Down but never out: Bringing Change When Change Is Hard
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Transcript of Down but never out: Bringing Change When Change Is Hard
Down But Never Out
Bringing Change When Change Is Hard
Todd CharronTwitter: @toddcharron
Email: [email protected]
Agile Coach, ImprovisorMentor: Lean Startup Machine Founder: Follow Your Fear Day
What is the meaning of life?
Do you have a philosophy of life?
Without a philosophy of life, we risk living a life that is less fulfilling than it could be
You can practice by yourself!
Stoicism is a philosophy of life
Philosophy is not religion
The pursuit of tranquility and living a virtuous life
Act in accordance with nature
Feel emotion but choose your response
Minimize negative emotions
1. Perception
2. Action
3. Will
Perception
Dichotomy of control
Things you can control
Things you cannot control
We cannot change the past
There is no value in being anxious about the future
Two elements must therefore be rooted out once for all, - the fear of future suffering, and the recollection of past suffering; since the latter no longer concerns me, and the former concerns me not yet.
- Seneca
Practice objectivity
See things as they are
We can control how we respond
Choose not to be harmed & you won’t feel harmed.Don’t feel harmed & you haven’t been.
Marcus Aurelius
We choose to be miserable when we can choose to be content
This is not awful. This is a chance to practice our response to awful things
Exercise:Write down a challenge/failure/obstacle you are facing
Pass it to everyone at the table and they add a positive perspective to it
Action
Respond rather than react
Reactions:Fear, frustration,confusion, helplessness, depression, anger
Respond:Patience, courage, humility, resourcefulness, reason, justice, creativity
Will
Accept things as they are
Not “be positive”, but be ceaselessly creative and opportunistic.
Not this is badbutI can make this good
- Ryan Holiday
See things for what they are.
Do what we can and endure & bear what we must
- Ryan Holiday
Antifragility
Anger
Anger as anti-joy
Anger is brief insanity - Seneca
Anger is a waste of time
As we are angered by others, they too are angered by us.We must go easy on each other
Perpetual anger is tragic. Life is too short to stay angry.
An angry person is a torment to those around them.
Why not become a person who is loved while alive and missed when gone? Anger is anti-joy, why be anti-joy when it is within your power to experience joy?
Other people
Human beings are rational thinking, reasoning creatures
We are all just trying to do our best
Annoying people
People act in accordance with their nature
(and systems that drive their behaviour)
Complainer culture
Seek sorrower:One who contrives to give himself vexation
- Samuel Johnson
Take personal responsibility for your unhappiness.
Re-frame or respond
Complaint sessions
Improve yourself before trying to improve those things external to you
All men die
Not all men die whiners
- Michael Sugrue
Reframing exercise:
Think of a time you were blocked.
How did you overcome it?
How did you grow as a result?
Being a change agent
Overcoming obstacles IS the job
Obstacles and challenges should not come as a surprise
Stoic JoyIt is enough to be happy that you did the right thing
Stoic Practices
Negative Visualization
Voluntary Discomfort
Cold Showers
10 (+1) Tips for the stoic change agent
1.
Choose a philosophy of life in order to live an intentional life
2.
Act in accordance with nature
(notice how we feel when we don’t)
3.
Be Virtuous
4.
Embrace the life you are living and not be jealous of the lives of others
5.
Understand what you can and cannot control
6.
Respond rather than react
7.
Internalize goals
8.
Replace judgement with curiosity
9.
Be a farmer planting seeds.
Some will grow, some will grow later, some not at all
10.
Celebrate when you demonstrate self control
11.
Remember, we have it in us to try
We don’t control the barriers or the people who put them there. But we control ourselves-and that is sufficient
- Ryan Holiday
So what will YOU do when change is hard?
Photo Creditshttps://www.flickr.com/photos/zaqarbal/232013720https://www.flickr.com/photos/deegephotos/3715688550https://www.flickr.com/photos/mattneale/5398744463https://www.flickr.com/photos/yuri_samoilov/10785356326https://www.flickr.com/photos/thart2009/13548368005https://www.flickr.com/photos/libertinus/8186798552https://www.flickr.com/photos/pagedooley/3191664147https://www.flickr.com/photos/xlibber/5873905556https://www.flickr.com/photos/archer10/6455388975https://www.flickr.com/photos/smkybear/2132754690https://www.flickr.com/photos/thebusybrain/2492945625https://www.flickr.com/photos/thoth-god/3680655443https://www.flickr.com/photos/skunkworksphotographic/4716374333https://www.flickr.com/photos/chadcooperphotos/9097877578https://www.flickr.com/photos/qjotennis/3807139534https://www.flickr.com/photos/fhashemi/97033289https://www.flickr.com/photos/katerha/4330199412https://www.flickr.com/photos/nostri-imago/3407786186https://www.flickr.com/photos/wilderdom/266650346https://www.flickr.com/photos/standupp/5842465173https://www.flickr.com/photos/wagner-machado-carlos-lemes/2987599021https://www.flickr.com/photos/scott-s_photos/12712204375https://www.flickr.com/photos/crerwin/1089567053https://www.flickr.com/photos/1c11/4230175179https://www.flickr.com/photos/nanagyei/6636632951https://www.flickr.com/photos/turyddu/2717120307