Difficult Conversations dojo from Agile By Example 2016

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www.bnsit.pl Difficult Conversations Mariusz Sieraczkiewicz @ BNS IT m.sieraczkiewicz@bnsit.pl http://blog.technicalleadership.pl http://bnsit.pl @ms_bnsit_pl 1

Transcript of Difficult Conversations dojo from Agile By Example 2016

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Difficult Conversations

Mariusz Sieraczkiewicz @ BNS IT [email protected]

http://blog.technicalleadership.pl http://bnsit.pl

@ms_bnsit_pl

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Experiment

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Experiment

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Technical Leadership

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Emotional triggers

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#  Denialofresponsibilityforownfeelingsandpu8ngthemtosomebodyelse•  Youmademenervous•  Ifeela=acked

#  LookingforanegaAveintenAon•  Youdidittospiteme.

# Wetalkaboutwhatwethinkaboutone’sbehaviour•  Ithinkyoudidn’tthinkoverthissoluAon.

# Wedon’tdirectlysaywhatwewant•  Youshouldn’tbesopassive•  YoushouldbemoreproacAve

What triggers our emotions?

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#  Givinganadvice•  Youshouldhavestartedyourworkwithsheetofpaper.

#  ComforAngsomebody•  Ithink,nextAmeyouwillbebe=er.

#  Goingtobatforsomething•  Sendmethatpieceofcodeyoudon’tknowwhattodowith.

#  Pityingsomebody•  ThatPMsetonyou.

What triggers your emotions?

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#  InterpretaAon,opinion•  Youhaveaproblemnow,becauseyouhaveonlytouchedthesufraceoftheissue.

#  Comparisons•  Howmanybugsyouhaveinyourcode?Ihaveonlytwo.

#  EducaAng•  Whendealingwithsuchkindofpersonyoushould…

What triggers your emotions?

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4 steps of clear communication

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Aprocessof4stepofclearcommunicaAon(„I”perspecAve)1.  YourobservaAon?(withoutjudgments)2.  Whatyoufeel?(„I”form)3.  Whatyouneed,whatyouvalue,whatisimportanttoyou?

(need/intenAon)4.  Yourrequest?(expectedacAon)

Atemplate1.  WhenIsee/hear….......2.  Ifeel/am......(feeling)3.  BecauseIneed/want/itisimportantforme........4.  Wouldyoubewillingto.......?

4 step of clear communication

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NVCIntroducAonh=p://www.ayahuasca-wasi.com/english/arAcles/NVC.pdfNVCFoundaAonbookNonviolentcommunicaAon–AlanguageoflifeNVCWorkshopbyMarshallRosenbergyoutubeh=ps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwXH4hNfgPg

Selected Resources

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