Communication Skills
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Transcript of Communication Skills
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Communication Skills
Leadership Certification
Level 1
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Jesus’ Four Encounters
• The woman at the well (John 4:4-26)
• The rich young ruler (Luke 18:18-25)
• Zaccheus (Luke 19:1-9)
• Nicodemus at night (John 3:1-15)
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Principles to Understand and Use Information
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“Lag time"
• The gap between the speed of talking and the speed of listening
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“Lag time" is to be used to:
• listen to the words being used
• observe the body language
• make note of the repetition of thoughts and words
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Questions to keep in mind while listening are:
• Why is this person saying this to me now? • Why did they choose to say this at this time? • They keep repeating certain words and thoughts, why? • When did they lower their voice to a whisper? Or when
did they become agitated? • What were the first words they used? • Why are they keeping their arms folded so tightly across
their chest?
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Congruence
• Congruence is when words, tone of voice, and body language all convey the same message
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Three components to congruence
• Words are only 7% of the total communication package
• Tone carries 38%
• Body language is 55% of the overall picture
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The interpersonal gap
The interpersonal gap is the difference between the backgrounds, education, religious beliefs, and history of each party and how clearly each understands the other.
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Body language
Certain gestures give an idea as to how a person is feeling. Especially is this true when several gestures point to a specific characteristic.
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Becoming aware of the cry for help
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Anxiety is brought about in four ways
• Something bad really happens
• A moral issue
• A neurotic problem
• An existential issue
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Anxiety is caused by conflicts
• Within the family
• Between families
• With work overload
• With boss or pastor
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The outcome of anxiety provoking events
• The individual issues subconscious cries for help
• When the cries are not "heard" the individual gets angry and her behavior changes
• They do or say things they've not done before
• They begin to be irregular in their activities
• They seal off their pain
• They seal off their pain that will once again give a sense of belonging
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Ask the right question at the right time
• Listen for information that is volunteered in the conversation
• Use questions that show interest
• Start with generalities, then move to more specific questions
• Ask only those things which apply to the conversation
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Do not use prying questions
• Questions that probe into personal affairs
• Change the subject
• Questions that appear judgmental and that appear as if we know the right answer
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Do not be afraid of silence
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CHECK FEELINGS
HAPPY
SAD
ANGRY
AFRAID
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Direct expression of feeling
• Use "I" statements and not the blaming "you" statements
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Language dominance
• Audio – words related to sounds
• Visual – words related to seeing
• Feeling – words related to feeling
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Language Dominance
Visual
see
view
eye to eye
look
straight
Audio
hear
loud
listen
soft
sound
Feeling
soft
touch
squeeze
hug
fluffy
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Listening to Stories)
I know some who... Anniversary story Rehearsal story Reinvestment story The counter story
Five types of stories
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Four levels of stories
• Long ago and far away
• Feelings long ago
• Feelings now
• Self disclosure
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Commandment Listening