CW1 Childhood Obesity

CW1 Childhood Obesityby Nicola Claridge

Submission date: 10-Feb-2020 02:01PM (UTC+0000)Submission ID: 1254746940File name: 22019_Nicola_Claridge_CW1_Childhood_Obesity_278016_1035080138.docx (40.17K)Word count: 2997Character count: 15604

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Good source selection

Pt 2. Clear sourceevaluation

Lifted/PlagiarisedPt 2. Good, clearpoint

Your key point is not acause.Lifted/PlagiarisedPt 2. How does this help you answer the

question?

Add paragraph reference

Lifted/Plagiarised Should this be healtheffects?

Pt 2. Good, clearpoint

Good source selection

Further detail needed - are they experts in the area? Have the published papers on the causes ofobesity?

Pt 2. Clear source evaluation


Lifted/Plagiarised

Pt 2. Good, clearpoint

Lifted/PlagiarisedPt 2. Good, clearpoint


Lifted/Plagiarised Add paragraph referencePt 2. Good, clearpoint

Acceptable, but not an academicsource

Pt 2. Poor sourceevaluation

Pt 2. Clear sourceevaluation

Pt 2. Good, clear point


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FINAL GRADE

49/100

CW1 Childhood ObesityGRADEMARK REPORT

GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

Source Selection: 7 (both merit)

Child Obesity is not an academic source, more an online magazine.

Relevance is clear to the topic, but further detail is needed to make it explicit how it helpsanswer the question.

Source Evaluation: 4.5 (one merit, one below pass)

Further detail needed in some of the source evaluation criteria.

Use of texts is unclear - paragraph numbers are missing, and some of the main pointsand support do not match your stated purpose.

Processing text: 4 (one pass criteria met)

Points are repetitive, focussing on statistics, rather than causes or solutions. Thesupporting information is lifted from texts.

Research and Understanding: 4 (one pass criteria met)

19.5 / 40

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PAGE 1

Comment 1

Add health effects

PAGE 2

Good source selectionThis is a reliable and relevant source.

Text Comment. Use the name of the organisation as the author

Pt 1. Search method lacks detail

Please provide more information about how you found this source. Look at the CW1 Source Report model answer and explain whatkeywords you used in your searches and the filters you used to narrow down your search.

Text Comment. Did you find this on Google Scholar? It's not an academic source.


Text Comment. Can you give more detail on the solutions included?

Pt 1. Search method lacks detail

Please provide more information about how you found this source. Look at the CW1 Source Report model answer and explain whatkeywords you used in your searches and the filters you used to narrow down your search.

PAGE 3

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Pt 2. Clear source evaluationYou have fully explained the currency, authority and accuracy of this source.

Lifted/Plagiarised

You have lifted this directly from the source. Make sure you have used your own words to paraphrase key information from sourcesthat you use in your assignments. This also shows that you have read and understood the information.

Copying directly (plagiarising) from a source is academic misconduct and will result in a lower mark for your CW1.

Useful guides to paraphrasing can be found here:

Paraphrasing for beginners

Complete paraphrasing guide

Pt 2. Good, clear pointThis point is clearly relevant to your essay question and is well paraphrased.

Text Comment. Your key point is not a cause.

Lifted/Plagiarised






http://www.ucl.ac.uk/ioe-writing-centre/reference-effectively-avoid-plagiarism/paraphrasing/

https://www.monash.edu/rlo/research-writing-assignments/writing/paraphrasing-summarising-and-quoting



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Pt 2. How does this help you answer the question?It is not clear how this source and information it includes will help you answer your essay question. Be specific in yourexplanation of how exactly you plan to use the text in your essay. Provide a reference to which body paragraph/s you willuse the source in (e.g. P3).

Add paragraph referenceGive a paragraph reference here from your ‘Plan for overall structure’ (e.g. P3) to show where the information from thesource will be used in your essay.Additional Comment

Does this refer to paragraph 3 or 4?

Lifted/Plagiarised






Text Comment. Should this be health effects?


PAGE 4


Text Comment. Further detail needed - are they experts in the area? Have the published papers on the causes of obesity?



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Pt 2. Clear source evaluationYou have fully explained the currency, authority and accuracy of this source.Additional Comment

is the source peer reviewed?

Add paragraph referenceGive a paragraph reference here from your ‘Plan for overall structure’ (e.g. P3) to show where the information from thesource will be used in your essay.

Lifted/Plagiarised







Lifted/Plagiarised










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Lifted/Plagiarised








PAGE 5

Text Comment. Acceptable, but not an academic source

Pt 2. Poor source evaluation

You should explain clearly how you have evaluated the Currency, Authority and Accuracy of each of your 3 sources in Part 2.Remember to answer each of the questions in the left hand column and check the CW1 model we studied in class for an example ofthe detail needed in this section.



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Pt 2. Clear source evaluationYou have fully explained the currency, authority and accuracy of this source.

Pt 2. Good, clear pointThis point is clearly relevant to your essay question and is well paraphrased.Additional Comment

Similar data to 4

Add paragraph referenceGive a paragraph reference here from your ‘Plan for overall structure’ (e.g. P3) to show where the information from thesource will be used in your essay.Additional Comment

Is this for paragrah 4 ? in the essay outline this refers to marketing strategies not health - this needs to be explicitly linked

Text Comment. Your points are repetitive - you need to cover at least three different aspects of the essay outline.

PAGE 6

Text Comment. These are good points, but are not mentioned in your part 1 or 2 so it's not clear where these conclusions arefrom.

PAGE 7

RUBRIC: CW1 RUBRIC FINAL

SOURCE SEL A)

FAIL: 0 - 1

BELOW PASS: 2 - 3

PASS: 4 - 5

MERIT: 6 - 7

DISTINCTION: 8 - 10

SOURCE SEL B)

FAIL: 0 - 1

BELOW PASS: 2 - 3

PASS: 4 - 5

MERIT: 6 - 7

Merit: 6 - 7

a) Number and credibility of sources included in the list * The references provided for all 5 sources

a) Poor and/or inappropriate literature/material selected; required number of sources not included. * You need 5correctly referenced academic sources: journal articles, books or reports from governments or internationalorganisations.

a) Predominantly poor and/or inappropriate material selected with selection appearing to be random. * You need 5correctly referenced academic sources: journal articles, books or reports from governments or internationalorganisations.

a) Acceptable sources selected; two sources may be of lower quality / lack currency. * Check that all your referencesare accurate and from academic sources: journal articles, books or reports from governments or internationalorganisations.

a) Reliable sources selected overall; one source may be of lower quality. * Check that all your references areaccurate and from academic sources: journal articles, books or reports from governments or internationalorganisations.

a) All five sources included in the list are reliable and appropriate for academic purposes.

Merit: 6 - 7

b) Relevance of sources to title * Part 1: This source is relevant because…

b) Texts are unconnected – no obvious focus for the reading. * Your sources’ titles must be related to your essayquestion. You should explain how the information in these sources is connected to the question.

b) Texts are only generally linked to the topic; the relevance to the title is unclear. * Your sources’ titles must berelated to your essay question. You should explain how the information in these sources is connected to thequestion.

b) Texts are relevant to the research topic and title, though link may be less clear in places. * Explain clearly how theinformation in these sources is related to your essay question.

b) The relevance of the texts to the research topic and title is made clear. * Add more detail related to how theinformation in the sources is connected to your essay question

DISTINCTION: 8 - 10

SOURCE EVA A)

FAIL: 0 - 1

BELOW PASS: 2 - 3

PASS: 4 - 5

MERIT: 6 - 7

DISTINCTION: 8 - 10

SOURCE EVA B)

FAIL: 0 - 1

BELOW PASS: 2 - 3

PASS: 4 - 5

MERIT: 6 - 7

b) Relevance of all texts to the research topic and title is made explicit and is clear.

Merit: 6 - 7

a) Evaluation of sources * Part 2: Currency, Authority, Accuracy

a) No attempt to evaluate the reliability of sources. * Look at the model answer in the CW 1 Assessment Brief forexamples of how to evaluate the reliability of all three sources in part 2.

a) Weak / faulty evaluation of the reliability of the sources. * Look at the model answer in the CW 1 Assessment Brieffor examples of how to evaluate the reliability of all three sources in part 2.

a) Evaluation of the reliability of the sources present, but provides minimal detail which is weak, faulty or repetitive insome areas. * Provide more detail about the currency, authority and accuracy of all three sources in part 2. Makesure you have included an explanation of how you know the source is relevant and reliable, rather than just statingthe year of publication or the job of the author.

a) Sound evaluation of the reliability of sources; reasoning and detail may be clearer for some sources than others. *Provide more detail about the currency, authority and accuracy of all three sources in part 2. Make sure you haveincluded an explanation of how you know the source is relevant and reliable, rather than just stating the year ofpublication or the job of the author.

a) Clear and sound evaluation of the reliability of all sources provided.

Below Pass: 2 - 3

b) Use of sources * Part 2: Which point will the information and arguments from the text be used to support or explain?

b) Unclear why sources have been selected, and how they will be used in the essay. * Write the paragraph numberfrom your ‘plan for overall structure’ that the information in the sources relates to (eg. P3) and explain how this sourcewill be used to support this paragraph.

b) Largely unclear how sources will be used to support points in the research essay. * Write the paragraph numberfrom your ‘plan for overall structure’ that the information in the sources relates to (eg.P3) and explain how this sourcewill be used to support this paragraph.

b) Indication of how sources will be used in the essay is generally clear, but may lack detail or relevance in places. *You have made it clear where and how you are going to use one of your sources. Add more detail to this section

b) Clear indication of how two of the sources will be used in research essay; sources appropriate to support points. *

DISTINCTION: 8 - 10

PROC. TEXT A)

FAIL: 0 - 1

BELOW PASS: 2 - 3

PASS: 4 - 5

MERIT: 6 - 7

DISTINCTION: 8 - 10

PROC. TEXT B)

FAIL: 0 - 1

BELOW PASS: 2 - 3

You have made it clear where and how you are going to use two of your sources. Add more detail for the thirdsource.

b) Clear indication of how all three sources will be used in research essay; sources appropriate to support pointsoutlined in essay plan.

Pass: 4 - 5

a) Identification of key relevant points in the text. * Part 2: Relevant points from the text

a) Does not demonstrate the ability to identify main ideas from an academic text – either academic texts are notused, points are unclear, or are completely lifted. * Choose 3 main points from each source. They must be relevant tothe topics of your body paragraphs. Remember to use your own words!

a) Demonstrates limited ability to identify main lines of argument in an academic text; main points are missing,unclear, repetitive or lifted. * Choose 3 main points from each source. They must be relevant to the topics of yourbody paragraphs. Remember to use your own words!

a) Demonstrates some ability to identify main lines of argument in an academic text; some points may be clearer thanothers. * You have identified some relevant points but they are not all clear. All main points must be relevant to yourbody paragraph topics and expressed clearly in your own words.

a) Demonstrates ability to identify main lines of argument in academic texts with the majority of points clearly relevantand clearly expressed. * You have identified relevant points but more specific detail is needed for some of them.Make sure all your main points are expressed clearly.

a) Demonstrates ability to identify main lines of argument in all three academic texts; all points are clearly relevantand clearly expressed.

Below Pass: 2 - 3

b) Identification of relevant supporting evidence provided in the text. * Part 2: Supporting evidence / example / data from the text

b) No attempt to provide supporting information; information is missing, irrelevant or inappropriate. * All the mainpoints you include must have clearly linked supporting information. This support can be examples, data or resultsfrom studies. Remember to paraphrase and add citations.

b) Attempt to provide supporting information for main points, but largely unclear or repetitive; points are lifted fromtexts. * All the main points you include must have clearly linked supporting information. This support can be examples,

PASS: 4 - 5

MERIT: 6 - 7

DISTINCTION: 8 - 10

RES.&UND. A)

FAIL: 0 - 1

BELOW PASS: 2 - 3

PASS: 4 - 5

MERIT: 6 - 7

DISTINCTION: 8 - 10

RES.&UND. B)

data or results from studies. Remember to paraphrase and add citations.

b) Distinguishes supporting details from main points although some supporting evidence may be less clear orrelevant. * Check that all the supporting information is relevant to the main point and add more detail (examples, dataor results from studies). Remember to add citations. You may need to check the quality of your paraphrasing!

b) Provides clear supporting information relevant to the main points in a text. * Add more detail to improve this mark(examples, data or results from studies). Remember to add citations. You may need to check the quality of yourparaphrasing!

b) Produces effective notes on relevant supporting ideas and details.

Below Pass: 2 - 3

a) Evidence of ability to research * Part 1: I found this source by…

a) No evidence of ability to find relevant and reliable sources demonstrated. * Explain how you found your sources inPart 1. Eg. Where did you search, what search terms did you use? Make sure you have used a valid searchtechnique (not ‘I googled it’). Show evidence of more than one search technique. Check the CW 1 Model forexamples.

a) Lacking evidence of ability to find relevant and reliable source; search method is unclear, inappropriate orrepetitive. * Explain how you found your sources in Part 1. Eg. Where did you search, what search terms did youuse? Make sure you have used a valid search technique (not ‘I googled it’). Show evidence of more than one searchtechnique. Check the CW 1 Model for examples.

a) Some evidence of ability to find relevant and reliable sources demonstrated; more than one search method hasbeen used. * Give more detail about how you found your sources in Part 1. How did you refine your search results?Eg. Change the data range, use different key words? How did you make sure you weren’t following up on researchthat all presented the same position on a topic?

a) Evidence of ability to find relevant and reliable sources demonstrated; effective search methods used and outlined.* Give a little more detail about how you found your sources in Part 1. How did you refine your search results? E.g.Change the data range, use alternative key words? Check the CW1 model in the assessment brief.

a) Clear evidence of ability to find relevant and reliable sources demonstrated; effective search methods used andfully outlined.

Pass: 4 - 5

FAIL: 0 - 1

BELOW PASS: 2 - 3

PASS: 4 - 5

MERIT: 6 - 7

DISTINCTION: 8 - 10

b) Evidence of subject knowledge * Part 2: Conclusions drawn from you reading

b) Demonstrates no discernible knowledge or understanding. * Use the ‘conclusions drawn from your reading’ sectionto show that you understand key issues related to the essay question that you identified from the sources.Remember to use your own words; do not copy and paste from texts.

b) Demonstrates little or confused understanding of content; student has simply lifted text and / or has only coveredone aspect of the title. * Use the ‘conclusions drawn from your reading’ section to show that you understand keyissues related to the essay question that you identified from the sources. Remember to use your own words; do notcopy and paste from texts.

b) Demonstrates general knowledge and coverage of some areas but need development. * There is some goodevidence of knowledge and understanding of the topic, but write clearer conclusions drawn from your reading toshow you understand the key issues related to your essay question that you have found in your reading. Rememberto use your own words; do not copy and paste from texts.

b) Demonstrates good understanding and coverage of the relevant material and issues. * Good evidence ofknowledge and understanding of the topic, but write clearer conclusions drawn from your reading to show that youunderstand the key issues related to your essay question that you have found from your sources. Remember toparaphrase all information in your CW1.

b) Demonstrates thorough understanding and coverage of the relevant material and issues.

CW1 Childhood Obesity

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