Conflict is neither good nor bad.

Conflict is inevitable.

Conflict does not have to result in winners and losers.

In conflict both parties tend to believe that their opinion is fact.

Too often both parties see themselves as innocent victims who represent the side of truth and fairness.

Too often both parties perceive all destructive acts carried out by others completely blind to identical acts carried out by self or those on ‘my’ side.

Why we need to develop these skills to stay healthyWhy we need to develop these skills to stay healthy!!“Assertive behavior is that is socially effective” (Gambrill in O’Donahue & Krasner, 1995)

Less physical health problems in assertive individuals (Williams and Stout, 1985 as cited in Gambrill, 1995)

Assertiveness associated with better mental health (Wong, Yah, Lo, & Hung, 2003) and less depression (Rolon, 1999)

Assertive patients tend to have better access to health services

Likewise, lack of assertiveness has been found to result in anxiety, disappointment, anger, social isolation and physical symptoms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gs_OhBjgPIE&feature=fvwrel

Patrick Passive might say, “If it’s not too much trouble, do you think you could put your socks in the wash?” Alternately, he might say nothing, just to avoid the conflict. His tone of voice might be soft and questioning.

Amelia Aggressive might say, “Put your #$* socks in the #$* wash. You are such a slob. The house looks like a pigsty, because of you.” Her tone of voice might be loud and grating, and her posture might be intimidating (fists, eyes glaring).

Passive/Aggressive Susan might say, “I don’t mind picking up your socks and putting them in the wash for you,” but then “accidentally” mix the white socks with a red shirt. Her initial tone might be soft and overly nice.

Arthur Assertive might say, “I feel very frustrated when I come home and your socks are on the floor. I would really like it if you would pick up your socks and put them in the wash. The house would look a lot better.” His voice would likely be firm, moderately loud, and his posture would be relaxed, but straight.

A disagreement between two or more people over values, needs, beliefs, perceptions, or expectations.

This can end in strained relationships and sometimes violence unless there are appropriate means to resolve and contain

conflict.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfC4u5GCy3I

Because we are all different, differences in points of Because we are all different, differences in points of view are inevitable. view are inevitable.

It has the potential to increase understanding, stimulate positive change, and facilitate human relations, but it can

also lead to relational stalemates

http://www.tbs.com/video/index.jsp?oid=158855

It is an everyday occurrence. Life is an endless series of interactions that require negotiation.

Write down any set of interactions that you had to negotiate in the past week.

Although the assertive style is the preferred style, it may not always be appropriate. There may be situations when one of

the other styles is more appropriate.

For example, if the For example, if the intruder is a three intruder is a three

hundred-pound bully, hundred-pound bully, letlet’’s go for the passive s go for the passive

style! style!

A key attitude for anyone negotiating a conflict is to “walk a mile in my shoes”.

Attempt to view the conflict through the other parties’ eyes.

This will help a great deal in getting past perceptions that block resolution.

Communication is the key to effective negotiation.

What you say is often less important than how you say it.◦ Tone◦ Body language

Understanding and recognition do not mean compromise and concession!

Your own emotions and subconscious brain can hinder your ability to negotiate effectively.

Develop a plan!

It de-emphasizes personalities in favor of emphasizing the issues. In other words, it separates the

person from the problem.http://www.tbs.com/video/index.jsp?oid=158855

The collaborative, or win-win, approach to negotiation is usually the most effective and most rewarding for both parties.

However, there will be certain situations you will confront where the concept of compromise, or give-get, fits better.

1. Stop. Cool off.2. Talk and listen to each other.3. Find out what you both need.

4. Brainstorm solutions.5. Choose the idea you both like.

6. Make a plan. Go for it.

 Attempting to control the final outcome of the decisions and actions of the party you are negotiating with.

To succeed in negotiation, focus on the areas that you can control - your actions, decisions and emotions.

Manage your anger – do not gunnysack!!!!

“Win-lose” approach

In a zero sum game, the person who makes the first offer is at a disadvantage ◦ sets the outer limits of price, other terms

Improve zero-sum negotiation skills by:◦ Understanding your objectives◦ Understanding the other side’s objectives

www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80747676/www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80747676/