Effectively Stop Complaining in 7 Easy Steps

Life is stressful, and complaining may be considered by many as an extension of being absolutely normal. However, complaining affects our brains and our physical health negatively. A sense of sadness or melancholy is increased, along with real dissatisfaction with our daily lives.

Negative stress can also exacerbate chronic health problems, such as diabetes or asthma. Other physical complaints may include increased headaches, joint pain, and depression. One way to combat these symptoms is through learning how to stop useless complaining.

1. Nourish A Positive AttitudeChange the way you think. Of course, this is far easier said than done, but it is quite possible. Cultivate a positive spin on how you perceive the problem. For example, it is easy to stress over having the perfect child, job, or date. Accept that life is just plain messy. No one and no situation is or can be perfect. Accept the situation for what it is and move forward. Keep the pro side heavily weighed against the negatives. When you inevitably experience set-backs, move forward and remember that everyone has them.2. Learn To AdaptThe only sure thing about life is that nothing stays the same. Change is coming whether its tomorrow, next month, or next year. Some life changes are significantly sad. Allow a period of grieving. Sometimes, setting a daily time to be sad about the change can help. Acceptance of a situation helps you to adapt positively to lifes changes. Take up the challenge of seeing the positive in a situation, even if it is a small good. Think of the experience as an opportunity rather than an untenable obstacle.

3. Be More Mindful

The past can never be changed and worry about the future is futile; complaining about either is a pointless exercise. Rather, move in the present time and cope only with the present situation as it unfolds. Recognize negative thoughts and replace them with a positive spin. Rather than, Oh, not the alarm again think of all that can be accomplished in a bright, new day. While it may sound clich, learn to graciously accept all that life has to offerthe good and the bad. Even bad circumstances will change, and can teach you more mindful attitudes, such as patience.4. Be Assertive

Giving up the bad habit of complaining does not mean allowing yourself to become someone elses doormat. Assertiveness is the way to tell others what your needs are and how these can be met. Convey confidence through something as simple as posture. Stand up straight, have a firm handshake, and always look people in the eye. Enunciate and speak clearly, you want people to understand your point. Avoid rambling, which may lead to awkward and unproductive pauses. Be firm and express what you want clearly. Dont leave your meaning to guess work.

5. Be Less Judgmental

This includes yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and being critical leads to complaining. Should of, would of, and could of are phrases thats better left out of your vocabulary. Let go of control. It is simply impossible to be in control of every situation, sometimes it is best to lower the stress and simply roll with the consequences. List your strengths to build confidence and, on a better day, list your weaknesses and how to downplay them. Compliment yourself and others. Acknowledge a job well done, or a nicely fitting suit or dress.

6. Be Responsible

Own your mistakes, but never the mistakes of others. The first step to being responsible is self-respect. Begin by thinking highly of yourself and your decision-making process. There is no reason not to. Keep people in your life who respect you, and fail miserably at taking advantage of you. Eject chronic complainers. Let them carry their complaints elsewhere. Through garnering people in your life that like and respect you, you will naturally reciprocate the respect.

7. Keep Moving Forward

Absolutely refuse to allow lifes obstacles to keep you from moving onward. Sure, there are people and situations that will annoy you. This is no excuse to dwell on the negativity. Remember, this too shall pass. The thing that is creating a problem cannot last forever. Most problems are temporary and fleeting.Understanding this is the key to moving forward. Take note of self-doubt and then release these thoughts. Spending time in self-doubt is ultimately a waste. Make your decision and follow through.

As you follow these steps and lessen the habit of complaining, you will find yourself leading a more confident lifestyle. Stop complaining about things beyond your control. Move forward with self-assurance and confidence. Above everything else, be gentle with yourself.

How to Stop ComplainingWhat do you do when confronted with a situation that you would normally complain about?You want to direct your conscious focus on what youre grateful for, what you want and solutions.The first step is to not complain! There will be many times throughout the day when you may feel like complaining and you may have complaining type thoughts, but instead you will stop yourself short of repeatedly verbalizing your grievances.Second youll have 4 alternative options:1. Change your behavior2. Change the way you look at the situation3. Speak out and offer possible solutions4. Accept it as something you cannot change and recognize the futility and destructiveness in complaining about it.The purpose is to train your mind to focus on solutions, what youre grateful for, and what you want instead of complaints.Here are some helpful questions to help you choose an option: Is there anything I can do about it or is it outside of my control? What do I want instead? What am I grateful for? How can I avoid this in the future? Can I change what Im doing to help the situation? If I can do something, who do I need to talk to about it? What do I want? What are some possible solutions I could offer?

30 Day Complaint Free ExperimentWe are also attempting to reduce our complaints and to increase our focus on what we are grateful for, what we want and possible solutions.We disagree with Bowen in that we believe you should be able to disagree with someone or point out something you would like to see change. Constructive criticism is okay as long as you focus primarily on what you want (instead of what you dont want), what youre grateful for and brainstorming possible solutions.For example we wouldnt consider this a complaint:My Parmesan Chicken was really good. I didnt like how long it took to get our food at the restaurant. (so far a possible complaint) I wouldve preferred to be in and out in one hour. I think next time Ill either let the server know ahead of time if Im in a hurry or Ill go somewhere I know it will be faster (focuses on what she wants and what she could possibly do next time).So the challenge is to go 30 consecutive days without complaining.Wear a ring, bracelet, rubber band or something on your wrist to remind you of the challenge and your commitment to it.If you complain, switch the ring or bracelet to your opposite wrist or finger and start over at day 1. Even if it happens on day 25 you start back at day 1.If you state something you would like to see changed once and with possible solutions it is okay. As long as youre focused on what your grateful for, what you want and possible solutions youre going in the right direction.This is not an easy experiment and could take you a very long time to make it 30 consecutive days. Please dont be too hard on yourself. Youre most likely trying to change a habit that is deeply ingrained in you.Say Yes to Love, BLOG ABOUT WORK WITH ME ARCHIVES CONTACTCant Stop Complaining? 9 Ways You Forget to Channel the EnergyTweetWhy Its So HardNotto ComplainOn November first, I asked you to follow me on a pledge to gocomplaint-freefor a month.Here is the pledge:I, Farnoosh Brock, pledge that I will not complain about anything to anyone (including myself) for the next 30 days.So how areyougetting on with no complaining?

Just shy of 2 days in, I found myself irritable from suppressing my complaints so I started abusing the word fact and stretching the truth about what is and what I perceive to be.The awareness is brutal. Facts are void of heated emotion, bouts of judgement and overdose of discretion. Facts are just facts. We both know the difference, and I was just fooling myself into another way of getting a minimum amount of complaining out of my system.I had no earthly clue that I was so fond of complaining!!!The awareness is the first step to understanding just how very much we all complain. Yes, I admit, I screwed up many times!What I didnotdo is to give up on the challenge.See, perfection is not what we are after. Healing from this irritable life-long habit is what I want for me, and for you. So how do we do that?Our intention is good. We have pledged to stop complaining. We are cheering each other on inour complaint-free Facebook groupand I am still getting pledges coming in on the complaint-free post. But theres more to it than telling yourself to just stop complaining as I have learned the hard way. The reason to stop complaining is two-fold and simple:1.Complaining is completely useless.Complaining does not help you in anyway and it does not make the situation at hand any better.2.Complaining is possibly harmful.It can become a nasty habit, make you unattractive and annoying, and shut your eyes to the actual reality of the situation.Complaining is a form of energy and energy cannot be destroyed but it can be put to a different use. Lets talk about ways we can channel this brute force that comes out in the negative draining energy of a complaint into a constructive, useful and positive energy. Lets see if this helps us see the circumstance for what it really is, clear of quick judgement and ego overdose. Lets keep our nerves calm and our stress level at bay and keep breathing when something small goes astray.Who knows? We might even catch the lesson or two that life is trying to teach us with this approach!9 Ways You Forget to Channel the Energy of Complaining1. Get Very Curious:This is the easiest and softest approach. Lets say you are about to express how awfully annoying and rude the driver in front of you is with his inconsistent erratic driving. Instead, get curious. You could say, You know I wonder if he is having a bad day or if his boss just fired him? If I were him, Id be driving right into a tree Id be so mad. Poor guy! And then give him your best wishes, and go around him to drive off.2. Change Your Opinion:Your ego will tell you that your opinion is the same as fact, but unless its a fact, it be not a fact. What you think about the restaurants service is an opinion. What you think of your horrid boss is also an opinion. What you think about the quality of your fathers temper is again an opinion. So what if you changed your opinion. You made it up you know? Youcanalso change it. Maybe the service is great but today is a bad day for telling. Maybe your boss is horrid because his boss treats him like crap. Maybe your father is angry because his life was really hard and youd never understand that.3. Take 3 Deep Breaths:Deep breaths are a miracle and you know it even if you dont want to admit it. If you hesitate just 1 minute and channel that negative energy into 3 to 4 deep breaths and then lunge into it, there is no way the complaint would have the same brute force. The deep breath consists of a big inhale, a 3 second hold, and then a slow long exhale to release the air. Repeat 3 times.4. Ask a Question:Instead of expressing your justified complaint, pause and ask a question. This will work even if you are by yourself. Instead of framing it like a complaint such as Oh I cant stand that stupid checkout girl could she be any slower? you could ask no one in particular: What do you think of the way she is checking out her customers? Is it possible that theres way to look at the situation?

5. Question Your Thoughts:Your thoughts shape your reality and you react to that reality. If it pleases you, you are happy and if it displeases you, you complain. So start questioning your thoughts. The first and simplest question is Is it true? and then you poke deeper, Is it absolutely and positively true? And you will begin to see that there is a chance your thoughts could be at fault and better thoughts can take their place.6. Use Physical Exercise:This does not have to be a whole workout routine. This can be a quick stretch and a walk around the block to release tension energy and give you some time away from the circumstance. This applies to more long-term complaints, so find one that you tend to repeat, maybe about your horrid boss. Next time it comes to mind, use that tension to walk around the office or to stretch at your desk for 2 minutes or work on thatexit strategy with me. Feel any different?7. Meditate On It:Yes, I know. I am a huge fan of meditation but I find it very hard to sit still and meditate. Ashtanga yoga practice is my meditation. You can use moving meditation such as walking,breathing and moving (even for 10 minutes!)and being in nature as all forms of meditation. Meditation simply means shutting out the outside noise and grounding yourself. Complaining is when you are outside yourself, so use the energy to ground and center your body, however you can achieve it.8. Use Positive Affirmations:The complaint is a negative affirmation it affirms the negative. It affirms your thoughts and opinions and you can just as easily turn it around into apositive affirmation. An affirmation is a present-tense phrase used in the first person with only active verbs. So if my complaint is I cant stand it when people email me and then never reply to my answer!, I would turn it into an affirmation by saying: I release my frustration about people who ignore my emails.9. Reclaim Your Own Power:Believe it or not, complaining puts the power your power out into someone else or something else. You feel helpless, frustrated and annoyed after complaining. You feel weak, not strong, and a victim not a winner. Right? So the last way you can channel that energy is by putting back that power back into your own sexy little hands and stop giving it away! Next time a complaint reaches your beautiful lips, tell yourself: I am done giving my power away. Focus on what serves you best and let the energy of complaining turn into a healing energy ofacceptance and joyfor what is.If you are just reading this for the first time, it is not too late to join the complaint-free challenge. Start today. Start this minute. Join us on the Facebook page!One last thing before you go: Grabmy FREE confidence bookas a sneaky little way of nipping that complaining habit in the bud!