Conversations of Consequence
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Transcript of Conversations of Consequence
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Intense Emotion
Conflicting Opinions
High Stakes+ +
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Biology Unprepared Under pressure Emotional flooding Regress to poor
coping
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The only message that matters,
is the one the person hears.
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What we say is not what we really mean or feel.
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Hostility Silence = the freeze out Withdraw = the retreat Sarcasm Innuendo Withering look Discredit the other
person Martyrdom Blame
Attempts at persuasion so we can get our way!
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Our story about intention is based on the impact the conversation is having. How it is making me feel? What can I do to defend myself?
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Statement Our Explanation Feeling
or CHAOS
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Sender’sImplicit“Hidden”Message
Receiver’sInterpretation“What I hear is…”
History TogetherUnspoken assumptions
Explicit Message“Just the Facts”
Statement
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Our historyOur feelings about our selfOur self-imageOur assumptionsOur attributions or understanding of
intent
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Purpose What do I really want for me, them, us? Establish a mutual purpose.
Assumptions Is it REALLY true? Do I know this for sure? Am I biased?
Safety React to the loss of safety NOT the response
itself. Do they trust my motives and know I care? State what you didn’t want to do and what you
value.
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ListenCuriosity
Seek to share, understand, explore, and discover
And It is not ‘either’ ‘or’, it is ‘and’.
Feelings Focus on and address the feelings!
…..THIS TIME IT REALLY IS ABOUT YOU?