Dealing With Your Own Grief

The Chaplain in a World of Lament

GriefO “Grief comes when people miss one

another, and many types of missing occur in care giving ministry.”

O “Grief is sorrow over what might have been.”

O The care giver’s ministry IS grief work.O We carry the pain of others (Romans

12:15)O We carry our own pain

LamentO “…to express grief for or about, to

mourn (to lament a death) or regret deeply; to deplore (He lamented his thoughtless acts.); to grieve audibly, to wail, to express sorrow or regret”

O Covenant relationship with God allows for lament

Psalm 13 -- LamentO How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow in my heart all day long?How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God! Give light to my eyes,or I will sleep the sleep of death, and my enemy will say, “I have prevailed;”my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.

But I trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

Tasks of GriefO To accept the reality of the loss.

O To experience the pain of grief.  

O To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing.  

O To withdraw emotional energy invested in the deceased and invest it in new relationships.  

Accept the Reality of Loss

O Name your griefO Don’t hide behind a professional

maskO Find appropriate person(s) with

whom to talkO Connect with your own pastor

Gregory the GreatO “In restoring others to health by healing

their wounds, he must not disregard his own health…. Let him not, while helping his neighbours, neglect himself, let him not, while lifting up others, fall himself. In many instances, indeed, the greatness of some men’s virtues has been an occasion of their perdition, in that they have felt inordinately secure in the assurance of their strength, and they died suddenly because of their negligence.

Feel the Pain of LossO “The chaplain is a listener most of

the time and a speaker some of the time.”

O In our grief, we need to find a place to become the speaker!

O In Gethsemane, Jesus asked the disciples for the ministry of presence: “Stay here” “Keep watch”

O We may need to ask for presence!

Adjust to “New Normal”

O Adjust to an environment in which the other person is no longer present.

Re-invest Emotional Energy

O This may be the place where care givers struggle the most

O Balance neededO 2 Samuel 18-19

Connect to the SourceO “We need to know the way to the

Source, how to get in touch with the Source, at least on a daily basis, but also how to step aside and dip in when we begin to realize we are close to drained.”

O HopeO Theology of the Resurrection

SabbathO ReflectionO RemembranceO RestO Sabbath allows us to step back from

care giving long enough to truly allow God to minister to us.

O Which then allows us to re-enter the world of ministering to others who grieve.