Shabbat-B'Shabbato Parshat Devarim 9 Av 5775 (25 July 2015) AS SHABBAT APPROACHES Look how She Sat Alone - by Rabbi Mordechai Greenberg, Rosh Yeshiva, Kerem B'Yavne "The Holy One, Blessed be He, said: 'I said, And Yisrael dwelt in security, in solitude, like Yaacov' [Devarim 33:28]. Now let them dwell in a place alone." [Sanhedrin 104]. Yisrael is characterized by the trait, "G-d alone will guide them, and there will be no other god with him" [Devarim 32:12]. The Ramban discusses this at length in the Torah portion of Acharei Mot. The Holy One, Blessed be He, divided the various lands among different nations, and appointed an angel who was a governor for each one. And that is why G-d is called "the G-d of gods and the master of the masters," since He rules over all the governors. But with respect to the nation of Yisrael in Eretz Yisrael, "He did not appoint any governor from among the angels," and He leads them himself. As is written, "And I will be a G-d for you" [Yirmiyahu 11:14] there will be no other gods at all. This trait of exclusive Divine guidance continues while we are in exile too, even though it might seem at first glance that when we are in exile G-d does not protect us in His tent of peace, and His guidance is not revealed. But it is still written, "How she sat alone" [Eicha 1:1] G-d alone will guide them. "Who is standing behind our wall, looking from the windows, peeping through the crevices?" [Shir Hashirim 2:9]. It sometimes happens that a child will play outside of the home, while its mother leans on the windowsill and makes sure that nobody interferes with her son. However, at other times she might close the shutters and continue watching through the slits. From the mother's point of view nothing has changed, and she can see everything that she was able to see just as before, but those who are standing outside have the impression that the mother has left the scene and is no longer watching, and they can therefore take advantage of the situation and bother the child. In the era of the Temple, the Holy One, Blessed be He, protects us from the open windows, and everybody can see Him. "And all the nations will see that the name of G-d is proclaimed over you, and they will fear you" [Devarim 28:10]. But when the shutters are closed, at a time when G-d is hidden, "And I will hide My face on that day" [31:18], when His face is not visible in the window, they get the impression that He is no longer there. However, in truth nothing has changed for us, and He sees and supervises just like before. Even when we dwell alone, "G-d alone will watch over us." There is even more to this. Specifically at the time when G-d is hidden, our awareness of His supervision grows stronger. When we look at the miracle of the survival of our nation, a sheep among seventy wolves, we can think of what Rabbi Yaacov Emden wrote in his Siddur:

"I swear that when I look at these wonders, they seem more remarkable than all of the miracles and wonders which G-d performed for our forefathers in Egypt, in the desert, and in Eretz Yisrael. And the longer the exile lasts, the more we are convinced by this miracle, and we become more and more aware of the power of His actions and His strength." The Sefat Emet wrote with respect to Tisha B'Av which is on Shabbat that in general the purpose of Shabbat is to show that the nation of Yisrael is under the protection of the Holy One, Blessed be He. "It is an eternal sign between me and the Children of Yisrael" [Shemot 31:17]. And the unique supervision of Yisrael continues even during a time of exile. Therefore, when the Ninth of Av is on Shabbat we do not fast, because the fast would be a sign of morning for the Temple, as if to imply that G-d is no longer watching over us. However, on Shabbat we are not alone, and there is no need to fast. POINT OF VIEW The Third Temple will not be Destroyed- by Rabbi Yisrael Rozen, Dean of the Zomet Institute Is that Right? It will not Happen? Today (the ninth of Av) is the anniversary of when the Second Temple was destroyed - 1,945 years ago. It is also 2,601 years after the destruction of the First Temple. During the last two weeks, in the wake of the signing of the "nuclear treaty" between Iran and the superpowers, the phrase "the Destruction of the Third Temple" has bubbled up into the national topics of discussion, in view of the Iranian threat to destroy Israel. And our Prime Minister is indeed doing the best he can (which is quite good) to fight against the whole world, and to tear away the mask from the face of this agreement, which is so reminiscent of the agreement signed by Neville Chamberlain, the British Prime Minister before The Second world War. The declaration/faith that "No destruction of the Third Temple will take place" is not a clear statement by our sages, although there are hints in the Midrash that point to it and Midrashic interpretations which have a similar theme. This wording of the slogan has been attributed to Rabbi Yitzchak Isaac Herzog, the Chief Rabbi of Israel during the Holocaust and the establishment of the State of Israel. In 1941, Rabbi Herzog returned to Eretz Yisrael from the United States in spite of the advice of friends and relatives. He said, "We have a tradition that there will not be a third destruction!" S. Avidor reports in his biography of Rabbi Herzog ("Unique in his Generation") that the rabbi often made this declaration during the years of the Holocaust. "I declare publicly that no enemy oppressor will come through the gates of Eretz Yisrael. It is accepted in our tradition that after the first two times that the Temple was destroyed there will not be a third destruction." He repeated the theme in Rechovot in the year 1943: "Have no fear, do not be terrified, do not let your spirit be broken. Our prophets promised us that we have

2 suffered two destructions in the past, and a third destruction will not take place!" When the horrible Yom Kippur War broke out, in the gloomy atmosphere of approaching doom in the country, Moshe Dayan, the Minister of Defense at the time, wanted to make a broadcast to the nation on a theme of "Destruction of the Third Temple," but Golda Meir, the Prime Minister, intervened and blocked Dayan, and rightly so. This statement, that no third destruction will take place, in spite of the fact that it is deeply rooted in the words of the sages and the masters of Chassidut, is not a prophecy and is not sealed with the ring of the Master of the Universe. Its main purpose is to serve as encouragement and to give strength, and to blow away the clouds of black smoke which are peeping out from over the horizon. The same can be said for the famous declaration by Rabbi Mordechai Eliyahu, which he made on the eve of the expulsion from Gush Katif (the region of Azza): "It will not happen!" It was not a prophecy which led to disappointment and not a false prophecy. Such statements are made out of a feeling of the depths of faith. However, the faith in the eternity is Yisrael and in the G-d of Yisrael does not depend on physical events of any kind... "Jew Boy!" Let us return to the vapors of uranium wafting from the modern centrifuges, and to the heroic battle being fought by our Prime Minister all over the globe to prevent the destruction of the Third Temple. In spite of various personal faults and behavioral weaknesses, it seems to me that nobody else is better equipped to carry the banner of national advocacy to the gates of the other nations. We are in the midst of a tough and stubborn battle on this front, and it is quite unfortunate that Zionist MK's are sending out strong criticism of the Prime Minister's "foreign policy with respect to the Iranians." They are "selling their national souls" for reasons of cheap and petty politics, and they are weakening our position, especially against the United States. In my eyes, the best title for these people is "Yehudon" a "Jew Boy" which in this case implies lowly and contemptible traitorous acts. As the Ninth of Av approaches, I am reminded (by association only, not directly connected to our topic of discussion) of the historic example of the "Jew Boy," Yosephus Ben Matityahu, who contributed his oral and written skills to his Roman masters. There is indeed controversy about whether he was a traitor or not, but the title "Jew Boy" suits him well, as a spokesman in the service of those who destroyed the Second Temple. Here is part of his dramatic description of how Titus tried with all his might to save the Temple and how he fought valiantly against his own Roman army and their effort to burn it down: And, behold, when Titus saw the Holy of Holies, he had pity on it and he respected it. And Titus commanded his people not to touch the Holy of Holies. He said to them: "Whoever approaches the Holy of Holies will be put to death!" And he appointed powerful men to guard it... However, the Roman ministers replied, saying to him: "If you do not burn down this house, you will not be able to conquer the people." But Titus refused to listen to their advice on this matter... And the next day, the Romans gathered around and set fires all around the Holy of Holies. They took beams and placed them on the golden gates of the Holy of Holies, and they ignited them with

the fires, and the gold became hot and the wood of the gates burned and they fell to the ground. And the Holy of Holies was opened up, in plain view of everybody, on the ninth day of the fifth month... And Titus ran with all his might, to try to extinguish the flames over the Holy of Holies, but he could not do so because of the large multitude who were burning and destroying the area. And Titus shouted to them to cease, but they did not listen or pay attention to him... Titus was crying out and screaming, but nobody listened. And he took out his sword, and many of them died that day... Titus cried out until he was hoarse, but they would not listen to him... He became weary and he fell to the ground without any strength. And it happened after the Holy of Holies was burned, Titus rose up and came to the Holy of Holies, and he saw the glory of the house and its magnificence, and he believed that this was the House of G-d, and that it was the dwelling place of the G-d of heaven. [Yosefus, Chapter 94]. THE LIGHT STARTS IN THE EAST "Study Well and Do Research" by Chezi Cohen, Yeshivat Maaleh Gilboa and Midreshet Ein Hanatziv Mari Yichya Kapach "Study well, research, and you will acquire knowledge." This quote aptly summarizes the unique approach of Mari ("my teacher") Yichya Kapach (1850-1931), who was a "Chacham Bashi" a community leader recognized by the Turkish government and was called the "Elderly Teacher" by his students. He was one of those who fought valiantly for the return of the Judaism of Yemen to its ancient roots. Rabbi Yichya Kapach had a rationalistic approach, and he called for a return to the Yemenite traditions, based on the approach of the Rambam. He encouraged searching for ancient manuscripts and analysis of various texts of the Talmud and the commentators, combined with logical analysis of the written material. In his Beit Midrash he taught Talmud and the basic books of Jewish philosophy that were written in Arabic, such as the Moreh Nevuchim and Emunot V'Deiot. He established a movement in the spirit of the enlightenment by the name of "Darda'im," from the phrase "Dor Dei'ah" a generation of knowledge which believed that knowledge should be at the center of the studies. It worked to uproot folk beliefs and customs based on the Kabbalah, and fought against the study of the Zohar and the Kabbalah, which it saw as irrational and contrary to the natural truth of Judaism. Mari Kapach wrote books on the subject (such as "Milchamot Hashem"). Placing understanding in the center led Rabbi Kapach to oppose mystical approaches which view the Torah and its mitzvot as secrets which are beyond our comprehension and through problematic folk customs. Most of the wise men of Yemen, as led by Chief Rabbi Yichya Yitzchak Halevi, opposed the approach of the Darda'im. This group was called "Ikshim," because they stubbornly insisted on accepting the Kabbalah and the Zohar. Mari Kapach supported modern innovations, especially in education. In Sanaa he established a school which combined secular and holy studies, which was headed by his son, Rabbi David Kapach. Mari Kapach taught many students, the most famous one being Rabbi Yosef Kapach, who became an orphan at a young age and who was raised in his grandfather's house.

3 His slogan, "Study well, research, and you will acquire knowledge," is an expression of the strong desire to analyze things based on logic. As far as he was concerned, a person must make every effort to understand the Torah in depth and not to be satisfied with a statement that it is tradition and cannot be understood. As far as he was concerned, the study of Torah requires hard work and an intellectual effort, and this is not an easy task. * * * * * * There was a custom in Yemen called "Sayir Aldam" (spill the blood). Anybody who built a new house (or suffered from a serious sickness) would slaughter a cow and distribute its meat to poor people, as a form of retribution. This was done in the belief that there were demons living in the house, and that they would harm the inhabitants unless they were placated. In his youth, Rabbi Kapach learned the Mishna, "If one slaughters an animal in the name of mountains, in the name of seas, in the name of rivers, or in the name of deserts his ritual slaughtering is invalid." [Chulin 2:8]. He wanted to stop the custom of Sayir Aldam, claiming that it was idol worship, and a stormy argument developed in the Beit Midrash. Those in favor of the custom declared, "This is a custom of our fathers, how can we say that they were wrong?" Mari Kapach replied with a quote from the Rambam: "No custom can allow one to do what is forbidden, rather it can only forbid something that is permitted" [Hilchot Shevitat Assor 3:3]. The dispute became heated, and the Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Korach, supported Rabbi Kapach's view. In the end, everybody agreed to this. However, when a vote was taken it was decided not to interfere with the regular custom, because of the principle that "It is better that they do something wrong innocently than that they do it on purpose" [Shabbat 148b]. * * * * * * This story describes a very harsh dispute in the Beit Midrash. Mari Kapach is a young man, but his voice rings out. His position is sharp and clear. He strongly maintains his opinion, and he views the folk custom as having an element of idol worship. Rabbi Kapach pursues the truth at any cost. At first he stands alone against many, but with his enthusiasm he manages to convince the Chief Rabbi and then all the others that he is right. They tell him that this is an accepted custom, but he responds with a passage from the Rambam. The fact that he quotes the Rambam is not by chance. As noted above, Mari Kapach would later lead a return to the study of the Rambam and his rulings as the exclusive source to obligate the Jews of Yemen. The mention of the Rambam also supports his rationalistic approach, which attempts to establish a logical basis for Judaism. And on this specific issue, Mari Kapach was indeed following in the footsteps of the Rambam. In the end, the wise men retreat from their opinion, claiming that the community is not ready for change, and that the people might continue the custom on purpose even after they have been taught that it is forbidden. Evidently it is not only the community but also the rabbinical leaders who are not ready for change. The story exemplifies the story of the Jewish population of Yemen, which hesitated between two approaches the Darda'im and the Ikshim. e-mail: hhcohen4@gmail.com (I will be happy to hear any stories you have about the wise men of the east.)

HALACHA FROM THE SOURCE Havdalah at the End of Shabbat, when Tisha B'Av Begins - by Rabbi Yosef Tzvi Rimon, Director of the Center for Teaching and Halacha and a Teacher in Yeshivat Har Etzion This year, the Ninth of Av is on Sunday, which means that the fast begins at night, when Shabbat comes to an end. How can we recite Havdalah to mark the end of Shabbat? We can add the special section for the end of Shabbat in the Amidah prayer, as we do every week, but we cannot drink any wine. What should we do on this special Shabbat? The author of Halachot Gedolot (2) discusses a suggestion of reciting the Havdalah on Shabbat, after the "Pelag" a time when it is still day. (Clearly, the blessing for a candle will not be recited.) At this point there is no problem reciting the blessing for the wine. However, he rejects this idea, since the fasting would have to start right after Havdalah, and fasting while it is still Shabbat is forbidden. When should Havdalah be Recited? In practice, the early commentators present three alternatives about how to recite the Havdalah at the end of this special Shabbat. One method was proposed by the Geonim, who feel that Havdalah is recited at the end of the day Sunday, after the fast is over. This is also accepted by the Tosafot: "On Tisha B'Av that occurs after Shabbat our custom is to recite Havdalah after the fast, and this is what is written in the Siddur of Rav Amram Gaon" [Pesachim 107a]. This method was accepted by many early commentators (Halachot Gedolot, ibid; Machzor Vitri, 267; RAVIA 2, 522). A second alternative is that Havdalah should be recited right after Shabbat, and that the wine should be given to a child to drink. This appears in the Sefer Hamanhig (Tisha B'Av 21), who explains that we are not afraid that the child will become accustomed to drinking on Tisha B'Av, because the fast does not usually occur right after Shabbat, certainly not every year. However, the Meiri feels (Taanit 30b) that there is a fear that the child will become accustomed to drinking on Tisha B'Av. The Ramban also objected to this idea (Torat Ha'adam, Aveilut Yeshana, 111). The third alternative is a method proposed by the Ramban (ibid), the Rashba (Responsa of the Rashba, 1:117), the Ritva (Taanit 30a; Succah 54b), and others. They feel that when the fast begins at the end of Shabbat Havdalah should not be recited at all, not at the end of Shabbat and not Sunday night. Their reasoning is that since it was not possible to recite the Havdalah right after Shabbat the prayer is cancelled completely for that week. On a regular Shabbat, if a person forgets to recite the Havdalah right after Shabbat he can still do so until Tuesday, because he became obligated at the end of Shabbat and he can therefore compensate for the missing prayer. However, if a person is relieved from any obligation to recite the Havdalah at the end of Shabbat (because of the fast day), there is no meaning to make up for any missing prayer. (The Ramban adds that we may assume that the original decree to recite the Havdalah included a clause that the prayer would not be required at all when Shabbat comes right before Tisha B'Av.) Havdalah during Mourning

4 There is a similar disagreement with respect to a person who is an "onan" as Shabbat ends (one who is in mourning for a person who died but has not yet been buried). Is he required to recite Havdalah on Sunday, once the period of being an onan has passed? (See ROSH, Berachot 3b.) According to the R"I, since as Shabbat ended he was not obligated to recite the Havdalah, he no longer has a mitzva to do so, but according to the Maharam he is required to recite the Havdalah on Sunday. Simply put, the R"I feels that the proper time for Havdalah is at the end of Shabbat, and the fact that it can sometimes be delayed until Tuesday is a special rule that if Havdalah is missed it can be recited to make up for the missing prayer. Thus, an onan, who was not obligated by the mitzva at the end of Shabbat, is not required to make up for the missing prayer. According to the Maharam, on the other hand, the time for Havdalah is really until Tuesday. Therefore even an onan, who was not obligated right after Shabbat, must recite the prayer on Sunday, since when he finishes his status of being an "onan" he becomes obligated to recite the Havdalah. At first glance, we might say that the opinion of the Maharam is the basis for the approach that the Havdalah should be recited as Shabbat ends, on Tisha B'Av (since the Havdalah is not recited to make up for a missed prayer but rather because this is the proper time), and the opinion of the R"I could be the basis for the ruling of the Ramban. Since on Tisha B'Av it is not possible to recite the Havdalah, the prayer itself is cancelled, and there is no need to recite it on Sunday, at the end of the fast. However, there is a clear difference between the status of an onan and the fast of Tisha B'Av. The onan is released from all obligation to perform the mitzvot, including the mitzva of Havdalah, and he therefore cannot recite the prayer after his status of onen is over. But regular mourning does not release a person from the mitzvot, and therefore on the eve of Tisha B'Av the person was in principle required to recite the Havdalah but was not able to do so for technical reasons, since he was not allowed to drink. Thus, the person was obligated by the mitzva at the end of Shabbat, and he should perform it when he can, Sunday night, in order to compensate for the missing blessing! What could be the reasoning of the Ramban, who did compare the status of an onan and a person on Tisha B'Av? Rabbi Soloveitchik explains this issue in a beautiful way. The main purpose of the Havdalah is not to mark the end of Shabbat but rather to separate between the Shabbat meal and the weekday meals. Just as the Shabbat meals begin with Kiddush, so the meals of the weekdays begin with Havdalah. According to this approach, we can say that the Ramban feels that since the end of this particular Shabbat is not suitable for eating, the mitzva of Havdala has been cancelled completely! The inability to drink is not a minor technical issue with respect to the reciting of the Havdalah, it is a fault in the very essence of the ritual. If eating and drinking is impossible, the entire basis for reciting the Havdalah has been removed! Therefore, the mitzva of Havdalah has been cancelled completely, and it should not be performed at the end of the fast. In Practice The Shulchan Aruch rules (556:1) that the Havdalah should be recited on Sunday, at the end of Tisha B'Av. Even though the Radbaz disagrees with this ruling (2:642) and writes that one should not say the Havdalah at all (and other recent rabbis agree), the accepted practice is to follow the ruling of the Shulchan Aruch and to recite

the Havdalah on Sunday night. This was also accepted by the Levush (556), Alya Rabba (4), Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (125:6), Chayei Adam (126:6), Torat Hamoadim (9:2), and others. In any case, as noted above, one should add the special "Atta chonantanu" prayer in the Amida at the end of Shabbat. (If one forgets he does not have to repeat his prayer, because he can rely on the Havdalah with wine that will be recited with the blessing on Sunday night.) Women: Women who do not pray Maariv should be reminded to recite the phrase, "Baruch hamavdil Blessed is He who differentiates between the holy and the profain..." (without mentioning G-d's name), see Mishna Berura 556:2. Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach felt that it would be best for women to pray Maariv on this specific Shabbat including Atta chonantanu. In any case, a woman who is not able to pray should at least recite "Baruch hamavdil," as noted above. THE CLEAR VISION OF RAV KOOK The Day the Sun was Extinguished - by Rabbi Hagay Lundin, Hesder Yeshiva in Sdeirot and Machon Meir The destruction of the Temple was not just a local tragedy, the ruin of a magnificent synagogue. The day of the destruction of the Temple marks for Judaism the day when the world changed. It is the day that the sun was extinguished. During the time of the First Temple, life and holiness were linked together in a natural way, and a person could "flow" within the physical world without any fear. During the time of King Shlomo, which is considered the "golden age" of the First Temple Era, the Tanach gives us amazing descriptions of a powerful life: "And behold, Shlomo's bread for one day was made from thirty measures of fine flour and sixty measures of flour" [Melachim I 5:2]. "Silver was not considered valuable at all in the days of Shlomo" [10:21]. The descriptions give a feeling of remarkable powers of life an army, the economy, art, and esthetics. Chapter after chapter are devoted to the fine details of the magnificent architectures of the Palace and of the Temple, Shlomo's army, his merchants, and his stables. The characteristic description was the following: "Yehuda and Yisrael were as numerous as the sand at the sea, spending their time eating and drinking... as numerous as the sand at the sea eating, drinking, and being happy." [4:20]. Sanctity appears intertwined with the secular, and the secular is an expression of holiness. However, all of this stopped with the end of the First Temple. During the destruction, "an iron fence was created between Yisrael and their Father in Heaven" [Berachot 32b]. "From the day that the Temple was destroyed there was no day that was not cursed, the dew was not the source of any blessing, and the fruits had no taste" [Sotta 48a]. In other words, when this happened, life lost its vitality. We entered an era where there was a constant war between the secular and the holy, between the physical and the spiritual. This struggle continues to this day. The spiritual world, which in the time of the Temple was tangible and intertwined with the physical one, became nebulous and full of doubts, and physical reality became the only aspect of life which was considered to be a real dimension. Deep analysis shows us that all the tribulations in the world today the struggle between various forces which in the end leads to large-scale wars, tensions, and crises in all dimensions, for both individuals and a community stem solely from a lack of balance between the

5 spiritual and the physical worlds. This balance was lost when the Temple was destroyed. The Ninth of Av is indeed the saddest day of the year. It is a day when we do not eat, we do not drink, and we observe the customs of mourning. The sages even forbid us from studying anything in the Torah that is not directly connected to the subject of the destruction (this is based on the assumption that other subjects in Torah learning can make us feel happy). On the Ninth of Av we even put limits on our regular prayers. This all has a single purpose: to keep in mind and to internalize that the world in which we live is a world that lacks something. As soon as we can understand what is missing, the possibility opens up for us to get on the right track to recover that which we have lost. And indeed quite a bit has been lost. STRAIGHT TALK You Want Weddings? Get to Work! - by Rabbi Yoni Lavie, Manager, "Chaverim Makshivim" Website What is there that has not yet been said about the phenomenon of late marriages? Why does it happen, who is responsible, what effect does it have on the community, how much blame do the unmarried people themselves share for the situation? There is no possibility that you have escaped reading somewhere about some learned analyses and some comprehensive research, emotional interviews, or surprising insights. After all, this is indeed a burning issue, and there is no reasonable solution in sight. Thousands of charming unmarried men and women are still looking for beloved mates, and our hearts go out to them in pain for their solitude and their expectations. In the following list we are not making any attempt to give you novel insights or to propose original solutions of our own. We will merely share with you eighteen simple guidelines. If even a small number of our readers adopt one or two of these suggestions, there is a good chance that by next year we will have triggered some new happy marriages. (1) "I don't know how to do this" Just get rid of the mistaken idea that some special skills are needed in order to be a matchmaker. An infinite number of successful couples met as a result of spontaneous initiatives of regular people like you and me, people who have never earned any university degree in matchmaking. Do you have a good idea? Go ahead, move it along. And do it today! (2) Overcome any obstacles in the way Many great ideas for potential matches have not been put into effect for silly reasons. "I didn't have the girl's phone number... I phoned him to propose a meeting, but his phone was constantly busy... It really looks promising to me, but I suppose she will not want him because he is different / he is two years younger than she is ..." (Why should you decide for her? Maybe you should just ask her and let her make her own decision!) (3) Don't give up Did you call a man with a suggestion, and his answer was that he is just starting to date somebody? No problem. Write a reminder in your diary to call him back in two weeks and see what is happening. If you have a good idea, it is a shame to let it slide by... (4) The institutional matchmaker Every yeshiva, high school, or ulpana should employ one person who will have responsibility to help graduates find a match. This has been instituted in several places, and it has been quite successful.

(5) Community responsibility Every community should choose one or two people to take responsibility for its unmarried young men and women. They can prepare an organized list of all the candidates, and they can look for ways to help them. Communities with many young people should organize appropriate activities, such as Torah lectures combined with social events, to provide opportunities for meeting new people. (6) Define a family goal Every family should choose one unmarried young man and woman, and make a concerted effort for each of them to be married by the end of the year. (7) Dating sites Get rid of the stigma which is currently attached to getting to know somebody through the internet. It is possible there to find many people who are of high quality, Torah-true, and charming too. An ever growing number of today's weddings are the result of acquaintances made through the internet. (8) Try "www.shoshvinim.org" (friends of the bride and groom) This is a website not for single people themselves but for anybody who is looking for a match for a relative or a friend. (9) Professional matchmakers There are many gifted and dedicated people who work in this field. Some of them have successfully arranged dozens of matches. It is best to agree on paying an initial fee if that is requested, but there is no reason to agree in advance to outlandish payments if the match is successful. (10) Price for matchmaking Anybody who succeeds in finding a match should expect to pay a fair price to the matchmaker (this includes somebody who does not do this as a profession but arranged a successful match). If there would be general agreement of a payment of NIS 5,000 for every successful match, many more people would gladly get involved in this matter. If a young couple would know that if they are successful in getting a match for a friend of theirs they will be given a payment that will cover two months of the rent on their apartment, they will have a real incentive to make time for the work. (11) Change course Men and women who have met more people in dates than the number of books in the Tanach are warmly advised to stop and get their act together. They should analyze their own behavior in meetings before they go blithely on to their next date. Whatever didn't work in their first thirty or more attempts probably has a small chance of working in the next thirty or sixty meetings. There are excellent advisors about such matters who can help analyze the situation in one or two meetings, suggesting what behavior has blocked going ahead in the past, and pointing out issues that should be corrected. (12) Give it a chance Don't reject anything in advance because of branding / because the suggestion was proposed by a very irritating aunt or by a person "who does not really know me" / because the girl didn't glow with a brilliant shine after we talked for five minutes. A very large number of precious opportunities were rejected out of hand because of hasty judgement. Anybody who is willing to take a chance who is willing to listen, check things out, and try to get involved in greater depth might well profit in a huge way. (13) A good thing from the past Three years ago, you dated somebody, but it ended after two meetings (you can't remember why...). Just now you met her at some function, and she was not wearing a ring. Perhaps you should reconsider? Could it be that what

6 seemed not to be suitable then will be okay today? There are many stories of couples who did not click on their first meeting, which ended very quickly, but in the end five years later or more got married and are very happy today. (14) Learn from experience Did you meet somebody who was not suitable? Don't talk only to her. Get in touch with the one who suggested that you meet and explain exactly how she differed from what you are really looking for. Perhaps the matchmaker will do better next time. (15) Pass the information on Did you meet somebody and you didn't feel anything special? That very evening, take your phone in hand and check through your entire list of bachelor friends. See if she could be good for one of them. (16) Initiative Did you see a nice young man in the synagogue? Don't wait for him to knock on your door. Show some initiative, check him out, use your phone to get some information, try to find somebody who can introduce you to him. When one is involved in such a great mitzva, this is no time to be ashamed. (17) Pray Write down the names of three single men and women whom you care about and mention them in your prayers every day. (18) Make a choice Now, if you have gone over the above list, what is left is for you to choose one or two items to adopt. Do you have any other ideas? Write to me: yonilavi10@gmail.com For reactions, added material, and to join an e-mail list: milatova.org.il This weekly publication is distributed in Canada by MIZRACHI ORGANIZATION OF CANADA and by THE ZOMET INSTITUTE OF ALON SHVUT. It is an extract from SHABBAT BSHABBATO, a weekly bulletin distributed in hundreds of synagogues in Israel and has been translated by Moshe Goldberg. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising in an issue of Shabbat BShabbato contact the Mizrachi office in Toronto at 416-630-9266, mizrachi@rogers.com; or in Montreal 514-483-3660, mizrachimontreal@gmail.com.