Chapter 11Attraction and Exclusion

© 2014 Wadsworth Cengage Learning

I’m starting to like you more and more.

Chapter Topics

The Need to Belong

Attraction: Who Likes Whom?

Rejection

Attraction and Exclusion

Attraction Anything that draws two or more people

together

Social acceptance People like you and include you in their groups

Rejection (social exclusion) People exclude you from their groups

The Need to Belong Is the desire to form and maintain close,

lasting relationships with other individuals.

Failure to satisfy the need to belong leads to significant health problems, up to and including a higher risk of death.

Belongingness as a Basic Need

Has Two ingredients

1. Regular social contacts with others

2. Ongoing relationship characterized by mutual concern

Tradeoffs: TestosteroneA Blessing and a Curse

Testosterone: hormone associated with masculinity Testosterone is a mixed blessing

High testosterone men are more exciting, but less reliable

Testosterone is better suited for finding mates than maintaining stable families Testosterone peaks around age 20 and declines

thereafter Testosterone drops in new fathers

Best Friends, Lovers, & Groups

Some can satisfy the need to belong by belonging to a group or an organization.

Why is belonging a need, rather than a want? What are some of the side effects of not

belonging?

How can belonging to a group satisfy the need when friends can’t? Why do you think this works better for men

than women?

Attraction: Who Likes Whom?

Ingratiation What people actively do to try to make others

like them

Similarity Common and significant cause of attraction

Attraction: Similarity

Spouses tend to be close to each other in IQ, attractiveness, education and socioeconomic status.

Matching hypothesis – is the proposition that people tend to pair up with others who are equally attractive.

Attraction to similar others may lie in evolution and something related more to being social animals than cultural animals.

How does self-monitoring impact the way people socialize? High self-monitoring: maximize each social situation Low self-monitoring: interest in permanent connections

and feeling

Attraction: Similarity (cont’d.)

In what ways are couples usually similar?

How does similarity in attractiveness predict the course of the relationship?

What is the matching hypothesis? How does it predict relationships?

Why are people attracted to similar features in others? How can evolution explain similarity in

attraction?

Attraction: Similarity (cont’d.)

As cultures progress and form large, complex groups, how does attraction change? Which group needs dictate the way people seek

new members? Does this change the way people seek friends

and lovers? Why or why not?

Attraction: Social Rewards

Reinforcement theory

We tend to like the people that make us feel good.

Who do nice things for us and praise us

How does doing favors for someone make them like you?

How does praise inform attraction?

Attraction: Reciprocity

How does reciprocity impact attraction?

We like those who like us, and trust promotes expectation of reciprocity.

What are the differences in reciprocity in friendships versus romantic relationships? How do people respond to unwanted attraction

from another person?

Attraction: Exposure

What is the propinquity effect? How does it impact people?

How can the mere exposure effect explain the influence of propinquity on attraction?

Familiarity and Exposure

Why do familiarity and shared experiences promote liking? How can evolution explain why familiarity

promotes liking?

What is the social allergy effect? How does it compare to the propinquity effect?

Looking GoodWhat is the “what is beautiful is good” effect?

How does it relate to attraction?

How is attractiveness measured? What do women find attractive in men? What female body types do men find attractive? How does body shape influence attractiveness?

How do cultural norms sway opinions about attractiveness and body types?

The Social Side of Sex: What Is Beauty?

Beauty in women is linked to being a good mate and partner; therefore, young and healthy is more attractive

Symmetry is a powerful source of beauty

Typicality is a source of beauty Average or composite faces are more attractive

than individual faces

Attraction in the 21st Century

How have dating customs changed throughout the centuries? How are dating customs different across cultures?

How has online dating changed romance?

What are some of the benefits of online dating? What are some of the drawbacks?

Rejection (Social Exclusion)

Ostracism Being excluded, rejected, and ignored

Has been used for centuries to convey a community or individual’s displeasure with someone’s behavior.

Effects of ostracism can be devastating.

Effects of Rejection Inner Reactions:

People have negative psychological and physical effects when rejected.

Increases rejection sensitivity.

Hurt varies in relation to the importance of the relationship.

Numbness, including reduced sensitivity to physical pain, is related.

It interferes with cognitive processing and self-regulation.

Rejection does increase attention to social cues.

Behavioral Effects of RejectionRejected people:

• Show decreases in intelligent thought

• Approach new interactions with skepticism

• Are typically less generous, less cooperative, and less helpful

• Are more willing to cheat or break rules

• Act in shortsighted, impulsive, and self-destructive ways

• Some can turn rejection to a positive experience.

• Repeated rejection can result in aggression.

• School violence is often the result of social exclusion.

• Rejected individual who are able to join another group can act in pro social ways.

• Aggression can lead to rejection

LonelinessWhat is loneliness?

What is the difference between temporary and chronic loneliness?

In what ways can loneliness be about quantity or quality of relationships?

How do lonely people differ from non-lonely people? How are they similar?

How do people stave off loneliness?

How is loneliness bad for physical health?

What Leads to Social Rejection?

What are the three main reasons children are rejected by peers?

aggression,

withdrawal

deviance

What is the primary reason most adults are rejected by peers?

Deviance

Romantic Rejection and Unrequited Love

How can attribution theory help explain the reasons why women refuse the offer of a date? What is the difference between the real reasons and

the reasons given? How did the reasons given encourage the man to ask

again?

Romantic Rejection and Unrequited Love

(cont’d.)What is unrequited love? Is a situation in which

one person loves another but the other does not return that love. Which gender is most likely to suffer from

unrequited love? What are the differences in how each party views

and feels about the situation?

How does stalking affect people? Which gender is most likely to be stalked?

What Makes Us Human?

The basic need to belong is not unique to humans How does language allow humans to form

relationships? How does it allow humans to reject others?

Why is the human quest for belonging more complex than other animals’?

How do human relationships require cultural involvement?

Discussion: Dealing with Rejection

Consider the link between rejection and school shootings What can communities do to prevent shootings

from happening? What are some healthy and unhealthy methods

to deal with rejection? How often do you employ the healthy methods

versus unhealthy methods?

Conclusion

The need to belong is a powerful drive in humans

People are often attracted to others based on reciprocity, similarity, and propinquity

Groups often reject people who are different, out of fear that a deviant will negatively impact the group