Coercive Control, Mobile Technologies and Young People's Intimate Relationships: experiences from...

Connect Centre for International Research on Interpersonal Violence and HarmConnect Centre for International Research on Interpersonal Violence and Harm

Coercive Control, Mobile Technologies and Young People’s Intimate

Relationships: experiences from the mainstream

and the margins.

Dr. Melanie McCarry [email protected]


Aims of Pilot Project

This pilot project aims to explore the ways that mobile technology is used in young people’s intimate relationships, particularly in relation to controlling behaviours.

McCarry’s previous research on young people’s intimate relationships indicated that ‘new technology’ played a key role in regards to controlling behaviours in relationships (particularly used by boys against girlfriends); our findings strongly indicated that more research focusing on this is needed.

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Sample

Youth GroupAlan (22) not in relationship Omar (18) not in relationship Michael (16) not in relationship Steven (20) not in relationshipRyan (16) not in relationship Claire (20) in serious 5 year

relationship cohabiting

Kara (16) in serious 3 month relationship

Joanne (23) in serious 3 year relationship

Service Users GroupAlix (18) interviewed 3 times.

Was in serious relationship

but split with partner between interviews 2 and 3.Julie (22) interviewed twice.

‘sort of’ in relationship with long-term partner.Laura (22) in serious 2 year

relationship with Zoe.Zoe (22) in serious 2 year

relationship with Laura


Tech

The 12 participants have smart phones and got their first mobile phone around age 11 years.

They all also have access to tablets, laptops or desktop computers. For the Youth Group many of their parents/carers contributed to

both buying their phones and paying the contracts whilst for the Service Users the issues of affordability was more prescient with all of them discussing the most economical ways of getting full use of internet access in addition to phone usage such as calls and texts.

The most popular usage of phone was for texting and apps for social media including facebook, twitter, snapchat, and instagram, some mentioned games and one mentioned for music.


Youth Group Experiences

5 young men – none of whom were in a relationship. Only Steven reported a previous relationship experience. He

also reported a high level of monitoring and surveillance from his ex partner.

3 young women – all of whom in a serious relationship from 3 months to 5 years. Joanne had a previous relationship which was very abusive and controlling.

This small general population sample reflects previous data (Barter et al, 2009) that one in three young women and one in five young men experience abuse in their relationships.


Photos / Sexting

I’ve never ever in my life sent a naked photo, not ever in my life. I don’t agree with that and there’s so many stories that happen with social media, with people exposing themselves and stuff like that. Kara

I don’t see the benefit of having those sort of pictures of people who, even if I was attracted to them, I probably wouldn’t want to have that on my phone. Alan

MM: Is it quite common to send naked or sexual pictures?Steven: Not for me but a lot of people do it, yes.


Opinions of ‘Sexters’I just think, probably a bit judgemental in the fact that I would say don’t sent it in the first place, you know. There’s obviously, they’ve made a mistake sending that. It’s terrible what’s happened but I just, there’s always a bit, you’ve always got to be responsible for what you do in life. … I sound quite judgemental but I don’t know, there’s no class to those people. Alan

MM: What did you think of the people that were sending them?Steven: I don’t know, I just thought they need to get a life.MM: And what do you think

about people that share them about?Steven: It’s nothing to do with me. If somebody wants to send a picture and it gets shared, then it’s nothing to do with

me. It’s their own fault for doing it.


Gender Differences - Social Media

I think girls, I’ve been in situations, you know, if you’re at a house party, often girls are talking about what other girls are doing on Facebook, you know, what other groups are doing. And you might not be part of that group and they’re speaking about how they’re dressed. I don’t think guys do that that much, to be honest. I don’t really have a conversation with guys and say, did you see that person on Facebook. Alan

See when like if you’re at a party or something, you always see like a lassie just sitting on their phone for hours. And guys, you don’t really see them on their phones much. Well you do see them on their phones but not as much as lassies. Steven

If you go on a night out and stuff, guys tend to be the ones standing with a drink in the corner, they don’t tend to be the ones on their phones. Whereas you’ll see girls, they’ll be on their phones constantly even though they’re still with their group of friends. Claire


Phone Usage

All of the Youth Group sample are heavily reliant on their phones although those that work and / or in education have less time to use it.

MM: So do you text your friends all the time?Claire: Yes, even if it’s not texting, if I’m like on

Twitter laughing at something or writing something.

MM: Do you communicate through technology more than you actually see your friends

face to face do you think?Claire: Yes, I think it’s just due to work commitments and other commitments and stuff.


Phone Usage with PartnerGeneral agreement that phone usage

increased and response time decreased with a partner. i.e. more contact, more frequently.

Except Joanne, none of them felt particularly pressured to respond immediately as all of them referred to how busy they were – they were all working / school / college and all doing volunteer youth work.

Understanding that their partner knew they were busy and because of how busy they were they felt that other people may also be busy and not able to respond immediately.

Kara: It depends what I’m doing. If I’m volunteering then I don’t have my phone at all. But if I’m just in the house doing nothing, then I generally reply quite quick.MM: And if you sent one to your friend or your b/f, would you expect a reply straight away?Kara: No because I understand that people can be busy. I don’t know what people do in their everyday life.


Case Study: Joanne

4 year old child

Current 3 year relationship

Previous 4 year relationship with abusive partner/ father of child

Works full time & volunteer youth work

Lives in council estate in outskirts of Glasgow

Joanne

Lived with nana, then previous partner and now just with her child


Monitoring & Surveillance

Started with boyfriend when in school. She ended it and kicked out boyfriend when their child was 4 months old.

Monitoring Monitored her through using the phone – constant calling and

constant texting (before smart phones – basic mobile phone). Surveillance

Started scrutinising her Bebo page and deleted it. She reactivated it but blocked him so he wouldn’t know. A friend told him it was active and he deleted it again and this time she ‘just left it’.


Isolation

Social isolation“I could go out without him but there was no point because my phone would just keep going and keep going and keep going”.

Because she stopped going out she stopped getting invited “But like when people would text me and ask me to do

something. Then I’d text them back saying no, then that was it”.Total isolation – importance of friendship groups as

evident through impact of not having them“MM: So basically, he isolated you from all your friends?Joanne: Yes, isolated from the world.”


Blame and ShameMM: So did you not tell [friends] it was him [bf that deleted bebo]?Joanne: No.MM: Why not?Joanne: Because that’s just a pure riddy like somebody’s deleted that for you, not for you but … Q: So you felt embarrassed about it?Joanne: Yes, oh yes, I felt embarrassed constantly. Like my phone kept going constantly and all that, it was a pure riddy, you couldn’t just sit and, like the way me and you are just sitting having a conversation. I could never sit and have a conversation because my phone would just go buzz, buzz, buzz.

MM: when you were in that situation, did you feel like you had anybody you could talk to about it?Joanne: Not really because all my pals were the same age as me. And they were like, they’re all quite daft. So like, I don’t know, they would have just automatically have been, “oh ha ha”. Not like ha ha but like “you’re a pure riddy imaging getting controlled”, just kind of turn it into, I don’t know, bullying kind of thing. Not bullying but …


Service Users GroupAlix

Gender fluidGay/queer/dyke

In relationship with older woman {altho split up during interviews)

5 previous abusive relationships

JulieFemaleLesbian

‘kind of’ in long term relationship previous abusive relationship

LauraFemale

“more lesbian than straight”in long term relationship with Zoeprevious controlling relationships

Zoe Female

“just me”in long term relationship with Laura

previous abusive relationships

in serious relationshipsrelationship control and abuse

unstable work/college situation

living independently survivors of abuse


Contrast with Youth Group

Service users much more reliant on their phonesMore anxious about how they use it – time to respond /

how to respond etc (except Laura)All had experiences of control / surveillance / monitoring

from partners Zoe had experiences of online / mobile grooming and

harassment and abuse from known and unknown menAll had negative experiences with phone but all felt safer

with it.


Case Study: Alix

Stalker Bitch18 – Alix 17

Constant monitoring & surveillanceSchool Ex

friend from school Transitioning F-M

control, surveillance & physical violence

Current relationship “complicated but

happy” 13 years older

Psycho Bitch 1

19 – Alix 17Constant

surveillance & control

Psycho Bitch 221 – Alix 18‘Stalkerish’

Alix

Posh Bitch 19 – Alix 16

Controlling / tried to change her clothes / how she

looked – make her more ‘feminine’


ControlSchool ExTexting constantly, “where are you, what are you doing, who are you with”, … It got to the point where I actually did have to turn my phone off because if I didn’t answer the text even for half an hour, it would be a phone call and a phone call and a phone call.

Psycho Bitch 1That was the whole wanting to be with me 24/7, I wasn’t allowed to go out and see my mates. She was texting me 24/7. I was like, “oh my fucking god, can I not do anything?” … she had to be with me 24/7 because the rest of the time, like if I was at college or something, as soon as I finished college I had to be with her. As soon as I finished college, her and her mate would come and pick me up.

Psycho Bitch 2If I didn’t answer my text it would be WhatsApp. If I didn’t answer that it would be Facebook Messenger. Like Snap Chat, anything that she could get in contact with me she would try. … I wasn’t allowed to see my best mate who I used to call my big sister at one point.


Surveillance

School ExFacebook stalked me when I was working, like when I was away at training, stalked me. Like everything was liked … And then I’d get a question about something that I’ve posted or somebody else has posted and I’ve been tagged in.

Stalker BitchAlix: Stalker Bitch literally, it comes with the name, she completely and utterly stalked me.MM: In what way?Alix: Like she was on my FaceBook every five seconds. She was checking my apps. Every time my phone was down and I wasn’t near it she was looking through it.

Psycho Bitch 2Like she was constantly texting and trying to call me every night. And I went, “but you’re in work, why are you calling me when you’re in work?”


Control / Surveillance Yes, well it was kind of like, she wouldn’t put it in

that way, like “who are you with, what are you doing?” It was like, like “where abouts are you,

what time are you going to be home? Do you need picking up, do you want me to take you

there? Are you sure, I’ll take your pals home” and all that. But now she wouldn’t do that but then she did. But I think it was more that she

wanted to know who I was with and, you know, to see if she could trust me. Julie

they would text or they would phone, or if I never phoned them back they would be phoning

constantly. Laura


Safety

“Another thing that’s scary as well is the location thing, the GPS thing on your phones.

Like Facebook can find out exactly where you are and that. And if people don’t know

how to turn that off, you’re putting a post up saying, “oh I had dinner here” it can come up

exactly where you are.” Laura

“because you might not speak to them, you know, but if you put a wee status up or, you know, a wee check-in, not all the time, you

don’t want everybody knowing where you are all the time, 24/7. But like especially places I

don’t know, like if I go away with my, me and my ex went to a friend’s house or something, and we went somewhere, I’d check in to say, I’m

here. So if anything, like nothing’s ever happened, touch wood, but it’s better to be safe

than sorry.” Julie

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Gender Differences

guys use their phone but I think

women, you find a lot more women on their phone. Men too

but like a lot of women like gossip and stuff. They like to

know what’s happening. They’re on their Facebook twenty four. You go onto a guy’s Facebook and a girl’s Facebook, and you see a difference. You see, and

they post something every minute, the guys are every three weeks or something I think. Julie

Yes, they’re using it for different, say, I

know it’s quite stereotypical of me

saying this, obviously men will be more cars and porn and stuff like that. But women

maybe, I don’t know, like shopping and

friends and Facebook and stuff

like that, football for the guys. Laura


Conclusion…?

Protective factors – youth group involvementGender differences in social mediaBoys less ‘vulnerable’ to control via techVulnerable young women and girls are more likely to be

controlled via techTech just an extension of control Need to develop strategies / ‘user awareness’ of how to

respond to coercive control when new tech involved

Coercive Control, Mobile Technologies and Young People's Intimate Relationships: experiences from...

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