Mary Thompson Foster, M.Ed, CALT, LDT

Sanford Elementary Counselor, Van Alstyne ISD

mfoster@vanalstyneisd.orgTwitter: @mommademindful

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Mind Design:Equipping Kids with an Ancient Brain for Modern Life

3 Things We All Should Know to Master Modern Life

How FOLGERS and LISA FRANK got me here.

“To change the way a person responds to life, you must change what a person believes about life.”

—Mary Thompson Foster

“To change the way a person responds to life, you must change what a person

believes about life.”

—Max Lucado, Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World.

Suicide has gone up 30% since 1999. Teen suicide risen 70%.

("Suicide rates for U.S. teens and young adults", 2018)

Yearly 45,000 kill themselves, 72,000 die from addiction. Life expectancy is falling not rising.

("Death from drug overdoses in 2017", 2017)

The average child today exhibits the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric

patient in the 1950’s.-Robert Leahy, psychologist,

Fastest growing political party & religious group is “unaffiliated.” We are hardwired for

connection, and we are not getting it. ("Brené Brown: America’s Crisis Of Disconnection Runs

Deeper Than Politics", 2027)

Human Race is in CRISIS

01

02

03

04

The Texas Model for Comprehensive SchoolCounseling Programs / Student Needs

• school attitudes and behaviors• test anxiety

• peer relationships• study skills

• career planning

• suicide prevention

• school safety• harassment

issues• bullying and victimization

• gang pressures• conflict

resolution• college choice

• death of a family member or

friend

• family divorce• substance

abuse• family abuse• scholarships

and financial aid

Society changes when a small group of people find a better way to live, and the rest of us copy them.

You can’t believe everything you think.

Rapid Human Progress - Same Old Brain

Fall of Classical Civilizations

500 AD

Writing & Civilization

3500 BC

Prehistory Ancient Times Middle Ages Modern Era

Voyages of Discovery

1500 AD

Age of globalization & discovery with developments in science, politics, warfare and technology.

1815 AD TO PRESENT

Human brain's anatomy & functioning been the same for about 30,000 years Whole world

changed in 205 years

Historically life expectancy was 25- 40 years until 1815.

POSTMODERN ERA

BELIEF or THOUGHTsentences in your head

FEELINGvibrations in body from

hormones/signals

Thought Cycle : CTFAR

1

2

3

4ACTIONwhat you do or don’t do

I’m stupid and don’t like tests. I’m definitely going to fail this exam

sad, frustrated, stressed

choosing not to study and watching Youtube instead

failed this exam and future test anxiety

Your Thoughts lead to your Feelings, which lead to your Actions, which lead to your

Results.

Your results reinforce your initial thoughts so they become

“what you know.”

After proving yourself right over and over again, your thoughts

become beliefs.

Beliefs then become automatic thoughts that drive your

behaviors. In other words, habits.

CIRCUMSTANCEneutral situation that

all agree is a fact

4Professor says study for upcoming exam

RESULThabits and outcomes

BY NATURE, BAD THOUGHTS TAKE PRIORITY.

BY NURTURE, THEY CAN BE PICKED ON PURPOSE.

5

Our brain is constantly scanning our world and accepting/rejecting beliefs::

● rewarding us with feel good hormones like oxytocin, dopamine & serotonin and creating emotions

of happiness, joy, arousal.

● warning us of the uncomfortable/ unknown by reacting with hormones like adrenaline &

cortisol, activating emotions that cause fight, flight or freeze

responses.

Brain’s Default Setting

Stupid

StillStuck

“The day you decide you are

more interested in being aware of your thoughts

than you are in the thoughts

themselves – that is the day you will find your

way out.”

It’s the old wiring of an ancient brain that used to have so much to worry about externally, just to

survive.

But in the absence of the constant barrage of outside danger, it has turned inward to run these

patterns on itself.

- Michael A. Singer, The Untethered Soul

Modern Environment + Triad = “Pleasure Trap”

Conserving energy to the point of inaction and laziness. ● Sedentary lifestyle● Processed foods● Healthy feels

disappointing

Brain is efficient - it finds a pattern and follows it

STILL Avoiding pain is instinct, but it's being short circuited by all day access.

● Buffering drugs, food, sex

● Self-medicating drugs, meds, addictions to avoid any discomfort

Seeking pleasure in a modern world that has every convenience.

The brain’s “reward circuit”:● Overspending● Overeating● Over drinking● Over-Facebooking

STUCK STUPID

INCONVENIENT UNKNOWN UNCOMFORTABLE

—Dr. Douglas Lisle, The Pleasure Trap: Mastering the Hidden Force that Undermines Health & Happiness

“To change the way a person responds to life, you must change what a person believes about life.”

—Mary Thompson Foster

—Max Lucado, Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World.

“To change the way a person responds to life, you must change what a person

believes about life.”

Difficulty is part of the deal.

SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME.

Half of your life has negative emotion.Half of the world has negative things.

The balance is there all the time.

In this Modern Age, what are we taught we want in “life”?

If what's RIGHT is to be happy...THEN if you're unhappy?

The world has us thinking that

everyone ELSE is happy.

That MAKES mommy so happy

… just find a person who

MAKES you happy.

When we *achieve things, *accomplish

things, *acquire things THEN we will

be HAPPY.

*It’s a Quest for Happiness

I’M NOT AS … OTHER PEOPLE MAKE ME HAPPY.

CIRCUMSTANCES MAKE ME HAPPY.

Difficulty is part of the deal.

If you’ve been overlooked, bullied or treated as less than

please stand up.

50/50

If you or a loved one has coped or dealt with mental illness, dementia, or addiction please stand up.

If you have been cheated on, did the cheating or have been

divorced stand up.

If you’ve ever lost a loved one to death or had your heart

broken stand up.

If you’ve suffered a miscarriage, had an abortion or struggled with infertility stand up.

—Dr. Shefali Tsabary, The Conscious Parent : transforming ourselves, empowering our children

- Dr. Brene' Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

“Owning our own story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

“To change the way a person responds to life, you must change what a person believes about life.”

—Mary Thompson Foster

—Max Lucado, Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World.

“To change the way a person responds to life, you must change what a person

believes about life.”

Fix your focus.

Worry chops up your attention ... taking you

“back then” or “out there” FIX YOUR

FOCUS keeps you in the now.

Honors the part of you that has no

shape, weight, size or color but holds your

infinite dignity

Self-awareness grows when you see your problem is not your problem, it's how you look at it.

If you control the direction of

your mind,you control the

direction of your life.

Reach for the next best feeling, because what

you want to feel is right on the other side of the feeling what you don’t

like.

FIX YOUR FOCUS

Mind Design: Learn, Feel, Act & Believe … on Purpose

Difficulty is part of the deal.

Fix your focus.You can’t believe everything you

think.

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“To change the way a person responds to life, you must change what a person believes about life.”

—Mary Thompson Foster

—Max Lucado, Anxious for Nothing: Finding Calm in a Chaotic World.

“To change the way a person responds to life, you must change what a person

believes about life.”

Thanks!Does anyone have any questions?

Mary Thompson Foster, M.Ed, CALT, LDT Sanford Elementary Counselor, Van Alstyne ISDmfoster@vanalstyneisd.org

References

Adults, Y., Mary Ellen O’Connell, Boat, T., & Warner, K. E. (2019). Introduction. Retrieved February 10, 2020, from Nih.gov website: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK32773/

Armstrong, T. (2019). MINDFULNESS IN THE CLASSROOM : strategies for promoting concentration, compassion, and calm. S.L.: Assoc For Supervision.

Brene’ Brown. (2010). The gifts of imperfection : let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are. Center City, Minn.: Hazelden.

Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly : how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. New York, Ny: Gotham Books.

Castillo, B. (2018). Self-coaching 101 : use your mind-- don’t let it use you. United States: Brooke Castillo.

Devitt, M. (2019). CDC Data Show U.S. Life Expectancy Continues to Decline. Retrieved from Aafp.org website: https://www.aafp.org/news/health-of-the-public/20181210lifeexpectdrop.html

EdSurge. (2018, June 18). Social-Emotional Learning: Why It Matters and How to Foster It. Retrieved from EdSurge website: https://www.edsurge.com/research/guides/social-emotional-learning-why-it-matters-and-how-to-foster-it

References

Goyette, K. (2019, October 18). A therapist shares the biggest mistake people with low emotional intelligence make: “It always backfires.” Retrieved November 1, 2019, from CNBC website: https://www.cnbc.com/2019/10/18/biggest-mistake-people-with-low-emotional-intelligence-make-according-to-therapist.html

Hawn, G. (2015). 10 Mindful Minutes Journal. Place Of Publication Not Identified: Piatkus Books.

Healy, M. (2019, June 18). Suicide rates for U.S. teens and young adults are the highest on record. Retrieved from Los Angeles Times website: https://www.latimes.com/science/la-sci-suicide-rates-rising-teens-young-adults-20190618-story.html

Hilary Jacobs Hendel. (2018, February 27). Ignoring Your Emotions Is Bad for Your Health. Here’s What to Do About It. Retrieved from Time website: https://time.com/5163576/ignoring-your-emotions-bad-for-your-health/

Leaf, C. (2005). Switch on your brain. Cape Town: Tafelberg.

Leutenberg, E. A., & Liptak, J. J. (2015). Managing unwanted thoughts, feelings and actions workbook : a toolbox of reproducible assessments and activities for facilitators. Duluth, Minnesota: Whole Person Stress & Wellness Publishers.

Lisle, D. J., & Goldhamer, A. (2006). The pleasure trap : mastering the hidden force that undermines health & happiness. Summertown, Tennessee: Healthy Living Publications.

References

Lucado, M. (2019). Anxious for nothing : finding calm in a chaotic world. Nashville, Tennessee: Thomas Nelson.

Mckay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2011). Thoughts & feelings : taking control of your moods & your life. Oakland, Ca: New Harbinger Publications.

Rubenstein, G. (2017, February 10). Should emotions be taught in schools? Retrieved February 10, 2020, from ideas.ted.com website: https://ideas.ted.com/should-emotions-be-taught-in-schools/

Shefali Tsabary. (2014). The Conscious Parent : Transforming Ourselves, Empowering our Children. Vancouver, Canada: Namaste Publishing.

Singer, M. A., & Institute Of Noetic Sciences. (2013). The untethered soul : the journey beyond yourself. Oakland, Ca: Noetic Books, Institute Of Noetic Sciences, New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Snow, K., & McFadden, C. (2017, December 11). Generation at risk: America’s youngest facing mental health crisis. Retrieved September 22, 2019, from NBC News website: https://www.nbcnews.com/health/kids-health/generation-risk-america-s-youngest-facing-mental-health-crisis-n827836

Sousa, D. A. (2017). How the brain learns. Thousand Oaks, California: Corwin, A Sage Publishing Company.

For many adults, the answer is: No one. Western culture is emotion-phobic.

Who taught you how to identify and manage your emotions?

These tend to emphasize traits rather than tools or interpersonal skills like cooperation and communication.

There is a growing effort in schools to teach social and emotional learning (SEL).

Taught or socialized not to listen to them. Ignoring them is bad for your health and hiding feelings of shame

looks like anger, aggression and avoidance.

Kids are often taught to ignore or cover over their emotions.

Mental, emotional, and behavioral disorders—such as depression, conduct disorder, and substance abuse—threaten between 14 and 20

percent of young people A survey of adults reported that half of diagnosable mental illness began by 14 and three-fourths by age 24

Historically, SEL focused more on treating rather than preventing disorders.

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