Dating Violence

Adapted from the LINA curriculum and

Barren River Area Safe Space

Twisted Love Poem

Myth or Fact?

Domestic violence usually only happens in married adult couples.

MYTH

The fact is that a many as one-third of all high school and college-age young people

experience violence in an intimate or dating relationship.

Physical abuse is as common among high school andcollege-age couples as married couples.

Boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes push each other around when they

get angry, but it rarely resultsin anyone getting seriously hurt.

MYTH

Domestic violence is the number one cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 - 44 in

the U.S. -more than car accidents, muggings and rapes combined.

Of the women murdered each year in the U.S., 30% are killed by their current or former husband or

boyfriend.

While females can be abusive and abuse happens in same-sex couples

too, it is much more commonfor males to abuse their female

partners.

FACT

About 95% of know victims of relationship violence are females abused by their male

partners.

If a mother is abused by her children's father; the children are

also likely to be abused.

FACT

50% of men who frequently abuse their wives also frequently abuse their children.

A child who lives in a family where there is violence between parents is 15 times more

likely to be abused.

Most people will end a relationship if their boyfriend

or girlfriend hits them

MYTH

The fact is that nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate

relationships continue to date their abuser after the onset of violence.

People abuse their partners because they can't control their anger.

MYTH

People who abuse are usually not out of control, they do it to gain power and control over the

other person. They often use a series of tactics besides violence including threats,

intimidation, psychological abuse and isolation to control their partners.

Most men who abuse their partners grew up in violent

homes.

FACT

Men who have witnessed violence between parents are three times more likely to abuse their own wives and children than children of

non-violent parents. The sons of the most violent parents are 1000 times more likely to

become batterers.

If a person is really being abused, it's easy to just leave.

MYTH

There are many very complicated reasons why it's difficult for a person to leave an abusive partner. One very common reason is fear - women who leave abusers are at a 75%

greaterchance of being killed by the abuser than those

who stay.

Most rapes are committed by strangers who attack women at

night on the streets.

MYTH

About 80% of rapes and sexual assaults are committed by a partner, friend or

acquaintance of the victim.

A pregnant woman is at an even greater risk of physical abuse.

FACT

Pregnant women are especially at risk for abuse. It is estimated that more than one-

thirdof pregnant women are abused

Relationship abuse happens most often among Blacks and

Hispanics.

MYTH

Women of all races are equally likely to be abused by a partner

People who are abused often blame themselves for their abuse.

FACT

Most people who are abused blame themselves for causing the violence

However, the fact is that NO ONE is ever to blame for another

person's violence - violence is always a choice, and the responsibility is 100% with the person who is

violent.

What is dating violence? In a violent dating relationship, a person

intentionally threatens to act or acts in a way that physically, sexually, or verbally hurts their partner.

Done in order to gain and maintain control over them.

At least 70% of people know of someone who has been in a violent dating relationship.

Physical AbuseThis is not just a one time occurrence. It

happens again and again and gets worse over time.

Punching Kicking Hitting Slapping Biting Throwing things Shoving

Sexual Abuse Any unwanted physical touching or sexual

activity including

Forced sex (oral, anal, vaginal/penile)

Degrading sexual activity

Not allowing your partner to use contraception

Emotional abuse Threatening (you or your family) Yelling Name calling Blaming Shaming Social isolation Intimidation Controlling your actions

Sound Familiar? “We spent all our time together. It was wonderful at first, but then he became obsessive. I was either with him most of the

time or talking to him on the phone. He became more and more jealous. At one point, I even had to be on the phone with

him when I went to sleep so that he knew I was at home at night. I was allowed to talk to only two people at school. Both were girls and he had his friends watch me to make sure I was

being obedient.” – Salina, 13

“I had been with Carlos since I was thirteen. He used to choke me and do awful things to me. He used to make me feel that no one else would want me. I felt that I’d better stay with him

because he scared me. Sometimes we would be driving somewhere, and all of a sudden he would take me to a parking place. Then he’d hit me because of something wrong I said. I

was afraid of everything I said, afraid to say the wrong thing.” – Consuela, 19

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Who is involved? Abuser – person who inflicts the abuse

Target – person who is being abused

Bystander – witness to the abuse

Cycle of Violence

1. Tension Building

2. Explosion 3. Honeymoon

Breathing Underwater What part is the tension building?

What is the explosion?

How does Nick try to justify his actions?

What does Nick do in the “honeymoon” period?

If you are in an abusive relationship, you have three choices Accept the relationship and live with it

Stay in the relationship and try to make changes

Leave the relationship and get on with life

If you are in an abusive relationship… Get out / leave Tell your parents or someone you trust Make a safety plan Call the police Talk to someone about it Tell that abuser that the violence must stop Call a hotline

I Got Flowers Today

Using the information gained today, write your own 15 line “Twisted Love Poem.”

Talk about: dating violence how to spot it the cycle of violence where to get help.

OR…. Write a role playing scenario about

dating violence (like a play).

It must be at least one page long

Talk about: dating violence how to spot it the cycle of violence where to get help.