Writing Concise Sentences

RedundancyEmpty ExpressionsWordiness

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

— William Strunk Jr. (Elements of Style)

Concise is an adjective that means to express much in few words; to be clear and to the point.

Making Your Writing More Concise

The goal of concise writing is to use the most effective words.

Making Your Writing More Concise

How to Write Concise Sentences?

• The reason why he came to the State College was because it was inexpensive in price.

Look closely…

•Redundancy - it refers to unnecessary repetition of words/phrases.

Avoid Redundancy

• The reason why he came to the State College was because it was inexpensive in price.• He came to the State College

because it was inexpensive.

Look closely…

• His work is absolutely perfect.• Nobody would allow that

downfall to repeat again.

Look closely…

• red color• round shape• poor beggar• dirty filth• loudly shouted• watery fluid

• biography of her life• 12 midnight• end result• completely unanimous• large in size• revert back

Examples of Redundancy

I think thatI believe thatI feel thatin my opinionIt is my belief thatIt is my opinion that

Empty Expressions

They are phrases that add no meaning to a sentence. If you omit them, it won’t affect anything.

Empty Expressions

It seems as if…The things is thatWhat I’m trying to say is thatDue to the fact thatWhat I want isThe reason that

Empty Expressions

•Wordiness—using more words than one needs to express one’s ideas—is an issue even for experienced writers.

Wordy Sentences

Empty Expressions

• in spite of the fact that

• during the same time that

• in today's world• at that point in

time

• (although)

• (when)

• (today)

• (then)

Empty Expressions

• until such time as• by means of• past experiences• put forth an effort

(try)

• (until)• (by)• (experiences)• (then)

Here are a few ways to make your writing more concise.

How to make your writing more concise

1. Recognize and eliminate wordy phrases and empty words

Example: Wordy phrases

• The fact is that at this point in time more women than men attend college.

Example: Wordy phrases

The fact is that at this point in time more women than men attend college.

Example: Wordy phrases

• The fact is that at this point in time More women than men now attend college.

Example: Wordy phrases

• More women than men now attend college.

Example: Empty Words

• Total college enrollments have increased steadily upward since the 1940s, but since the 1970s women have enrolled in greater numbers than men have.

Example: Empty Words

• Total college enrollments have increased steadily upward since the 1940s, but since the 1970s women have enrolled in greater numbers than men have.

Example: Empty Words

• Total college enrollments have increased steadily since the 1940s, but since the 1970s women have enrolled in greater numbers than men.

How to make your writing more concise

2. Recognize and eliminate unnecessary repetition.

Example: Unnecessary Repetition

She is writing a fictional historical novel set in the past about Anne Hutchinson and the settling of Rhode Island.

Example: Unnecessary Repetition

She is writing a fictional historical novel set in the past about Anne Hutchinson and the settling of Rhode Island.

From the Dept. of Redundancy Dept.

Joined togetherFew in numberBlue in color

Past history.Refer backSmall in sizeCooperate

together

What is wrong with these often used phrases?

How to make your writing more concise

3. Recognize and revise constructions built around weak verbs and nouns derived from verbs.

Example: Weak Verbs

There were millions of people who donated generously to help victims of the earthquake.

Example: Weak Verbs

There were millions of people who donated generously to help victims of the earthquake.

Example: Strong Verbs

Millions of people donated generously to help victims of the earthquake.

Example: Strong Verbs

The valley was surveyed by the archaeologists for the purpose of locating sites that had been occupied by the Incas.

Example: Strong Verbs

Archaeologists surveyed the valley for Inca sites.

How to make your writing more concise

4. Recognize opportunities to reduce clauses to phrases and phrases to words.

How to make your writing more concise

Wordy: The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class.

How to make your writing more concise

Redundancy: He found his neighbor who lived next door to be attractive in appearance.

He found his neighbor attractive.

How to make your writing more concise

EmEx: He was really late to his English class due to the fact that he had to finish his math test.

He was late for English because he had to finish his math test.

How to make your writing more concise

Wordiness: Bob provided an explanation of the computer to his grandmother.

Bob explained the computer to his grandmother.

How to make your writing more concise

Wordiness: One time when I went to the park, my friend, whose name is Jake, went with me and we had fun due to the fact that it was a nice day out.

When I went to the park with my friend Jake, we had fun because it was such a nice day.

Questions?