Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Chapter 12 Love and Commitment.

Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall

Chapter 12

Love and

Commitment


Chapter Summary

Love and Intimacy

The ingredients of love

Love and close relationships

Commitment

Cohabitation

Marriage and other committed relationships


Chapter Summary Cont’dAdjusting to Intimate Relationships

Sharing responsibilities

Communication and conflict

Making the relationship better

Sexuality

Changes over time


Chapter Summary Cont’dDivorce and Its Consequences

The divorce experience

Single-parent families

Remarriage


Love and Intimacy

The ingredients of love:

Love involves deep and tender feelings of affection for or attachment to one or more persons.

Intimate relationships such as love overlap somewhat with friendships.

Love, however, involves greater exclusiveness and emotional involvement.

Thus, love relationships contain more ambivalence, conflict, distress, and mutual criticism than friendships.

Love also involves more willingness to give our utmost for partners.


There are several types of love:

ROMANTIC LOVE: The strong, emotional attachment to a person of

the opposite sex and, on occasion, the same sex.

PASSIONATE LOVE: An intense emotional reaction to a potential romantic partner who may not even love you in return (i.e. head over heels feeling).

COMPANIATE LOVE: A loving but practical relationships based primarily on emotional closeness and commitment rather than physical or sexual intimacy.


The Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg) suggests that there are three components to love.

1. Intimacy: the emotional aspect of love and includes closeness, sharing, communication, and support.

2. Passion: the motivational aspect of love which involves physiological arousal and intense desire to be united with the loved one.

3. Commitment: the cognitive aspect of love which includes both the short-term affirmation of love for the person and the long-term commitment to maintain that love.


Love is a rather universal phenomenon, BUTculture influences perceptions of love:

Individualistic societies (example = United states):

Romantic love is an important basis for marriage.

Intimacy is important for marital satisfaction.

Collective societies (example = India):

Other reasons (e.g. economic) act as the basis for marriage.

The divorce rate is lower in these societies.


Love and Close Relationships:

How people approach close relationshipsreflects their personal development (e.g. style of attachment to parents).

Attachment style (our typical style of becoming involved with others) influences romantic attachments. People with:

Secure attachments: are happy and secure with a partner.

Avoidant attachments: are uneasy when intimate with apartner.

Anxious-ambivalent attachments: are very close to but wary

of abandonment by partner.


Commitment:

Cohabitation:

Cohabitation is the practice of unmarried persons living together.

Most who cohabit are in their twenties to forties.

The cohabitation effect is where couples who cohabit first have greater relationship instability in marriage than those who do not cohabit.


Marriage and Other Committed Relationships

Marriage is the state of being married; usually the legal union of two people.

People tend to marry persons who are similar in age, education, ethnic, and social background.

Same-sex marriage is not legal in most states, although many legislatures are considering laws regarding this type of union.

Most marriages in the U.S. are voluntary marriages or based on the assumption that two people will remain married only as long as they are in love.

Marital satisfaction is the sense of gratification and contentment in a marriage.


Marital Satisfaction Cont’d:

When happy couples argue, they still use positive behaviors, such as humor, to defuse the conflict.

Happy couples also use joint

problem-solving.

Happy couples have fun together.


Happy couple communicate accepting

and unconditional attitudes toward

one another.

Happy couples often find consummate

love, the balanced combination of intimacy,

commitment and passion.

Unhappy couples use toxic communications to one another,

such as contempt.


Adjusting to Intimate Relationships:

Sharing Responsibilities:

Sex roles are changing. More women work outside the home, and men are expected to provide greater emotionalsupport.

Several studies report that when women work outside thehome, they still do more housework than men.

When men increase the amount of housework they do, marital satisfaction for women improves.


Communication and Conflict:

Many issues can create conflict in intimate relationships:

in-laws unrealistic expectations

child-rearing lack of affection

sexuality power struggles

communication substance abuse

extramarital affairs money

Communicating at the outset of a problem rather than waiting can often prevent conflict escalation.


Making the relationship better:

Emotion Focused Therapy: A cognitive therapy that provides a technique for changing basic thought and emotional patterns.

The goal is to help partners feel emotionally connected.

The success rate is 70 to 75 percent, according to research.


Mediation: A neutral third party intervenes and assists the couple in managing or resolving their disputes.

The goal is to help couples find mutually agreeable solutions to their problems.

The success rate is 80 to 90 percent, according to research.

Thus, divorce is not the only solution to marital discord.


Sexuality:

By the end of their first year together, couples are having sex lessfrequently.

The longer couples are together, the more importantthe quality of the relationship becomes.

Most people express their desire for fidelity to their partner

When asked, however, 15 percent of women and 25 percent of men disclose that they have had an extramarital affair.


Divorce and Its Consequences

The Divorce Experience:

The process of divorce is almost always painful.

Partners breaking up a committed relationship

also experience much the same pain.

The pain originates from emotional, legal, and social issues.

Most people need 2 or 3 years to recover from the pain.


Single-Parent Families

Divorce takes a toll on children. Age, mental health status, personality, gender, and pre-existing relationships with parents all play a role in how well a child adjusts.

Children may become depressed, resentful, or aggressive.

Remarriage of a parent and introduction of a step-parent into a child’s life can also be stressful.


Children of single parents (typically single mothers) often live in poverty.

Ultimately, the children may drop out of school, become

pregnant, or turn to illicit substances to help them cope.

Couples need to think carefully about commitment, marriage and divorce, especially when children are involved.


Remarriage:

Most divorced people remarry; in many

instances they marry another divorced

person.

Second marriages also tend to end in divorce, although some

can be quite happy.

When two single parents marry each other and combine their

families, they create blended families. The new “parent” is a

step-parent.

Young children adjust better to step-parents than do adolescents.

Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Chapter 12 Love and Commitment.

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Transcript of Duffy/Atwater © 2005 Prentice Hall Chapter 12 Love and Commitment.