COLLEGE

ENGLISH

COMM1007

By Christopher Simpson

V8 Juice and

Canadian unity

By Christopher Simpson

Anglophone Canadians

trembled recently

when Lucien Bouchard

revealed a

secret American plan

to annex

Western Canada in the

wake of Quebec

separation. And while

the Bloc Quebecois

Leader later denied

making such

statements by arguing

“I would be crazy. Am I

crazy? Am I crazy? Do I

look crazy?” his skilled

rhetoric came too late

to quell Anglo

anxieties.

At least city's

priorities show

clarityBy CHRISTOPHER SIMPSONOn March 7, St.

Catharines city

councillors held a

special meeting to

"identify" their

priorities. While I lack

details on how this

"identification" process

works, I envision it as

being similar to a

police lineup.In any event, they

picked out 10 suspect

priorities.

Fear

and

self-

loat

hing

in

the

Wes

tBy

CHR

ISTO

PHER

SIM

PSO

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each

Eng

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e Fi

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arag

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Nea

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A in

Eng

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and

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riting

ex

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tend

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first

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By

Chris

toph

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imps

onTh

e th

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s for

med

a

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littl

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back

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igh

scho

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an, G

eorg

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Mod

Squ

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us,

alth

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our

littl

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inity

cont

aine

d ne

ither

bla

cks n

or

fem

ales

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witti

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it w

as c

erta

inly

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an so

me

of th

e ot

hers

we

face

d. “A

re y

ou

gay?

” on

e yo

ung

toug

h sn

eere

d at

me.

“I’m

reas

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appy

,” I

answ

ered

, puz

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to h

ear s

uch

an

arch

aic

wor

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om so

meo

ne w

ho

appe

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ticul

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e w

eren

’t ga

y in

the

“not

-tha

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-wro

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nse.

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st

good

frie

nds.

Ian

and

Geor

ge

wer

e th

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ost i

mpo

rtan

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ple

in m

y lif

e at

the

time.

“I n

ever

had

any

frie

nds l

ater

on

like

the

ones

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had

whe

n I w

as tw

elve

,” sa

ys

Gord

ie L

acha

nce

in S

tand

by

Me.

My

spec

ial f

riend

ship

s cam

e in

my

late

teen

s, b

ut I

unde

rsta

nd th

e

senti

men

t.

Chicken art and

Canadian politics

By Christopher Simpson

Considering the spate of

controversy surrounding

Rob Thompson’s recent

performance-art in O

ttaw

a,

a naive observer could be

forgiven the impression

that caging two people for

a week is som

ehow

“strange” or “peculiar.”

Of course, nothing

could be further from the

truth.Despite those critics

who doubt the validity of

Thompson’s art, he is in

fact following a long

tradition of avant-garde

aesthetes, not the least of

whom

was the late, great

Rudolph Schwarzkogler

who am

putated various

portions of his body until

he ran out of material and

died.

What’s On Queen

Who am I?

Christopher Simpson. Editor/writer since 1975. Started with the Welland Tribune. Wide variety of topics and styles

including book and movie reviews, advertising, marketing analysis, history, crime, and Celtic culture.

Most recently, corporate editing and columnist for the St. Catharines Standard.

What does this mean? This is not a typical College English class. I’m going to treat you as though you were

capable of coherent thought and professional writing.

What I tell you comes from real world experience – not something dreamed up to make it possible for software to mark essays.

So this is important...

Pay attention!Come to class! Much of what is being

taught here requires lecture and conversation.

Take part! Ask questions!Trust no one!

Class In

formatio

n

Website and e-mail information

Class informationDon’t use WebCT or George Brown e-mail.Class website:http://gbccollegeenglish.wordpress.com/

Class E-mails

Monday 1 – 3 comm1007a@gmail.com

Wedesday 8 – 10 comm1007b@gmail.com

Thursday 8 – 11 comm1007c@gmail.com

Thursday 2 – 5 comm1007d@gmail.com

The Trut

h About

College

English

WHAT IS COLLEGE ENGLISH?

Nobody knows.• It involves writing.• It involves essays.

What is an essay? We don’t know. What then is time? If no one asks me, I know what

it is. If I wish to explain it to him who asks, I do not know (Augustine).

Essays can include short stories, editorials, articles in newspapers and magazines, special news reports, documentaries, commentary, and way, way more.

How you have been prepared

The Five Paragraph Essay

(5PE)

The 5PE teaches1. That an essay should have a beginning, a middle and

an end.2. That arguments should have a number of supports.3. That text should be broken into discrete blocks, called

“paragraphs.”4. That each paragraph should have an internal

consistency.5. That essays should begin by introducing the overall

topic, and end by stating the conclusion.

But the 5PE has limitations

It is mechanical

It is imaginary

It is a tool

The 5PE does not exist The Five Paragraph Essay is an artificial construct

virtually impossible to find in the real-world. The only Five Paragraph Essays (as described in the

so-called “Hamburger Essay” format) are those which have been created for one of two reasons: Showing how a Five Paragraph Essay is done

for English classes. Written after having been shown how to write

one in English classes.

So...

We don’t know what College English is.We don’t know what an essay is.And the Five Paragraph Essay you’ve

been taught all through your schooling is crap.

What’s left?

Analytical writing Analysis tends to take the form of an “essay.” The word comes from Old French, essayer, and

means “to try.” In analytical writing the best we can do is try. Analysis is never finished:

New information New definitions New shifts of knowledge

Analytical writingAnalytical writing is specialWe can never consider a subject

“finished.”In analysis, as in real science, “the

debate” is never over.

What can we analyse?Anything

Feelings Humour Traffic patterns The relative merits of dental materials Writing Analysis

Analytical writingUnlike “College English,” Analytical Writing

is what people do in the real world. It consists of two parts:

Analysis Writing

Both parts rely on clear thinking.

Rules for Clarity The rules are flexible and can be bent, but they

can’t be broken. Be concise: Keep to the topic Make sure the reader understands what you mean. Use concrete examples. The “blocks,” or “paragraphs” must be organic to

the subject matter and help reader comprehension.

The information must “flow.”

Clear AnalysisInvolves knowing the difference

between:Valid and invalid conclusions.Logical and illogical reasoningYour thoughts and other people’s

thoughts.

Clarity & the Style Guide The style guide can help keep your thinking

and writing clear. APA = American Psychological Association Different disciplines have their own style

guides: Humanities: MLA (Modern Language Association Histories: Chicago Style Guide

Style guides cover... Distance between lines The manner in which titles are written. The form and placement of citations. The form and placement of references. Example: The titles of independent publications

are written in italics. A book title, for instance (A Farewell to Arms). This also applies to movies (The Dark Knight)

Know your own mind

Style guides also help develop the habit of distinguishing between what you know personally and what you have been told.

Know your reader’s mind

Write to an audience.Style guides can help:

They provide a kind of audience, fairly conservative in nature

Two Prime Directives

In order to write well, you have to:Have something you want to say.Honestly try to express it to a given

audience.

Why is this important?

There are many reasons for learning to think and articulate clearly, but the most important one is this:

You’re being lied to.