CONFLICT RESOLUTIONCONFLICT RESOLUTION

MR. DONLEYMR. DONLEY

8.30.078.30.07

Conflict Study GuideConflict Study Guide

• Training Ground RulesTraining Ground Rules• Understanding ConflictUnderstanding Conflict• Various ConflictsVarious Conflicts• Recognizing conflict styles and benefits Recognizing conflict styles and benefits • Dealing with Anger Dealing with Anger • Resolving simple conflictsResolving simple conflicts• Communication ProcessCommunication Process• Assertiveness and I messagesAssertiveness and I messages• Active listeningActive listening

GROUND RULESGROUND RULES

• BE RESPONSIBLEBE RESPONSIBLE

• EXPERIMENTEXPERIMENT

• PARTICIPATEPARTICIPATE

• HELP OTHERS-WORK TOGETHERHELP OTHERS-WORK TOGETHER

• HONESTYHONESTY

• OPEN-MINDEDOPEN-MINDED

• SENSITIVE TO OTHERSSENSITIVE TO OTHERS

• ITS OK TO DISAGREE ITS OK TO DISAGREE

VOCABVOCAB

• CONFLICTCONFLICT

• NEUTRALNEUTRAL

• DISPUTANTDISPUTANT

• MEDIATIONMEDIATION

• SOLUTION/RESOLUTIONSOLUTION/RESOLUTION

• MEDIATORMEDIATOR

Conflict Resolution SkillsConflict Resolution Skills

• 6 QUICK FIXES6 QUICK FIXES

• 1. FLIP A COIN1. FLIP A COIN

• 2.SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE2.SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE

• 3. LAUGH IT OFF3. LAUGH IT OFF

• 4. SKIP IT4. SKIP IT

• 5.WALK AWAY5.WALK AWAY

• 6. SAY YOUR SORRY6. SAY YOUR SORRY

Cause of ConflictCause of Conflict

• ResourcesResources

• Psychological NeedsPsychological Needs

• Values Values

• Intra-personalIntra-personal

• Inter-personalInter-personal

• Intra-groupIntra-group

• Inter-groupInter-group

Conflict Resolution ProcessConflict Resolution Process

• Step One; Consider a Quick FixStep One; Consider a Quick Fix

• Step two; Get the FactsStep two; Get the Facts

• Step 3; Identify the IssuesStep 3; Identify the Issues

• Step 4; Find SolutionsStep 4; Find Solutions

• Step 5; Pick a Solution that works for Step 5; Pick a Solution that works for EverybodyEverybody

Conflict CycleConflict Cycle

• Conflict Experience-beliefs & Conflict Experience-beliefs & attitudesattitudes

• Conflict Occurs-Conflict Occurs-

• Perception/thinkingPerception/thinking

• Emotions/feelings IDEmotions/feelings ID

• Behavior ResponseBehavior Response

• Outcome/consequencesOutcome/consequences

Conflict OutcomesConflict Outcomes

Escalation of ConflictEscalation of Conflict

Others get involved and take sidesOthers get involved and take sides

A person feels threatenedA person feels threatened

No history of effective relationship No history of effective relationship between the partiesbetween the parties

Important needs are not meetImportant needs are not meet

People don’t have conflict resolution People don’t have conflict resolution skillsskills

Conflict OutcomesConflict Outcomes

• De-escalation of ConflictDe-escalation of Conflict• People focus on the problem not the People focus on the problem not the

personalitiespersonalities• Emotions are expressed directly Emotions are expressed directly

rather than demonstrated indirectly rather than demonstrated indirectly • Threats are reduced/eliminatedThreats are reduced/eliminated• Needs are discussedNeeds are discussed• People use conflict resolution skillsPeople use conflict resolution skills

Anger Anger

• It is not always badIt is not always bad

• Never response to first impulseNever response to first impulse

• Think before actingThink before acting

• Find a constructive way to release Find a constructive way to release angeranger

• Determine why you are angryDetermine why you are angry

• Communicate effectivelyCommunicate effectively

Anger managementAnger management

• Talk it outTalk it out

• ExerciseExercise

• Say you’re sorry to those who are Say you’re sorry to those who are angryangry

• Leave the situation until calm downLeave the situation until calm down

Conflict OutcomesConflict Outcomes

• Positive ResolutionPositive Resolution

• Lower personal Lower personal stressstress

• Self-empowermentSelf-empowerment

• Improved Improved relationshiprelationship

• Improved problem Improved problem solving skillssolving skills

• Negative ResolutionNegative Resolution

• More personal More personal stressstress

• Hurt FeelingsHurt Feelings

• Ineffective Ineffective relationshipsrelationships

• More unresolved More unresolved problem situationsproblem situations

SO WHAT IS CONFLICT?SO WHAT IS CONFLICT?

• WHAT WORDS COME TO MINDWHAT WORDS COME TO MIND

CONFLICT ASSUMPTIONSCONFLICT ASSUMPTIONS

• NORMALNORMAL• YOUR RESPONSE DETERMINES YOUR RESPONSE DETERMINES

OUTCOMEOUTCOME• VOLUNTARY RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT VOLUNTARY RESOLUTION OF CONFLICT

IS POSITIVEIS POSITIVE• RESOLVING OWN CONFLICT RESOLVING OWN CONFLICT

EMPOWERINGEMPOWERING• DIVERSITY IS POSITIVEDIVERSITY IS POSITIVE• DEVELOP YOUR OWN VALUESDEVELOP YOUR OWN VALUES

CONFLICT STYLESCONFLICT STYLES

• 1 AVOIDANCE-1 AVOIDANCE-

• 2. CONFRONTATION-2. CONFRONTATION-

• 3 PROBLEM-SOLVING-3 PROBLEM-SOLVING-

CommunicationCommunication

• Communication skillsCommunication skills

• Your parents have told you that they Your parents have told you that they are going to separate because they are going to separate because they have "grown apart" and want to have have "grown apart" and want to have some time to think. You had no idea some time to think. You had no idea that your parents were having that your parents were having problems. You are upset and anxious problems. You are upset and anxious about the future. about the future.

Communication OverviewCommunication Overview

• 1. It is a necessary tool for understanding 1. It is a necessary tool for understanding and resolving conflictsand resolving conflicts

• 2. Miscommunication may be the cause of 2. Miscommunication may be the cause of a conflicta conflict

• Sending and Receiving MessageSending and Receiving Message– Person A says what he/she intendedPerson A says what he/she intended– Person A says something other than intendedPerson A says something other than intended– Person B listen and hears accuratelyPerson B listen and hears accurately– Person B listens and doesn’t hear accuratelyPerson B listens and doesn’t hear accurately

Factors Influencing Factors Influencing CommunicationCommunication

• Values-differences –ind competitions vs Values-differences –ind competitions vs good for the groupgood for the group

• Perceptions-How each person is viewing the Perceptions-How each person is viewing the same situation must be clarifiedsame situation must be clarified

• Assumptions-Judgements made w/o proof Assumptions-Judgements made w/o proof leading to stereotypes-widely shared viewsleading to stereotypes-widely shared views

• Suspicions-assumptions based on mistrust Suspicions-assumptions based on mistrust concerning motivationconcerning motivation

• Communication Styles-loud vs soft, Communication Styles-loud vs soft, dictation, eye contact, dictation, eye contact,

CommunicationCommunication

• Communication occurs on many levels.Communication occurs on many levels.• The level of communication usually The level of communication usually

reflects the closeness of the relationship.reflects the closeness of the relationship.• The 5 levels of communication are:The 5 levels of communication are:• Polite conversationPolite conversation• Information givingInformation giving• Expressing ideasExpressing ideas• Sharing feelingsSharing feelings• Self-disclosingSelf-disclosing

CommunicationCommunication

• Why should you express your Why should you express your thoughts and feelings to your thoughts and feelings to your parents? (To reduce stress and to parents? (To reduce stress and to openly communicate with them.)openly communicate with them.)

• Why would it be difficult to express Why would it be difficult to express these thoughts and feelings? (Self-these thoughts and feelings? (Self-disclosing takes emotional energy disclosing takes emotional energy and makes us vulnerable.)and makes us vulnerable.)

5 levels of Communication5 levels of Communication

• 1. Polite Conversation - conversation that 1. Polite Conversation - conversation that helps put people at ease or just passes the helps put people at ease or just passes the time.time.

• 2. Information Giving - reporting events or 2. Information Giving - reporting events or facts.facts.

• 3. Expressing Ideas - expressing thoughts, 3. Expressing Ideas - expressing thoughts, ideas, decisions and judgments.ideas, decisions and judgments.

• 4. Sharing Feelings - telling how a person 4. Sharing Feelings - telling how a person feels about people, situations or events.feels about people, situations or events.

• 5. Self-disclosing - sharing deepest hope, 5. Self-disclosing - sharing deepest hope, dreams, fears and emotion.dreams, fears and emotion.

Active ListeningActive Listening

• Using good body language-eye contactUsing good body language-eye contact• Trying to understandTrying to understand• Restating or paraphrasingRestating or paraphrasing• ClarifyingClarifying• RespectingRespecting• Not interrupting, arguing, changing the Not interrupting, arguing, changing the

subject, judging, making up mind subject, judging, making up mind before person is finished talkingbefore person is finished talking

I MessagesI Messages

• Allows you to tell people that you Allows you to tell people that you want their behavior to change want their behavior to change without blaming themwithout blaming them

• I positive statementsI positive statements

• I feel……..sadI feel……..sad

• When you…….leave earlyWhen you…….leave early

• I want ………becauseI want ………because