CommunicationCommunicationDeveloping Interpersonal Developing Interpersonal

skills!skills!

What are the Most Important principles of What are the Most Important principles of good interpersonal communicationgood interpersonal communication ? ?

Dennis Rivers, M.A identifies Dennis Rivers, M.A identifies Seven Challenging SkillsSeven Challenging Skills for a for a lifetime of better communication in lifetime of better communication in work, family, friendship & work, family, friendship & communitycommunity..

Challenge One:  Listening more carChallenge One:  Listening more carefully and more responsivelyefully and more responsively

Acknowledge the Acknowledge the

feelings and wants feelings and wants that others are that others are expressing  - expressing  -

Compassionately Compassionately allow people to feel allow people to feel whatever they feel whatever they feel

Challenge Two: Explain my conversatioChallenge Two: Explain my conversational intent &inviting consentnal intent &inviting consent

Use conversational Use conversational openers such as, openers such as, "Right now I would "Right now I would like to take a few like to take a few minutes and ask minutes and ask you about... you about... [subject]. [subject].

Good communicators Good communicators explain explain intent / inviting consentintent / inviting consent

Start important Start important conversations by conversations by saying things such saying things such as: as:

““Hi, Steve. I need Hi, Steve. I need to ask for your help to ask for your help on my project. on my project.      Got a minute to      Got a minute to talk about it?“talk about it?“

““Uh...Maria, do you Uh...Maria, do you have a minute? have a minute?      Right now I'd      Right now I'd like to talk to you like to talk to you about... Is that about... Is that OK?" OK?"

Good Communicators EGood Communicators Explain xplain Intent / Inviting ConsentIntent / Inviting Consent

Examples:Examples: ““Hello there, Mr. Sanchez. Say, uh...I'm not Hello there, Mr. Sanchez. Say, uh...I'm not

completely comfortable about this job. Can completely comfortable about this job. Can we talk about it for a few minutes?" we talk about it for a few minutes?"

““Well, sit down for a minute and let me Well, sit down for a minute and let me  tell you what happened..."  tell you what happened..."

"Hi, Jerry, this is Mike. How ya doin'? I want "Hi, Jerry, this is Mike. How ya doin'? I want to talk to you about Fred. He's in jail again. to talk to you about Fred. He's in jail again. Is this a good Is this a good

Challenge ThreeChallenge ThreeEXPRESSING YOURSELF MORE EXPRESSING YOURSELF MORE

CLEARLY & COMPLETELYCLEARLY & COMPLETELY Give listeners the Give listeners the

information they information they need to understand need to understand (mentally (mentally reconstruct) reconstruct) experiences. experiences.

Use "I-messages":Use "I-messages":

Challenge Four:  Translating my critChallenge Four:  Translating my criticisms and complaints into requestsicisms and complaints into requests

Translating my criticisms and complTranslating my criticisms and complaints into requestsaints into requests Translate your (and Translate your (and

other people's) other people's) complaints and complaints and criticisms into specific criticisms into specific requests, and explain requests, and explain your requests,your requests, in order in order to get more to get more cooperation from cooperation from others. others.

““We criticize people We criticize people for not giving us for not giving us

what we ourselves what we ourselves are afraid to ask are afraid to ask

for."for."

Marshall RosenbergMarshall Rosenberg

Challenge Five:  Ask questions morChallenge Five:  Ask questions more "open-e "open-

endedlyendedly" and more creatively. " and more creatively.  You can encourage You can encourage

your conversation your conversation partners to share partners to share more of their more of their thoughts and thoughts and feelings by asking feelings by asking "open-ended" "open-ended" rather than rather than "yes/no" questions "yes/no" questions

Challenge Five:  Ask questions moChallenge Five:  Ask questions more "open-re "open-

endedlyendedly" and more creatively." and more creatively. For example, asking "How did you For example, asking "How did you

like that food/movie/speech/doctor, like that food/movie/speech/doctor, etc.?" will evoke a more detailed etc.?" will evoke a more detailed response than "Did you like it?" response than "Did you like it?" (which could be answered with a (which could be answered with a simple "yes" or "no"). simple "yes" or "no").

ChallengeSixChallengeSixEXPRESSING MORE EXPRESSING MORE

APPRECIATION, GRATITUDE,APPRECIATION, GRATITUDE,ENCOURAGEMENT AND DELIGHTENCOURAGEMENT AND DELIGHT

ChallengeSixChallengeSixEXPRESSING MORE APPRECIATION, EXPRESSING MORE APPRECIATION,

GRATITUDE,GRATITUDE,ENCOURAGEMENT AND DELIGHTENCOURAGEMENT AND DELIGHT

In a world full of In a world full of problems, look for problems, look for opportunities to give opportunities to give praise.  Both at home praise.  Both at home & at work, it is the & at work, it is the bond of appreciation bond of appreciation that makes that makes relationships strong relationships strong enough to allow for enough to allow for problem-solving. problem-solving.

Challenge Seven:  Making the Challenge Seven:  Making the effort...effort...

Make better Make better communication an communication an important part of important part of my everyday life... my everyday life... 

See each See each conversation as an conversation as an opportunity to opportunity to grow in skill, grow in skill, awareness and awareness and compassion.compassion.

Practice Communication SkillsPractice Communication Skills

Words and GesturesWords and Gestures You can get your message across by You can get your message across by

what you do or say- with words, what you do or say- with words, gestures, eye contact, posture, gestures, eye contact, posture, facial expression, tone of voice, facial expression, tone of voice, action – and also by what you don’t action – and also by what you don’t do or say.do or say.

The Spoken Message:The Spoken Message:How it Comes AcrossHow it Comes Across

Verbal7%

Vocal38%

Physical55%

Communication MessagesCommunication MessagesClassified As:Classified As:

Verbal : Words (word meanings), Verbal : Words (word meanings), Vocal (speech-tone of voice) Vocal (speech-tone of voice)

OROR

Non-Verbal :Body language (physical, Non-Verbal :Body language (physical, facial expression and body position)facial expression and body position)

MIXED MESSAGESMIXED MESSAGES Ideally, verbal and no-verbal messages Ideally, verbal and no-verbal messages

should be saying the same thing. If words should be saying the same thing. If words say one thing and body language another, say one thing and body language another, it confuses the listener.it confuses the listener.

Sometimes mixed messages are Sometimes mixed messages are intentional. When someone says intentional. When someone says something positive but deliberately sends something positive but deliberately sends a negative message, this is called a negative message, this is called Sarcasm.Sarcasm.