Conflict Resolution

Conflict Any disagreement, struggle, or fight.

Some conflicts may be trivial like a squabble between siblings over a TV remote.

Others can be serious, or even deadly.

Common Causes of Conflict Power struggles Personal Loyalties Jealousy and envy Property disputes Conflicting attitudes and values. Lack of respect.

Results of Conflict: Positive:

Improve communication skills Problem-Solving skills Strengthen Relationships

Negative: Stress Anger, frustration, fear and emotional

pain Violence, injury

Conflict in Friendships:Bullying

Conflict: Bullying Bullying can be verbal or non-verbal,

physical or non-physical. Can be direct, like hitting, teasing or

making threats. Can also be indirect, like rumors,

manipulation, isolation and exclusion. A bully may be one person acting

independently or a clique or a group of people.

Cyber-bullying The use of internet and related

technologies to harm other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner.

Remember Everything said over the internet,

texting, etc. is ALWAYS there. There is always a way to access what has been sent. Even if you delete, it can still be accessed!

Roles Victim

The one being attacked or harassed Bully

The harasser or attacker Bystander

The watcher, doesn’t say stop, doesn’t say go. Doesn’t say anything.

Ally The one to stand up and stop the harassment

Sometimes we may not know if we bully. “Whoever said sticks and

stones can break my bones but words will never harm me, was a total idiot! Unkind words can crush you.”

Sean Covey

Write a behavior that could hurt someone or make them feel bad such as calling someone an ethnic name, or tripping someone.

Bullying: How to Handle it Don’t give the bully a chance.

As much as you can avoid the bully. Take a different route to avoid him or her if possible. De-friend them on facebook, twitter, etc.

Stand tall and be brave When you’re scared of a person you’re probably not feeling your

bravest. Sometimes just acting brace is enough to stop a bully. Stand tall and you’ll send the message: “Don’t mess with me”.

Feel good about you Nobody’s perfect, but do what you can to look and feel your

best. Get a buddy (and be a buddy).

Two is better than one when trying to avoid being bullied. Make a plan to walk with a friend or two on the way to school or recess or lunch or wherever you think you might meet the bully. Offer to do the same if a friend is having bully trouble.

If the Bully Says or Does Something Ignore the bully.

Try your best to ignore the bully treats. Pretend you don’t hear them and walk away quickly to a place of safety.

Stand up for yourself. Pretend to feel really brave and confident. Tell the bully “No! stop it!” in a

loud voice. Then walk away or run if you have to. Students can also stand up for each other by telling the bully to stop teasing or scaring someone else, then walk away together.

Don’t bully back. Don’t hit, kick, or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your

friends. Fighting back just satisfies a bully and is dangerous too. You’re also likely to get in trouble.

Don’t show your feelings. Plan ahead. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing

you’re upset? Tell an adult

If you are being bullied it is important to tell an adult. Find someone you trust and go and tell them what is happening to you.

Conflict in Family and Sibling Relationships and Dating:Violence

Conflict: Violence The threatened or actual use of physical

force or power to harm another person or to damage property.

Characteristics of Abusers Very Jealous, has a short temper Reacts physically: hits the wall, kicks the dog,

etc. Raised in an abusive home Macho type, must always be the on in control May or may not batter children Believe they have the right to beat other

people Think victims enjoy or need the abuse

Characteristics of Victims of Abuse

Raised in an abusive home (was abused or witnessed abuse)

Low self-esteem, insecure, feel they deserve the abuse, guilty, etc.

Isolated-not allowed to form close relationships with others

Resists giving up on marriage, doesn’t want to feel they have failed, wants to help the abuser change

Fear of leaving the abuser or of other family members being hurt

Dating Violence Qualities of unhealthy relationships

Controlling Manipulation Verbal insults Mean language Put downs Physical violence Isolation from family and friends Intimidation or threats

Will marriage make the abusive behavior go away? Abuse only gets worse after marriage People stay in abusive situations for many

reasons Financial dependence Social implications Fear They believe they caused it They believe the violence is temporary They believe they should understand the abuser Personal incompetence.

Marital Abuse Wife abuse is the biggest danger to women 95% of physical battering is down by the male.

However, when the wife does the battering she is more likely to kill

Avoid marital abuse by: Not getting involved with an abusive character. Don’t let it start. Look for warning signs when dating. If it happens once, insist the other person getting

therapy. If it happens several times, call the police.

Examples of Intensity

Shoving

Pushing

Slapping

Punching

Kicking

Choking

MILD MODERATE SEVERE FATAL

Threaten with weapon

Battering

Stomping

Strangling

Stabbing

Shooting

Violence in the Media Every day, children are exposed to

violent words and images in television, movies, song lyrics and video games.

Scenes that feature violence often fail to show its harmful consequences

Assisting in an Abusive Situation

To help someone else in an abusive situation, call the police. It is too dangerous for you to intercede.

Offer emotional support to the victim afterwards.

What are some other forms of conflict?

Families?

Siblings?

Resolving Conflict Assume you don’t have all the answers Ask questions to understand the other

person(s). Be prepared to compromise or make a

deal.

Steps 1.  STOP. Don't let the conflict get worse. The less

angry you are the easier it will be to solve the problem.

2.  SAY what the conflict is about. What is causing the disagreement? What does each of you want or not want?

3.  THINK of positive options. How could you meet each other's needs and be fair?

4.  CHOOSE a positive option each of you can agree on.

If you still can't agree, ask someone else (an outsider) to help resolve the conflict.

Rules Agree to resolve the conflict. No name calling. Take turns talking. Don't interrupt. Be clear and truthful about what is

bothering you and what you really need. Listen to the other person. Be sure you

understand how he or she sees the problem.

Use your brains, not your hands. Be willing to compromise (if that's

appropriate).

Sometimes we may not engage, and others may treat us poorly.

What is the best way to respond in these situations?