Chapter 5Loving Ourselves and Others

Key Terms

loveA deep and vital emotion that satisfies certain needs, combined with a caring for and acceptance of the beloved and resulting in an intimate relationship.

emotionA strong feeling, arising without conscious mental or rational effort, that motivates an individual to behave in certain ways.

legitimate needsNeeds that arise in the present rather than out of deficits accumulated din the past.

illegitimate needsNeeds that arise from feelings of self-doubt, unworthiness and inadequacy.

intimacyAn interpersonal process that involves the expressing and sharing of emotions, communication of personal feelings and information, development of shared affection, support, and feeling closely connected with another person together with the willingness to commit oneself to that person despite the need for some personal sacrifices.

consummate loveComplete love, that includes intimacy, passion and commitment.

love stylesDistinctive characteristics or personalities that loving or love like relationships can take.

erosCharacterized by intense emotional attachment and powerful sexual feelings or desires.

storgeAffectionate, companionate style of loving.

pragmaEmphasizes the practical element in human relationships.

agapeUnselfish concern for the beloved’s needs even when this requires some personal sacrifice.

ludusFocuses on love as play or fun.

maniaRests on strong sexual attraction and emotional intensity , manic partners are extremely jealous and moody and their need for attention and affection is insatiable.

martyringMaintaining relationships by ignoring one’s own needs while trying to satisfy all of a partner’s needs.

manipulatingSeeking to control the feelings, attitudes and behavior of your partner in underhanded ways rather than by assertively stating your case.

self-esteemPart of a person’s self-concept.

narcissismCharacterized by an exaggerated concern with one’s own self-image and how one appears to others, not with one's or others’ true feelings.

interdependenceA relationship in which individuals retain a degree of autonomy and sense of self, yet also make commitments to each other.

A-frame relationshipsPartners have a strong couple identity but little individual self-esteem.

H-frame relationshipsPartners stand virtually alone, each self-sufficient and neither influenced much by the other.

M-frame relationshipsEach partner has adequate self-esteem and partners experience loving as a deep emotion.

attachment theoryHolds that during infancy and childhood a young person develops a style of attaching to others.