During Circle Work One Person speaks at a time Right to Pass No Put-downs.
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Transcript of During Circle Work One Person speaks at a time Right to Pass No Put-downs.
Being Restorative at School
What does harm mean?
Hurt feelings
Hurt bodyUpset
feeling threatened
Feeling unsafe
Broken things
stealing
Talk about a time you were harmed by someone else (accidentally or on purpose):
Talk about a time you harmed somebody else (accidentally or on purpose)?
What did you need?
What did you need?
Pair Share Partner Work
Be able to do something to fix my mistakeTo have a chance to tell my side and let people know I am not happyTo feel brave enough to talk about it to someone – even those who harmed meTo feel strong again after being hurt – to feel like I can stick up for myselfTo forgive others and tell them it’s OK as long as they don’t do it again and be friends
To be forgiven – someone to give me a hug and tell me I’m OKTo be able to be friends again after I fix itNot to lose friends – be left outA chance to say sorry and to mean itTo have other people know how I was harmedFor people not to think I’m a bad person
Change places…
When our brain starts working again we remember other times when we mucked up –
when we felt just as bad about ourselves as we do now.
There’s a name for this YUK feeling:
SHAMEHey - It’s not all bad - Shame is an important feeling because it lets us know that we’ve upset others and we might have some fixing to do.
But the tricky thing about
SHAMEIs that it feels bad and when we
feel it we want it to go away quickly
WITHDRAWAL
ATTACK SELF
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK OTHERS
The Compass of Shame
When we know we have done the wrong thing and
feel SHAME – we can ...I’m going to admit I did the wrong thing
and fix it up with those I’ve harmed
Oh man…how do I get out of this? I can’t deal with it.
Hey, you’ve mucked up - take
responsibility and fix whoever (or whatever)
you have harmed!
oh and by the way…see if you can learn
something from this!
Oh man…how do I get out of this? I can’t deal with it.
Does NOT like himself
WithdrawalI’m a bad person so I have to run and hide from everyone so they don’t hate me more. I just want to be somewhere nobody can see me.
Attack SelfI am a bad person so I have to be mean to myself and let others be mean to me so I can still have friends. I don’t think I’m any good so I don’t deserve to have others be kind to me.
AvoidanceI feel so bad about myself I have to
act like I’m somebody else so nobody
can see the real me. I might try to act
tough - like I don’t care, be silly or
show off to try to make other people
think I am different from who I really
am. Or I might brag about something
I’m good at – because I think the real
me is no good
Attack Other
I feel so bad about myself that
making someone else feel bad
will help me feel better
(blaming or hurting). If I can
make somebody else feel
worse than I do, maybe I’ll feel
a bit better about myself – a bit
stronger
Things we say to ourselves when on the Compass of Shame
The truth about people…
Nobody who feels OK with themselves ever has to tease, put down or hurt others.
People who try to tease, bully or hurt on purpose have shame hurting them from the inside.
something they can’t gladiator with that has put them on the compass of shame.
what’s your style when you’re in trouble and feeling ashamed of yourself?
RJ
?be alonerun awayhide
say “I hate myself” Put yourself down
Get yourself into trouble for something elseLet others put you down
Show off Get loud
Brag about yourself
Act tough Blame someone else
Get angryTease or bully someone
Say ‘I don’t care’ Act weird
WITHDRAWAL
ATTACK SELF
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK OTHERS
OK.....What I did wasn’t good – people are upset with me – Heck......I’m upset with me!
I can deal with these yucky feelings without running and hiding, being mean to myself, trying to be something I’m not or giving someone else a hard time
I still have friends and people who love me........I still think I’m OK
Even though I feel like the worst person in the world right now.....everyone makes mistakes
I will have to do something to fix this up – it won’t be easy because people are upset with what I did but I will make it right
Keeping ourselves off the compass
Fixing -ITIs the best way to get rid of
shame when we have caused harm
Tomorrow your teachers start learning how help you with
this
FIX-IT
RJ
Restorative Questions for people who have caused harm (accidentally or on purpose)
FIX-IT
What happened – what was your part in it?
What were you thinking /feeling when you did / said that?
What do you think about what you did / said now that we’re having a talk about it?
Who do you think has been affected by what you did? How were they affected?
How were you affected?
What needs to happen to try to fix this or make it better that it is now?
If this happens again, what might you do next time?
FIX-IT
RJ
Restorative Questions for people who have been harmed by what someone
FIX-IT
What did you think / feel when it happened?
How have you been affected by this?
Who else has been affected?
What’s been the worst thing about it?
What needs to happen to try to fix this or make it better that it is now?
Blaming QuestionsReveng
e
What rules have been broken?
How can we keep everyone away from each other?
Who did the wrong thing / broke the rules?
What punishment do they deserve?
WITHDRAWAL
ATTACK SELF
AVOIDANCE
ATTACK OTHERS OUCH!