Chapter 14: Rebuilding: Family Life Following Divorce

Aftermath of Divorce: Transitions• Binuclear Family• Separate households that form after separation or

divorce– Two subsystems• Maternal• Paternal

– Replace old patterns of interaction with new– Replace existing family boundaries with new ones

Former Spouse Relationships• Perfect Pals–Divorced parents who remain friends–Children benefit from shared parenting

and decision making– Sometimes maintain extended family

relationships

Former Spouse Relationships• Cooperative Colleagues–Not friends but able to cooperate–Work to keep conflicts at a minimum– Shared parenting becomes a priority–Will consult counselors to help children

Former Spouse Relationships• Angry Associates–Anger is integral part of the relationship–Harbor feelings of resentment, bitterness–Children are caught in the middle of

parents’ battles– Effective parenting is not a goal for these

parents

Former Spouse Relationships• Fiery Foes– Incapable of cooperating–Relationship is marked by litigation–Unable to remember anything positive

about the marriage–Blame each other for every problem

associated with the marriage

Former Spouse Relationships• Dissolved Duos–Break off any contact–One partner just disappears–Mother left with the burdens of

reorganizing the family– In rare cases, non-custodial parent may

kidnap children

How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents• Externalizing difficulties• Children may exhibit the following: – Aggressive misbehaviors – Noncompliance – Disobedience – Delinquency – Increased absences from school– Increased aggressiveness

How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents• Internalizing Difficulties• Results in emotional problems such as:– Worry– Feelings of unhappiness– Anxiety– Depression– Distress– Guilt– Poor self concept– Less intimacy with parents

How Divorce Affects Children and Adolescents• Cognitive Deficits and Academic Difficulties• Children who experience their parent’s

divorce have more difficulty in the classroom– Inability to concentrate in school– Negative effects on their ability to meet

scholastic expectations–May affect ability to interact with teachers

and peers

Table 14.1: Children’s Reaction to Divorce by Developmental Stage

Children’s and AdolescentsAdaptation• Interparental Conflict–Will account for more negative outcomes

in children• Separation from attachment figure–May trigger difficulties in interpersonal

relationships – friendships and love relationships

Children’s and AdolescentsAdaptation

• Temporal influences–Passage of time may play a role in

children’s long-term adjustment–Child’s age at time of divorce affects

overall adjustment

Figure 14.1: in the textbook is Custodial Mothers, by Race

Relationship Between Custodial Parent and Child • Custodial Parents’ Behavior Changes– Less frequent display of affection–Ability to communicate declines– Parenting may be more negative, less

consistent– Children assume household responsibilities– Children exhibit greater independence

Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child

• Success or failure of relationship depends on – Frequency of visitation–Quality of interaction

Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child• Remarriage of parent–Children feel stress–Have to face more adjustments –Visitation may decrease

Relationship Between Noncustodial Parent and Child• Family Economics– Economic hardship is post-divorce for

many families–Child support is rarely sufficient to meet

the living expenses of mother and children

Co-Parenting in Binuclear Families• Factors Impacting Parenting post divorce–Parents’ education level– Income level– Time elapsed since divorce–Remarriage of on or both parents–Who initiated the divorce– The legal process of the divorce

Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce• Children who experience a warm post-

divorce relationship with their fathers have–Higher self esteem– Fewer behavioral problems–Better social skills–Better cognitive skills–Better academic skills

Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce• Noncustodial fathers tend to be–More permissive–A recreational, companion father– Less sensitive to children’s emotional needs– Less supportive in times of crisis and stress –Overwhelmed with the parenting role

especially with infants and pre-school children

Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce• Overall, divorced fathers– Spend more time with sons than daughters– Are less involved with older children than younger

children– Are more involved with their first born than their

later born children– Stay involved with infants born prematurely– Stay involved with children with difficult

temperaments

Father-Child Relationships Following Divorce• Ways in which mothers discourage children’s

contact with noncustodial fathers– Children not ready when father comes to pick

them up– Engage in conflicts at time of pick up– Criticize noncustodial father in front of

children– Increase geographical distance – Take fathers back and forth to court

Challenges for Single Parents• Changes in Household Finances–A significant number of households with

children headed by mothers live in poverty• Changes in Residence– Because of changes in finance family no

longer able to live in pre-divorce home• Changes in Boundaries–Once shared parenting roles now are

covered independently by each parent

Challenges for Single Parents• Changes in the emotional environment• Divorce hurts all parties involved• Mothers have to assume all authority and

responsibility• Fathers have difficulty managing the

emotional climate

Challenges for Single Parents• Dating• Many newly single individuals rush into

dating–Dating fills void of loss of family–Dating helps return to normalcy–50% will remarry within three years

Remarriage• Remarriage – when one or both of the

spouses have been previously married• Early remarriage – refers to early stages of

the new relationship• Stepfamily – newly merged family

Remarriage• Middle remarriage: 3–5 years into the new

relationship, family becomes more cohesive

• Late remarriage: 6–10 years after the remarriage

Remarriage Stability• 60% of remarriages end in divorce• Couples do not understand identity of step

family• There is a breakdown in commitment,

cohesion, and communication

Step Families TodayBlended families – term used to soften

negative connotations of step family

1. Biological mother/stepfather2. Biological father/stepmother3. Complex stepfamily4. Joint biological-stepfamily

Table 14.2: Types of Stepfamilies

Table 14.3: The Ways that Stepfamilies and Nuclear Families Differ

Children in Stepfamily Households• Siblings - share the same two biological parents• Stepsiblings - not biologically related but parents

are married to one another• Half-siblings - share one biological child• Mutual child - child is born to remarried couple• Residential stepchildren - live in remarried couples’

household majority of time• Nonresidential stepchildren - live in the household

less than half time

Stepfamily Characteristics

• Loss of parent or partner–Adults grieve losses of partner, the marital

relationship, dreams, and those associated with new “everythings”–Children grieve losses of parent, stability,

parent’s accessibility, and fantasy family

More Stepfamily Characteristics

• Children are members of two or more households• Family boundaries are ambiguous• Family roles are ambiguous• Disparity of individual, marital and family life cycles• Several loyalty conflicts• Society promotes widespread negative connotation

of stepfamilies• Experience more stress than nuclear families

Stepfamily Challenges• Challenges for Adults– Financial difficulties– Establishing discipline–Bonding as a couple–Grieving past losses

Stepfamily Challenges

• Challenges for Children– Loss of power and control–Guilt– Loyalty conflicts–Anger– Fear

Successful Stepfamily Living• Key characteristics of families who

successfully adapt to the changes of divorce and remarriage–Develop realistic expectations–Allow time for mourning–Couples nurture a strong relationship–Accept that becoming a stepparent takes

time

Successful Stepfamily Living

• Stepparents develop the role of disciplinarian

• Develop a stepfamily history• Work cooperatively with the absent parent