Conflict Management · PDF file CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Dr. David Schroeder President, Pillar...

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Transcript of Conflict Management · PDF file CONFLICT MANAGEMENT Dr. David Schroeder President, Pillar...

  • CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

    Dr. David Schroeder

    President, Pillar College

  • CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

    Learning from Israel’s

    Warrior King, Leader

    the man after God’s

    own Heart!

  • DAVID EXPERIENCED EVERY POSSIBLE CONFLICT, AS A…

    • Son – youngest

    • Shepherd – lions and bears

    • Brother – six brothers

    • Warrior – Goliath and Philistines

    • Palace Minstrel – dodging spears

    • Prince – bad marriage

    • Renegade – 600 fugitives

    • Murderer - Uriah

    • Man of God – many sins

    • Tribal King - “brother enemies”

    • National King - ungodly enemies

    • Family man

    • Husband / Adulterer

    • Father – Amnon, Tamar,

    Absalom

  • DAVID’S CONFLICT WITH HIMSELF?

  • The most difficult

    person you will ever

    have to manage is…

    YOU

  • …AND YOUR SELF-MANAGEMENT CRISES OCCUR WHEN..

    • You try to have a different persona in your

    different roles and environments

    • At home At work

    • At the club At inlaws

    • At school At church

  • THE SOURCE OF ALL CONFLICTS

    • And there was war in heaven,

    Michael and his angels waging

    war with the dragon. The dragon

    and his angels waged war, and

    they were not strong enough,

    and there was no longer a place

    found for them in heaven.

    • And the great dragon was

    thrown down, the serpent of old

    who is called the devil and Satan,

    who deceives the whole world;

    he was thrown down to the earth,

    and his angels were thrown

    down with him.

    • Revelation 12:7-9

  • FUELING CONFLICTS

    • 2 Timothy 3:1-4

    • But realize this, that in the last days

    difficult times will come. For men will

    be lovers of self, lovers of money,

    boastful, arrogant, revilers,

    disobedient to parents, ungrateful,

    unholy, unloving, irreconcilable,

    malicious gossips, without self-

    control, brutal, haters of good,

    treacherous, reckless, conceited,

    lovers of pleasure rather than lovers

    of God,

  • FUELING CONFLICTS

    • But, sometimes…

    • James 4:1

    • What is causing the quarrels

    and fights among you? Don’t

    they come from the evil

    desires at war within you?

  • PRINCIPLES FOR RESTORING RELATIONSHIPS

    Learning when to:

    Retreat or Restrain

    Retaliate or Reconcile

    Repent and Restore

  • POTENTIAL PERSONAL CONFLICTS

    • Three relationships we all have

    •Superiors

    •Peers

    •Subordinates

    • Most of us are adept at one of

    these, okay at another, and

    deficient in the other.

    • How would you assess your EQI

    in these relationships?

    • Where is conflict most likely to

    arise?

  • DAVID EXPERIENCED CONFLICTS AS A…

    •Man of God –

    many sins

  • DAVID’S CONFLICT WITH GOD WAS DUE TO HIS SIN

    • Adultery and murder

    were the result of ?

    • idleness?

    • lust?

    • power?

  • WE HAVE CONFLICTS WITH…

    •God

    • Many conflicts directed toward

    other people are really due to

    anger at God.

    • Anger at God is usually due to a

    huge disappointment or hurt

    • Remedy: Repent (don’t retreat)t;

    confess, forgive (trust)

  • DAVID EXPERIENCED CONFLICTS AS A…

    •Tribal King -

    “brother

    enemies”

  • WE HAVE CONFLICTS WITH…

    “enemy

    brothers”

    (colleagues)

    • Colleagues

    • Remedy: reconcile, don’t

    retaliate; pursue peace (Eph

    4:1-3}; speak the truth in love

    (Eph 4:15); sacrifice your

    rights (Eph 5:1, 2)

  • Handling σκάνδαλα with colleagues • He said to His disciples, “It is inevitable that stumbling

    blocks come, but woe to him through whom they come! 2 It

    would be better for him if a millstone were hung around

    his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he

    would cause one of these little ones to stumble. 3 Be on

    your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he

    repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven

    times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I

    repent,’ forgive him.” Luke 17:1-4

  • “IT IS INEVITABLE…”

     Four approaches to peace:

     PEACE FAKERS

     PEACE BREAKERS

     PEACE MAKERS

     PEACE KEEPERS

    (Which two are biblical?}

    • Peace Fakers – in total denial; afraid

    to confront; peace at any price

    • Peace Breakers –

    • combative; competitive; philoneika,

    Love of winning; Luke 22:

    • Some conflicts are unavoidable;

    Luke 12:1-4; 51-53

    • Peace Makers – Matthew 5: 9

    • Peace Keepers - compromise

  • CONFLICTS BETWEEN…

    •Colleagues

    • Remedy: reconcile

    • The OFFENDER

    • “Therefore, if you are offering your

    gift at the altar and there remember

    that your brother has something

    against you, leave your gift there in

    front of the altar. First go and be

    reconciled to your brother; then

    come and offer your gift.”

    • Matthew 5:23-24

  • CONFLICTS BETWEEN…

    •Colleagues

    • Remedy: Restore

    • THE OFFENDED

    • “If your brother sins again you, go and show

    him his fault, just between the two of you. If

    he listens to you, you have won your brother

    over. But if he will not listen, take one or two

    others along, so that ‘every matter may be

    established by the testimony of two or three

    witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them,

    tell it to the church; and if he refuses to

    listen even to the church, treat him as you

    would a pagan or a tax collector.”

    • Matthew 18:15-17

  • DAVID EXPERIENCED CONFLICTS AS A…

    •National King –

    ungodly enemies

    • (Competitors)

  • WE HAVE CONFLICTS WITH …

    Ungodly enemies

     Critics

    • Impersonal: Government, social agenda

    people; bureaucrats, police, judges,

    stingy affluent; non-Christian worldviews

    • Personal adversaries:

    • Strategies Jesus gave for responding to

    non-believer aggression:

    • Matthew 5:38-39; 43-48

    • Romans 12:17-21

  • DAVID EXPERIENCED CONFLICTS AS A…

    •Family man:

    •Husband /

    Adulterer

    •Father – Amnon,

    Tamar, Absalom

  • WE HAVE CONFLICTS WITH…

    Family:

    •Spouse

    •Children

    Review and fulfill

    marriage vows

    love (cherish);

    respect (submit)

    Eph 6:4; Col 3:21

  • THE GOLDEN RULE

    •Do to others whatever you would like them

    to do to you.

    • Matthew 7:12

  • THE PLATINUM RULE; AGAPE…

    • Is slow to lose patience

    • looks for a way of being constructive

    • Is not possessive

    • Is not anxious to impress

    • does not allow me to cherish inflated ideas of my own importance

    • has good manners

    • does not pursue selfish advantage

    • Is not touchy

    • does not allow me to keep account of past sins,

    • or gloat over present errors

    • Is glad when righteousness and truth reign in our relationship

    • knows no limit to its endurance,

    • no end to its trust,

    • no fading of its hope

    • can outlast anything.

    • Is the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen

  • THE GREAT COMFORT

    Love covers a multitude of sins.

    1 Peter 4:8