Elven Ranger 4.04
4
Z Z Z Z Recent discoveries have led to the conclusion that TCF (not the bank) members have been suffering from lack of sleep. The most likely cause to this recent epidemic is attempting to gain careers outside of Middle-Earth. Other symptoms of college include; increased stress, lack of exercise, poor health and food habits, and hermit-ism. Latest studies have shown that the Fellowship’s average sleep lies somewhere around four hours a night. This is most likely caused by their overloaded schedules and to- do lists. The best remedy this publication offers is Eternal Summer Vacation (better known as ESV). Our double- blind research results have shown 93.7% of college related symptoms can be cured by just one dose of ESV (see our ad). In our latest interview with Sauron (better known as Disco Gollum) he informed the publication that “my eyes are so bloodshot I no longer require my red contacts.” Further reports have told us that Legolas has had to cut his shower schedule in half (down to three a day), Strider has had to postpone his superhero activities, and Rabid Merry has had to plan less aerobic classes, all just to gain a little more shut-eye. Some injuries have even occurred. Vampire Pippin had fainting spells due to her poor blood-consuming habits, and the Prince’s Scribe has been diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome. In some extreme cases, hermit-ism and frostbite have occurred during emergency cave-dwelling sessions in order to finish studying without distractions from others. In conclusion, since ESV has yet to be invented, the only way to help the situation is to make sure you attend the ten-year Corrupted Fellowship reunion that is to occur on the tenth anniversary of the Official Fellowship Day. Though this is only a cure to hermit-ism, at least it’ll be a good time! -The Prince’s Scribe Issue 4.04 Rethe 2009 Volume 8.Earwig INSIDE THIS ISSUE Note: It’s been 5 years since the last issue of the Elven Ranger, and it’s time for an update! WHAT TIME IS IT? It’s not long now until the event of the century! Are you ready? Check out the countdown clock! EDWARD CULLEN VS. FRODO BAGGINS A once-in-a-lifetime match-up that’s anyone’s game! (ish) ON THE BACK COVER The secret to life, the universe, and everything! WHERE ARE THEY NOW? Keep tabs on your favorite Fellowship members-superheroes and mortals alike! THEN AND NOW Remember freshman year when many of us were lowly….freshmen? Compare the pop culture of 2001 and 2009! Keeping TCF (Not the Bank) Informed Since 2003! BREAKING NEWS The Fellowship Needs More Sleep ADVERTISEMENT College getting you down? Try ESV and spend the rest of your days in the sun!* ESV comes in a variety of different flavors, such as bubble gum, grape, French fries, cold pizza, sweaty men, and our newest flavor, zebra road kill! ESV ESV ESV ESV SUMMER ETERNAL VACATION Be sure to pick up your ESV dose at a convenience store near you!! Coming June 15th, 2035 at 3:02 pm *Side effects include, but are not limited to: constant itch, sleep walking, social awkwardness, explosive diarrhea, erectile dysfunction, gangrene, scurvy, brain tumors, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis, and instant death by spontaneous combustion.
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Our fourth issue from Rethe, 2009! (after a 5 year break!)
Transcript of Elven Ranger 4.04
Z
ZZ
Z
Recent discoveries have led to the conclusion that TCF (not the bank) members have been suffering from lack of sleep. The most likely cause to this recent epidemic is attempting to gain careers outside of Middle-Earth. Other symptoms of college include; increased stress, lack of exercise, poor health and food habits, and hermit-ism.
Latest studies have shown that the Fellowship’s average sleep lies somewhere around four hours a night. This is most likely caused by their overloaded schedules and to-do lists.
The best remedy this publication offers is Eternal Summer Vacation (better known as ESV). Our double-
blind research results have shown 93.7% of college related symptoms can be cured by just one dose of ESV (see our ad).
In our latest interview with Sauron(better known as Disco Gollum) he informed the publication that “my eyes are so bloodshot I no longer require my red contacts.”
Further reports have told us that Legolas has had to cut his shower schedule in half (down to three a day), Strider has had to postpone his superhero activities, and Rabid Merry has had to plan less aerobic classes, all just to gain a little more shut-eye.
Some injuries have even occurred. Vampire Pippin had fainting spells due to her poor blood-consuming habits, and the Prince’s Scribe has been diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome.
In some extreme cases, hermit-ism and frostbite have occurred during emergency
cave-dwelling sessions in order
to finish studying without distractions
from others.In conclusion, since ESV
has yet to be invented, the only way to help the situation is to make sure you attend the ten-year Corrupted Fellowship reunion that is to occur on the tenth anniversary of the Official Fellowship Day. Though this is only a cure to hermit-ism, at least it’ll be a good time!
-The Prince’s Scribe
Issue 4.04
Rethe 2009
Volume 8.Earwig
INSIDE THIS ISSUE Note: It’s been 5 years since the last issue of the Elven Ranger, and it’s time for an update!
WHAT TIME IS IT?
It’s not long now until the event of the century! Are you ready? Check out the countdown clock!
EDWARD CULLEN VS.
FRODO BAGGINS
A once-in-a-lifetime match-up that’s anyone’s
game! (ish)
ON THE BACK COVER
The secret to life, the universe, and everything!
WHERE ARE
THEY NOW?
Keep tabs on your favorite Fellowship
members-superheroes and mortals alike!
THEN AND NOW
Remember freshman year when many of us
were lowly….freshmen? Compare the pop culture
of 2001 and 2009!
Keeping TCF (Not the Bank) Informed Since 2003!
BREAKING NEWS
The Fellowship Needs More Sleep
ADVERTISEMENT
College getting you down?
Try ESV and spend the rest of your days in the sun!*
ESV comes in a variety of different flavors, such asbubble gum, grape, French fries, cold pizza, sweatymen, and our newest flavor, zebra road kill!
ESVESVESVESV
SUMMER
ETERNAL
VACATION
Be sure to pick up your ESV dose at a convenience store near you!!Coming June 15th, 2035 at 3:02 pm
*Side effects include, but are not limited to: constant itch, sleep walking, social awkwardness, explosive diarrhea, erectile dysfunction, gangrene, scurvy, brain tumors, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis, and instant death by spontaneous combustion.
Where Are They NowWhere Are They NowWhere Are They NowWhere Are They Now
Twilight vs. My Fellowship’s Story
TWILIGHT MY FELLOWSHIP’S STORY
SEXY MAN Carlisle Legolas
NOT SO SEXY MAN Edward Wormtongue
PHYSICAL TRAITS Shiny Vampires Hairy Hobbits
MUSIC Creepy Edward Songs Spew Songs
ACCESSORIES Porsches Sharp Objects
HUMAN TRANSPORTATION Vampire-back Pony(cat)-back
LOVE INTEREST Creeper Rabid Hobbit
Moral: TCF always wins!!!
Total: 2 Total: 7
My Fellowship’s Story
Karyn Anderson (Gollum) attends Oakland University and Oakland Community College, and is majoring in Health Sciences with a concentration in Physical Therapy. She graduates in May 2010, and currently works at Clarkston SCAMP in the fundraising office.
Bryanna Flaherty (Pippin) attends California State University Channel Islands, which she is proud to announce was once a mental institution.
Lisa Fouladbash (Galadriel) graduated from the University of Michigan with a major in Ecology. She is planning on attending graduate school next year, and is currently working at Dinosaur Hill while searching for other work.
Richelle Gable (Legolas) attends Central Michigan University, and is majoring in English with a minor in Cinema Studies. She graduates in December 2009, and is hoping to start a career in publishing, ideally in youth literature. She will be studying abroad in Ireland for three weeks, summer 2009.
Brittany Kasner (Arwen) attends the University of Michigan and is a majoring in Chemical Engineering. She graduates in May 2009, and has a job lined up in Allentown, Pennsylvania at Air Products.
Steve Krause (Quickbeam) attends the University of Michigan and he is looking at majoring in German to possibly pursue a teaching career. He plans on graduating in 2011.
>Status updates so you don’t need to be a Facebook stalker
Rachel Morton (Frodo) attends Wittenberg University and is majoring in English Education. She graduates in May 2009, and is hoping to teach in Japan for a year.
Marsha Palmer (Fifi the Elf)
graduated from cosmetology school and is attending Oakland Community College when her time allows. She is working at Bo-Rics hair salon and is looking into a degree in optometry.
Katie Pendock (Skye the Elf)
attends Oakland University and is majoring in Electrical Engineering. She plans on graduating in 2011.
Adam Renico (King of the Dead/Fluffy Foods)
attends Grand Valley State University and is majoring in Finance and Business Economics. He graduates in May 2009, and is hoping to start a career as a financial analyst. He is getting married in the summer of 2009.
Julie Savage (Strider-Man) attends Bowling Green State University and is majoring in Technology in Architecture. She graduates in August 2009 and will be going to graduate school for the next two to four years.
Becky Schmitt (Merry) attends Oakland University and is majoring in Elementary Education. She graduates in December 2009, and currently works at Sears, as well as student teaching with fifth graders in Lake Orion, several times a week.
Kristin Wing (Gimli) attends Purdue University and is majoring in Electrical Engineering. She graduates in December 2009, and currently has a co-op with the US Army TARDEC in Warren, MI.
Jeff Zebrowski (Saruman) attends the University of Michigan and graduates in December 2009. He plans on attending nursing school in 2010.
Keep in touch and look for more updates in the next Elven Ranger! Good luck, everyone!
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2001
…mark your calendars…12/21/11…. one year before the end of the year…
Hair Long hair medium/short hairRetro-fashion 1970s 1980sHang Outs McDonald’s CulversMovie Series LOTR/Star Wars Batman/Harry PotterAnimated Movies Shrek Wall-EOscar Winners A Beautiful Mind Slumdog MillionaireTeen Heartthrobs Orlando Bloom Robert PattinsonPeople’s Sexiest Man Pierce Brosnan Hugh JackmanBook Series Harry Potter TwilightKid’s Shows Teletubbies Yo Gabba GabbaHospital Dramas ER Grey’s AnatomyNews Real News Fake Comedy News Systems Playstation 2 WiiGames Halo Rock Band/Guitar HeroHip Hop Beyonce RihannaTeen Idols Hilary Duff Miley CyrusWeird Al Hits Saga Begins White & NerdyPresident Bush/Cheney Obama/BidenGas $1.75 $3.98Cars Hummer 2 Smart CarsNetworking Face to face FacebookVideos Watching on the TV YoutubeMovie Info Videohound IMDbSearch Engines Google GoogleFads Badger, Badger, Badger/ Lolcatz/
Peanut Butter Jelly Time Demotivational Posters
2009
Then and NowThen and Now A look at how far we’ve come
since the beginning of TCF….or not
days until the 10 year TCF reunion
“What Time is It?”
lol idk. Thanks for reading!
You’ve been
rickroll’d!!☺☺☺☺!
!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!
TCF says:
We’re no strangers to hateThere are no rules and I will cheat
A full-out war is what I’m thinking ofBecause you made me smell your really stinky feet
I just wanna tell you how I’m feelingGotta make you understand
Never gonna help you upAlways gonna push you down
Always gonna run around and desert youAlways gonna make you cryAlways gonna say goodbye
Always gonna tell a lie to hurt you
We’ve known each other for so longMy nose has been aching,I’m not too shy to say it.Inside we both know what’s been going onYou have B.O. and with Old Spice you must spray it
And if you ask me how I’m feelingDon’t tell me you’re too congested to smell
Never gonna help you upAlways gonna push you downAlways gonna run around and desert youAlways gonna make you cryAlways gonna say goodbyeAlways gonna tell a lie to hurt you
“Never Gonna Help You Up”--a parody by the Children of Shelob--
