Deuces Wild Issue #4
2
2 2 2 2 Issue: #04 – Now With Concentrate DISCLAIMER: This paper is published by a student recognized organization at CCSU. The ideas and opinions produced in this paper are stupid, fake and don’t represent anyone. CCSU to Create More Sports Teams By: Alexander Wrobel In the last year, CCSU has started looking for more ways to get students to become active and healthy. To promote healthy living, CCSU will be starting new sports teams this coming year. At this time, there have been many suggestions as to which sports should be offered. Rumors have begun circulating that the list may include tug-of- war, rope climbing, horseshoes, and joggling. Tim Wright, a junior majoring in athletic training, feels strongly about this idea. Tim stated, “I think we need to promote active lifestyles by giving students low-stress, high-fun things to do. The entire campus would benefit from it.” Many of the teams that are going to be created involve low-stress activities that are very easy to play. Horseshoes and rope climbing, for example, will get students to go outside and be active. Tug-of-war will allow students to experience teamwork, and it will help them understand the value of working with others. Joggling, a sport which consists of juggling while jogging, will promote hand-eye coordination and cardiovascular health. This sport may be a new concept to a lot of CCSU students. Nikolai Zossimov, a recently hired professor, was the one who suggested this sport to the school, and he is hoping to coach the team. Zossimov stated, “I can’t see how joggling won’t benefit CCSU. The students need to be coordinated, healthy, and happy. The key to this is juggling while jogging. I don’t know how no one else already thought of this.” The goal of the new teams is to give students a leisurely way to be involved with the sports program that is uncompetitive. Wright stated, “If we make these new sports all about winning, someone will lose. That’s no good.” Wright hopes to see the new teams create positive experiences for students. Wright looks forward to hearing things around campus about these new sports teams. Wright anticipates hearing, “Hey, I can’t make it to that huge party, I have to go to joggling.” “When that happens,” he said, “we’ll know we made a difference.” Zossimov stated he is excited to be working with students in a way that can make CCSU a healthier, happier community. Next year, he will be pushing for these new sports to be started. Hopefully by 2015, CCSU will have these activities in place leading to a happier, healthier campus. Elihu Burritt Library to Become Living Museum By: Garri Saganenko In an email distributed en masse to the Central Connecticut State University student body last week, school administrators revised their plans for renovating the Elihu Burritt Library. The email stated: “In light of recent CSU budget cuts, the university has decided to implement a plan of preservation, not renovation, for the remaining second, third, and fourth floors of the library. As a whole, the university believes this will not only make the necessary budget cuts to deter the rise in tuition prices, but that it will actually add revenue due to the prospective historical value of these three floors.” The announcement surprised some, but not CCSU student Francisco D’anconia, who shared, “I figured this would happen because when they said they were renovating the third floor, they only moved some tables and chairs around. It’s kind of cool ‘cause now I know what it was like when my dad went here.” As expected, the history and anthropology departments celebrated the news, releasing this joint statement: “The history and anthropology departments are thrilled with the university’s decision. This opens up a whole new field of research for the both of us.” Conversely, the construction management faction of the university was thoroughly disappointed. “I guess we’ll be stuck surveying the area near Copernicus Parking Garage again,” mused Bob Tonka, a professor in the department. It is not clear how the university plans to ensure the preservation of said floors. In the meantime, they urged all campus tours to not go beyond the first floor, citing possible irreversible damage to artifacts as the reason. This came as common sense to well-renowned campus tour guide Edmund Hillary, who said, “Yeah, I usually don’t go beyond the circulation desk anyways. We want them to actually go here, right?” WILD We’re Totally Serious photo taken from ccsu.edu
-
Upload
ethan-pelletier -
Category
Documents
-
view
24 -
download
3
Transcript of Deuces Wild Issue #4
2
22
2
Issue: #04 – Now With Concentrate
DISCLAIMER: This paper is published by a student recognized organization at CCSU. The ideas and opinions produced in this paper are stupid, fake and don’t represent anyone.
CCSU to Create More Sports TeamsBy: Alexander Wrobel
In the last year, CCSU has started looking for more ways to get students to become active and healthy. To promote healthy living, CCSU will be starting new sports teams this coming year. At this time, there have been many suggestions as to which sports should be offered. Rumors have begun circulating that the list may include tug-of-war, rope climbing, horseshoes, and joggling. Tim Wright, a junior majoring in athletic training, feels strongly about this idea. Tim stated, “I think we need to promote active lifestyles by giving students low-stress, high-fun things to do. The entire campus would benefit from it.” Many of the teams that are going to be created involve low-stress activities that are very easy to play. Horseshoes and rope climbing, for example, will get students to go outside and be active. Tug-of-war will allow students to experience teamwork, and it will help them understand the value of working with others. Joggling, a sport which consists of juggling while jogging, will promote hand-eye coordination and cardiovascular health. This sport may be a new concept to a lot of CCSU students. Nikolai Zossimov, a recently hired professor, was the one who suggested this sport to the school, and he is hoping to coach the team. Zossimov stated, “I can’t see how joggling won’t benefit CCSU. The students need to be coordinated, healthy, and happy. The key to this is juggling while jogging. I don’t know how no one else already thought of this.” The goal of the new teams is to give students a leisurely way to be involved with the sports program that is uncompetitive. Wright stated, “If we make these new sports all about winning, someone will lose. That’s no good.” Wright hopes to see the new teams create positive experiences for students. Wright looks forward to hearing things around campus about these new sports teams. Wright anticipates hearing, “Hey, I can’t make it to that huge party, I have to go to joggling.” “When that happens,” he said, “we’ll know we made a difference.” Zossimov stated he is excited to be working with students in a way that can make CCSU a healthier, happier community. Next year, he will be pushing for these new sports to be started. Hopefully by 2015, CCSU will have these activities in place leading to a happier, healthier campus.
Elihu Burritt Library to Become Living Museum
By: Garri Saganenko
In an email distributed en masse to the Central Connecticut State University student body last week, school administrators revised their plans for renovating the Elihu Burritt Library. The email stated: “In light of recent CSU budget cuts, the university has decided to implement a plan of preservation, not renovation, for the remaining second, third, and fourth floors of the library. As a whole, the university believes this will not only make the necessary budget cuts to
deter the rise in tuition prices, but that it will actually add revenue due to the prospective historical value of these three floors.” The announcement surprised some, but not CCSU student Francisco D’anconia, who shared,
“I figured this would happen because when they said they were renovating the third floor, they only moved some tables and chairs around. It’s kind of cool ‘cause now I know what it was like when my dad went here.” As expected, the history and anthropology departments celebrated the news, releasing this joint statement: “The history and anthropology departments are thrilled with the university’s decision. This opens up a whole new field of research for the both of us.” Conversely, the construction management faction of the university was thoroughly disappointed. “I guess we’ll be stuck surveying the area near Copernicus Parking Garage again,” mused Bob Tonka, a professor in the department. It is not clear how the university plans to ensure the preservation of said floors. In the meantime, they urged all campus tours to not go beyond the first floor, citing possible irreversible damage to artifacts as the reason. This came as common sense to well-renowned campus tour guide Edmund Hillary, who said, “Yeah, I usually don’t go beyond the circulation desk anyways. We want them to actually go here, right?”
WILDWe’re Totally Serious
photo taken from ccsu.edu
Feel free to contact us at “[email protected]” if you’re interested in the club.
Theater Majors as Next RAs
By: Ethan Pelletier
By: Garri Saganenko
Theater majors have been the focus in the search for new Resident Assistants at Central Connecticut State University. “We want people who can act the part and play a big role,” said Resident Director Gordon Levy. “There are situations when it is important for RAs to be able to act.” The emphasis for theater majors began with the thought that candidates would have to put on a show for the RDs. According to a recent anonymous survey taken by Residence Life, 52 percent of the candidates thought that acting was an important part of the RA selection process. This new focus on theater majors will heavily change the search for potential RAs. The Residence Life staff added an acting session to group dynamics. The candidates would be given a script a week before the session so that they could act the part during group dynamics. The RAs and RDs would be judges, and the best performances would be given extra points towards getting the job. Residents that are interested in becoming an RA are beginning to take more theater classes. Resident Leslie Bernire said, “When I was asking RAs about the selection process, they said that I would have to put on an act, and that’s why I decided to take a theater class.” The influx of residents taking theater classes has caught the attention of the theater department. Professor Terry Shlock said, “If Residence Life is interested in having their candidates put on a show, then we would love to work with their candidates and Res Life itself. Acting is a way of life, and being able to act the right way in a situation is important in pleasing people, especially potential employers.”
Saying of the Week:
– Said no CCSU student
“Yeah, I totally started my term paper”
Top Ten Things that Keep CCSU Students from
Graduating:
10. . . . . . . . .9. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. . . . . .
7. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
6. . . . . . . . . . .
5. . . . . . . . . .
4. . . . . . . . . . . .
3. . . . . . . . . . .
2. . . . . . . . . .
1. . . . . . . . . . . . .
Not being able to pay off parking tickets from parking in the faculty lot.
Being stuck in traffic on Route 9.
Still circling the parking lot next to the library looking for “the best spot.”
Showing up hungover to FYE too many times and failing.
Getting a drinking ticket on a Thursday and doing time in Riekers.
Still saving up for the gym textbook...
Still staring at themselves in the glass below Memorial Hall.
Professor being on sabbatical and not offering a necessary course until Spring 2020.
Wanting to be a teacher.
Social Security number being stolen, so having to assume a new identity.
No, the credits don’t transfer.
WILDWe’re Totally Serious
Illustration by Angel Rodriguez
