Difficult People Ward Jan2011

8/12/2019 Difficult People Ward Jan2011

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Dealing with Difficult

People

Joanne Ward

Learning and Performance Improvement


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Dealing with Difficult People

Questions:

Do you know any difficult people?

More than one?

Is the person sitting beside you a difficult person?

Are you a difficult person?


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Insights and Tools:

Understanding Conflict

5 Characteristics of Difficult People

4 Pitfalls to Avoid in Dealing with Difficult People

Video

5 Steps to Stop Difficult Behavior


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Barrier to Synergy - Conflict

Definition: A difference in opinion or purpose that frustratessomeone's goals or desires.

4 Primary Causes of Conflict:

1. Misunderstandings resulting from poor communication

2. Differences in values, goals, gifts, calling, priorities,expectations, interests, or opinions

3. Competition over limited resources (perceived or real)

4. Aggravated attitudes and habits that lead to hurtful wordsand actions

Reality: All relationships bring disorder andunpredictability.

Source: The Peace Maker, Ken Sande, 2004

Understanding Conflict


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Conflict Mindsets

1. Conflict is a hazardthat threatens to sweepme off my feet and leave me bruised andhurting.

2. Conflict is an obstaclethat should beconquered quickly and firmly.

3.Conflict is an opportunityto solve commonproblems in a way that benefits all thoseinvolved.


Different Conflict Mindsets:


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Responses to Conflict

1. Conflict is a hazardResponse = Escape more interest in avoiding theconflict than in resolving it. All conflict is wrong ordangerous and threatening.

2. Conflict is an obstacle

Response =Attackmore interest in winning aconflict than in preserving a relationship. Conflict isa contest or a chance to assert rights, control others,or take advantage of the situation.


Your Mindset Determines Your Response:


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Responses to Conflict

3. Conflict is an opportunity

Response =Reconcile/Resolve directed towardfinding just and mutually agreeable solutions toconflict.

Focus is on "us" working toward mutualresponsibility in solving the problem.


Your Mindset Determines Your Response:


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5 Characteristics of Difficult People:

# 1. Predictable/abrasive style of behavior

# 2. Nearly everyone finds them difficult


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#3. They avoid blame and responsibility

See the world differently than we do

Do not believe problems can be resolved

Have not learned healthy problemsolving procedure, learned to blameothers.


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#4. They are robbers of your time and energy.

10% (difficult people) take up to 40-60% ofmanagements time.

# 5. Behavior out of proportion to problem.

Most toxic people are blaming, complaining ordraining Jonathon Ellerby, Ph.D.


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Dr. Ben Bissell Video:

Pitfalls to Avoid in Dealing with Difficult

People

4 Pitfalls to Avoid


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4 Pitfalls in dealing with Difficult People

Do not excuse peoples behavior

Do not ignore behavior

Do not believe you can change these peopleoChange their behavior, not their personality

oYou and I teach people how to treat us

Do not collude - cooperate with difficult persons so

they end up succeeding.oDifficult people either lean in or out and want you to do

the same.


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5 Steps to Stopping Difficult Behavior

#1. Must stand up I am here to be taken seriously

#2. Talk straight (7% words/38% tone/55% body language)

#3. Listen to them.

#4. Avoid Triangling.

#5. Move to problem solving.


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1. Determine

InvolvementIs behavior or

issue worth my

time & effort

to deal with?

Source: Bad Apples video

Resolving Conflict One-to-One

2. PAUSE!

Understand the

Other Person



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Hitting the Pause Button

Remember - Difficult people make you thinkbackwards!

Brain scientists have identified how suchpeople do it: by subverting the way yourbrain makes decision. Strong emotionsactually short-circuit the brains rational

thought processes.

Mark Goulston , M.D. author of Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to

Absolutely Anyone


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1. Determine

InvolvementIs behavior or

issue worth my

time & effort

to deal with?

3. Influence

BehaviorCommunicate

how their

behavior affects

you

(and others

if appropriate)and the

business.

Source: Bad Apples video

2. PAUSE!

Understand the

Other Person



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3. Influence

BehaviorCommunicate

how their

behavior affects

you

(and others

if appropriate)

and the

business.

Source: Bad Apples video and The Peace Maker, Ken Sande, 2004

Plan your wordsChoose words that indicate that you do not want

to continue the battle, but sincerely seeking

positive dialogue.

Define the issue as narrow as possible. Be

specific. Focus.

Identify words or topics that should be avoided.

Would offend or only make matters worse.

Avoid "you always", "you never", "every time".

What words best describe your feelings?

(concerned, frustrated, confused,

disappointed, hurt, etc)

How the problem is impacting you.

Use "I" statements:

"When You _____, I Feel _____.

As a result_____."

Offer your suggestions for solving the issue.



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Summary

On any given day, all of us can be difficult!

Chose your battles.

Pause before reacting. Understand your naturalresponse to conflict.

Listen and give respect. Understand their viewpoint.

Recover and move on.


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Thank You!

Difficult People Ward Jan2011

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