Coping with your losses
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Transcript of Coping with your losses
COPING WITH YOUR LOSSES
Julie Larson, LCSWwww.julielarsonlcsw.com
When others are ready to celebrate the end of your treatment, cancer survivors often experience a mix of emotions/reactions after treatment ends.
THE POSITIVE FEELINGS: Acknowledging personal strengths Deepened relationships with loved ones Excited about the future New desire to set personal goals A sense of gratitude and appreciation for life
WHEN ACTIVE TREATMENT ENDS
WH
Y? WH
Y? WH
Y? W
HY?
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THE “Not-so-Positive” FEELINGS Fear of Recurrence: Worry about future unknowns Anxiety: Concern about not being in active treatment Concerns about physical appearance Sadness Depression Grief Anger about having had the life disruption of cancer Financial concerns Guilt or Regret Emotional numbness Spiritual uncertainty Learning new ways to care for yourself
WHEN ACTIVE TREATMENT ENDS
GRIEF 101 Denial. Shock. Numbness.
Anger. Irritation. Frustration.
Bargaining. “If I do this, then…”
Sadness. Isolation. Ache. Void. Empty.
Acceptance. New perspective. Awareness. Insight.
AM I GRIEVING? RECOGNIZING SYMPTOMS Crying Lack of energy Uncertainty Changes in sleeping or eating habits Feeling withdrawn or unmotivated Irritable, demanding, underlying “buzz” of
anger Hyperactivity, fear of slowing down Decreased productivity, trouble
concentrating Avoidance of others or fear of being aloneGRIEF VS. DEPRESSION?
THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF GRIEF…
SELF CARE: SADNESS. ANGER.
What helps you feel safe enough to be really sad? People? Location? Comforts?
Pay very close attention to what it is (thought?) that makes you stop crying? Why….
Anger is energy. What can you do with that energy?
Do you know your triggers? Have you taken the time to really understand
those trigger thoughts?
THE WORK OF BEING AT WORK: Realize when you are stressed. Why?
Triggers?Certain people? External Events?
Begin to learn your “Warning Signs”: The build up to an emotional moment.
Know your people!
Vital Steps to Caring for You
1. Make a list of different ways you care for yourself
2. Consider your five senses3. What can you do at work? Home? When
you are out socially? In the middle of the night?
4. If being with people is part of your list, what are you doing together?
Ground yourself:*Look up*Breathe*Feel your feet on
the ground*Tune into your body
ACTIVITY: Create your Toolbox
Remember your feelings about talking about your diagnosis will likely change day to day.
Try not to ignore your need to share your worries, fears and questions.
Often talking with others helps you work through concerns or uncertainties in a natural way.
Try not to put on a “happy face” if you are not feeling that way. Your true feelings are more helpful to everyone.
Remember when others have awkward or hurtful responses it likely has nothing to do with you but is more related to their own feelings or past experiences.
Talking about cancer can be complicated. Most conversations are not a one shot deal, they are an ongoing dialogue. Keep being as open as you can.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Assumptions “Shoulds”/“Musts”/”Oughts” All or nothing thinking Over-generalizing Unfavorable comparisons Personalizing Dwelling on the negative
www.thetherapyspacenyc.comTHE DIRTY LITTLE HABITS OF OUR THOUGHTS…
What is the event? What are your emotions? How intense are these emotions 1 –
10? Initial negative self-talk Gather evidence of other possibilities? Challenge the thought distortions Does this lead to a different feeling?
www.thetherapyspacenyc.comCHALLENGING DISTORTED THINKING
Affirmations are healing, positive messages you give to yourself to counter your negative self-talk.
Three Types of Affirmations: “I am…” (A statement about you)“I can…” (A statement of your potential)“I will…” (A statement of change in your
life)
AFFIRMATIONS
ACTIVITY: Writing Affirmations Write three (or more) affirmations
HOMEWORK: Find Time for You Read this list to yourself daily
ACTIVITY: WRITING AFFIRMATIONS
CAUTION: Resist the “Cheese Factor”
The “YOU INVENTORY” What underlying qualities would you
want others to know about you? Did you learn anything new about
yourself since you were diagnosed with cancer?
Would any of these qualities be important in your relationships with others?
How would you share this information within your disclosure of your diagnosis?
GETTING TO KNOW YOU…
Skills, Talents, Passions, Past successes
YOUR BEST RESOURCE: YOU! The “STUFF” Inside You
Understanding your personal meaning Visualizing your individual hopes and dreams
Every feeling matters Cancer has a way of educating you about
YOU Think back Rename the experience Use some of those skills now for your benefit
Let’s dish about your role models, the people you admire.
1.) Who comes to mind2.) What qualities or characteristics about this
person do you like?
ACTIVITY: ROLE MODEL SEARCH!
1. Listen to yourself. Come to understand what you are feeling, thinking and needing.
2. Learn how to care for yourself. 3. Decide who the best audience is for you
today related to what you need to express.4. Prepare yourself for important
conversations.5. Know your emotional “hot spots”.6. Reach out to good friends or a therapist to
help you better understand your feelings and support you as you
IN SUMMARY:
It’s worth the struggle to discover who you really are and how you, in your own way, can put life together as something that means a lot to you.” - Mr. Rogers