DEVELOPING COURAGE - JCRM

DEVELOPING COURAGE

UNDERSTANDING COURAGE FOR PERSONALIMPROVEMENT AND LONG-TERM GROWTH.

CLAIRE MOODYRALPH MOODY

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Published in 2020 by JCRM Publishing, UK

Designed, Produced and Written by Claire & Ralph Moody

Copyright © JCRM Publishing 2020

All rights reserved. This book and the related brand areprotected by copyright. No part of it may be reproduced,stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or byany other means, without prior permission in writing of thepublisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form ofbinding or cover other than that in which it was published.

ISBN: 9798696558363

Developing Courage: UnderstandingConfidence For Personal Improvement AndLong-Term Growth.

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This development guide is dedicated to our son JackMoody. He is simply the most fantastic human we

have ever met.

INTRODUCTION

Developing Courage JCRM development guide

Aim of this short JCRM development guide isto encourage you to develop your courage andthink about growing your confidence.

JCRM development guides are designed forshort reads for personal improvement and de-velopment, leading to long term growth.

T

1

WHAT IS DEVELOPING COURAGE?

he question "What is developingcourage", think about this questionand what it means to you. Your inter-

pretation of the word "Courage" will be dif-ferent from the next person. Your opinioncounts, so reflect on the word for a few minutes.

The actual definition is "The ability to dosomething that frightens one; bravery. Thequality of mind or spirit that enables a personto face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear.The heart as the source of emotion".

This can be broken down further into socialcourage, moral courage, emotional courage,

and spiritual courage. It is not as simple ascourage; it is far greater than that.

Having courage is a tremendous skill in life,if we don't feel confident, then that courage willseem like something that just isn't there. Webelieve that courage is in all of us; we just needto find it.

Courage can take the form of several mean-ings, for example,

a fireman jumping into a burning buildingto save a family has courage. The police goingon duty in the city centre on a Friday nighthave courage. An individual changing locationbecause of their partner's work and having tostart again has courage. A young couplehaving children for the first time takescourage and sometimes just getting up out ofbed all takes courage. It takes on so manyforms, and at some point, in our lives, we haveexperienced it. Everyone, at some time, grewfrom a baby into a toddler. At some point inour development, we needed the courage tolearn to walk. That took a leap of faith to startwalking; we had no one telling us we couldn't

14 CLAIRE MOODY & RALPH MOODY

do it. Our parents were probably cheeringus on.

For the basis of this development guide, weare suggesting courage is linked to confidenceand again can take many forms. Courage is alsosubjective, and what courage is to one personmay be totally different from what courage is toanother person. One thing is for certain thoughat some time we have experienced it.

You will see in this development guide wehave included some powerful coaching ques-tions. It is really important you think and an-swer these questions honestly. We want you tomake the most out of this guide.

WE BEGIN, A little piece about Ralph…….We consider ourselves very lucky; in our

family, we are all pilots. We live near Northum-berland and seeing Northumberland from theair is a magnificent sight. When Ralph was achild, all he did all day was think about flying aplane; he used to drive his parents mad talkingabout aeroplanes. They had to take him to

Developing Courage 15

Heathrow Airport to watch the airliners! Heeven used to listen to the air traffic (on his air-band radio) in the bathroom, that's where thebest reception was! He was obsessed with fly-ing, and although he always dreamed oflearning to fly, it was always something he be-lieved was out of his reach.

Fast forward 37 years later, and he's sittingin a cockpit about to take off on his first solo.Your first solo is a massive time in your lifewhen you are learning to fly a plane. The termfirst solo is when the instructor gets out of theaircraft and says, "What I would like you to dois take off again on your own and do one circuitand land the plane." Let’s put this into perspec-tive, think about it when you are learning todrive the only time you drive on your own iswhen you pass your test. When you arelearning to fly, you will fly on your own well be-fore you take your flying test! We are sure youcan appreciate, when someone says you areflying on your own, all the enthusiasm in theworld suddenly turns into 'What if...' type state-ments. "What if the engine cuts out" to "What if


I can't land" and then "What if I don't want todo this!!!!". Of course, you do really want to doit, but the thought of the things that could gowrong can and actually does put people off.

At that moment, you have to summoncourage. You tell yourself "The instructorwouldn't let me go, if he didn't think I could do it,would he?" doubt starts to kick in, and of courseif we aren't careful here, it can stop you doingsomething you want to do.

Ralph's first solo was as pilots call 'a heavylanding' in other words it was really rubbish, infact dreadful! He bounced all over the runway,into a bush and then back on the runway, buthe got it down in one piece.

HE REMEMBERS the adrenalin kicking in:

"I was very emotional. Flying solo is a life-

changing experience that only 1% of our

population have ever experienced. Of course,

afterwards, I made a big thing of how cool I


was, but actually, I was terrified and needed to

dig deep for courage. This is something I've

never told anyone! A week later, I was off solo

again, and I think I was more scared then! I

loved the thought of doing it, and I did want to

do it, but I still remember having to dig deep for

courage."

WE THINK that in life sometimes we have to digdeep for courage and it's that habit of diggingwe believe you have to create. This is created byrepeating again and again.

SO, what is the definition of confidence?

FEELING YOU HAVE WORTH; A feeling or beliefthat one can have faith in or rely on someoneor something. Having confidence in othersalong with self. The ability to believe in your-self. Confidence is not arrogance but a realisticway of looking at things.

It can be described as a feeling, that feeling


of knowing you can do something, and thatfeeling you can do it well. It is not arrogant; youjust know.

A feeling is very powerful, it is intrinsic andvery individual.

Of course, there are always times when wequestion ourselves, this is normal behaviour,and we shouldn't knock ourselves for ques-tioning our ability. We are both professionaltrainers, and at some time, we would havequestioned our ability to train people when wefirst started.

You know the feeling when you are forced(well it feels that way) to stand up and deliver apublic speaking session to a group of people.There are certain skills and techniques re-quired which have to be learned to implementthese skills well. You may already have a fear ofstanding up and speaking. Of course, this couldhave been created by a negative experience atSchool or a negative experience in the work-place or even a parent saying to you "Don't everdo any public speaking".

When we are training people will often say


“You make it look so easy” but of course, thathas come with practise and experience. How-ever, both of us remember being very nervousand lacking courage when we started.

Like everything in life through repetitionand making mistakes and learning from thosemistakes, we can build our courage.

When we were young, we used to lovemaking mistakes. As we get older, the act ofmaking mistakes is seen as a negative; it ap-pears everything has to be perfect, and it has tobe correct the first time.

We believe it is this way of thinking thatstops courage from the outset.


A

2

IT IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD -USUALLY!

question you need to ask yourself iswhere you would scale yourself be-tween 1-10, 10 being very confident,

and 1 being under-confident.

WHEN YOU HAVE DONE THIS, think about thenumber you have given yourself, then ask:

WHY YOU HAVE GIVEN yourself that number?

• • •

WHAT DOES that number look like?

FOR EXAMPLE, if you have given yourself a 4, askyourself why a 4? Then think about whatjourney you have taken to be the 4 in the firstplace. If you think about this more positively,then 4 does not seem so low. Then imaginewhere you would like it to be and think abouthow you can get it there. Look to move to 5, youhave to be realistic, it takes time to get to 10, solittle steps work. As you read the guide, thinkabout how you can work on your confidenceand courage personally. This guide will en-courage you to think. We can't do it for you, butif you want to change, then you can decide andact to create this change.

The exact maths is for every 1% increase inconfidence; it will grow to 37% over a year. Thekey is to make slightly different changes in aday, every week, and over a while, you will beable to deal with much more adversity whichwill grow your confidence. You can do it; youjust have to learn to do it. Create a new habit;


motivation is good but never wins over habits;it has to be a new habit.

Small steps repeated again and again willcreate the habit. Think about it, you don't thinkabout breathing in and out; it's a natural re-sponse and a habit we have all developed.When we create a habit, we do it without eventhinking about it.

We have all created habits over the years.The important thing is to develop positive onesthat we do again and again, and before long, wewill do it without even thinking about it. Wewrite a lot about habits in our journals andguides, that's because they work and are simpleto implement through repetition.

Unfortunately, many people believe theyhave little or no confidence. Living your lifewith a limited or low confidence sense offeeling can hold you back, and if you are notcareful, you will start to believe it, and it willbecome real. Low confidence affects high per-formance, and high confidence increases it.However, and you really need to know this, andwe want you to understand and believe this, it


doesn't exist. It exists in one place in yourthinking.

You believe it is real because It is within youand you've probably created a habit, and youdo it without thinking. However, we need to tellyou it doesn't exist; it's all in your head!

People and we are including ourselves inthis opinion, only think about one person(themselves). In reality, no one cares if yourconfident or not as it doesn't involve them. If weare honest, we only really think aboutourselves.

We've created a habit of just thinking aboutourselves and generally speaking; it's lookedafter us very well. However, we may have tohave a paradigm shift, in other words, startthinking differently.

Our subconscious thinking can be morepowerful and creative than our consciousthought. For example, our son Jack is a brilliantguitar player, he's been playing since he was sixyears old and now, he's 23, and Jack plays nearlyevery day, and he has built up this brillianthabit to play music. Therefore, his ability to


play has been created through repetition andrepetition practised until it became second na-ture. That ability is now in his subconsciousthinking, and he probably doesn't think aboutit anymore.

It's that level of repetition, doing thingsagain and again, and repetition is required todevelop courage until it becomes routine andforms part of our subconscious thinking. Wehave to do it again and again to build courage.

The alternative to this, of course, is tellingyourself that you can't do certain things orthat you will never be able to do this or that.In life there are enough people over the yearswho tell you that you can't do something, youhave to learn to ignore this, don't listen toothers.

If we are in a position of authority, we havea responsibility here. If we are not careful, ourlanguage and our actions regarding couragecan have a significant impact on others, andthis is something everyone needs to be aware,we have a massive responsibility especiallywith our children.


A little story about Claire and her life, weall have stories to tell, here is one you may like.

When Claire was a 17-year-old working in abutcher shop in Bedford, England, it wouldhave been easy to have stayed there. A reason-ably stable job with average pay, she could havecarried on and who knows in a few years couldbe promoted to a supervisor or possibly man-ager. Being very efficient, no doubt with someexperience could have done well in the retailsector.

Claire's mum had bags of courage, shebrought up three kids on her own, and she re-inforced the importance of hard work to herkids. All about getting a job and working hard.

Claire asked her mum about higher educa-tion, and her mum stated, "Going to university isnot for people like us". You have to remember;this was a different time and at School in thesetimes (the late 70s) girls were offered home eco-nomics or typing lessons, secretarial work. Shedid think about becoming a typist but wantedsomething else; she knew that type of job wasnot for her.


"I know, I will look at joining the Navy," shetold her mum. Remember, her mother lovedher, and we truly believe that her mum wasdoing what she thought was the best for her,and having served in the Royal Navy herself,she was probably proud too. Claire set off tofind out more information about the RoyalNavy, but on the day in question, the weatherwasn't good (it was raining very heavily), andshe ended up walking into a Royal Air Forcecareers office speaking to the Sergeant re-cruiter. Yes, she joined the Royal Air Force be-cause of poor weather!

Fifteen years later she's flying at 30,000 feetover the Adriatic, and now one of a select groupof people trained to be a Royal Air ForceFighter Controller. She's controlling Air ForceOne as it takes President Clinton into peacetalks during the Bosnian conflict.

If the president only knew that the indi-vidual responsible for the safety of his aircraftthat day only ended up there because it wasraining!

Of course, we won't bore you with the selec-


tion process and all the hoops and setbacks andtraining along the way, but in 15 short yearsClaire went from shop worker who's possiblecareer aspirations was to be part of a typingteam (because that's what opportunities werefor young girls then, totally bias) to be respon-sible for the most important person on theplanet.

Of course, Claire could not have gone intothe career's office that day; she could have donesomething else. She dared to do so; she had thecourage to break out of that rat race we can allend up in and do something new by making adecision and walking in.

That sort of courage creates us; it makes usinto the people we are now. Remember thoughwe don't just do it once, we do it again andagain until it becomes a habit.


L

3

HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOUALREADY?

et's move into thinking about howconfident you are already.

This is such a great question. Flip-ping the negative thoughts to something morepositive. We all think negatively, so wheneverwe think this way, we should always challengethis and think about things differently, in otherwords, create another way of thinking.

Remember, you always have a choice; thiscan be fundamental to changing that habit.Recognising you have a choice and if you wantto be confident, it is your choice, but you mustdecide, and only you can do this. Stepping out

of your comfort zone will build the confidenceyou just have to get used to the uncomfortablefeeling becoming normal.

Many people live their lives in the negative;this is just a habit that has been created andpossibly not by them. Parents do a great job ofcausing issues! Telling children that "You can'tdo this," and "You will struggle with that" is a sure-fire way of encouraging a lack of courage andconfidence. As we have said before, there arelots of people telling you and have been overyour life telling you that you can't do things,you have to ignore them. Seriously watch andlisten to the negativity taught to others, it is anawareness to notice this. People just don't un-derstand how damaging this can be.

In our experiences of training people whoneed training skills, this is often the case. Weremember a lady on one of our courses whoreally struggled on a Train the Trainer coursewe were delivering together in London. Shefound it very challenging, not with the skillsand techniques we were showing her; the chal-lenge was what was in her head, it was her


thoughts and particularly her feelings that shecouldn't do public speaking and it was this thatwas holding her back. This is just one examplefrom hundreds we have trained, we have expe-rienced so many people on both our trainingand coaching courses who have a self-createdlimiting belief.

What happened was that she ran out of thetraining room when she had to practise deliv-ering a ten-minute training session. We wereconcerned, but also knew we could help her ifshe could let us in… not her head, but in theroom, she had locked herself into!

Eventually, one of us managed to speak toher, and she told her fear. We told her weshould discuss it after the session, and all sheneeded to do on the first day was watch otherpeople and look at the skills and techniquesthey were using. We remember her visiblyshaking with fear. After the session, she stayedbehind to discuss; she explained why it was es-sential to complete the course. She told us howshe had been promoted to a manager gradewhich meant she was now having to stand up


in front of her staff and conduct some trainingsessions.

We explained to her about how habits areformed, and then we discussed her childhood,she was very open, which was excellent; shewanted to change but was not sure how tocreate this. She then started to explain the ex-perience she had when she was very young.

After a school holiday when the class wasasked what they did on their holiday, of course,at this age 9, children can be ruthless. Whenshe started to speak, many of the class laughed,and she, in turn, began to cry. At home andtelling her mum what had happened, her mumwent crazy "Why did the teacher get you to dothat?" "You can't stand up in front of the class,that's the teacher's job". The very next day, themum marched her young daughter into theclass and in front of everyone, shouted at theteacher "Don't you ever get my daughter to dothat again, she can't do that, that's your job".The mum thinking, she was defending herdaughter, not understanding the damage shewas creating for the future.


Can you imagine what that must have beenlike for that poor young girl, the embarrass-ment of it all, it must have been genuinelyshocking for her, it had a massive impact onher life. She believed at a very young age thatshe couldn't deliver any form of publicspeaking and that had been reinforced by anauthority figure and had a very negative experi-ence when she tried.

Anyone in a position of authority has such amassive responsibility here regarding the rein-forcement of negative behaviour, and this ishow negative habits are formed.

The good news is that on day two shecame back! With a few skills and techniquestaught and an open mind, she managed topass the course, and actually, her assessed ses-sion was well above average. The best partthough was on her feedback when she told usit felt like a chain around her had been bro-ken. Her tears were real, and it was a fantasticexperience to witness. She said she felt like anew person after the course. To do somethinglike that, go on a course on an area you know


you have personal issues with takes significantcourage.

We have both experienced this sort ofbreakthrough quite a lot where you see peoplebreak down that limiting belief, that belief thatholds them back. When you break down thatlimiting belief, you realise that you can do any-thing within reason, if you put your mind to it.

It takes courage to do this, of course, be-cause society and the way we have been condi-tioned limit us every day. We hold back fromdoing things; we hold off from starting some-thing new. We stop ourselves from going for thethings we want.

Remember though if we keep doing this, wemake a habit of it, and we will do it in our sub-conscious thinking, and we won't even knowwe are doing it. Make a decision to destroy yourlimiting belief and see where it takes you.


S

4

WHY WE NEED CONFIDENCE

o why do we need confidence?This is another excellent question to

ask yourself. The answer is likely to bearound being healthy, being effective whendealing with situations, personal growth,healthy in your relationships, and so manymany more. We live in a world where confi-dence is such an essential factor; we need it tosucceed in life, and we need it in our personallives. If we are honest, we are all probably at-tracted to confident people, and this is very nat-ural in our selection process.

Stop for a minute and reflect on this ques-

tion. Why do we need confidence? And look atyourself. See what feelings and thoughts arecreated, really important to notice what hastriggered from within. Once you capture thesemoments as they can be a great source of infor-mation once noticed.

We are both lovers of journals and alwayshave been. A journal is a process of writingyour thoughts and feelings down. Writing forfive minutes has made us develop in so manyareas, and in the area of confidence, it can beeffective.

Five minutes a day over a while can be themost important five minutes of your day for achange and lifetime growth. For example,Ralph always starts his day writing in hisjournal with three things he wants to feelhappy and grateful about. These do changedaily, and it puts you in such a positive mood atthe start of every day. Many people choose tostart their day by listening to the news and ofcourse what does this do? It gives you the exactopposite feeling; a feeling of negativity and


things going wrong. How would you like tostart your day? You have a choice.

The next question to ask yourself is whenyou think of a confident person, what is itabout them that makes you think they are con-fident? It may not always be what you think.

CONFIDENT AND ASSERTIVE peopleConfidence means feeling sure of yourself

and your abilities – not in an arrogant way, but ina realistic way. Confidence isn't about feeling su-perior to others. It is a quiet inner knowledge thatyou're a capable person. Confident people feelready for everyday challenges like tests, perfor-mances, and competitions. They are usually calmand unassuming. They duck the spotlight, so itshines on others. They don't need to be heard,they have their own opinion, and they trust it.

Imagine living a day like them, what wouldthis do for you?

Through our guides, we put questions forthe reader to consider and to think about them-


selves. Every so often, we encourage reflection,stop, and reflect what you have read and whatthis means for you. These are learning areasand very important for growth.

In the workplace, being confident can beassociated with assertive individuals. Being as-sertive is essential in the workplace, especiallyif you are managing staff, but what is being as-sertive all about? Being assertive is about beingin control. Being in control is very powerful;people who are in control have a presenceabout themselves, they are in control. They arenot 'controlling' this is manipulative and not anice thing to do; being in control is a powerfulstate of mind.

Being out of control is even worse, that issomeone who is screaming and shouting andpossibly losing it. Being in control is someonewho is in total control; they know what they aredoing and feel self-assured about it. Of course,the opposite of being in control is someone elsein control. This isn't effective either as thismeans you have released your control and you


are passive or in other words allowing others tocontrol you!

Being assertive is about being in control,knowing exactly what you want, and clearly ex-plaining to others too. We can all do it and thefeeling is euphoric. Many people become con-cerned about being assertive, particularly ifthey have been conditioned not to. Some toptips regarding being more assertive:

BODY LANGUAGE – confident, assertive peoplehave open body language; they stand tall, andthey stand with authority. Avoid looking downand looking away.

TONE & language - have a clear and steadytone and use the 'I' word a lot. The use of 'I' iscompelling when used correctly. "Excuse me Ihaven't finished," or "I sense a frustration inyour body language…"

• • •


WATCH OTHERS – we guarantee that if we askedyou to identify someone who you believed wasassertive, you could name someone. It could bea friend, or it could be a family member, youwill know someone. Watch them when they areassertive, watch their body language, and watchhow they deal in certain situations. Sometimesstanding back and watching can be a very pow-erful place to be.

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION – many people don'tbelieve they can be assertive and don't permitthemselves to do so. This could be a habit thatyou have built up, or it could be a habit that hasbeen installed by a parent or someone in au-thority as we have discussed previously. Say toyourself you have permission to be assertiveand you have permission to be in control, re-member to say it again and again.

PRACTISE – look for opportunities where youhave to be in control, don't run away from it,


look for it, and seize on the opportunity. Wehave done a lot of work with managers over theyears, and they have had to learn to deal withchallenging people (We have a guide comingsoon titled "Dealing with difficult people").Some of them have had to learn to look for op-portunities to embrace being assertive, in theworkplace, this could be at a meeting or duringworkplace conflict. It is common for people torun away from conflict, but some managerslook for it, and when it comes, they embrace it.Of course, they don't get angry, and they don'tbury their head in the sand, they take control.This can easily be taught and learned; you justhave to decide to do this. It can be more un-comfortable for some than others, but everyonecan do this, you just have to learn.

Imagine the feeling when you know thatyou can be in control when you want to, confi-dent and assertive, imagine how that will feelafterwards. Like everything, repetition is thekey, but being assertive is a key fundamental tobeing confident and will aid you in developingyour courage.


W

5

WHAT HOLDS US BACK

e all personally have an essentialreality to face here. We both be-lieve that ultimately, we have to

face reality and the fact is we create all the rea-sons why we can't have courage. Typical areasof concern or blame include:

BLAMING YOUR PAST – based on what's hap-pened previously, we may refer to the past as anindication of the future. We believe that ourpast performance where we may have strug-gled or had an issue with will dictate our future

performance. If you continue thinking like this,it will, and your resentment and blame willhold you back. Remember, you can changeyour life in an instant if you really want to.

BLAMING YOUR ABILITY – doubt on your abilitywill single-handedly stop you doing anything.Self-doubt is a silent killer and again based onprevious negative thinking. Doubting yourability based on something you haven't evenattempted yet is false thinking and does notserve you. Remember you are growing, andlifelong learning is precisely that. When we arelearning anything new, we make mistakes; wehave to make mistakes to learn. Never fearmaking a mistake; it creates creativity. Thisthinking isn't delusional; it is reality.

BLAMING OTHERS – Listening to other peoplewhen they tell you negative things can trulystop you from achieving anything. If you listento them, then you may, of course, believe what


they are saying is correct. Being obsessed withsocial media is a perfect environment for thistype of thinking. Remember you are in controlof your life and not others; who cares what theythink? You certainly shouldn’t.

BLAMING THE WORLD – "The worlds messed upand has stopped me because…" When you uselanguage like this, then you are blaming theworld for something that is actually in yourcontrol. When you make false judgments andblame everything else, you are caught in thetrap. When you realise that you have a choiceand you can change your reality if you want toit is incredibly powerful. The world is incred-ible and offers everyone a brilliant opportunity.There may be some avoidance going on, notfacing the issue that needs to be addressed, justrecognise this and watch to notice what triggersthis feeling.

The keyword throughout here is blame,blaming things whether it is you or someoneelse is not effective in developing courage.


THE IMPORTANCE of ValuesValues are such a massive thing in our lives.

We all have individual values, and no doubt,many of our values were installed in us whenwe were very young.

Ralph was taught at a very young age tostick up for himself, always stick up to bullies,and don't run away from trouble. From a veryyoung age, he was conditioned to stick up forhimself.

He remembers;"I was brought up in a very value-driven back-

ground; my parents used to reinforce to me the im-portance of sticking up for yourself.

Ultimately, it caused me problems, not only didI get into plenty of fights when I was young, in-cluding one time when I really should have beentaken to hospital, I really believe it made me intoquite an aggressive person, sometimes when I didn'tneed to be."

"However, I was also brought up with somevery positive values so I would consider that I didn't

• • •


actively go looking for trouble, but if it came myway, I wouldn't back down. Thankfully experienceand changing the way I think has taught me amore positive way".

Both of us were brought up by two families,our natural one and a career one. We both be-lieve the values we developed in the Royal AirForce carved us into the people we are today.

We developed confidence and couragethrough repetition and having a positive expe-rience as an outcome.

What about having a value of being confi-dent or having courage? A courageous personunderstands the danger and chooses to over-come their fear. They proceed to face thedanger and act according to their values thathave been taught.

AN EXAMPLE of personal values could be:

BE POLITE

WORK HARD

BE HONEST


PROTECT YOUR FAMILY

ENJOY YOUR LIFE

DEPENDABILITY

LOYALTY

COMMITMENT

Of course, these are just example values,the fundamental rules for our life.

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?Take note of what you write down, really

reflect on your values, and think about wherethey have come from.

When we joined the Royal Air Force, someof our values became more work focussed andultimately were based around team values thateveryone was encouraged to buy into. Thesetypes of values may cause issues though andcan contradict established values that havebeen inspired previously.

Remember, values are powerful becausethey belong to you, you own them. Many work-place organisations try to instil their values on


you or even worse create something that isn't avalue.

Some companies disguise it in the form of a'Mission Statement'. This is normally a long-winded statement which no one knows and inreality, no one buys into. It’s a tick box exercisewhich is why statements like this are generallycreated, and ultimately, why they don’t work.

When we are delivering training to man-agers and leaders, and we're talking values, welike to test their understanding of values v mis-sion statements.

The first thing we do is hand out a piece ofpaper, tell them not to turn it over but to writedown what their company mission statementis. In the days of box-ticking and corporate im-age, mission statements are seen as sending theright message.

When we do this activity, it is funny to seepeople's faces as they struggle to remember.Sometimes the company will have pinned themission statement next to the meeting roomlight switch or pinned up somewhere else inthe room. Delegates are oblivious to this of


course as you see them panic with the realitythat they have never really read it, never mindbelieve in it.

Typically, there is one person who knows itwell, and they are writing hard, typically thatindividual is someone from HR and had a handin creating it in the first place.

We don't like to stress people too much soto put them out of their misery we get everyoneto turn their page over and in front of them istheir mission statement.

Why do we do this?, we reinforce the im-portance of values over mission statements,and we then get them to work on their valuesfirst and foremost.

We would consider having courage is a bril-liant value to have.


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WHEN HAVING COURAGEDOESN'T WORK!

f course, there are times couragedoes not work. But that does notmean we never use it?

An important thing to remember is alwaysto reflect; this is where having a journal is effec-tive. However, if you don't have a journal tohand, you can use a notebook writing downsome simple headings to get you to reflect andthink about courage.

This is effective after you have had a coura-geous experience. Writing down what hap-pened and then more importantly, whatworked well and then have a think about what

you could differently is a fantastic way to getyou to think.

So, some simple headings in the notebookwill suffice:

AN EXAMPLE OF REFLECTION

Q, WHAT HAPPENED?"I was checking in the hotel, and the receptionist

was rude to me. There was no need to be rude, sheprobably had a bad day."

Q, WHAT DID I DO WELL?"I didn't argue with her, and I clearly stated you

shouldn't speak to customers like that."

Q, WHAT COULD I DO DIFFERENTLY?"I think I could have explained further that

sort of behaviour isn't effective. When I realisedshe had stopped being rude. I just wanted theproblem done with and go quickly, possibly tooquickly. I could have calmly spoken to her fur-


ther and probably asked her had she had a badday."

POWERFUL QUESTIONS such as 'What did I dowell' and 'What could I do differently' are bril-liant ways for positive reflection.

In the areas noted 'What you did well' it isimperative you find things that you have donewell, you may believe it wasn't done particu-larly well but don't dwell on the negative. Lookfor positive things and search for somethingyou did well. If you look hard enough, you willfind plenty.

The question "What could I do differently" isfundamental for improvement. It focuses onthe areas we need to do better next time. It isn'tnegative; it's very positive because we arelooking for small changes to improve on. Theseare brilliant questions which you will naturallythink without noticing once you get to used tousing them.

Moving on, think about a time you createda positive outcome, what did you do?


Take time and think about what happened,why it happened, and how you dealt with it.Three great questions to always ask yourself;What, Why, and How. We are very big on ques-tion technique, not only with our developmentguides and our specific coaching journals thatare targeted at particular areas.

Our training and coaching company TargetTraining where we teach the power of effectivequestion technique. The power of the effectiveopen questions at the right time to create own-ership, a delegate on a course or a client ishighly effective; it really, really works. It is allabout questioning and listening.

We have thrown the occasional questioninto this guide to encourage your thinking, andyou will realise you have quite a fantasticamount of courage and confidence already, ofcourse, you may not have focused on it pos-itively.

In life, we create a lot of our problems bycreating our own expectations. Expectations ofhow we expect to see ourselves, perfection canincrease this problem. You have to change your


criticism to constructive learning, flipping yourthought process, balancing expectations, andrealism. Asking yourself what is real for youand growing your positive thinking is very pow-erful. Keep doing this to create the habit. Wehave more guidebooks, specifically looking atthis area.

In this development guide, we have lookedat developing courage and confidence. You willbe confident in some way, and you will havecourage. The fact you are reading this bookmeans something. No one is perfect, and wehave to learn to think differently. We have tochange our state of mind, and we can, it justtakes time.

We have created over 56 different journals;they help because you write for 5 minutes everyday, creating the habit to look at confident areasin yourself. There are plenty to choose fromthat target specific areas.


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SELF -ESTEEM

ast but not least, touching on self-esteem.

We feel that we need to mentionself-esteem in this guide. We think you have toseparate self-esteem from confidence becausethey are different, but there is also a great dealof cross-over.

WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?

• • •

THIS IS a great question to ask yourself andwhat you think this means. Reflect on this inyourself, your own interpretation just like con-fidence.

Self-esteem is a subjective evaluation ofyour own worth. Self Esteem covers emotionalstates, beliefs about oneself, despair, pride, andshame. Shame is another vast area and a topicwe will cover in the future.

With your self-esteem score yourself 1-10,remember 1 being low and 10 being very high,then think why you have chosen that number.The same exercise you would have done onconfidence. Then reflect and think where thatcomes from.

In life, low self-esteem creates negativethoughts, sadly affects your performance; it cre-ates high anxiety, failure, and self-blame; theseare all areas of self-esteem. The area is huge,and it is essential to reflect on you but in a morepositive way as we have been discussing in thisbook. Think about how much self-esteem youhave already? Seriously really think about this.

Think of someone you think has lots of self-


esteem, what is it about them that tells youthat?

Imagine a day like this person, thinkthrough this. What are the differences betweenthis person and yourself?

We encourage you to make notes; writinghelps so you can look at the words you write.We have a self-esteem journal like the confi-dence journal with powerful questions to guideyou. Remember, you have to separate both ofthese areas as they are different.

You always have to remember where self-esteem comes from, as discussed before in thisbook. Everyone has a story to tell; it is always agood idea that you reflect on yourself. Theremay have been some poor academic perfor-mance; this can breed a lack of confidence inlife. Furthermore, in later life, when financialand relationship issues can manifest.

Again, create a paradigm shift, so youchange your state of mind. The good news isyou can. Repetition, Repetition, and Repetitionwill create change.

Three Questions to ask yourself three


times, write your answers, push your thinking.

1.WHAT IS HIGH SELF-ESTEEM?

2.WHAT ARE THE LIMITATIONS OF SELF-ESTEEM?

3.WHAT IS THE REALISM OF YOUR SELF-ESTEEM?

THESE QUESTIONS ARE useful to make you re-alise your expectations are far from realistic.This area already mentioned, and that is be-cause we really want you to consider how youthink. In life, we tend to create this perfec-tionist image that is just not there. Theproblem is we are not aware of this. Sadly, thisis what makes our self-esteem and confidencesit low.

Here is a question to ask, "How do you showrespect for yourself"?

Think about it; you deserve it, how can you


expect others to respect you if you don't respectyourself. You will be amazing if you believe it.Trust your judgment; you have a voice and anopinion that needs to be heard.

Be positive about yourself; always thinkabout changing your negative voice into a posi-tive voice. Not how bad you are but how goodyou are already.

When you speak up, expect others willlisten to you, don't hold back. I always say it islike dipping your toe into a swimming pool totest the temperature, keep dipping until youthrow yourself in.

Stand up for those values we looked at ear-lier and your beliefs, you will have masses ofthese. A value of ours is, to be honest, and abelief of ours is that a positive always comesfrom a negative.

Remember, values and beliefs are different.What are yours?

Respect your body and mind; a fantastic ex-ercise is to write 5 things you like about your-self, your strengths. Can be how you look, howyou think, really positive areas you have.


You may find this exercise hard to do; it isalways easy to write the negative areas we havebut never the strengths. Build the habit, writinga few things every day. Remember habits arelike apps; you have to create new ones anddelete the ones you don't want or needanymore.

LOOK at the following language -

I WON'T DO IT

I CAN'T DO IT

I WANT TO DO IT

HOW DO I DO IT

I'LL TRY TO DO IT

I CAN DO IT

I WILL DO IT

WHAT LINE WOULD BE your choice? Get used tosaying the right words, if you say you will thenyou will do precisely that. If you say the word


try, it won't happen because it is not a decisiveword.

If you have ever arranged a party and in-vited someone and they say, "I'll try to be there"You can remove them from the guest list, theyare never turning up. Trying is the same as notdoing!

Now it is time to Reflect on this guide andwhat you have learned. Then how you aregoing to create change for yourself, that is ifyou want to change.

It's about finding yourself and appreciatingyourself. Perfection does not exist. You will beunique don't try to be someone else, youruniqueness is what people want to see. Bebrave and have courage.

We hope you enjoyed this guide and welook forward to the next time. We have somefantastic things planned and we are so lookingforward to sharing them with you all.

CLAIRE AND RALPH.


AFTERWORD

“Life is a gift and we have a responsibilityto make the most of it, so that when welook back, to know that it wasn’t wasted.”

Ralph Moody

“It’s not about being the best, it’s aboutbeing the best that you can be.”

Claire Moody

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

We have so many people we want to acknowl-edge in our development guides and journals.The following people need a specific mentionin Developing Courage:

Terry Farley - A brilliant flying instructor andcoped teaching us both to fly despite the factwe tried to kill him on a daily basis! We stilllove flying with him today and we always learnsomething new.

Averil - Claire’s Mum, she brought 3 kids up onher own and taught them the value of honesty

and being nice to others was a positive trait.Plus she always sided with Ralph in heated dis-cussions with Claire!

Colin Jones - Taught Ralph how to be assertivewithout being aggressive. A brilliant managerwho led by example and respected by everyone.

Ashridge Business School - For giving Clairelife changing skills and awareness and whatbeing a fantastic coach is all about.

Royal Air Force - For giving Claire and Ralphthe confidence and skill sets to do things theynever thought possible. For teaching us leader-ship, real teamwork and the benefits of work-place banter and humour.

Bad Managers - All the ones we have everworked with, they have taught us how not tobehave and we really thank you for that.

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Claire and Ralph Moodyhave over 35 years of ex-perience in developingpeople across the globe. Already owners of aworld-class training andcoaching company, theydeveloped JCRM Publishing to complementtheir established courses.

Their company Target Training Associates spe-cialises in trainer, coach, management and per-sonal growth development, and they offercourses to a worldwide audience. Their biggestachievement is when individuals make signifi-cant improvements in their lives.

Using their expertise in training, coaching andmentoring, they have adapted the journalingtechnique with fantastic results. Being keenwriters themselves and having experiencedhow powerful a great book can be in personaldevelopment, they wanted to share the experi-ence with a broader audience and subjectareas.

Having a business office in London they live inNewcastle upon Tyne (UK) and Florida (USA). They have one son (Jack) who still enjoys hisparents’ company, especially if they are paying!As a family, they live life to the full and enjoyaviation and travel. As a couple and self-startersthemselves, they have developed significantlyover the years and have vast experience whichthey are keen to share for others to build on.

PLEASE REVIEW OUR BOOKYOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Enjoy this guide? You can make a big dif-ference

Reviews are the most powerful tool in ourarsenal when it comes to getting attention forour guides and journals. Much as we wouldlike to, we don't have the big bucks of a NewYork Publisher to throw at advertising in TimeSquare. Well not yet anyway!

But we do have something with a morepowerful punch than that, the ultimateweapon, something those publishers wouldlove to get their hands on.

A committed and loyal bunch of readers.

You are our weapons of mass distribution(WMD).

Honest reviews of our books help bringthem to the attention of other readers.

If you enjoyed this book, we would be verygrateful if you could spend just five minutesleaving a review (it can be as short as you like).Just visit the amazon site and click on reviewthis book.

Thank you very much.

70 Please Review Our Book

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DEVELOPING COURAGE - JCRM

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