.

� Maintaining this balancing act keeps your attention focused outward, rather than inward and on yourself.As you run around struggling to check your daily "to dos" off your list, it's easy to lose sight of what's reallyimportant to you—your core values and beliefs. Before you know it, you find yourself doing and saying thingsthat deep down you don't feel good about or believe in. This could mean you find yourself yelling at a coworkerwho made a mistake, when you normally find such hostility unacceptable. If yelling at your colleagues runscontrary to the beliefs you wish to live your life by, catching yourself (or being caught) doing it is bound to makeyou uncomfortable and even unfulfilled.

� The trick here is to take the time to check in with yourself and jot down your core beliefs and values. Askyourself, what are the values that I wish to live my life by? Take a sheet of paper and separate it into twocolumns. List your core values and beliefs in the left column and anything that you've done or said recently thatyou aren't proud of in the right column. Is what you value in alignment with the manner in which you conductyourself? If not, consider alternatives to what you said and did that would have made you proud of yourself, or atleast more comfortable.

� Repeating this exercise somewhere between daily and monthly will be a huge boost to yourself-awareness. Before long, you'll find yourself thinking of the list before you act, which will set the stage formaking choices you can live with.

* This is self-awareness strategy #11 from pages 86-87 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.




Know Who and What Pushes Your Buttons

We all have buttons—pet peeves, triggers, whatever you want to call them—that, when pushed, just irritate andirk us until we want to scream. Perhaps you have a coworker who lives her life as if she were constantly onstage. Her entrance into meetings is dramatic and flaring, and she feeds off the energy from everyone's attentionand uses that energy to take control of the room. Her voice is louder than most, and her contributions to themeetings are always long-winded novels, as if she just loves to hear herself talk.

� If your modus operandi is more subtle (or you really would like part of that stage yourself), a person likethat may really eat at you. When you go into a meeting with great ideas and a readiness to just sit down and getstraight to the point, a drama queen who is creating a stage in the boardroom is bound to flip your switches forfrustration and rage. Even if you aren't the type to blurt out impulsive comments or otherwise go on the attack,your body language may give you away, or you may find yourself on the drive home obsessing over yourlingering frustration.

� Knowing who pushes your buttons and how they do it is critical to developing the ability to take control ofthese situations, maintain your poise, and calm yourself down. To use this strategy, you can't think about thingsgenerally. You need to pinpoint the specific people and situations that trigger your emotions. Your buttons arebound to get pushed by a wide range of people and things. It could be certain people (like drama queens),particular situations (like feeling scared or caught off guard), or conditions in the environment (like noisy offices).Having a clear understanding of who and what pushes your buttons makes these people and situations a bit lessdifficult because they come as less of a surprise.

� You can take your self-awareness a big step further by discovering the source of your buttons. That is,why do these people and situations irk you so much when other, equally annoying people and situations don'tbother you at all? Perhaps the stage hog reminds you of your sister who got all the attention when you wereyounger. You lived many years in her shadow, vowing to never let it happen again. Now you sit beside her clonein every meeting. No wonder she's a trigger for your emotions.

� Knowing why your buttons are what they are opens doors to managing your reactions to your triggers. Fornow, your tasks are simple—find the sources of your buttons and jot down a list. Knowing your buttons isessential to using the self-and relationship management strategies that come later in the book.





Observe the Ripple Effect from Your Emotions

Consider for a moment what happens when you drop a stone into water. The stone's swift plummet pierces thewater's surface, sending ripples in all directions. Your outpourings of emotion are like stones that send ripplesthrough the people in your life. Since emotions are the primary drivers of your behavior, it's important youunderstand the effect they have on other people.

� Let's say a manager loses his cool and berates an employee in front of the rest of the team. When thelashing happens, it may seem that the manager's target is the only one whose feelings get bruised, but the rippleeffect from the manager's explosion affects all who witnessed it. As the rest of the team members wander backto their desks, the others, too, feel the manager's wrath. They go back to work with a pit in their stomachs, eachone wondering when his or her turn will come up.

� The manager thinks his tirade was good for productivity because the rant "scared people straight," buttheir fear soon settles into caution. To perform at their best, the team members need to take risks, stretchthemselves beyond their comfort zone, and even make some mistakes along the way. No one on the teamwants to be the manager's next target, so the team members play it safe and do only as they are told. When themanager gets docked a year later for leading a team that fails to take initiative, he wonders what's wrong with theteam.

� Your emotions are powerful weapons, and continuing to think that their effects are instant and minimal willonly do you a disservice. The key to observing the ripple effects of your emotions is to watch closely how theyimpact other people immediately, and then use that information as a guide for how your emotions are bound toaffect a wider circle long after you unleash the emotion. To fully understand the ripple effects of your emotions,you'll need to spend some time refl ecting upon your behavior. You'll also need to ask other people how they areaffected by your emotions. The more you understand how your emotions ripple outward, the better equippedyou'll be to choose the type of ripples that you want to create.



EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My Previous EQ Strategies

MY PREVIOUS EQ STRATEGIES

This section analyzes your score profile to suggest the three EQ strategies that will increase your EQ the most.

Start your EQ skill development with: SELF-MANAGEMENT

Complete descriptions of your recommended self-management strategies (listed in the table below) can be foundon the pages that follow.

What brings your score down most: What you can do to improve:

Trouble handling frustration. Breathe Right:Self-management strategy #1 on pages 101-103 ofthe Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Brushing people off when something is botheringyou.

Take Control of Your Self-Talk:Self-management strategy #9 on pages 117-119 ofthe Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.

Not making the most out of all situations. Focus Your Attention on Your Freedoms Ratherthan Your Limitations:Self-management strategy #12 on page 124 of theEmotional Intelligence 2.0 book.



SELF-MANAGEMENT STRATEGY #1

Breathe Right

If you're like most people, you breathe in short, shallow breaths throughout the day that don't fully contract yourdiaphragm to fill your lungs—and you don't even know it. What's to stop you? It's not like you are suffering fromthe lack of oxygen ... or so you think. Your lungs are built to provide precisely the amount of air your body needsfor all of your organs to function effectively. When you take shallow breaths—which is any breath that fails tomake your stomach protrude outward from the influx of air—you aren't giving your body the full amount ofoxygen it needs.

� Your brain demands a full 20 percent of your body's oxygen supply, which it needs to control basicfunctions like breathing and sight and complex functions like thinking and managing your mood. Your braindedicates oxygen first to the basic functions, because they keep you alive. Whatever oxygen remains is used forthe complex functions, which keep you alert, focused, and calm. Shallow breaths deprive your brain of oxygen,which can lead to poor concentration, forgetfulness, mood swings, restlessness, depressed and anxiousthoughts, and a lack of energy. Shallow breathing handicaps your ability to self-manage.

� The next time you are in a stressful or emotional situation, focus on taking slow deep breaths, inhalingthrough your nose until you can feel your stomach swell outward and grow tight, and then exhaling gently andcompletely through your mouth. As you exhale, go ahead and push that breath out until you have completelyemptied your lungs. If you want to make sure that you are breathing correctly, place one hand upon yoursternum (the long, flat bone located in the center of your chest) and the other hand upon your stomach as youtake in breaths. If the hand on your stomach is moving more than the hand on your sternum as you exhale, thenyou know that you're getting enough oxygen and fully infl ating your lungs. If you practice this proper breathingtechnique, it will grow comfortable enough that you can do it in the presence of other people without themnoticing, which is handy for when you find yourself in the middle of a difficult conversation.

� Anytime you choose to breathe right and flood your brain with oxygen, you'll notice the effectsimmediately. Many people describe the sensation as one of entering a calmer, more relaxed state where theyhave a clear head. This makes breathing right one of the simplest yet most powerful techniques that you have atyour disposal to manage your emotions. In addition to engaging your rational brain on the spot, breathing right isa great tool for shifting your focus away from intruding, uncomfortable thoughts that are hard to shake. Whetheryou are overcome by anxiety and stress because of a looming deadline, or fixated on negative thoughts andfeelings about something that happened in the past, making yourself breathe right calms you down and makesyou feel better by powering up your rational brain.

* This is self-management strategy #1 from pages 101-103 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.




Take Control of Your Self-Talk

Research suggests the average person has about 50,000 thoughts every day. Sound like a lot? It doesn't stopthere. Every time one of those 50,000 thoughts takes place, chemicals are produced in your brain that cantrigger reactions felt throughout your body. There is a strong relationship between what you think and how youfeel, both physically and emotionally. Because you are always thinking (much like breathing), you tend to forgetthat you are doing it. You likely don't even realize how much your thoughts dictate how you feel every hour ofevery single day.

� It's impossible to try and track every single thought you have to see if it's having a positive or negativeinfluence on your emotional state. The thoughts that are most influential are those where you literally talk toyourself. Though you might not realize you have these thoughts, we all have an internal voice inside our headthat affects our perception of things. We tell ourselves to keep quiet, we congratulate ourselves on a job welldone and we reprimand ourselves for making poor decisions. Our thoughts are "talking" to us every day, and thisinner voice is called "self-talk."

� With thoughts, the primary vehicle for regulating your emotional flow, what you allow yourself to think canrumble emotions to the surface, stuff them down underground, and intensify and prolong any emotionalexperience. When a rush of emotion comes over you, your thoughts turn the heat up or down. By learning tocontrol your self-talk, you can keep yourself focused on the right things and manage your emotions moreeffectively.

� Much of the time, your self-talk is positive and it helps you through your day ("I'd better get ready for themeeting" or "I'm really looking forward to going out to dinner tonight"). Your self-talk damages your ability toself-manage anytime it becomes negative. Negative self-talk is unrealistic and self-defeating. It can send youinto a downward emotional spiral that makes it difficult to get what you want from life.

� What follow are the most common types of negative self-talk with the keys to taking control of them andturning them around:

� 1. Turn I always or I never into just this time or sometimes. Your actions are unique to the situationin front of you, no matter how often you think you mess up. Make certain your thoughts follow suit. When youstart treating each situation as its own animal and stop beating yourself up over every mistake, you'll stopmaking your problems bigger than they really are.

� 2. Replace judgmental statements like I'm an idiot with factual ones like I made a mistake.Thoughts that attach a permanent label to you leave no room for improvement. Factual statements are objective,situational, and help you to focus on what you can change.

� 3. Accept responsibility for your actions and no one else's. The blame game and negative self-talkgo hand in hand. If you are someone who often thinks either it's all my fault or it's all their fault you are wrongmost the time. It is commendable to accept responsibility for your actions, but not when you carry someoneelse's burden. Likewise, if you're always blaming others, it's time to take responsibility for your part.

* This is self-management strategy #9 from pages 117-119 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.




Focus Your Attention on Your Freedoms, Rather than Your Limitations

Life isn't fair ... there's nothing you can do about it ... it isn't up to you. Moms and dads tend to beat thesemantras into their children's heads as if there were some secret Mommy and Daddy Handbook that instructedthem to do so. What your folks forgot to explain is that you always have a choice—a choice in how you respondto what's before you. Even when you can't do or say anything to change a difficult situation, you always have asay in your perspective of what's happening, which ultimately influences your feelings about it. Many times youcan't change a situation or even the parties involved, but that doesn't mean it's time for you to give up. When youfind yourself thinking that you have no control, take a closer look at how you are reacting to the situation itself.Focusing on restrictions is not only demoralizing—it helps negative feelings surface that confirm your sense ofhelplessness. You must take accountability for what you have control over, and focus your energy on remainingflexible and open-minded in spite of the situation.

* This is self-management strategy #12 from page 124 of the Emotional Intelligence 2.0 book.


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® My EQ Lessons

MY EQ LESSONS

This section contains four EQ Lessons that will help you actively increase your understanding of, and capacity for,each EQ skill. Emotional intelligence is very different from traditional intelligence (IQ). With IQ, it is understoodthat you are generally as smart now as you are ever going to be. People learn new facts but their intelligence, ortheir ability to learn, remains largely the same. Emotional intelligence is a flexible skill that can be readily learned.People increase their emotional intelligence by working on the skills outlined in this learning system.

Research shows that people improve their EQ most when the following conditions are present:

• They have a strong motivation to learn or change

• They practice new behaviors consistently

• They seek feedback on their own behavior

�� How To Master A New Skill

Any time you are acquiring a new skill, remember the bestpath for doing something new or different looks like this:

• Find someone who is good at it. • Watch that person do it. • Get that person to talk about how they do it. • Practice doing it yourself with his or her guidance. • Ask the person to give you feedback. • Practice doing it on your own. • Seek feedback until you've mastered it.

Change can be a little...

Embarrassing, because as you practice new things, the very people who feel you ought to change may poke funat you, forget to encourage you along the way, or not even notice. Don't give up. The rewards will outweigh thesechallenges because you will be better positioned personally and professionally than you ever were before.

How to handle it when you feel embarrassed:

• Say, "I could really use a little support here."

• Tell people you are serious about getting better at this. Most likely, they will become your allies.

• Ask for help and suggestions.

Change can also be a little...

Frustrating, because old habits and behaviors (what you say and do) can be difficult to change.

How to handle it when you feel frustrated:

• Remind yourself that change takes time and practice.

• Remind yourself that it's OK not to know.

• Find someone who handles change well. Ask how it's done.

• Find someone who can encourage you.

Change can also be terrific. It surprises most people how a little bit of change in the right direction can goa long way in the eyes of others. Good luck and have fun with it!


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Self-Awareness Lesson

SELF-AWARENESS LESSON

To increase your self-awareness, you need to discover things you tend to do, say, think, and feel that you havepreviously failed to notice or understand. This process can be uncomfortable because some of the things you'lldiscover are unflattering or things you'll want to improve. That said, it's much less painful to seek out thisinformation on your own than wait until someone brings it to your attention.

In the following clip from Role Models, Dan (played by Paul Rudd) increases his self-awareness the hard way.

Log in to your assessment to watch the clip

How does Dan increase his self-awareness the hard way?

She's had enough.

Dan gets defensive.

Dan realizes he's wrong.

She's had enough.

Being in a relationship with Dan means Beth is frequently subjected to his bad moods. She finally realizes thathe's so annoyed with everyone because he's unhappy with himself. Beth knows Dan won't change until heunderstands this. So, she breaks it down for him.

Dan gets defensive.

Like most people in his position, Dan is quick to point out justifications for his behavior. Dan genuinely believeshe's so annoyed because people are so annoying. Beth's feedback doesn't even begin to hit home until herealizes that venti means "twenty."

Dan realizes he's wrong.

By the time Dan gets to work and discusses the morning's events with a friend, it's clear that Beth's feedback hashad a chance to sink in. Not only does Dan think Beth is right, but Dan's coworker also agrees with her. The moreDan thinks about Beth's feedback, the more he begins to see what is making him so frustrated.

SELF-AWARENESS TIP

To increase your self-awareness, you need to embrace feedback with open arms. Research shows that the vastmajority of people struggle to see themselves as others see them, and the most accurate picture of anyone'sbehavior comes from those around them. The best way to find out what others see is to ask them. Asking forfeedback is easy—hearing it without getting defensive is not.

Seeking feedback is difficult for most people. It can be scary when you are afraid to finally find out what peoplereally think of you. Nonetheless, feedback from others won't do you any good if you're not open and receptive toother people's perspectives, especially when they differ from your own.

Here's a process you can follow to seek feedback that will increase your self-awareness:

• Seek out a trusted friend or colleague and ask this person if he or she would be willing to share hisor her thoughts about you with you. A "real" feedback discussion is bound to have some difficultmoments, so you need to find someone with whom you can work through these momentscomfortably.

• Explain to your selected person that you are working on increasing your self-awareness as a resultof taking the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal. Tell him or her what emotional intelligence is anddescribe some of your goals for improving your emotional intelligence (EQ).


www.talentsmart.com/eiqb2/welcome

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Self-Awareness Lesson

SELF-AWARENESS LESSON CONTINUED

• Ask this person to share with you what he or she sees and thinks regarding your ability tounderstand and respond effectively to your emotions. Be sure to get information on things thataren't readily apparent to you.

• The following questions should help this conversation:

• Are there specific situations where, or people with whom, I tend to let my emotions get the best ofme?

• Is there anything I do too much? That is, can I tone down a certain behavior?

• What holds me back from managing my emotions effectively?


EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Self-Management Lesson

SELF-MANAGEMENT LESSON

It's easy to think that good self-management is as simple as controlling explosive emotional outbursts. Althoughyou do need to control outbursts, your emotions have a negative impact on your behavior in other, less obviousways.

In the following clip from Erin Brockovich, both characters demonstrate poor self-management. As you watch theclip, see if you can pick up on the self-management mistakes each character makes.


Who does what?

She starts things off right.

He pushes her buttons.

She loses her cool.

She starts things off right.

When you have an uncomfortable interaction with another person, the range and intensity of your emotions arebound to change as the situation unfolds. Erin starts the meeting off right by remaining calm and listening to whatEd has to say.

He pushes her buttons.

Becoming a better self-manager requires taking an honest look at all the ways your emotions create problems foryou. In Ed's case, having fun with Erin at her expense was a poor choice. Not only does Ed end up looking bad,but he also ruins what would have otherwise been a great moment for them to share.

She loses her cool.

When people push your buttons, powerful emotions rush to the surface. Effective self-managers keep tabs ontheir emotions throughout a difficult conversation, so that they know when their buttons are being pushed and canrespond accordingly. In Erin's case, she could have avoided falling into Ed's trap by asking to see the checkbefore taking the discussion any further.

SELF-MANAGEMENT TIP

An uncontrolled emotional outburst—even though it may make you feel better temporarily—can do major harm toyour relationships. When your relationships are not voluntary, such as with your colleagues at work, minimizingthis type of damage is essential to the health and productivity of your relationship.



EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Social Awareness Lesson

SOCIAL AWARENESS LESSON

Your ability to recognize and understand others' opinions—and the emotions that come with them—is critical tothe quality of your relationships. Putting yourself in the other person's shoes—taking the time to really understandhis or her point of view, whether you agree with it or not—is what social awareness is all about.

In this clip from October Sky, Homer greets his father after having just returned home from winning the nationalscience fair. Homer has a difficult relationship with his father, who doesn’t understand Homer’s fascination withrockets and is the only member of the town who hasn’t attended a single launch.


Homer lets his father speakhis mind.

Homer speaks directly to hisfather's feelings.

Homer lets his father speak his mind.

To demonstrate social awareness, first you have to let people speak their minds. For most of us, this is relativelyeasy. That is, until we're convinced that we know what the other person is saying. That's when we cut people off,allow our minds to wander, and completely miss what's really going on.

Homer speaks directly to his father's feelings.

Homer's confidence in directly addressing his father is bolstered by a keen read of the man. Homer's father mayhold the authority, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need to feel heard. Homer knows the only way to get throughto his father is to address his concerns directly, and Homer does so with a powerful effect.

As you can see from the clip, directly addressing the feelings and concerns of others is often the best way to go.However, before you can do that, you have to become skilled at recognizing and reading other people's emotions.

To get better at picking up on others' emotional cues, seek out trusted friends or colleagues with whom you canhave a frank conversation about your quest for improved social awareness. The next time they tell you aboutsomething they experienced or something important to them, check in with them on the following:

• Tell them your perception of what they are going through and see if it is accurate. Don't be afraid toask the kinds of questions you really can't ask during a typical conversation.

• Finally, ask them if they were attempting to deliver any unspoken messages. Sometimes peoplejust don't want to say flat out how they feel about something, so they drop hints. If they did, this is agreat opportunity to see if you picked up on them.

Who will you try this with?



EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE APPRAISAL® Relationship Management Lesson

RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT LESSON

Remember that emotions play a role in every interaction you have with another person, whether you are aware ofthem or not. Emotions often influence the “back and forth” between two people more than the words being said.The ability to spot emotions in the midst of an interaction, understand their influence, and respond effectively isthe essence of relationship management. This can be very hard to do.

In the following scene from The Pursuit of Happyness, Chris Gardner (Will Smith) is a struggling salesman whohas chosen to take an unpaid internship at a prestigious investment bank to make a better future for himself andhis son. However, without a salary, he is failing to make ends meet. It is Saturday, and he's taking his son to playbasketball before work. Observe the role that emotions play during their interaction.


What happens between these two?

Chris disappoints his son.

Chris recognizes his mistake.

Chris makes a repair.

Chris disappoints his son.

Chris, thinking that he is protecting his son from future disappointment and failure, tries to be realistic with him.Instead, Chris's words destroy what little fun the boy gets to have with his hard-working father.

Chris recognizes his mistake.

Chris notices his son's dejected behavior. Chris realizes that, even though he meant well, his words did not havetheir intended effect. As Chris pauses to reflect, he realizes his own struggles with success and failure tainted themessage. Where this realization would make most people defensive, Chris has the ability to stay focused on hisson's feelings.

Chris makes a repair.

Chris repairs the broken conversation by acknowledging his mistake in discouraging his son's dream. Theearnestness in Chris's voice shows his son he cares deeply about him, even though Chris's words don't say thisdirectly. It's obvious that Chris remembers all of the times that he's been told he can't do something, and he usesthese memories to empathize with his son's feelings.



Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Scheibmeir Results

Leadership & Management

Transcript of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 - Scheibmeir Results