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Diffusing and Managing Workplace Conflict

Presented by

Robyn GaspariP O Box 195 Chatswood 2057

Email: resolvit@gaspari.com.au

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Twelve Skills of Conflict Resolution

• Broadening Perspectives

• Creative Response• Collaborative

Win/Win Approach• Appropriate

Assertiveness• Empathy

• Cooperative Power• Managing Emotions• Willingness to

Resolve• Mapping the Issue• Developing Options• Negotiation• Mediation

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Communication definition

• Communication is to do with• transferring UNDERSTANDING

• FROM ONE PERON’S MIND• TO SOMEONE ELSE’S

• The process is about Building Rapport

• Three essential elements for resolution

• Language Place Timing

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Hot headed or cool headed

• “Hot headed”

• or

• “Cool headed”

• PROBLEM SOLVINGPROBLEM SOLVING

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Five Most Common approaches to Problem Solving

• Habit and/or Choice• Hot headed-natural habits• Competitive-Win/Lose• Avoidance-Withdraw• Accommodating-Suppressing• Cool Headed-learned choices• Compromising-Based on fixed position of not losing/or

not letting you win over me• Collaboration-Win/Win approach based on identifying real

needs and concerns

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Collaborative Approach—Go Back to Needs

• Remember - The Orange Story

• Don’t jump to the obvious solutions

• Examine needs to find the optimal solution

• Partners NOT opponents

My needs and Your needs

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Keys to Open Communication

• Focus on the issue not the person

• Respond rather than react

• Develop the art of asking appropriate questions

• Identify early signs or clues of conflict

• Make appointments—avoid ambushes

• Be sensitive to, respect value cultural differences

• Choose constructive not destructive outcomes

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Communication Dynamics

Will you react?

Will you respond ?

OR

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Effective Strategies

Take a deep breath

Remember we have two ears and one mouth

To gain a little time to recover our composure ask simple questions like…..“Could you give me a bit more information about that?” or “What makes you think it happened that way?” or “Let me understand where you are coming from?” or “Why do you think it would work that way?”

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Communication Skills for Diffusing Workplace Conflict

• Managing own emotions—responding not reacting to situations or individuals

• Creating a safe environment by helping participants to manage their emotions

• Listening skills and reframing negative language

• Appropriate assertiveness

• Asking questions

• Being professionally detached—not emotionally attached

• Aware of values, dangers of stereotyping,assumptions, transference

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Identification of Current Feelings

• Exploring Our Response to Conflict: Five Exploring Our Response to Conflict: Five Questions – Five GoalsQuestions – Five Goals

• Don’t Indulge! Don’t Indulge!

• Don’t Deny!Don’t Deny!

• Create richer relationshipsCreate richer relationships

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Questions to assess feelings

• FIVE QUESTIONS: When angry/hurt/frightened

• Why am I feeling so angry/hurt/frightened?

• What do I want to change?

• What do I need in order to let go of this feeling?

• Whose problem is this really? How much is mine? How much is the other person’s?

• What is the “message” I infer from the situation? (eg he doesn’t like me, she doesn’t respect me)

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Five Goals in Communicating Emotions

• Aim:• To avoid the desire to punish or blame• To improve the situation• To communicate our feelings appropriately• To improve the relationship and increase

communication• To avoid repeating the same situation• If communicating my emotions is not

appropriate, what other action can I take?

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Steps to manage the process of helping another person manage their own emotions

They have some strong emotions (anger)

Respond, Listen, Question, Reflect, Empathise, Name Emotion, Less Voice Intensity, Avoid Patronising

They will correct wrongly named emotion, Voice level drops Empathy Established

Continue to Listen, Give feed back, clarity understanding, Drop voice intensity again

Their voice drops further once they feel really heard they can now hear you

You will be able to state your needs, concerns, boundaries or limitations in an appropriately assertive manner

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Defining the problem by Broadening Perspectives

Getting the situation into their context

What is the presenting problem/issue/frustration?

What is below the surface?

Use the process to identify underlying needs and concerns that need to be addressed

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Avoid Ambushes—Make Appointments

• Acknowledge their need• Be honest about your availability

• Make an appointment• At a mutually suitable time

• Have an agenda• What do we need to discuss?

• How long do they need/can you spare

• If they don’t seem to be giving you their full attention, ask yourself have I ambushed them?

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Diffusing and Managing Workplace Conflict

Promoting Positivity through your interactions by:

• Shifting fixed positions• Identifying effect on bargaining power by

using needs rather than fixed positions• Really hearing their message• Being appropriately assertive in your

response to his/her interaction

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Shifting Fixed Positions

ABC Model

A

Fixed Position

B

Asking Questions

C

Find Hidden Needs & Concerns

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Bargaining Power vs Needs

Bargaining Power

High

Low

Need vs Fixed Position

Low

High

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7 Steps to Sending and Receiving the Intended Message

• 1. The sender encodes their message

• 2. The sender speaks their message

• 3. The receiver hears the message

• 4. The receiver decodes the message

• 5. The receiver sends back their short version of the received message

• 6. The sender hears the receiver’s interpretation of the intended message

• 7.The original sender decodes the returned message and checks agreement on the facts

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Appropriately Assertive Communication

• Tool is: “I” StatementTool is: “I” Statement Appropriate Assertiveness is used to bring

about change in another person Co-operation between the parties is

essential The purpose of an “I” statement is to

invite positive co-operation and to avoid blame, defensiveness or resistance by the other person

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Appropriately Assertive Communication continued

Assertive Communication Steps to prepare to write Assertive Communication Steps to prepare to write an “I” Statementan “I” Statement

• 1.What is the real problem?What is the real problem?

2.How is it affecting me?How is it affecting me?

• 3.How would I like it to be different?How would I like it to be different?

• 4.4. What do I need to do to invite them to work with What do I need to do to invite them to work with me to find a mutually satisfactory outcomeme to find a mutually satisfactory outcome

Construct your statement to meet these objectivesConstruct your statement to meet these objectives

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Appropriately Assertive Communication continued

Hints on success for using “I” statements

• Timing Place Language

• Remember the “three C’s” of constructing an “I” statement. The communication needs to be:

• Clean Clear Concise

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Strategies to Manage and diffuse potential conflict and negativity

• Understand and value the preferred management style of your manager

• Reframe negative language into positive language• Employ critical thinking• Adopt key attitudes for positive outcomes• Define the problem using broader perspectives• Promote positivity through your own interactions

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Management Styles

• Directive/Peacock• Authoritarian• Getting the job done• Consider appropriate

probabilities• Emergency rules• Quick decision-

making

• Takes strong positions

• Dictates—autocratic

• My results/goals are best

• Feelings/concerns implicitly attended to

• Goal oriented

• Power over—winners and losers

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Management Styles

• Cooperative/Geese• Joint decision making

• Deal with objections

• Concerns/feelings attended to explicitly

• Team responsibility

• Long-term consultation

• Increased commitment to decisions

• Results in increased productivity

• Ownership of solutions

• Job and personal satisfaction

• All views have been considered

• Power with not power over

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Management Styles

• Autonomous/Duck• Laissez-Faire

• Self-motivated

• Creative—loose structure

• Open with feelings/concerns

• Choose own options

• Individual responsibility

• Resents authoritative intervention

• Personal achievement

• Self-reliant

• Trial and error approach to problems

• Personal growth

• Empowerment or Disempowerment

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Management Styles

Democratic/OWL

Most effective results Representative input

within time and Apply guillotine to debate

issues constraints Minimise time wastage

Effective Research Conscientious

Developing action plans Facts and options considered

Rules and regulations Power shared—some

Best possible outcome disempowered

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Reframing Negative Language

• Some PrinciplesSome Principles• “You” vs “I”

– describe your experience of preferred action

• ““Can’t do”Can’t do” vs vs “Can do”“Can do”– say what can be done

• “But” vs“And”

– add to instead of dismissing

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Reframing Negative Language continued

– “Should vs “Could”– add choice rather than advising

• ORDER vs CHOICE– Offer choice, or request

– BLAMEBLAME vsvsDESCRIBEDESCRIBE

– Describe the action rather than judging it

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Reframing Negative Languagecontinued

– GENERAL vs SPECIFIC Use an example

– NEGATIVENEGATIVE vs vs POSITIVE POSITIVE

– Find the upside, or state the preference

– SOLUTION vs NEED– Take a step back to the original need or concern

– C James, 1992

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Critical Thinking Check for assumptions embedded in information, ideas & action. Pay attention to the context of information, ideas & action. Are sceptical of quick fix solutions, single answers to problems &

claims to universal truth. Open our minds to alternate points of view. See our own actions through the eyes of others. Become aware of the potential for distortion & bias. Value diversity in thought & action. Engage in the process of continually creating & re-creating our views. Do not take our identity, or that of others, as settled. Do not accept that things will always be the same & cannot change. Do not accept that we, or anyone else, have the ultimate answer to

ambiguities & problems Have confidence that our information, ideas and actions spring from a

process of careful analysis & testing

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Key Attitudes for Positive Outcomes

Diplomatic Hearing

Committed

Assertive

Sharing Power

Valuing difference

FlexibleRespectful

Culturally Aware Cooperative

EmpatheticUsing Positive Language

Ownership of outcomes

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Defining the problem: Ask questions to broaden

perspectives

– Getting the situation into their context

– What is the presenting problem/issue/frustration?

– What is below the surface?

– Use the process to identify underlying needs and concerns

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Use your own Personal Power effectively to promote positivity

• Be conscious of power rather than deny it in the name of neutrality

• Give advice to get parties to think rather than stating opinions

• Exert influence equally—trust the process• When one party needs support empower them—

do not disempower the other party• When influencing a substantive outcome provide

information not pressure by stating your opinion

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Ground Rules for Diffusing Conflict—so both can win

• Be willing to fix the problem

• Say what the problem is for you

• Listen to what the problem is for them

• Attack the problem, not the person

• Look for answers so everyone gets what they need.

Fouls• Name calling

• Put downs

• Sneering

• Blaming

• Threats or getting even

• Hitting

• Bringing up the past

• Making excuses

• Not listening