Deborah Jeff: Regretting Divorce and Separation
-
Upload
danielle-greene -
Category
Health & Medicine
-
view
377 -
download
2
description
Transcript of Deborah Jeff: Regretting Divorce and Separation
Understanding separation regret and the impact on children
Seddons 2
What we tried to understand…
Feelings of regret Process of divorce and the use of
relationship education Impact on children
Seddons 3
How we did it…
Men62.86%
Women37.14%
Gender
18-246.34%
25-3433.22%
35-4423.53%
45-5415.57%
55+21.34%
Age
867 respondents
Divorced25.84%
Divorced with children34.60%
Separated (co-habitation)
20.99%
Separated with children18.57%
Separation Category
East Anglia3.81% East Midlands
2.54%
North East3.58%
North West14.56%
Northern Ire-land
1.38%
Scotland6.69%
London22.84%South East
8.77%
South West9.00%
Wales4.61%
West Midlands13.49%
Yorkshire8.65%
Region
Seddons 4
Do you have children?...
Live with you all the time
Live with you part of the
time
Live with ex partner/
spouse but you have con-
tact visits
They are grown up and live with nei-
ther of us
0.00%
5.00%
10.00%
15.00%
20.00%
25.00%
30.00%
35.00%
40.00%
45.00%
50.00%
FemaleMale
Seddons 5
What we tried to understand…
Feelings of regret Process of divorce and the use of
relationship education Impact on children
Seddons 6
Do you regret marrying or cohabitating?
Yes38.75
%
No61.25
%
18-2456.36%
25-3468.40
%35-44
56.86%
45-5461.48%
55+56.22%
No
Seddons 7
If yes, why?
We were not right for each other…
57.44%
We rushed into it…
34.52%
We drifted into it without making a clear decision…
20.83%
We were never both fully committed to the relationship…
17.86%
It wasn’t worth the subsequent pain…
27.08%
Seddons 8
What do you regret most about getting a divorce or separating?
I wish we had not sepa-rated
21.57%
The way we conducted the divorce/separation
21.34%
The impact on our children33.33%
The financial con-sequences
24.34%
Not having custody of the children6.11%
Losing the house10.50%
Nothing20.30%
Other4.96%
Seddons 9
What do you wish you had learned at the start of your marriage / cohabitation?
The kinds of difficulties most couples experience
28.26%
How relationships grow and develop over time
28.26%
More about each other's charac-ter, values or interests
34.83%
How to communicate and support each other more ef-
fectively23.53%
How to handle disagree-ments more constructively
20.42%
None of the above22.61%
Seddons 10
If you could turn back the clock, what would you change in your relationship?
Nothing
24.45%Try harder to make the relationship work
24.91%
Get relationships counselling or other
help
19.03%
Make different choices about work or career
19.03%
Seddons 11
If you could turn back the clock, what would you change in your relationship?
I would have never let it get as far as marriage…
Choose someone who was less selfish…
My wife not being a psychopath…
Not give in to others all the time…
Not marry a self-obsessed mummy’s boy…
Get my partner the help he needed…
Run a mile!Find the right man to
marry in the first place…
Seddons 12
What we tried to understand…
Feelings of regret Process of divorce and the use of
relationship education Impact on children
Seddons 13
Did you attend a marriage preparation course or other relationships education in the early stages of your marriage?
Yes16.38%
No
83.62%
18-2465.45%
25-3479.86%
35-4479.90%
45-5491.85%
55+92.97
%
No
Seddons 14
Why not?
We never thought about it44.14%
We didn't know there were such courses36.97%
We didn't think it was necessary or important
25.52%
We were too busy7.86%
My partner didn't want to7.72%
We couldn't find a suitable course
4.55%
Other8.69%
Seddons 15
Did you get any marriage / relationship counselling when the relationship was in difficulty?
Yes
20.88%
No
79.12% 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55+
0.00%
10.00%
20.00%
30.00%
40.00%
50.00%
60.00%
70.00%
80.00%
90.00%
Yes
No
Seddons 16
Why not?
We never thought about it26.24%
We didn't think it would make a difference
25.95%
It was too late, one or both of us had already decided to separate
37.90%
We weren't able to discuss such things
13.41%
My partner didn't want to13.41%
We couldn't find a suitable course3.94%
Other8.45%
Seddons 17
Have you ever tried to reconcile your differences with your ex-partner?
Did you succeed?
0.00%
5.00%
10.00%
15.00%
20.00%
25.00%
30.00%
Yes and now we're back to-gether
13.54%
Yes we're
friends47.27%
No39.19%
Seddons 18
What we tried to understand…
Feelings of regret Process of divorce and the use of
relationship education Impact on children
Seddons 19
Who was most affected by the divorce or separation? (by gender)
Children Family You Your partner
Other0.00%
5.00%
10.00%
15.00%
20.00%
25.00%
30.00%
35.00%
40.00%
45.00%
FemaleMale
Seddons 20
Yes, they were very upset
12.74%
Yes, because it wasn't helpful to
anyone18.36%
Yes, because perhaps the
divorce would have been
smoother and quicker for
everyone if we hadn't
22.03%
Yes, they really had no idea what
was going on12.53%
Yes, they felt they needed to take sides all of
the time6.48%
No14.69%
Not applicable - I don't have chil-
dren13.17%
Did your arguments affect your children?In denial?
Did your divorce affect your children?
23.91% said NO
Has your relationship with your children been affected?
74.33% said NO
Has your divorce had any negative impact on your children’s personal relationships?
69.67% said NO
Seddons 21
Impact – the ripple effect
Physical health and well-being de-teriorated14.57%
Emotional state deterio-rated
34.35%
School performance de-teriorated23.48%
Friendships and relationships de-teriorated11.74%
General behaviour dete-riorated17.17%
Other6.52%
No impact23.91%
Divorce had a positive impact7.61%
Seddons 22
How was your relationship with your child affected?
They
don't
spe
ak to
me
as m
uch
They
are
mor
e dis
tant
They
don't
trus
t me
as m
uch
They
are
mor
e cli
ngy
They
are
less
emot
ional
and
affe
ction
ate
with m
e
They
are
mor
e em
otion
al an
d af
fect
ionat
e with
me
Oth
er0.00%
5.00%
10.00%
15.00%
20.00%
25.00%
23Seddons
“Are we in denial over the impact of separation on children?”
“How can we overcome the stigma attached to counselling and help couples get the early support and relationships education they need and deserve?”
The bottom line: two key questions
Seddons 24
5 Portman Square, London, W1H 6NT