EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE FOR CHILDREN OF ALL AGES

William SharpWilliam SharpBoston Graduate School of Boston Graduate School of

Psychoanalysis Psychoanalysis 617 216 3871617 216 3871

@DrwilliamSharp

What will our hashtags be?

“#”

K-W-L CHART: CONNECTING WITH Children

Know Want to know

GOALS

At the end, you should be able to:1) Identify feelings behind your disciplinary

interventions2) Explain the importance of “understanding” what

behavior is communicating when intervening3) Apply the use of “questions” in between the

infraction of a rule and consequence

This work is heavy on YOU!

How do you feel about discipline? Name some feelings invoked.

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?

List them: Honesty IntegrityFamilyLoyaltyHope Financial Stability“I believe…” change happens slowly Talk is cheap.

HOW DO YOU VALUES GET REFLECTED IN DISCIPLINE?

How do you see them in your rules?

How do you want to be truer to your values?

SELF CARE: CHILDREN WILL ADJUST WHEN YOU DO.

WHAT IS YOUR OWN HISTORY…

How did you know when people were angry in your family? What expectations did you develop about how people manage angry feelings?

What happened when family members were afraid?

What was the most significant loss your family experienced when you were a child? How did people grieve?

When did you feel loved in your family? What functions were you valued for performing?

Who did you hate the most in growing up? What did you do with your hatred?

UNDERSTANDING

All Behavior is an attempt to communicate something.

Give examples of behaviors requiring disciplinary actions.

What might those be conveying? List at least 3 for each.

WHAT ARE THEY UP TO? The child’s tendency to try and recreate their old home in

your home Repetitions

Trying to get themselves rejected if that is the only thing they have to control.

Inductions Is this the normal reaction they get? Or are you being

different? Acting out behaviors

Manipulation: playing providers off each other Splitting, including Social workers and foster/kinship

placements

THE LION WON’T EAT ME- I AM A

VEGETARIAN

Remember, the more regressed, the more likely it comes down to fight or flight.

WE BELIEVE WE ARE THINKING CREATURES WHO FEEL, BUT WE ARE FEELING CREATURES WHO THINK.

GOALS OF ENGAGEMENT

Join their perceptions to get a better understanding of the communication.

Remember, you are in charge and just because you are listening to them doesn’t mean you agree with them.

SOLUTIONS

Maintain boundariesYou can be friendly, but you cant be their

friend

TALK TALK TALK.. .use your thoughts and feelings to show words have a power

without a side effect.

SOLUTIONS (CONT)

Question- How should I respond when someone misses curfew?

Question: What am I supposed to do if someone can’t follow rules?

Question:

EXPLORATION WITH THE CHILD

Object oriented questionsAvoid YOU, use I or talk to the universeShare your adult ego with those who

are thin skinned. Ask what you are supposed to do

when…Read up on Active Listening…

AVOID!“YOU KIDS BETTER SHAPE UP, I AM IN NO MOOD TO FOOL AROUND TODAY.” “Oh, I better behave, she means business today.”

“Oh, what have I been doing wrong so far, am I

fooling around now? Maybe I had better stay perfectly still.” (Freeze or Flight into themselves)

“Oh, she wants a fight… I can give her a fight.”

HOW DO I USE ANGER? (*MINE AND THEIRS)

Meet them where they are.

Be the mature adult.

Never work harder than them!

Optimal Frustration is the key to change.

Consultation, Training, Supervision, Therapy ????

WHY DO THIS WORK?

Only work that promotes growth and ego development in

both patient [or child] and therapist [care

giver] is worth what [it] costs both to do.  

- Margaret Little

K-W-L AND EVALUATION

What have we LEARNED?

DR WILLIAM SHARP

617 216 3871

DrWilliamSharp@gmail.com

One Harvard St., Brookline MA 02445

@DrWilliamSharp for Talk Takeaways

ANNE MCCAULEY

617 566 2200School Based Counseling

Boston Institute for PsychotherapyAmcCauley@bostoninstitute.org