Divorce and Remarriage
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Transcript of Divorce and Remarriage
DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE
Chapter 14
WHEN MARRIAGES END
Chapter 14.1
Facing Change
Unstable couple relationships can lead to divorce. When this happens, there are many decisions to be made by the couple.
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Stability is the quality of being firm and steadfast
Steadfast: faithful to someone or somethingStable Relationships: Respect and trust each other Good communication Show unity Share values and beliefs Build strong morals Spend time together Establish traditions
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Unstable Relationships: Respect and trust is reduced Communicate less Show division Don’t share values and beliefs Avoid spending time together Costs begin to outweigh rewards in
relationship
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Why marriages end: Marriages don’t begin with the idea of
divorce! No longer have shared interests Don’t communicate well Outside problems intrude & wear down Financial, sexual or role problems Physical or mental abuse
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Divorce Divorce is the legal action that ends a
marriage Leads to many changes for the family Even cordial breakups cause pain and
stress Not every troubled marriage ends in
divorce Counseling can help to solve problems Strong marriages can be rebuilt
Stable and Unstable Relationships
DivorceSome people think society is too tolerant
of divorce and that couples do not work hard enough to solve their problems. Partners thinking of getting a divorce must take it seriously.
Too many women convince themselves to proceed with a questionable marriage by using divorce as their escape route. They say, “I’ll just get a divorce if it doesn’t work out.” What they don’t realize is that a divorce isn’t that easy — even when you’re the one who serves the papers. (http://coldfeetpress.com/684)
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Breakups in Stages Most breakups occur over the course of 2 years Three basic stages:
Isolation – partners withdraw from each other Invalidation – partners react negatively to each other; make
judgments; blame each other; negative feelings build Betrayal – feeling that trust has been broken; support that
was expected is no longer there Decision to separate is the most important act Deciding to divorce can be harder than the divorce
itself How families handle this is VERY important, especially
for children
Stable and Unstable Relationships
The Legal ProcessDesertion – one spouse simply leaves
but legal marriage remainsLegal end to the marriage requires:
annulment – states a marriage never took place Legal Separation – legal agreement to live
apart (half-way point for some) Divorce – legal dissolution of marriage
No-Fault Divorce Laws – marriage has broken down, neither party is to blame
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Divorce DecisionsHow to divide time with childrenHow to split personal itemsDivorce judge legalizes the couple’s
decisionsOr decides for themDivorce mediation – meeting with a
neutral third person to work out a solution
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Child CustodyCustody is the legal right to make decisions that
affect children Sole Custody – one spouse keeps all rights Joint custody – couple shares equally in decisions Split custody – each parent has sole custody of one
or more of the children Alternate custody – sole custody for a designated
period of time; then other spouse Third-party custody – someone else is assigned as
the child’s legal guardian; sometimes relatives, sometimes foster homes
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Child SupportUsually the parent who does not have custody is
required to make payments for child supportSet amount to be paid each monthJudge decides how much this will beChild support tends to cover less than half the
cost of raising a childDistance – physical or emotional may lessen the
sense of duty to pay child supportGovernment has programs to “encourage”
payment of child support
Stable and Unstable Relationships
Financial Matters in DivorceDivorce means you have to divide propertyNo-fault divorce calls for equal division of
propertyIf can’t reach agreement, judge may decideAlimony – is the financial
support of an ex-spouse. It is separate from child support
MANAGE AFTER DIVORCE
Chapter 14.2
Facing Change
Children need stability as the divorce occurs. Divorce can create single-parent families. When divorced couples remarry, blended families face many challenges.
Children and DivorceStudies have shown that to cope well,
children must function on two levels: Must be able to manage daily life Must be able to live with the emotions
caused by the divorce It’s My Life PBS segment Torn Apart segment for teens
(beginning is kind of intense)
Children and DivorceYounger children often think that
divorce is their fault.Parents need to make clear to children that
they did not cause the divorce. They could not have prevented it. They also cannot make their parents reunite.
Older children realize that divorce is complex
Sometimes relief is mixed in with sorrow & guilt
Children and DivorceParents’ Attitude matters! Children tend to model parents’ attitude Parents can stress that divorce is the best
way for all of them to have a better life Help children see that they have two
homes with loving parentsChildren have a need for stability. Keep stable, loving relationships Don’t make children choose or take sides!
Children and DivorceEffects of Divorce Time around the separation is the hardest time
for children Child grieves for loss of intact family Feelings of guilt, rage, rejection, helplessness May take up to a year to sort out feelings and
adapt to new lifeEmotional problems caused by divorce lessen
with timeLong-term effects: reluctance to marry; more
likely to divorce
Children and DivorceKeys for Children of Divorced Parents Don’t blame yourself. It is NOT your fault! Do not choose sides. Even if you feel pressure
to do so. They are both still your parents. Talk about it. Talk with parents and other
trusted supportive adults. Take care of yourself. Eat well, get exercise,
get enough sleep to help manage stress Join a support group of other children of
divorce
The Divorced CoupleDivorce requires a period of adjustment, working
to change routines and feelings to function in a new setting.
Takes from two to four years to get over divorce Both partners have to rebuild their lives Positive & determined attitude helps Some people have more financial, emotional,
social and community resources. That helps. Hardest for those who withdraw from others May affect careers Dealing with day-to-day care of children is hard
The Divorced CoupleSingle Parenting This is a HUGE task! Can cause strain and tension for
both parent and child Money is often an on-going problem Especially true if single parent is a woman Gets worse if child support payments are late or
unpaid Poverty rates for female single-parents is high Single parents need to make good use of their
support systems. Exchange help and services.
The Divorced CoupleRemarriage Most divorced people marry again. Men remarry sooner than women do. The younger the person, the greater the chance
that they will re-marry Most experts recommend waiting at least four
years before re-marrying to heal the hurts from divorce
2nd marriages are most successful when partners have figured out what went wrong the first time
Having a good working relationship with former spouse is helpful in second marriage
Blended FamiliesBlended family is one where one or both
spouses have been married before and includes children from previous marriages.
In a blended family, all members of the family have lost a relationship from the past.
The parent-child relationship is older than the couple relationship
In a nuclear family, the couple relationship is the first and older relationship.
Blended FamiliesChallenges of blending families Discipline issues – new rules Resources – how do divide resources;
keep clear on which is which Values – often don’t share values because they come
from different families Former relationships – parents and children from
previous marriages may not support Roles – takes some time to define these Child-spouse competition – parent-child bond is older
and may make new spouse feel excluded Use communication skills to successfully blend families
Chapter SummarySection 14.1 – When Marriages End When a marriage starts to come apart, it is
often because a lack of communication or shared interests.
A couple starts on a process that involves isolation, invalidation, and betrayal.
This may take about two years. The couple can end the marriage by
annulment, a legal separation or divorce.
Chapter SummarySection 14.1 – When Marriages End, continued There are many decisions to be made when a
divorce happens. If there are children, custody and support
issues must be settled. Property must be divided. Sometimes one spouse pays alimony or
maintenance. The divorce judge has the final say in what is
decided.
Chapter SummarySection 14.2 – Manage After Divorce Children tend to see divorce in the same
terms as their parents. If it is presented in a positive light, they see it
that way too. Children need stability in their lives as they
adjust to divorce. This means they cope better when there are
few changes in the rest of their lives.
Chapter SummarySection 14.2 – Manage After Divorce, continued There are a few long-term effects of parental
divorce. Two of these effects are a hesitation to marry and
a tendency to divorce. Divorced couples may go through a two-to-four-
year adjustment period. Being a single parent may make the adjustment
more difficult. Many people remarry. A blended family has adjustments to make.