Confrontation Presentation

8/13/2019 Confrontation Presentation

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Essentials of Confrontation

1. Be emotionally present.

Being present refers to being in touch and

in tune with our own feelings as well as

those of the other person. Presence and

connection help make confrontation

tolerable.


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Contd.2. Be clear about You and I.

Problems arise when we dont clearly distinguish our

feelings and opinions from the other persons. Instead of

saying You need to change this, say I need for you to

change this. There is an I who has a desire and a

request and there is a you who is being asked tochange something. That is clear.

3. Clarify the problem.

Be clear about the nature of the your problem with the

other person. Here are 3 important elements of theproblem itself and what you would like to see happen: (1)

Clarify the nature of the problem (2) Clarify the effects of

the problem and (3) Clarify your desire for change.


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Contd.

4. Balance grace and truth.

Grace is our being on the side of, or for the other

person as well as the relationship. Truth is the reality of

whatever we need to say about the problem. Having the

two together counters the bad effects of having one of

these by itself.

5. Stay on task.

A good confrontation has a specific and clear focus. It

can be reduced to one or both of two things: You want

the other to start doing something you want or to stop

doing something you dont want.


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Contd.

6. Use the formula, When you do A, I feel B.

One of the most powerful and effective ingredients of a

good confrontation is explaining to a person how their

attitudes or actions influence you.

7. Affirm and validate.

Affirmation and validation of a person is not rocket

science. The basic message you want to convey is that

you care about the person; you notice things they are

doing well, or you let them know you are on their side.


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Contd.

8. Apologize for your part in the problem.

Dont confront someone if you owe them an apology first.

Make sure you have a clean slate before the person.

9. Avoid shoulds. The word should feels parental and judgmental to

people. People who use many shoulds get less helpful

outcomes and reactions from other people than those

who dont.


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Confrontation TechniquesBehavioral Confrontation

It's important to remember that when you confront a

person, you shouldn't confront and accuse him of bad

character, only bad behavior. Behavior can be easily

changed, and bringing up poor performance or a lack of

attention is much better received than calling a person'sentire character into question.

Repetition

A clever person will try to throw you off of the path of

confrontation when you're working at talking to her.Repeating your request multiple times may help you stay

on track and not be swayed by other arguments the

other person is presenting.


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Contd.Agreement

Confrontation usually puts someone on the "hot seat,"

making him defend himself and feel hurt, angry and

attacked. Taking time to agree with the person you're

confronting can help relax him and take him off of the

defensive for more productive communication. Sayingthings like, "I understand why you would be upset," or,

"You have a right to be angry,"

Reasoning

Confrontation shouldn't only be about pointing out badbehavior in order to stop it. It also should involve

reasoning and sound solutions that help your friend,

family member or coworker reform the behavior that is

causing the confrontation.


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The Seven Steps of Initiating a Confrontation

State how you see the situation. Give facts, not

interpretations.

State how you understand the problem that causes this

situation. Again, give facts, results, or negative effects.

Identify the negative consequences and feelings that

result.

Get agreement on the problem

Suggest possible solutions Identify consequences of the problem continuing

State what your understanding of the agreement or

solution is.


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Behaviors to Avoid in Confrontations

Critical/judgmental/demeaning attitude

Controlling/autocratic attitude

Sarcastic Indifference

Superior/Better than attitude

Over-generalizations


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Confrontation Presentation

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